On holiday and found out he's cheated

[manipulatrice]

I am on holiday with my husband and 2 kids.

I took a picture and sent it to myself using my husbands phone, and as I went to close WhatsApp I saw a name I had never seen. So I clicked it.

He's been having an affair for 6 months. I called his bluff pretending I had seen more and he then admitted as he thought I had seen, that they have been sleeping together.

In a fit of rage I launched his phone and smashed it. He claims he did it because he was lonely as I work nights, and he wanted attention.

I've never felt so alone and desperate in my whole life. We are only on day 2 of a 14 day long haul holiday.

If it wasn't for my wonderful children I think I would just disappear.

I’ve nothing more to add to the advice you’ve been given but I just wanted you to know I’m seething for you. What a twat he is, and indeed she is. Hugs.

Checked it all. No Alt accounts that I can find.

Oh, our poor baby, we hope you are safe!

Not, you vile shit, how cold you do this to her? To your kids? You absolute fucking moron.

Because she suspected him of cheating (he did) and kicked him out. He never admitted it.

I can see all angles. Thank you. I appreciate the time you are taking to help.

I'm really sorry this has all come out today at a time when you and DC should be enjoying a fun filled holiday.. You are not worthless or a failure He is. The shame is his
It must be hard with your younger DS but I think he's bound to pick up on the change even if he doesn't understand m
I think Weigh up the pros and cons of staying there vs going home with DC
If you only had 2 days left, you could muddle through by taking DC out to attractions/ for meals etc but with 12 days, look into coming back
Much of joint resources can be managed online
If you decide to return you could well have arranged a solicitor appointment
Once again I'm really sorry

Little one heard me crying.

You can't write this shit. A relative has a end of life illness and took a turn the day we travelled and is in palliative care, so I told him it was because I was speaking to his Nan about it and it made me sad.

Big one is taking little one down to the pool for an hour.

Wow ! His mum is an enabler ! Poor baby , sticking is dick around and no concern on the consequences of that ! No wonder he does it without thinking twice. .

Oh my dear, I can feel the pain you're in, it must be agonising.

I would say that you don't have to make ANY decisions right now. Like you said in an earlier post, right now it's just about getting through the next hour, even the next minute.

Go back to basics. You have had a horrific shock. You need to try to eat and drink something - even if it's bread and water. Sleep when you need to. You must have a million thoughts all whirling round your head at the moment - trust that this too will pass, and also that nothing is set in stone; you can make a decision now and change it this afternoon, it's fine, don't expect your poor bewildered mind to be sensible right now. You're experiencing a visceral, emotional, physical reaction to a shock. Nurture yourself for a wee while.

I wish I could scoop you up and bring you home with your boys x

Oh my love, obviously I don't know you, and don't usually weigh in on these kind of threads but good God, what an absolute arsehole he is and how much I hope you can feel the warmth and support reaching out to you from all of us.
Only you can work out the practicalities, advantages/disadvantages of returning early. Take your time. Keep breathing, just in and out, an hour at a time. Xx

That’s is totally true and I’d actually buy into the ‘this was a mistake and it’s worth fighting for our marriage’ if it was the first time.

BUT it’s not the first time he cheated (even if it’s the first time with the OP)

AND He isn’t showing any signs that he wants to fight for the marriage either. Because that would start with coming up clean, apologising and at the very least asking her what he could do to save said marriage. Saying ‘I love you and i want to be with you’ won’t cut it.
The OP can’t save it all in her own unfortunately.

Sadly this post shows a side you never mentioned. Whatever is wrong it sounds like he needs serious help. He may not be for you after all but only you know the circumstances.

I'm recovering from covid & off work. I'll leave it here and again wish you all the best. Mumsnet is a great support network but ultimately people do what they feel is right for their particular situation.❤️

@Janeyxx

It's the total opposite. She has him eating out of the palm of her hand.

FWIW this absolutely isn't a healthy relationship dynamic either way around. Not one that you should be holding up as a success story either. Sounds like they have some more work to do when it comes to finding a healthy dynamic.

She doesn't exploit him in any way. He knows there is a lot of ground to make up and its made him a better all round person 🤷‍♀️

Sadly is seems your leopard really didn’t change his spots.

First wife he cheated on
Second wife he cheated on

with enabler parents who are just making sure their ikkle prince is ok because he got busted busting his balls into someone else.

Id ride out the holiday, then call it quits once back, he won’t change, his not sorry. He didn’t learn after his first wife kicked him to the kerb. I wouldn’t let him go home early though either. Brave face for the rest of the trip however hard. I wouldn’t give him the time alone in the house to get paperwork/take stuff etc.

I presume he's getting no messages because as you said, you launched his phone and smashed it. So presumably it's pretty broken.

This sounds like a miserable and potentially traumatic situation for the children. I recall being far away on holiday with my parents, multiple occasions, when they were arguing viciously and the sick, fearful feeling is still palpable 50 years later.

It would be better for everyone if you can cut this short, go home and deal with next steps. Tbh I would have moved heaven and earth to keep the teen and the child from hearing anything at all, but that's water under the bridge now. I hope you can get some support at home and as you wash your hands of this cheating loser. Get some therapy for the kids if possible, too.

Don't come back and let him ruin the kids holiday aswell, send him home and you and the kids stay and clear your head. Have some quality time while you decide what you want.

Sorry Op, I missed the bit where you stated it was not the first time he cheated. I've said from the start my views are only for people who have acted on bad curcumstances and the couple can work it out. At the same time its still up to the individual couple how they work out their problems ie stay together or move on 👍

Your oldest child sounds like an absolute rock. However terrible this situation is, you have an absolute gem in him.

So he has cheated in both of his marriages. Charming. A serial cheater. He won't change.

Maybe his phones not working all that well after you threw it

OP, I wouldn’t expect too much from his parents, they were probably in shock and may possibly have more to say face to face. Hopefully.

You don’t need anyone else to validate how hurt you are feeling and what an absolute shit thing he has done to you. I’m not surprised friends etc haven’t messaged, they probably thinking it’s best to stay out of it.

The fact he has form should make you think very carefully when weighing up your options later on.

@MrsAnonstrikesagain this was the case with a good many of our mutual friends when my first marriage broke down too. He had an affair with my then best mate and whilst people didn't approve they also didn't have the balls or perhaps couldn't be arsed to make waves by cutting them out. They didn't cut me out either but at the time I felt if people were neutral they weren't on my side enough for me to be able to be around them. And like you in a few of them that was unforgivable to me.

Personally I’d be telling him to find alternative accommodation. At least you’d have space without him.

you could tell your youngest that his dad has to work but you’ll see him at the airport to fly home?