On holiday and found out he's cheated

[manipulatrice]

I am on holiday with my husband and 2 kids.

I took a picture and sent it to myself using my husbands phone, and as I went to close WhatsApp I saw a name I had never seen. So I clicked it.

He's been having an affair for 6 months. I called his bluff pretending I had seen more and he then admitted as he thought I had seen, that they have been sleeping together.

In a fit of rage I launched his phone and smashed it. He claims he did it because he was lonely as I work nights, and he wanted attention.

I've never felt so alone and desperate in my whole life. We are only on day 2 of a 14 day long haul holiday.

If it wasn't for my wonderful children I think I would just disappear.

Sorry to hear you are going through this OP and to find out on holiday must be the worst thing! I am sorry the illusion of this man has been shattered and this will be a mourning stage for you too. It's heartbreaking when people turn out different to what you thought. It is like a loss and takes time to heal.
If i were you, I would be taking the next plane home with my kids or telling him to go home. Him being there would infuriate me even more!
You did not fail in life, he failed you and his family. He had no right trying to blame you. He needs to face up to the fact that he is responsible for all of this.
I hope whatever path you choose from here enables you to find peace and happiness again with your beautiful children. You deserve it ❤️

Op..I'm so very sorry this has happened and its worse by being abroad.

My advice is to take your 2 children and enjoy your holiday . Leave him in the apartment. Go out to eat. Without him. Just carry on with your holiday as a 3.
He can go fuck himself.

Nothing will get resolved on holiday. You will need to be back home to make sense of this and decide what you want to do.

@Janeyxx Mine cheated, got caught and professed his undying love for me and that he would never hurt me again. We had counselling, I stayed, for my children. He did it again. Same story, he would never do it again. But he would also tell me that he never had any intention of leaving me, as if I was the lucky chosen one!! As most people have said, they rarely change and the problem is theirs.

Why did his last marriage end?

Thank you. To be honest I rarely get involved in discussions unless I feel I have something to offer, even if my thoughts are unpopular. There is also the fact, especially regarding this topic, future posters will see you can get through this with the right attitude and support. Family life is not always plain sailing and I believe it's worth fighting for ♥️

Seriously just get off the thread, this is so fucking offensive. The right attitude?? Fucking deluded and a mug if you think staying with a cheater is the best option, up your bar, or if not stop trying to get other women to lower theirs. @Janeyxx

I promise it will not hurt this much forever. My experience was three years ago and I've been in the pain you're currently in where I couldn't eat/sleep and I am absolutely not there any more. It hurts like hell when you're going through it though and in your situation I think it would be best to go home. You need support and space away from your husband.

Equally, I gave my first husband a second chance, he cheated because … can’t remember but it was obviously my fault, it’s always the wives fault. Anyway, he cheated again.

Perhaps that won’t be the case for your sister and perhaps not the case for the OP should she decide to try again but it’s a very personal choice and either decision has consequences.

In order to keep her husband happy and not straying should the OP give up her job?

Sorry if you misunderstand me. I've pointed out not all affairs end in divorce & not all men & women who have an affair do it again. It's wrong to generalise & wrong to tar everyone with the same brush. Every married couple has their own unique situation. They shouldn't be judged for trying to seek out what went wrong before deciding what to do.

So sorry for you, I was in a similar situation three months ago hence the username.
Just take each day as it comes, it does get easier, I found writing down how I felt also helped process the situation.
When you get home, get some therapy to help you through. For me it is harder than a death to get over.
I hope you manage to get on the path to healing soon after the anger and rage settle.

He either has another phone/Facebook at home or basically nobody who has him on Facebook knows word to say. I must say if my brothers account. Changed to “I cheated on my wife” I’d probably ring my mother to see if she new what was up before I messaged him or his partner. With a friend I’d message another mutual friend like wtf did you see…

I wouldn’t message the Cheater or the cheated on at all.

Are there any reactions to the post? If you still have his phone check his saved passwords for an alt Facebook account.

Can you tell him to go home himself ? Stay with the children

@Janeyxx is your sister not worried about what will happy if she gets ill or if her focus has to be on something else for a while? She now knows that when her husband does get enough attention he might cheat. It must be an awful lot of pressure on her to keep him happy so he doesn't do that again. What a horrible way to live. I can't believe you think this is the life your sister deserves.

similar happened to my sister, she saw him texting a mutual friend on their holiday but they also worked together so had a valid reason ... so she thought

He packed his stuff and changed all his banking etc passwords whilst she was out doing a food shop on their return then left her with defrosting food on the worktops

Absolute arse

They shouldn't be judged for trying to seek out what went wrong before deciding what to do.

Nobody is judging OP @Janeyxx but they sure as hell are judging her cheating shit of a husband.
And you absolutely need to stop. Op has said there was nothing wrong in their relationship, they did lots together, made time for each other, were intimate. She had no clue her husband was apparently so unhappy. So what exactly should she 'seek out' as to what went wrong? The only thing that went wrong was her husband couldn't keep it in his pants. If he had such a problem with OP working nights and being 'lonely' he sure as hell didn't share that with her. Its a big massive excuse for being an arsehole.

Nobody cares what your sister did and is now so apparently blissfully happy. good for her. OP's situation is completely different. There is zero excuse for someone to cheat. Zero. None. Nada. Not getting enough attention (like your sister's case) is one of them! Because if they were a decent human being any problems would be dicussed. Thats the default, Talking about it, bringing it to the other persons attention - not sticking your dick in another woman.

What a nightmare. I can't even imagine your pain right now. You've got this 💐

UGH. I'm so sorry.

I’m so sorry this has happened OP. Sounds like you had a wonderful relationship which I’m sure makes it even harder to understand why he’d risk it all for a hook up with someone that ‘meant nothing’ to him.
Ive been in your shoes….I’ve heard the “I don’t love her, I love you…” and it’s bollocks. If you love someone you don’t hurt them 💐

Sometimes it's good to confront the OW as well as the cheating spouse.

Why are you more concerned for OW than OP?

🤔 It's the total opposite. She has him eating out of the palm of her hand. They're fine and no she doesn't spend her time worrying if he will cheat. It was circumstantial, a one off due to kack of communication on both sides and quite simply they love each other. It took a while for her parents to accept him back but they cant see past him now. He does their garden and any other odd jobs. Dad isn't practical 😆 Most of all her children forgive him. They've been told the story from the beginning. Again I'll stress I'm not saying this would be right for OP. Im just giving an example of not all affairs end in divorce 👍

If money isn't a concern at this point I would be tempted to go scorched earth and let his employer know about the affair. I'm with you - why should she get off with no consequences??

So sorry you are going through this, what a bad time to find out! I would send him home. Let the kids enjoy the holiday and let you have time to think about your next move.

I'm so sorry to know that, especially with you having to find out whilst on a family holiday.

Try to keep it together for the sake of your kids if possible, for now. It was extremely selfish of him not to consider it. Sending you hugs💐

He's phoned his mother and told her the whole truth. They are just concerned he is safe...

Maybe I'm being harsh. But fucking safe? I would be livid with my children if they ever did that to their families. Maybe just me.

Even if he leaves her now (which they never do), he WILL do this again with someone else. These men just love the sex and the "attention", even from vile pieces of trash, their disgusting little dicks throb with excitement and that's all they care about, sticking in something You are worth everything op, and he and her are worth nothing, they are a pair of scummy vile shits who didn't care about you or your kids at all. I've seen it happen so, so many times over the years, where the "really, honestly decent, lovely, great man" ends up actually being just like all the others, shagging around behind his loyal partner's back. They're all the same.