On holiday and found out he's cheated

[manipulatrice]

I am on holiday with my husband and 2 kids.

I took a picture and sent it to myself using my husbands phone, and as I went to close WhatsApp I saw a name I had never seen. So I clicked it.

He's been having an affair for 6 months. I called his bluff pretending I had seen more and he then admitted as he thought I had seen, that they have been sleeping together.

In a fit of rage I launched his phone and smashed it. He claims he did it because he was lonely as I work nights, and he wanted attention.

I've never felt so alone and desperate in my whole life. We are only on day 2 of a 14 day long haul holiday.

If it wasn't for my wonderful children I think I would just disappear.

Your sister will feel the pang of doubt and betrayal every day of her life whether she tells you or not. I don’t believe anyone can truly get over this level of betrayal. He’s been having an affair for 6 months, this is not a drunken one night stand.

I was hoping I would wake up and it was all a dream. The vomit at the back of my throat tells me different.

Due to the time difference everyone will "know" back home by now. Not a single one of his friends or family have text him.

Did they all know? Was I a complete mug? Like, he called his parents last night and told me he told them he had sent inappropriate messages (this is before he admitted the whole lot to me) and I made him try and call them when I got it out of him last night and they didn't answer, but not even a text this morning about the call? No one has contacted him at all.

That's odd isn't it?

I find it odd. I'd be right in touch with my son if that happened (and you to be supportive). Maybe they're in shock or still processing?

He says she means nothing. That it was for attention and because he felt sorry for himself and he was lonely. He has no feelings for her at all.

Which is irrelevant because he knew it would hurt you. He knew it breached his wedding vows.

I'd be tempted to fly home, without telling him, change the locks and depending on your finances go somewhere else for a holiday.

I think that's strange too. I really don't know what to make of it. Maybe they are so disgusted with him they don't want to talk to him. And they don't know what to say to you, because their son is an arse and an embarrassment to say the least, and so haven't reached out to you.

You say that now, as do many women when first faced with what you are facing. That will change though. You have children that will need food, shelter, clothing and treats. It "sounds good" to say, "I could live in a box as long as I am happy"; but it's not real world. Sorry. But there will be a time when you will care about the house and your part of the bank. You'll have expenses with lawyers, etc and it all adds up. Plus you and your 15 yr old should get some counselling.

Do you still have his phone? Does he have your phone? He may be texting them through your phone or another phone and told people not to text his phone as you have it.

My sister admits she gave her husband no attention whatsoever & yes admits she even made sure all her childrens attention was on her & her family. Her husbands side didnt get a look in. It all came out in the wash. He was miserable and neither of them were good communicaters, bottling everything up. Im not saying by any means this is the OPs situation. I was merely giving an example of how in many cases things can be worked out,although without a doubt not not for everyone.
This is strength.

Could have be communicating with them another way, on a laptop or iPad or something?

Be prepared for a bit of backlash over the Facebook thing because people can be dicks and try to defend such shitty behaviour to protect their child/sibling/friend.

Sure OP can change the locks if she wants. He has every right to take steps to get her to change them back again (court I presume, or at the very least a solicitor's letter). At which point she complies.

Gives her several weeks' breathing space, and reinforces the fact that he needs to find somewhere else to live.

Read the bloody room @Janeyxx

Try to understand. This is NOT about you and nobody cares about your sister. If she's willing to live with a lifetime of uncertainty and does not respect herself enough to not settle for that good for her but that story is not appropriate here.

I have his phone and mine. No other electronic devices.
Kids have their own, in their rooms.

Also....if you DO fly home before him, don't forget to make sure his bank card gets "lost", too 😆

He's an absolute wanker OP, for cheating, blaming you, and then leaving you crying alone when you found out!

I know you're super emotional right now (I for one, absolutely love the Facebook picture thing!!!) but you need to try and put your practical head on, I know you say you don't care about money etc. but you need to. this is yours and your kids future, he's already betrayed you, he doesn't deserve to have a nice comfortable life at your expense!

Sort out what you can, so right now, you're on holiday - decide if you want to stay or leave, and then make provisions for that. Once you have decided, figure out what is happening as soon as you get home, where is everyone staying - and then go from there, one step at a time.

....And you don't have no-one, you have us, people are on MN all hours of the day if you need a chat 💐

@Janeyxx there really aren't 2 sides to every story in all cases- I've been on both sides of the shitshow- in my first marriage I was the cheater- there wasn't really 2 sides to it- although I convinced myself there was- in my 2nd marriage there definitely wasn't 2 sides to it- although I'm sure my H managed to convince himself there was at the time- he simply was having his cake and eating it at a point he felt somewhat down. Please don't try and blame OP who had no inkling at all

I'm stumped. I have no clue why people aren't getting in touch with him, apart from them being disgusted by him.

What time is it with you? Have you been able to talk to your 15yo? I don't know what to say or advice to offer at this point, just sending you all my strength.

Could either be they knew already or are just really disgusted with him

It's now just past 7am here

Terrible situation, but I can't believe how many people suggest that everyone just flies home early, which given it's long haul would be several thousand pounds. Not exactly practical or affordable advice.

My sisters family is a good example.

It ain't over til the fat lady sings

I've made it perfectly clear this has nothing to do with OP situation. I was giving an example of how not all affairs end in the divorce courts. Op You have every reason to be heartbroken and angry. If you love him and he loves you at least give him the opportunity to discuss it and go for councilling. Thats my advice and I'll leave it there. I knew it wouldn't be popular but nevertheless it works for many xx

Sorry this has happened - tell him to fly home and pack his bags, you and your 8 year old will cope with your youngest xx

To the people saying it's thousands to get home, it's not. I've just left my long haul holiday 3 days in. Cost us just over £100 per person and was arranged within 12 hours. TUI mutual aid agreement got us home

If you love him and he loves you

If he loved her, he wouldn't have cheated on her. So the whole point of counselling repairing it is null and void.