On holiday and found out he's cheated

[manipulatrice]

I am on holiday with my husband and 2 kids.

I took a picture and sent it to myself using my husbands phone, and as I went to close WhatsApp I saw a name I had never seen. So I clicked it.

He's been having an affair for 6 months. I called his bluff pretending I had seen more and he then admitted as he thought I had seen, that they have been sleeping together.

In a fit of rage I launched his phone and smashed it. He claims he did it because he was lonely as I work nights, and he wanted attention.

I've never felt so alone and desperate in my whole life. We are only on day 2 of a 14 day long haul holiday.

If it wasn't for my wonderful children I think I would just disappear.

Btw you working nights and him wanting attention is so fkg weak in terms of excuses for cheating on your wife (and by default your family).

What’s the other side to the story? Putting up with disrespectful cheating idiots? It’s a nope from me

Ask my sister

I'm so so sorry OP💘

@AnnWithoutAnnie You are way out of line with your unprovoked attacks on user1497782758. They weren't accusing the OP of anything, all they were doing was wondering if it happened with OP was working nights, because if he was with the ow then that would mean he was neglecting his son, which makes it worse. As OP has clarified, that he was preoccupied with having Facetime sex shows he wasn't looking after their child while he was doing that. It is a very important and valid question. You clearly took it the wrong way.

I'm so sorry you're going through this OP.
I would absolutely make arrangements for you and the children to go home. I would not inform him of any plans and would leave him there to stew.

I would never condone cheating & the heartache it brings. My point is if and its a big if, its a one off due to circumstances where both parties have been lacking in working on the marriage then like in my sisters case it can be resolved

It wasn't a one off though, it was an affair.

Sorry but how can everyone be encouraging op to do a runner when there are 2 sides to every story.

Eh? Are you suggesting she somehow partly to blame for her husband's infidelity?

It's never a one-off, leopards don't change their spots. Once a cheater, always a cheater. OP said they were happy and had a great relationship. So there is no justification. Not that there ever was justification for cheating. And sorry my dear but your sister's case is not resolved. It never will be. He will be cheating again on her if he isn't already, and she will never trust him. Staying in a marriage of lies, doubts, mistrust and betrayal is never able to ever be resolved. Her marriage is broken and irretrievable, even if she doesn't know it.

Absolutely not. I am extremely strong headed, also realistic. Where there is any hope at all marriage and families are worth saving if with help the couple can sort it out. The expression once a cheater always a cheater is rubbish. My sisters family is a good example.

Maybe if you have no self respect and zero self esteem they can.
If your naive enough to believe your sister deserved to get cheated on because she was putting her effort and time into her children, then quite frankly nothing can help you.

This is not some one night stand.

This is a full-blown affair that lasted SIX MONTHS.

You cannot go back from that level of betrayal. We aren't talking about a kiss at work, or a weekend fling here, that is possible to get over. Six long months of a full blown affair where ow is comfortable enough to have the audacity to ask about the children is far too deep to get past.

Well said.👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

So sorry op-just to point out please ignore advice to change the locks youre married you cant legally do that

Hopefully he'll leave anyway without any fuss

So sorry for you op, what a fucking blow. I have no advice because you've already had it all. Just wanted to send you support.

My sisters family is a good example.

Except it isn't because you can bet your house and 10 year's salary he is still cheating.

I’m so sorry this has happened to you. Sending much love and strength

Think / hope @AnnWithoutAnnie has shuffled on when she realised that the question was very relevant

I don't think it's a good idea to let your scummy SSLH go home first. If he was scummy enough to cheat, he's scummy enough to clean out your bank accts. and possessions. Then you go through another hell trying to get what is yours back.
Just spend as little time as you have to and perhaps, leave him and your youngest and take the 15 yr old out for a while so they can breathe a bit.

SSLH=Scum sucking loser husband

And you're another one @yepgoingforarun. You're trying to make this all about you and your stunted opinions. Do the decent thing and step away.

Oh OP, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. He is a total POS!
”It meant nothing” Well that’s what they all say and, if it didn’t, why do it and why risk everything thing he had?
He was bored - Well what you do then is take up a hobby, join a sports team, go to the pub (without picking up an OW)
He wants to be with you - Well he should have thought about that in the first place.
You were working - victim blaming.

I personally go for the option of going home first and stealing a march on him getting the ducks in a row.

I hope you feel better soon and build a happier future for you and the boys, whatever form it takes.

What a stupid, selfish man.

I would get him to move into a different room and spend the holiday dealing with your youngest - he can take the strain of pretending everything is ok.

You focus on your eldest and yourself, so that you can pretend to be ok in front of your youngest when you’re all together.