Things that you do as and adult because you grew up in poverty.

[headache]

I was thinking about this just now as I have a different experience of childhood to a lot of my colleagues. I grew up in poverty and regularly went hungry and lived in a cold, mouldy house. Holidays were a thing other people went on and we lived very hand to mouth. As a result now as an adult and a mother of teenagers and I’m lucky to be quite comfortable there’s still some things I do that are linked back to my childhood, for example:

one of the biggest things is always having cupboards bursting with food, tinned food, soup, beans, crisps. At any given time there’s probably 20 tins of beans and 100 packets of crisps on the cupboards. The freezer is always rammed to, I have 4 teens so we eat a lot but still I have anxiety if the cupboards aren’t bursting

• toilet paper and sanitary products again we are always overstocked as I remember being a teenager and scrapping together 89p for a packet of sanitary towels or making do with toilet paper or running out
• heating - we were never allowed the heating on and showers were limited, I now refuse to sit in the cold and I fully appreciate being in the position where I don’t have to worry about the costs. We were always in emergency on the meter and it would go out and I would have to go to my Gran’s and ask fiver for a card. One of the first things I did when I got my first flat and job was buy enough electric for the month at a time so I would never run out.

my Father was a plumber and was never out of work my mother didn’t work but they were useless with money. Even 40 years later some things stick with you and I feel so sorry for any children being brought up like this and worse nowadays. It truly sucks.

I recognise so much of this in DH. The tins of food and the stocked freezer and the loo roll. Also the only buying nice things for presents. I had to persuade him recently that he didn’t need to wait for Christmas to replace his phone.

The irony is his parents were better off than mine, they were just poorly organised with money. If they had it, they spent it.

only buying nice things for presents.
yes,
i do this,
walking boots/coat/ its a birthday/christmas present

My DF worked hard and earned a good wage but my DM refused to work and spent money like water on herself or wallpaper or her men. All the while banging on about our poverty. Consequently I thought we were much poorer than we were. We rarely went on holiday and I never went on a school trip. I never had name branded stuff.

Even when I had much less money I prioritised experiences for my DS. We went on holiday, he went on school trips, he always had enough money to not feel less than his friends. He always had the best clothes.

As a child I worried about money and I still do. But over the years I've got a bit better. I'm generous with others but worry about spending to much on myself or stuff I really need.

It makes me angry. There was no need for it.

I can relate to a lot of this. I have to make sure we have plenty of food, a warm house and waterproof coats/shoes because not having any of those is a sign of poverty. I also have a horror of signing up to contracts that tie you in for a period of time (phone, Sky, lease cars etc) because you can never be sure whether you can still afford it in a year's time.

Didn't grow up in poverty but DM was very strict over food and we weren't allowed any "rubbish". So sweets, chocolate, crisps, cake etc. She'd undereat herself, comment on our weight and check our rooms weekly for food. Am overweight now and get anxious if I don't have a stash of treats in.

I grew up in relative poverty
Hardly ever had new clothes and never ever had the same clothes as friends etc
I can never really remember the cupboards being full
The house was poorly decorated
Now I hate spending money on myself for new clothes and have to justify it to myself when I do
I have enough tinned food in the cupboards to make sure I won't go hungry

When I was a child I was never able to do any of the hobbies I wanted to do, because we didn’t have the money. No music lessons, dance classes, sports, nothing. The only thing I was able to do was get books from the library, because that was free.

My own DC was on the waiting list for piano lessons from 1 year old. Now does multiple dance and sport lessons too, and holiday camps for sport and dance. I have no doubt that I am over compensating.

I bought property young (age 21) with first bf i couldnt bare thought maybe becoming homeless at some point

Always pushed nyself to earn more and more every job paid more, study anything to blag more money

Aiming to pay off mortgage by 45. Overpaying £4-6k pcm but have old banger, old super market clothes, cheap stuff. Cant justify it until i 100% know 'im ok'

Grew up very poor. Moved house 20 times by age 18. Never allowed a drink/icecream out, couldnf afford the bus, all uniform ancient and scrappy hand me downs. Used to draw nike 'tick' onto crap trainers to try to fit in. Never again

I grew up poor, on benefits and family, although I have no memories if being hungry. My parents were great cooks and able to buy cheap veg and meat from the markets and create excellent dinners. But I do keep a good supply of tins and cupboard food. I think it's more that I had a child young, and a lone parent, so popping to the shops would be a hassle in the evening - much easier to keep supplies in.

My parents used to hoard cash (to stop it showing up in bank accounts, and more things were paid for in cash back then). I like to keep a decent stack of notes available at home, at least a few thousand.

One of my parents grew up in extreme poverty.

When I was growing up, the kitchen presses were overflowing with food, every treat you can think of. I m amzed none of us is diabetic.

It went from From food poverty to food abundance, there was very mixed messages about food. Fat shaming combined with food pushing.

Oh ues @Stressybetty treats were rationed at DH's house. A bar of Cadbury once a week with squares literally being cut into thirds I'd there was one left. Names written on chocolate bars in selection boxes at Christmas. The embedding of selfishness and greediness which extrapolated to food being counted at the table and the sucking of joy from a shared meal. Let alone the disgraceful table manners.

MIL and FIL were brought up poor. They were not poor. DH and his sisters even had to share a one scoop cornet on holiday counting the licks.

I still find Mars Bar wrappers in DH's pockets, eaten on the way home from work. He's 62. To give him his due he always gave the dc a fiver for the ice-cream van on holiday once a day and let them keep the change.

I wrote a long reply the internet ate it.

In brief, I can identify with a lot of this.

I was very fortunate not to have grown up poor but have two friends (they don’t know each other) who did and they have remarkably similar traits. Never turn down an invitation to go somewhere. I think this stems from being unable to go to places as kids. Latch on to wealthy friends so they can spend time rubbing shoulders with the “rich”in their big houses in the hope they’ll be seen as wealthy too. Looking down their noses at anyone who doesn’t own a house as I think they see home ownership as the pinnacle of all life’s achievements. One of them has reimagined one of their parents and tells stories of what a great person they were. No, they weren’t. They were selfish and your childhood suffered for it. Just my observation

Educationally too I did practical, useful subjects at GCSE and degree level. We were never encouraged to take subjects that were creative because we’d need to do something we could earn a living at (teaching, law, nursing, apprenticeships etc). Despite DM being a very good artist. it was never envisaged that we could earn a living doing art or music or history. I made damn sure my dc took the subjects they wanted to at school and university.

Blimey, I thought these things were just me! I definitely like to Doomsday prep the pa try and freezer, and like to spares of toiletries.
I have a good career now but am really reactive about money related stuff at my girls' schools. Guess it's a response to growing up poor and feeling ashamed of it. If there is an issue at school that is potentially divisive, such as new uniform, school trips, special occasion lunches etc., I'll raise it with school to point out potential impact on less well off families. The thought of some kids not having laptops for hoem schooling during the pandemic upset me so much I ended up collecting 3 old laptops from friends, and buying 2 new ones to donate to school. We aren't wealthy by any means, but it really hit a nerve because without education, I wouldn't have my career and ability to support my family. My kids don't really understand why these things feel personal, so I try to explain so they can understand not everyone has things as easy as they do.
I do spend lots on clothes, after not having new things growing up. But I prefer ebay or vinted. The price of brand new clothes/shoes is ridiculous!

Oh, and I struggle to throw things away. I recently lost quite a bit of weight and it's taken me months to sort through my old clothes for charity. It's hard to let go

What about the resentment towards others that don't know the struggle of poverty. I ve seen that expressed many times.

The ruthlessness of poverty, the stealing and false insurance claims, I ve witnessed that too. It's difficult not to judge, but I guess I don't fully understand the rationales...... Desperation to provide and get comfortable.

@CreepingCrone I get this, I lost five and half stone when very ill five years ago, the extra stone I have put on is healthy but the thoughts of buying new clothes grieves me, I will probably diet and exercise some of it off. 😠

We lived on a low income in a rough area , both parents working , so e-bike our needs were always met , food was plentiful but basic , for example two types of biscuits , rich tea or digestive, and rice pudding or trifle on Sundays. So now I have luxury biscuits and some delicious puddings . We never ate out so eating out for me is a treat . But that's how things were for most families as they were bigger in the 60s so I don't feel resentment.

Sorry about the e bike - typo

Same here as clothes as a child were passed down or worn out

Sorry just come back to my thread, the clothes one forgot about that, my clothes came from bin bags or on the rare occasion the market. I didn’t know there were actual shops until I was about 15. Bin bags would arrive from cousins or friends. My DC don’t get second-hand doesn’t mean I’m extravagant and having 4 I pass down between siblings but I’ve always bought good quality clothes and shoes. Won’t have them bullied for having cheap nasty clothes or having holes in their shoes.

We also never had a phone which was so embarrassing when people would ask for your phone number (people in authority etc) and you had to say you didn’t have one. Bless my Gran though I used to visit her most days and she’d make me tea and a sandwich and always had cakes and let me use her phone. When I went to uni and was really on the bones of my arse surviving on 49p pizzas and super noodles she used to post me up £20 notes every month.

I grew up in poverty, my mum was a house wife mainly but took on a machinist job at home in the evenings. My dad was a carpenter. We lived in a 2 bedroom flat for most of my childhood until the council housed us as my brother and I needed a separate bedroom.

As a result I made a decision to only have one child as I felt I could adequate housed, feed and cloth her.

I was brought up well by my parents but there was never any treats. I was never told about periods or taught how to save or told about mortgages or anything like that.

My daughter will learn all of this at a young age.

I also make sure the house is more than adequately stocked with pringles and chocolate biscuits.. these were my favourite as a kid but was never allowed them. I don't deny my daughter anything and I've told her as long as she eats her fruit and vegetables... she can have what she wants.

Wash and reuse foil and freezer bags.
All leftovers used in some way( not anything that’s been on someone’s plate mind).
All gravy and wine leftovers however small are frozen and used in stir fries or risotto.
The mumsnet everlasting chicken was done in our house years ago too.
Hearty soup and cheese on toast is a main meal sometimes.
Chest freezer is full
Batch cooking is the norm as is menu planning.

It seems to be mostly food related!

I buy lots of bed covers. Mum had curtains covering our beds when we were kids as didn't have money to buy things like that. Also clothes and shoes. Had a school uniform and one other outfit and nothing else as a kid.