Things that you do as and adult because you grew up in poverty.

[headache]

I was thinking about this just now as I have a different experience of childhood to a lot of my colleagues. I grew up in poverty and regularly went hungry and lived in a cold, mouldy house. Holidays were a thing other people went on and we lived very hand to mouth. As a result now as an adult and a mother of teenagers and I’m lucky to be quite comfortable there’s still some things I do that are linked back to my childhood, for example:

one of the biggest things is always having cupboards bursting with food, tinned food, soup, beans, crisps. At any given time there’s probably 20 tins of beans and 100 packets of crisps on the cupboards. The freezer is always rammed to, I have 4 teens so we eat a lot but still I have anxiety if the cupboards aren’t bursting

• toilet paper and sanitary products again we are always overstocked as I remember being a teenager and scrapping together 89p for a packet of sanitary towels or making do with toilet paper or running out
• heating - we were never allowed the heating on and showers were limited, I now refuse to sit in the cold and I fully appreciate being in the position where I don’t have to worry about the costs. We were always in emergency on the meter and it would go out and I would have to go to my Gran’s and ask fiver for a card. One of the first things I did when I got my first flat and job was buy enough electric for the month at a time so I would never run out.

my Father was a plumber and was never out of work my mother didn’t work but they were useless with money. Even 40 years later some things stick with you and I feel so sorry for any children being brought up like this and worse nowadays. It truly sucks.

I like to have a nice bath, too. As a kid, I had grey, cold, grimy water, after my two older sisters.

I buy my daughter the trainers she asks about, I was given £2 weirdly coloured Indonesian ones and was bullied over it.

Cupboards are always stocked to bursting with tins of beans, chick peas, sweetcorn etc and rice and pasta.

I always used to keep coppers, as well as 5p and 20p coins, but stopped a few years ago, as my wife took them every time I went away for work. I used to pick them up in the street and when the jars were full, cash them in and put the money in my Post Office account.

Same. This brings back memories of us all hiding behind the sofa with mum giggling because the bailiffs were looking through the windows

Dad was an alcoholic and heavy chain smoker .Mum spent her time in and out psychiatric care. House was filthy. Not enough clothes to keep warm, not enough underwear. Coats on the bed instead blankets.
Now in a professional job.. went to university with kids from private schools… completely eye opening. I remember going to a lecture on characteristics dysfunctional families.. I sat there with my jaw dropping.. they where describing my life!
I always have clean sheets, warm clothes, electric blankets. House always heated. Despise mess… my husband doesn’t understand.
I have lovely clothes and shoes and too many handbags.
I love holidays!
I need to be more frugal than I am!

This. Exactly

I'm guilty of overstocking too. And it causes wastage so I need to get a grip on it.
I'm also obese as I can't leave food alone. I don't want to experience being hungry again as I lived with it for so long.

I buy too many clothes as I was hugely embarrassed by what I had to wear growing up.

I'm incredibly tight with money and won't spend on nice things or nice experiences. Yet the overspending on food and clothes is probably more of a waste than just having nice things and days out.
I could afford treats now as I've spent so long going without things that I think I hoard money 'just in case'.

Only have my hair cut a maximum of twice a year and won't spend more than £20. Given the horrific haircuts my mum gave me as a child I'm surprised I'm still happy to have shit hair 😄.

Struggle to get rid of things. I remember the exact cost of almost everything I buy which makes it difficult to get rid of things as it seems wasteful.

One of my favourite things in the world are my sock and underwear drawers! I always had cold feet/no socks and had to wear underwear inside out.
Always have food available.
Put the heating on when needed - I used to sleep with jumpers on and 2 duvets which I bought myself with paper round money
Eat at a dining table
Travel (cheaply)

Saddest part is my family wasn't poor, just neglectful. I'm a low earner now but I'm very good with money.

I made sure DD is what I used to enviously think of as a “glossy girl”. Perfect teeth from orthodontics, hair cut regularly at the hairdressers, nice clothes and shoes that fit and that effortless confidence a private education seems to impart. A million miles from my childhood.

i don't buy extravagant food
always well stocked cupboards
charity shop/sale clothes
can't bear over priced things.
can cook a meal out of minimum ingredients, from the bible my dm used to call it. that could be from being a vegetarian though

Lots of these resonate.

For me, it's the being able to say yes without the pang of fear, guilt, shame...I'd often say yes to things my friends were planning on doing and then have to lie and make excuses why I couldn't do it because I knew full well there was no 'fun' money at all.

Food- we scraped cheese into transparent pieces for sandwiches to make it last - I simply cannot make a sandwich without revisiting that memory as you'd be made to feel greedy / not careful enough if you took anything more than a morsel. I am so generous with food these days but that feeling does not leave.

Clothes- I will always buy what I want but not always in a healthy way. If I need a black tshirt for example, I'll buy 6. As some sort of trauma response to living in older siblings hand me downs/ jumble clothes or just never having what I really needed (such as the right or enough uniform for school).

Books- I use the library all of the time. Parents were so busy working or stressing that they didn't have the leisure time to take a break from that world for any sort of escapism. We rarely ever got taken to the park or anything outside of home.

Home- fixing things when they need it or replacing entirely still feels indulgent. The process growing up was again to just stress out if anything showed signs of wear and tear about how it would be affordable to fix or replace. Made us careful, but frightened too.

Holidays- I am much better now but I couldn't relax on holidays thinking about budgets and spending. I would be obsessive about what was spent and where. I'd hold back a certain amount just in case. Holidays also represent fun which again was something hard to have when you've been stressed out a lot of your growing up!

It really does leave an imprint growing up in poverty/ low income household. I have built a very different life for myself as an adult and my children will have financial security in a way I never did, I'm grateful for that but do sometimes wonder if my life would be different still if I didn't have those burdens growing up.

I won’t buy things I can afford without agonising over them - mainly because in my head the inner voice says “ this is three times what you had to feed/clothe/live on when you were kids”. Even if I’ve saved for a big purchase I talk myself out of spending the money.

Absolutely hate my own birthday but make sure everyone else’s is celebrated and they feel like it’s their special day. I’ll make a cake, or their favourite meal, doorstep surprises.

Food as pp have said. We couldn’t freely just eat or take anything from the kitchen as everything was calculated so it he everyone got the same. Four slices of ham, four oranges, or apples. If you’d eaten yours it was gone until the next shopping trip. Subsequently all meals were planned and the shopping was always the same as then it was easy to track spending. Sunday roast (with horrible meat from the market), Monday always leftovers, Wednesday always lasagne, Thursday always a “all day breakfast” etc etc. I cannot stand eating the same thing twice and every single day cook a meal from scratch, rarely making something more than once as I look for new recipes/variations.

Not having children of my own as there are no guarantees in life and I wouldn’t have been able to be 100% certain that I would always be in the financial position to not inflict my own childhood on them - so the only choice was to not have any.

Constant underlying worry of losing it all even though all bills are paid, mortgage free and a relatively “safe job”.

A truly horrible way of living if you think about it too much as it stops you being spontaneous and just living in the moment.

Do any of your parents comment on your spending habits now?

Not day to day but our house and our wedding were big ones.

My mum just couldn't grasp why we would spend a few k on a wedding and spent months and months saying it was such a waste when we could just pop to the local registry office. It was money we could afford and whilst it cost a pretty penny, it was four figures so not a totally OTT £50k do or anything, just a pretty normal 'nice' wedding. It took the shine off for me, I wish she could have just supported us and enjoyed it and not mentioned money every week.

Similarly when we bought a house. Houses were something the Council provided. We had months of hearing about the benefits of council houses and that we should still get ourselves on 'the list' 🙄

I still find it very, very hard to spend money, as we had so very little of it. So even though dh's job is very, very high paying I still shop in charity shops, cut my own hair, very rarely get take out etc. Just can't bring myself to spend that kind of money on new things etc.

Always have lots of food in the house. I struggle to throw things away, just in case I fall on hard times, and have no money to buy things.

I also had months of my mum telling me to get on "the list" for a council home.

I've lost my job recently to redundancy and we are quite tight for money at the moment as we're down to one salary. But when I think back to my childhood I suddenly feel "comfortable" again.

It's all about perspective isn't it. My children never go without, we have heating and hot water, they'll never have to worry about the electricity meter running out, the cupboards are full and they have a clean / tidy house and a mowed garden.

Our childhood garden was huge but full of abandoned cars, broken glass and very high grass. 😢

I'm currently going through contentment that I've done well to provide for them and worry because I'm unemployed! I hope I get a job soon!!

I shop carefully. I take time look at the unit price for items in supermarkets before making a decision on what to buy. My OH has never been poor or hard up. He hates shopping with me because I'm so careful.

Whenever I buy supplies for my baby I get upset at the thought of the Mum who can't afford it, I don't have to think twice about my supplies and if she wastes a bottle needs more nappies one day but if I was a baby in 2023 it would be MY mum who was struggling for this stuff.
I probably don't do enough but I always have a spare nappy with me and a travel milk for the Mum whose forgotten hers.

Same for San Pro I work in a professional environment but we have a big box of San Pro in the ladies nobody knows it's me who provides them my mum, had to use cheap horrible things it upsets me now.

Sorry not sure how that was crossed out.

I was brought up by a hopeless single mother with mental health problems in the 60s. We lived in a damp basement with mould and single glazed draughty windows. Id often wake up with rats chewing on my hair. My earliest memory is of my mother lying in bed for days and having to take myself to school, shop for food, amuse myself. I was only 4 and a half and school was a mile away. Id be sent to various wealthy relatives in the country in school holidays. I enjoyed going. There was nothing for me inondon. They would make sure I had clothes and shoes. I never wanted to go home because I had no rationship with my mother. The difference in the two sides of my life was outstanding.
I became a single mum myself and I was determined to give my DS the best. A secure home, have a career for myself and send him to university. I was afraid of ending up back in a bedsit so I worked like crazy. My now adult DS says he always felt safe, secure and loved and thsts what I wanted for him.
My mother ended up marrying someone and moving away and she doesn't want to see me. I am her past which she buries. I dont understand how you can abandon your own child.

Growing up we had no heating in the house other than a gas fire in the livingroom, old wooden windows that leaked when it rained - we had to put towels on the window ledges to soak up the rainwater. I now have a fear of water leaks at home, possibly related to this.
Brought up by a single parent who had no money, I was always made fun of and called names at school because I walked about in poor-fitting, unfashionable clothes. I now make sure my DCs are dressed in fashionable clothes (if this is what they want) and while I don't spoil them, I would never let them walk about in similar clothes as i had to and have saved a pot of money to buy things for them if needed.
I remember last year I mentioned in passing to my parent about the clothes thing when I was growing up. Their response was "if you needed money for things why didnt you just ask?" I have distinct memories of asking for things and them refusing but felt it was pointless to argue the point. I never pushed it back then as I remember seeing the house repossession letters on the mantelpiece. Did anyone else have similar responses from their parents if it was ever brought up?

when i saw the neighbours kids had more clothes i was told we spend our money on food
what a lie!

As soon as I saw your thread title I thought of my overstocked food cupboards.

When lockdown started, my mates all jokingly said they knew I would be fine not being able to shop, I was prepared for the long haul.

It comes from being overwhelmed with anxiety from a very young age about money. I remember I used to have dreams about food. About me going into a shop and being able to ask for quarter of a pound of luncheon meat (spam).

Since massively downsizing I am far better and although cupboards are always full, there’s probably only two weeks worth of supplies.

I can’t replace
anything until it literally wears out or breaks.
I have to finish food on the plate. I love getting bargains and using Freecycle. If I have to pay full price for things I don’t enjoy them. I hate tipping . I won’t get a taxi unless there is absolutely no other option. I buy in sales.
Lights turned off unless absolutely necessary. Leave oven door open for heat after cooking.
I can’t throw anything away.
As I get older I get more obsessed with the fear of not having enough even though I can afford to be a lot more relaxed. My father was like that too. He died very well off but his cupboards were full of sale bargains and stockpiled items. His parents were not well off.

I did not grow up poor but my mother did and she was extremely frugal particularly about clothes. Always charity shop for her and me and when I was a teenager she would make me wear her clothes including underwear. I wil never forget going to my High School end of year formal and being made to wear her black work slacks and a large patchwork nylon blouse with shoulder pads when everyone else was wearing formal evening gowns. I never argued because she was extremely volatile and I walked on eggshells.

I find it inpossible to buy nice clothes for myself. I buy from tesco or sainsburys or the charity shop and try and only buy things in navy blue so that it more or less goes with everything and I don't have to think about it. I don't feel like I deserve nice clothes or to look good- or deserve things like haircuts. last week I went crazy and bought myself a skin primer and I LOVE it. So I might branch out to a nice lipstick next payday.

oddly enough I am obsessed about the DCs having nice clothes. And being completely put together. DS1 has autism and sensory issues so I have spent hundreds of pounds on clothes that he can cope with. And i carefully make sure he is in matching - and ironed- clothes because that was never the case for me.

For those who have houses rammed with food, please consider gently weaning yourself off before it becomes problematic.

My SIL was a war baby so remembers rationing. She lives alone with minimal visitors and has two full chest freezers of food in the garage alongside her kitchen fridge freezer. She wanted a third freezer so her son looked at what she was storing.

30 loaves of bread
17 joints of meat
12 chickens
23 sponge cakes
12 litres of milk
11 packets of butter
And best of all, 10 kilos of gooseberries from her allotment she gave up in 2006.

In her kitchen she has
3,000 teabags
22 packets of pasta
14 bags of flour
36 bags of sugar

She has swathes of food that is so old now it's inedible. Mice are infesting her house and garage. She keeps ordering online shops and buys stuff she doesn't need because she wants to go over the minimum spend for free delivery.

She didn't start out like this, it's become worse and worse over the last 25 years.

I overstock the food cupboards and freezer, it drives my DH crazy. My DC have far too many clothes than what they actually need, I have to make sure they a clean ironed uniform every day, stationary for school. I over stock toiletries, sanitary towels, loo roll and soap powder. We go on holiday every year.

I realise we're in a fortunate position financially to be able to do this, but DH is a cautious spender, it took him a while to understand why I have do this. I was relentlessly bullied throughout school, one nickname was 'stig of the dump'

I was the 'smelly' unkempt, dirty kid at school, haircuts? Never. Toilet roll? In our house it was rare we had any, the free newspapers were saved for that purpose. I had one of each item for a school uniform that was never washed in the week, the only shoes were school shoes, cheap, unsuitable from the market. We didn't have 'pjs' or at times sheets, they only appeared when SS were involved. Toothpaste was a luxury, holidays were for other people.

What makes it worse was my dad worked, earned a decent wage for a trade, their priorities were themselves, out every Friday and Saturday night to the pub and for a meal, without any of us, they both smoked like chimneys, drank at home. My mum had so many clothes, a new outfit for going out every month, hair done every month, there was always enough money for that.

I have one memory of being so hungry one night that I asked our neighbours for some bread, parents were out but they found out the next day and I was punished because 'how dare we embarrass them' my mum especially loved to use the old Scholl slip on shoes on whatever part of us she could hit.

I left when I was 15, moved in with a family friend and never looked back. I swore when I had children that they would never grow up like I did and thankfully, they haven't.