Things that you do as and adult because you grew up in poverty.

[headache]

I was thinking about this just now as I have a different experience of childhood to a lot of my colleagues. I grew up in poverty and regularly went hungry and lived in a cold, mouldy house. Holidays were a thing other people went on and we lived very hand to mouth. As a result now as an adult and a mother of teenagers and I’m lucky to be quite comfortable there’s still some things I do that are linked back to my childhood, for example:

one of the biggest things is always having cupboards bursting with food, tinned food, soup, beans, crisps. At any given time there’s probably 20 tins of beans and 100 packets of crisps on the cupboards. The freezer is always rammed to, I have 4 teens so we eat a lot but still I have anxiety if the cupboards aren’t bursting

• toilet paper and sanitary products again we are always overstocked as I remember being a teenager and scrapping together 89p for a packet of sanitary towels or making do with toilet paper or running out
• heating - we were never allowed the heating on and showers were limited, I now refuse to sit in the cold and I fully appreciate being in the position where I don’t have to worry about the costs. We were always in emergency on the meter and it would go out and I would have to go to my Gran’s and ask fiver for a card. One of the first things I did when I got my first flat and job was buy enough electric for the month at a time so I would never run out.

my Father was a plumber and was never out of work my mother didn’t work but they were useless with money. Even 40 years later some things stick with you and I feel so sorry for any children being brought up like this and worse nowadays. It truly sucks.

I feel if there are small slivers of soap left I have to use it all up before opening another bar. I order things online and then send them back because I feel guilty. It really is a kind of brainwashing. I’m aghast at my own kids who just don’t economise or do without stuff if they have money. I didn’t teach them to budget or save which I really regret:

I’ve never spent more then £20 on an item of clothing, usually no more than £15. Spending more seems very extravagant. I buy everything on sale.

DS (13) has grown out his trainers again in under 4 months 😫I’m torn 50:50 between being so happy I can go buy him a pair no problem and feeling sick that they will cost over £100. It’s a throwback to having holes in my own trainers and also not having the “right” ones and being teased.

Who are all these unkind children mocking other children’s poverty I wonder.

Poverty of maternal love. A striking phrase / expression. I’ve just spent some time with my mother and it’s what I always “feel” on some level. Even when she’s superficially ok, there’s that unidentifiable coolness, distance, something missing.

I hoard. Because I may need whatever it is at some point, and I've been in the position of not being able to afford it.

I am constitutionally incapable of binning leftovers that are in good condition, or ignoring food in the fridge that "needs to be eaten". Even if I am craving something different.

I suspect they don’t realise they are mocking poverty - they are mocking uncool trainers, or the stinky kid, or Sarah who wears that same top on every single trip out.

Though it never happened around me when I was growing up. Mocking someone else’s clothes or shoes would simply have been seen as a horrible thing to do.

I buy good food-,quality butcher meat. i buy choccy cereal for the kids for the weekends. i rarely say no to what theyd like foodwise.i cam shop freely without (really stressing ). if we are in tesco and they want to try something i just buy it.. my childrem never look for treats ie chocolate as its always in the house. arent greedy / dont gorge themselves on jumk. we were out for dinner today ( pub grub) and they were interested in dessert. when you are out you are out.its go ahead and order iykwim. we hadnt much growing up money vv tight. i worry in case they are deluded regarding costs but they are grateful and give out to each other if say they dont finish a dessert #wasteofmoney so i tnink we have a good balance

Yes, I completely relate to this. It’s soul crushing.