Things that you do as and adult because you grew up in poverty.

[headache]

I was thinking about this just now as I have a different experience of childhood to a lot of my colleagues. I grew up in poverty and regularly went hungry and lived in a cold, mouldy house. Holidays were a thing other people went on and we lived very hand to mouth. As a result now as an adult and a mother of teenagers and I’m lucky to be quite comfortable there’s still some things I do that are linked back to my childhood, for example:

one of the biggest things is always having cupboards bursting with food, tinned food, soup, beans, crisps. At any given time there’s probably 20 tins of beans and 100 packets of crisps on the cupboards. The freezer is always rammed to, I have 4 teens so we eat a lot but still I have anxiety if the cupboards aren’t bursting

• toilet paper and sanitary products again we are always overstocked as I remember being a teenager and scrapping together 89p for a packet of sanitary towels or making do with toilet paper or running out
• heating - we were never allowed the heating on and showers were limited, I now refuse to sit in the cold and I fully appreciate being in the position where I don’t have to worry about the costs. We were always in emergency on the meter and it would go out and I would have to go to my Gran’s and ask fiver for a card. One of the first things I did when I got my first flat and job was buy enough electric for the month at a time so I would never run out.

my Father was a plumber and was never out of work my mother didn’t work but they were useless with money. Even 40 years later some things stick with you and I feel so sorry for any children being brought up like this and worse nowadays. It truly sucks.

I think you all may be reading too much into it. I do nearly all of these and didn't grow up in poverty. My shelves are full, and my freezer too, but not through anxiety, just that this is common sense.

I resent every part of supermarket headfuckery. Yes, I know they're there to make squillions of pounds, but fuck off with the tricks to confuse people into thinking they're getting a bargain - price per being in /unit, /kg, /100g, /l all for the same item being one of my main annoyances, along with end of aisle scams; be honest, stick it back on the same shelf as everything else so we can see it's actually 24% more expensive.

I bite back rage every time I find that DP has opened a new one but not finished the old one off first so there are now two things open that will go off at roughly the same time instead of there being a fresh one to open once the current one is finished. And if I find that something has been left out, not sealed properly or just dumped so that it could have been touched by flies, has dried out or worst of all, gone off, I'm mentally looking up Mumsnet Patio and Landscaping Ltd.

I also hate the 'well, we'll buy it when we need it'. We don't have any. It's run out. That means we need it in the house, so we can use it when we inevitably do need it. I don't buy stuff we might need, I buy stuff we will need, rather than risk needing it and not being able to afford it because the price has gone up again. And the 'we don't need it, but it said special offer and I didn't want to miss out on a bargain'. No, it's not a bargain if you would never have bought it without the big display. The stuff we do need is the stuff that I didn't want to run out of, not that shit.

I also feel incredibly irritated by being told 'have that one, it's cheapest'. No. I've worked my arse off for that money. I want the one that I have carefully considered in terms of durability, ease of use, ease of repair, efficiency, quality of manufacture and looks, not 'give me the cheapest thing in the shop'. And whilst we're at it, oh, I can very well believe it's not fucking butter because it's fucking rank. And yes, I can tell the difference between a nylon pillowcase and one made of 24 gomme mulberry silk or a £6.99 base sheet and the fifty nine quid one that's 100% cotton in a high thread count.

Further rants are 'why on earth are you defacing that item with fucking stickers/using a metal implement/not washing it after use? Do you not understand that represents two weeks of slogging my guts out in a job that I despised?', 'No it was outside because it's fucked and it needs to be recycled/binned. That doesn't mean I want it brought back inside and told it'll do or to be kept alongside the lovely new replacement, making it look shit' and 'Why are you actively choosing to look like you fell into a cunning trap set for fucking Mothra? We have money, there are places called shops, there's a thing called online ordering, for fuck's sake. If we didn't have the money, wearing stuff the ragman wouldn't take would be understandable, but WE DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT ANYMORE'.

On a slightly calmer note, I have all the makeup, lotions, potions and accoutrements I need (only if I can try a small sample, mind, I'm not handing over £30-£60 without knowing I like it first) and every bath takes at least 90 minutes. And for the first time in memory, I never come in from work with my feet, ankles, knees, hips or back in agony from shitty shoes that never fitted properly and I don't struggle through with blistered thighs from poorly fitting tights or chafing from cheap, scratchy underwear,

Oh, despite all this, I fucking hoard money. If I need something, want it, it's right for me and I can afford it, I buy it without hesitation. But if nothing is 100% perfect or I perceive a risk, such as a sofa that might take 12 weeks or 18 months to arrive with no right of return because it's 'Made to Order', I put it off and put it off and put it off whilst the money I'm not spending increases in my account. I would rather not spend large sums than risk that happening.

I didn't grow up poor, we were far from well off but we were ok. I went to boarding school (military kid) and we were always hungry, portions were very small. As a result I eat really fast (if you were quick you could get in the queue for seconds) and I always have overly stocked cupboards and freezers so if I want something I can have it.

Making sure there is nothing money related DC can be bullied about.

They have to be clean, smelling good, brands and cool stuff (within reason) and treats just because. Go on every school trip and activity to every birthday party with an appropriate gift.

We stank of fags and chip pans and had tatty no brand clothes and accessories and embarrassing cars and houses and missed out on anything that wasn't compulsory. My dad thought he was teaching us a lesson about not valuing brands and material things and making your own fun...all it taught us was that we were not a priority and kids are nasty shits who will pick on any weakness. Yes, it's the bully at fault, but no one is getting ammunition on my DC unnecessarily!

Thinking about this- I realise that U'm the opposite. I grew up comfortably off-and always (touch wood) have been. But there are lots of things on here I don't do because I don't want my children to take things for granted or not be able to manage if things change for us or them. So I found the 6 full school uniforms per child a bit shocking, to be honest. I'm frugal with food and power. My children always had a mix of new clothes and charity shop finds. I was a enthusiastic hand-downer and receiver of hand me downs. They were always clean and well turned out-well, they started that way anyway! but not everything was brand new.

I am aware that that sort of frugality is easier for middle class families, regardless of income. Nobody is going to judge me buying yellow labels or haunting charity shops, and that is by no means true of others.

I grew up in a really poor, dirty house with parents who kept the best stuff for themselves. They had butter while we had margarine, and they'd have tinned red salmon and we had cheese, that kind if thing.

When I got married and had kids, my house and them were spotless. I cooked lovely meals etc and spoiled them financially.

Even now I don't think about my childhood at all, I've blocked it out because it caused me so much pain.

Wow, this is such a good question.

Overbuying/ having backups of food because I'm scared of not having enough.
When I have something nice or expensive like perfume or makeup I'm scared to use it and 'save it for best' because I'm afraid I won't be able to get any more when it runs out.
I worked jobs as a teenager where I was treated badly and paid poorly but was so desperate to have money for myself I put up with situations where I was unsafe.

I still get a nervous flip of the stomach when the door goes and I can see through the glass that it’s someone I don’t know. For the rest of my life I’ll always be terrified of a bailiff.

My sister's husband will not let his children wear second hand clothes. All clothes are brand new and in excellent condition. As soon as they get a hole, fade or shrink in the wash or get a stain they are binned. He grew up wearing only hand-me-downs and clothes that were ill fitting, stained and not replaced until much to small.

Also, I grew up neglected so struggle not to neglect myself as an adult.

I will sit in a freezing room with purple Raynauds hands until a family member nudges me to put the heater on!

I also do silly things like not take paracetamol when I'm in pain and need some because I can't make the leap to look after myself.

I dont buy anything on credit, i.e no credit card.. if i dont have the money to spare i dont buy it, and i have to think good and hard before i buy anything (never on impulse)

I stash cash separate from my bank account (my brother does too) for emergencies.

I only buy clothes in sales, charity shops or from ebay (if under £30)

I would never pay for a tradesperson if i can do the job myself - repairing wooden windows, laying carpet, tiling, painting, gardening etc..

I'm very similar to you OP. There were many occasions as a teenager where the only thing I'd eat all day was my free school lunch. There's always food in my cupboards now and toilet paper (DP thinks I'm a bit crazy with this but he wasn't the one wiping his arse with newspaper).

I bought a house last year. Friends and DPs family seem to view it as a step on the ladder but since its a 3 bed, and I'm 40, I'm not planning on getting into any further debt. I like being able to put the heating on (which we can thankfully afford) which was a bloody luxury as a child.

I've thought of another.. i was a 'latch key kid', so my DSs have always always come first

I still get a nervous flip of the stomach when the door goes and I can see through the glass that it’s someone I don’t know. For the rest of my life I’ll always be terrified of a bailiff

Good god, me too.

I well remember hiding from the Provident man in the kitchen every week and I had it drummed into me never to open the door if I didnt know the person. And you NEVER opened the door to a man in a suit...men in suits were to be feared.

I recently read somewhere that being born poor and working class is a political education and couldn’t agree more. It is why I have an interest in socio economic issues and socioeconomic history, it’s why I have an interest in food production. It is probably linked to my interest in local ecological sustainability and food security issues, even though I don’t own land and have no chance of doing so. If I’d been born into a middle class well-supported household I would not be the same person and probably would be as happy as the rest of them to drive around in gigantic cars, fly everywhere, and curse the riff-raff poor for their idleness with as little thought as they do.

(Practically that means I have an allotment, grow what food I can, and have vague interests in foraging and medicinal values of plants, whenever I get the chance to explore it. And have cupboards full of food and emphasise the need for tools.)

I really do earn a decent amount, purely by my own cleverness (not to be big headed but it was a way out of povvo) yet I overstock my cupboards and I wear really bloody old knickers till they fall to bits. Pathetic, as I can afford new and they're not even expensive ie Sainsbury's. DH tells me off for shopping like we're still students.

I think you all may be reading too much into it. I do nearly all of these and didn't grow up in poverty. My shelves are full, and my freezer too, but not through anxiety, just that this is common sense.

^ food scarcity mind set is very well researched and documented. It's not just a well stocked freezer it's the after affects of poverty and neglect

I think learning the value of money early made me very financially responsible and frugal. But I can still be as cheap as a skint student even though I’m a middle aged woman with a good career 🤦‍♀️
Has come in exceedingly handy the past year though.

Very clean house, in particular glasses/dishes and cutlery always washed in the dishwasher because I cannot stand the thought of eating and drinking off greasy/grimy plates/utensils. My bath and shower are also always really clean as well as my kitchen sink because I can't cope with trying to wash anything in something that is already dirty. When my partner came round for the first time he said my house was the cleanest place he'd ever been and sometimes now he will say I have OCD in a row, I always, without fail, take that as a compliment because living in squalor was absolutely horrific and I would rather suffer with obsessive traits than have my children live in the state I had to.

Saving like mad, ever since age 20 with part time job, very reluctant to spend too much, even if I have the money. Grew up very poor.

Things I do as an adult? Worry about going back there.

We were comfortable enough as small kids until DP divorced, then there were times DM didn’t even have 50p for the gas meter and Sunday dinner was homemade chips & egg because sShe couldn’t afford meat.
Things got better for DM when in another relationship but now she’s back to being single and destitute.

We are comfortable enough but I live in fear of things changing. I know how quickly it can happen. It means I have stashes of T.Roll, Kitchen roll, cans and toiletries but I can’t ever spend money having fun.

MIL is similar to PP with the ‘can’t be seen going into the charity shop/sending kids to school in supermarket uniform’ views. Supposedly ‘in case they get picked on’.
Of course the kids rail against this by insisting vintage/second hand is better for the environment and in fact is now cool. But she sees it as a stigma.

Decent coats and shoes for the kids even if that means I have to go without myself. I hated having to wear awful shoes and one of my mums old coats (it was white when everyone else had black/grey) and got bullied for it.
Always hiding a little bit of money for emergencies.