Had a really fun first date but no second date planned yet

[Overthinker018273]

I had a great first date earlier this week. We ended up drinking a lot but it was good fun. We spoke about going out again, doing all of these things.

We are still messaging but he hasn’t yet suggested an actual day for a second date…

I am just really getting into my own head that he’s losing interest. I’ve had a lot of first dates which have gone really well but then suddenly the guy has said he didn’t feel a spark or whatever.

I know I need to become less emotionally invested in first dates, but that’s just who I am. I care and I am sensitive, but I don’t want to stress myself out over nothing essentially.

Any advice?

I shouldn’t suggest a second date should I? Because as the saying goes - if he wants to, he will?

Put yourself out of the misery...say "I really enjoyed meeting you , I'd like to see you again. Are you free (insert day ) we could do (insert activity)"

I haven't dates for a long time so maybe I'm wrong, but your last sentence says " if he wants to, he will...
But if you want a second date, what's stopping you to suggest one? 🤔

It's hard because you know you might get a rejection but honestly the mind games your currently playing out in your head are worse

@Theredjellybean most of my friends though are saying to not ask him because if he says no, then I’ll just be disappointed!

What if he's there thinking the same about you? Why shouldn't you ask him? If you really wanted a second date why wouldn't you mention it?

There's nothing wrong with you suggesting something. However... if he wanted to he would. Don't set the tone for your future relationship by being the person who has to make all the effort.

If he can't be arsed now, imagine what's he's like in the future.

Also. Arrange other dates with other people so to keep you from laser focusing on just one person.

I don't think he wants to. A lot of people are serial daters going from one to another. I'd just keep on dating if I were you until you meet someone you like who's wanting a relationship.

@CuriousMama really? Why do you say that?

But then if she wants to, she would!?

You're already disappointed. Just ask him.

He'd have asked by now. I did OLD before I met dh. They always asked quickly for a second date. Awkward as I usually didn't want one.

@CuriousMama well he did allude to us trying a bar that I was talking about in our messages. Maybe he’s just taking his time.

I wouldn't be waiting for this guy. I certainly wouldn't be asking him out.

Just ask him! Say shall we go somewhere this weekend? Easy peasy

Nothing stopping you asking him, however from my experience a man will always ask again if he wants to see you again as it’s pretty standard dating procedure. Definitely get back on the dating horse and speak with other people!

I'd put money on him being on a different date tonight. Honestly don't stress about this one man. Have another date with someone else and relax. If he does get back to you bonus.

Oh dear, he’s not going to ask is he…

You maybe need to look at why you're so bothered? Men are very good at pretending. Once you realise that you become cynical. And when you find a decent man it's great. But really it's best to be casual until you know. There's a lot of fakers out there. Game players.

Not being so keen is very attractive. I'll be honest I was fighting them off when younger. I'm blessed with good looks and had an amazing figure when young. Curvier now. Plus I'm confident and take no shit. But even I got sucked in by a player. Soon chucked him back though. He kept trying to get back I told him to grow up and do one. So many have issues it's exhausting if you let it be.

Gosh @CuriousMama you sound so up yourself

I'd just suggest another date. You're at risk of turning this into a lot more than just a good date in your imagination.

If he says 'no' then what's the worst that comes of that? You're disappointed and move on. That's life.

Not being overly keen doesn't have to mean 'have no control or agency'. Obv don't gush or be too available but you're a busy lady. You want to know if this is going anywhere before you invest weeks texting! I think that's the opposite of being too keen. It shows you value your own time and energy.

I probably do but it's true. Women should be. Men are. A lot think they're God's gift even when they aren't.

My dss have been brought up to respect women. A lot of mothers are to blame for the way men see themselves. And how they treat women.

I don't get why you can't just ask him?

Just ask him out. Put yourself out of this misery. The worst that can happen is he'll say no then you can move on to the next date. Yes it's nice to be asked but he may be feeling the same as you 🤷

You can ask for a second date or suggest and if he says no fine.

I generally find with men I’ve met recently, these days whether it’s online dating or casually that I tend to be very relaxed and open and men like that, they don’t like desperation! The other month I was in a pub with a few friends (some of whom I didn’t know but mostly women) and there was a tribute act. I got talking to a man sitting next to the act who then found me for a chat. I just asked him something silly about the singer. One woman there was a bit surprised and jealous of what I did and the reaction but I just figured sod it it’s only a chat! I actually wasn’t after him!

So my point is, if you seem confident and you have a life of your own and arrange a date with someone you have things in common with, if you click in person you’re more likely to get a second date. The last man I met before I met current man I’m dating asked me for a second date and I was going to do that but I’d already had a first date with the man I’m now seeing who I liked better!