Had a really fun first date but no second date planned yet

[Overthinker018273]

I had a great first date earlier this week. We ended up drinking a lot but it was good fun. We spoke about going out again, doing all of these things.

We are still messaging but he hasn’t yet suggested an actual day for a second date…

I am just really getting into my own head that he’s losing interest. I’ve had a lot of first dates which have gone really well but then suddenly the guy has said he didn’t feel a spark or whatever.

I know I need to become less emotionally invested in first dates, but that’s just who I am. I care and I am sensitive, but I don’t want to stress myself out over nothing essentially.

Any advice?

I shouldn’t suggest a second date should I? Because as the saying goes - if he wants to, he will?

I am 30 in the summer. But I think I am naive - I have a lot to realise / learn still.

I get emotionally attached easily.

All the more reason to not give yourself away so quickly find out their intentions then shag their brains out lol. saves rejection gives you the power. Nothing worse than having sex and then being ghosted for your self esteem when you see sex as more than what they do.

Don't be hard on yourself. You have good intentions. It's not your fault some men don't.
I know women a lot older than you who still meet players.
It's nothing to do with age just liars being liars.
You'll meet someone decent.

Yeah, I just tend to believe whatever a man says to me and get completely carried away in the moment…. I trust too easily!

Yes sleeping with him again was a bad idea. You sound far too sensitive for casual sex. You’ll end up just feeling shitty.

It's so depressing to see that double standards still exist.

@Kickingupmerrybehaviour yep, I am very sensitive. I just really didn’t think it was going to be casual!

I am going to ask him if it definitely is casual and then say this isn’t what I want.

God why are you torturing yourself like this

you don’t need closure from someone who saw you as a shag. Move on and stop giving this headspace.

this is your premature emotional investment talking. Block him, move on.

i honestly don’t understand why you are so incredulous about him wanting a relationship but then deciding this is casual. They all say that, because that’s how they get a date. However, it shows savvy when you say ‘maybe not with me’ - because unfortunately that’s true.

men take what they can get. They will literally shag a mcchicken. If sex is on offer- they take it. He probably sussed you as not his dreamgirl after the time at the bar, but was very happy to have sex with you. And again.

You need to stop shagging them. That’s not because I’m trying to morally police your vagina- but because it’s not a good way to DATE. Plenty of relationships did start from ONS in a club or a bar, but the dynamics are completely different with OLD.

You need to let things sizzle. Get to know each other. Let him enjoy the chase. Because that excitement and the emotional investment in seeing each other is what what brings date 7, 8 and so on.

Agree - no sec for first few dates. You'll still get guys who are willing to wait it out and ghost you as soon as you e had sex with them, but hopefully you will get a measure of their character and decide whether there's a genuine spark.
I met my husband through an 'introduction agency' (not online). Everyone was interviewed and there was a hefty joining fee. I thought this would go some way to weeding out the guys that just wanted a hook up. And to be fair it did pretty much. But there was one or two who felt it was still a numbers game - meet, shag, move on to the next. The fact that there are women pretty much lined up means they don't have to put in much effort to meet, then approach a woman.

Thanks. I hate how emotionally invested I get. It’s because my self value is low

It's also because of sex, your brain confuses physical with emotional connection. Be kind to yourself and don't rush in to have sex on first date going forward.

I just have an awful habit too of not forgetting about it either! It’s like I have to have some form of closure

Then I would say that you are absolutely not in place to date and would be benefit from a six month time
out where you channel your energy into your hobbies, career, exercise and friendships. Some therapy too, whatever that looks like for you.

you need to level up and be a person who YOU would date, who you value. You can’t see the wood through the trees at the moment

these men are sniffing out your low self esteem and this bloke absolutely knew you would tolerate a booty call

you deserve better, believe that you do

Thank you @Suprima - I do need to probably take a step back from all of this because it’s not healthy for me.

I think you should block him and move on, the dates aren’t flowing, you had one nice date and that’s it.

@SummerSimmer probably I should, because I am pretty sure he will contact me when he wants a bit of fun.

Lots of men do still want sex I find or dress it up as innuendo and see how far they go with that.

Current man I’m seeing through OLD started off as innuendo because sometimes I think men don’t get humour or clumsily try humour. It was a choice between him and a gym goer who also liked innuendo and then a nice enough man but saw his daughter a lot at weekends and worked a lot.

Goodness don't give yourself a hard time. You had fun, he acted like he was long-term boyfriend material but he's revealed himself to be trash.

Very true words