Questions about British culture, please can I ask?

[treatingonasunday]

Hello, I am visiting England for a few months in October time and looking to possibly stay :)

I last came over in 2019 just before pandemic. I have a very close relationship with my Grandmother who is in good health.

I was born in Korea to an English mum and Korean father. My mum died in 2012 to ovarian cancer so I am heavily influenced by my father, a full Korean. But before this my mum raised me and a lot of her parenting style got a lot of… slack?

I am really just looking for some tips since I am now an adult and keen even more than before not to make mistakes!

I was hoping I could get some general tips.

My mum had a fairly well spoken accent because she went to University in Cambridge, but my Grandmother is Spanish speaking originally as she was born in Spain. My mum and her siblings grew up in Limehouse so East End area. Cousins and second cousins are all sounding very ‘Essex’ from the TV shows I can gather from 😃 and they do not speak Spanish because their dad or mum did not teach them this. Their culture is very British.

what would be a few things English people don’t like but might not be so obvious?

I have learned from UK shows and Googling! That British people would not tell someone they look fat. For example, it is normal and not rude at all to tell a friend not to wear that dress or buy it, because they look too fat. I understand this is really rude in the UK.

We also do not grin at strangers randomly yet UK seems to do this a lot and make small talk at random. Which is nice but in Korea most people would think you’re very strange for doing that

Thank you for all tips, I remember quite vividly my mum having a computer and she went on Mumsnet. This would’ve been around 2007-2011 time so a long time ago :)

If someone says how are you what ever you do don't tell them how you are! It's not an invitation to list your ailments. It's a piece of polite chit chat and the only correct responses are 'good thanks, you?' or 'mustn't grumble'.

I assume you are familiar with British table manners?
All food eaten from a fork must be cut into single, bite size pieces. I.e don't stab something with a fork and then take several bites at it until it's gone.
Never speak with food in your mouth. Cutlery should be place together with handles extending off the plate when you finish eating. Do not make any kind of noises with your lips or mouth whilst chewing. You should hold both knife and fork whilst eating (many Americans seem to eat only with a fork once they have cut their food initially. Never eat anything directly off your knife. Elbows should not be on the table. Sorry if those seem obvious, they are just little things that overseas guests sometimes over look.

I agree with you and more inclined to think taking the mick!

I don’t recognise most of these, but except the queueing one and the dog one but that is just a few people and a fairly new occurrence I think!
never heard about the pound coin!
Dont agree about the oven! Most meals cooked on hob these days surely?
Havent had a sandwich for lunch in years!
None of my socialising is done in bars but I think this does happen more for younger people so it depends on your age.
Definitely think the Christmas card thing is no long ‘a thing’. Hardly anyone I know sends them these days.

One possible translation - I have doubts about your posts 🤔😂

I agree with you, that list is a bit odd, but when I had a newborn in S E London 40 odd years ago older people often put a silver coin, usually 10 or 50p, in the pram.

@CaptainMyCaptain maybe that was a regional thing but I definitely wouldn’t suggest putting money in a baby’s pram these days! Can you imagine the MUmsnet horror? 😂 ‘AIBU! stranger leant over newborn and put something in his pram!’

Sorry @AtleastitsnotMonday, but I’m going to advise the OP to ignore most of this. It sounds a lot more like things that irritate you than things most people in Britain actually care about.

British people are just like people everywhere in the world really - no one likes a pisstaker.

Some of us are quicker on the uptake than others though.

I read it that way too, but surely it's obvious that the OP will have good English, having been raised by a British mum until the age of 12.

I don't see any evidence of the OP seeking to offend. Yes, some of the things that she has said could be read that way, but it's clear that there is no intention.

I think some people are just so used to British cultural norms that they struggle to properly accept that others have completely different reference points.

Aww OP I wouldn't worry about it - you sound absolutely lovely and I'm sure your family will think you're great. Any cultural differences will be understood and just add interest and variety to proceedings! Be yourself.

@treatingonasunday I haven't seen anyone mention this:

British = English, Scottish, Welsh and Northern Irish.

British is not simply another term for the English only.

Much of the talk here is England centric and, although the different parts of the UK are overall more similar than different, some things might well not be relevant outside of England itself.

And you will get British people who don't fit preconceived stereotypes of Britishness.

Something my Korean housemate found hard/odd was hugging. Obviously this does depend on the family, but for many British friends and family greeting each other with hugs is very normal. If you haven’t seen someone for a long time a long hug is also very normal! I vividly recall hugging my good friend who is Korean and her turning rigid with shock! I had to apologise to her. She explained it was like I had come and snogged her 😬

Wha'?! 🤣

"Learn the contents of a full English breakfast."

But not the full Scottish or Ulster Fry?

A list as mad as yours can only be a wee bit of sarcastic mickey taking! 🤣

I agree with this. I much prefer the direct approach! Op just seems refreshingly honest to me.

I know! Different times. Everybody wanted a look at a new baby in those days.

It’s pretty normal for non native speakers to find non-RP (standard) accents harder to understand, OP. The son of a Swedish friend who’d lived here for many years got a job in London - his English was excellent but he still had difficulty with regional accents. She told him to watch EastEnders and Coronation street! (TV soaps set in London and the north of England)

Ditto to not talking about money, not asking people how much they earn or how much they paid for this and that. I have lived in another culture where people did ask such questions, and found it very awkward at first. Decades ago a new neighbour (British) asked how much we paid for our house. I was so utterly taken aback - it just wasn’t ‘done’ - I could only tell him.

Nowadays, of course, although we still don’t ask, we just have a good old nose on Nethouseprices!

I’m ethnic Chinese and my observation is that the most important thing is not talk about money. Chinese like to talk about money a lot. Even in an indirect way. For example, designer bags, latest phones, holidays, bonus from work, promotion. Be careful when talking about anything that would imply you earn a lot.

I think you have already got the one about don’t make comments about someone’s appearance. Unless it’s a compliment. And from that not even if it’s being skinny. (Chinese likes white and skinny). Just go for this is a beautiful bag, or the dress is lovely. But I would only say it if I mean it. Otherwise, to me, it sounds fake.

People are reserved and normally don’t directly criticise. But I think you wont encounter that much unless you work here. That list someone posted from the independent are all examples I have seen in the work place. It takes a while to get used to!

I have been to Korea and I don’t remember there are lots of queue jumping. So I think you will be ok with this? Also at coffee shop, wait for the barista to smile and acknowledge you before you ask shout out an order. I find in many places in Asia it’s the other way round. (I mean as in I have to grab their attention and they never look at me when they are ready to serve the next person).

If you are a tourist, most British people are welcoming and you will have a lovely time here. Your family will be forgiving and understand your quirks are just cultural differences.

Oh yes I saw someone mentioned family hugging and also kissing/bumping cheeks. I still can’t get used to that. So don’t be surprised if your family hugs of kiss you on your cheeks.

I would say that actually you will be absolutely fine if you are yourself. I like to think that we are a polite, friendly population and we don't expect you to turn yourself into a version of us!

But you do need to queue properly... 😂

Oh yes - definitely don't tell someone you don't know intimately that they look fat. If they are actually fat, they already know this and you telling them will just make them feel embarrassed!

Britain is quite diverse and while British culture is dominant, there are many people from other cultures living in the UK, particularly in big cities and in the southeast, and that the vast majority of people won't take offence if you make a few cultural blunders. Since Brexit, it seems the UK has developed a reputation overseas for being xenophobic, racist and intolerant, but we really aren't.

To answer a few of your questions:

• The kind of well-spoken English you say you understand best is most commonly spoken in the south of England, although everywhere has its own regional accent and well-spoken people live in all parts of the UK.
• Yes, a strong Essex accent can be hard to understand, but to me it's a lot easier than a strong Liverpool (Scouse), Newcastle (Geordie) or Glasgow accent! Even I, as a native born Brit, can struggle with those, so try not to worry about it.
• We love to talk about the weather.
• Yes, we do smile at strangers. Not all the time, we're not a nation of grinning loons who walk down the street smiling at everyone, but if you catch someone's eye or share a word with a stranger, we tend to smile.
• No, typically we don't tell our friends/family that they look fat. Personally, I'd be more likely to say 'I don't think it suits you' or 'It's not very flattering'. People usually know when they're fat and it's not very nice to bluntly point it out.
• Yes, people here are polite. If two people bump into each other, generally they will both apologise. We always say please and thank you. I know this isn't normal in many other cultures, but it really is here and if you don't you may be seen as rude.

• Oh and don't talk about money or the value of anything! It's seen as very vulgar to talk about your salary, your bonus, the price of your home, the price of your car, how much you paid for a handbag - anything! People here will tie themselves in knots NOT to say how much they paid for something, so don't ask.

Sorry @AtleastitsnotMonday, but I’m going to advise the OP to ignore most of this. It sounds a lot more like things that irritate you than things most people in Britain actually care about.

Really? They are basic table manners. In my circles they are noticed! I think a lot more people care about this than you think.

Do not wash plates under a running tap without checking that your host does this first. It will cause much simmering unspoken anger in your host.

😧🤔

How else could you rinse the soap off?