Questions about British culture, please can I ask?

[treatingonasunday]

Hello, I am visiting England for a few months in October time and looking to possibly stay :)

I last came over in 2019 just before pandemic. I have a very close relationship with my Grandmother who is in good health.

I was born in Korea to an English mum and Korean father. My mum died in 2012 to ovarian cancer so I am heavily influenced by my father, a full Korean. But before this my mum raised me and a lot of her parenting style got a lot of… slack?

I am really just looking for some tips since I am now an adult and keen even more than before not to make mistakes!

I was hoping I could get some general tips.

My mum had a fairly well spoken accent because she went to University in Cambridge, but my Grandmother is Spanish speaking originally as she was born in Spain. My mum and her siblings grew up in Limehouse so East End area. Cousins and second cousins are all sounding very ‘Essex’ from the TV shows I can gather from 😃 and they do not speak Spanish because their dad or mum did not teach them this. Their culture is very British.

what would be a few things English people don’t like but might not be so obvious?

I have learned from UK shows and Googling! That British people would not tell someone they look fat. For example, it is normal and not rude at all to tell a friend not to wear that dress or buy it, because they look too fat. I understand this is really rude in the UK.

We also do not grin at strangers randomly yet UK seems to do this a lot and make small talk at random. Which is nice but in Korea most people would think you’re very strange for doing that

Thank you for all tips, I remember quite vividly my mum having a computer and she went on Mumsnet. This would’ve been around 2007-2011 time so a long time ago :)

Sorry I mean beat around the bush, I think!

I love lots of British sayings. They are quirky and unique

I am so shocked by the school hours in Korea! That is crazy. Seems like such a waste of young lives. Constantly studying. I will be honest here, I have always thought that was an over exaggerated stereotype.

Ah. See when I use it, I often mean the opposite:

‘I’m not over keen on the idea but I don’t want to hurt your feelings, so I will do the thing if it means a lot to you’ 😂

Or sometimes:

‘I am completely on the fence and I want you to make the decision’.

You can talk about how skint you are but not how much money you have. We prefer self-deprecation and there's an unspoken competition for who has it the worst so you can definitely talk about yourself negatively but not positively.

Pretend to hate yourself so others can do the praising for you.

It was my first language for over 12 years!

When you pass vague acquaintances and they say "Are you okay?" or "Are you alright?" this is just an informal greeting. It's like "How are you?" which itself only requires a "Good thanks you?".

When I worked in Italy, my boss pulled me to one side after I'd been there about a week and asked why I was constantly insinutating that all my colleagues were ill. Turns out "Are you okay?" was interpreted to mean "You look like shit, you must be really ill, are you about to die?"

Oops.

If I told someone I was skint...it would probably be because they were inviting me out somewhere and i didn't want to go. But if you are a university student for example, it may also be true. Some people are skint sometimes lol.

Often it means 'I spent too much money lately so have to be careful with money for a while'.

Aspiration wise...many aspire to work as little as possible in whichever way pays the bills. Of course many people are ambitious too.

I’m not sure whether anyone has mentioned this before, and don’t know if it’s the same in Korea, but people generally don’t respect politicians (of any political party) much, and it’s generally fine to be as critical as you want of them as a class, or when an individual politician does something particularly stupid or corrupt - but I’d steer clear of talking about politics more widely unless you’re very sure that kind of discussion is welcome.

It is too much and very stressful. But there is a lot of reason behind it

Korea as a country has come a long way in the last 70 years and it was done by sacrifice and hard work, and lots of it by the people of Korea pulling together

I think most Koreans are anxious to lose such a level of independence and success and this is a worry so success is something they constantly chasing

Don't start eating a meal while others are waiting for their food to arrive in a restaurant: and yes tucking in immediately would often be fine in USA, but in Britain, no no.

But one of the others ought to urge you to go ahead, so your food doesn’t get cold. Often they’ll just say, “don’t wait!”

In a restaurant, it’s also polite to offer shared dishes/drink to your immediate neighbour(s) before helping yourself. So you might pick up the water jug and ask them if they’d like some water. If they say yes, pour their water before pouring your own. I might not bother with this when eating with close friends, but certainly would at a work meal or wedding reception.

Another thing - be very aware that the UK is made up of 4 countries, each with separate cultures and definite crossovers. Don’t confuse English with British, it will not go down well if you’re speaking to someone from one of the other 3.

This thread is fascinating and is making me think about the British things I take for granted. Thank you

Regarding regional accents and dialects people native to Oxford or Cambridge might speak very differently to people educated at the universities there.

If you go to a pub, do not expect table service and don't queue at the bar, just gather around it and the bar staff will serve everyone in order.
So many get this wrong when visiting.

Oh dear op, I think I should apologise from our side xD so cringeworthy lol.

South Koreans are often taught English from preschool these days.

For example, it is normal and not rude at all to tell a friend not to wear that dress or buy it, because they look too fat. I understand this is really rude in the UK.

If we have to mention someones clothes because they have asked us, we would probably just say something like "that colour really suits you"

We also do not grin at strangers randomly yet UK seems to do this a lot and make small talk at random. Which is nice but in Korea most people would think you’re very strange for doing that

It depends on where you are. I have lived in tje north of England and people will talk to each other in queues and waiting rooms etc. Where I lived in the south of Emgland no one did this at all.

It isn’t absolutely fine to tell a good friend they look fat in the UK.

I am assuming your nephew is mix race? If so then can be very hard. But he is younger than me and things are slowly improving in Korea

There is a term you’d say as ‘Wongka’ which means someone who is a target. This term is old but only fairly recently is there one for bullying

I was either admired for my looks because I have lighter eyes and mid brown hair or bullied. And from what I can tell of UK, bullying in Korea is much worse. I was burned with a lighter by a relentless bully, pushed on stairs, hand trapped in a door. Lots of lighter bullying ignored completely by staff unless it becomes physical or disruptive of education but as I say your nephew would probably be having a lot better a time as things have got a lot better

I transferred schools and was fine after that thankfully. Some people are bullied for that because it is ‘weird’ to change schools and people ask why

Never ever boast about any or your or your DC achievements - especially if you went to a good university or school. I went to a cambridge which I can say online but would never volunteer in real life. I only tell people if they ask "where were you for uni?" Probably silly I know!

Never ever jump the queue. In fact it is even polite - even where you KNOW you have joined the end of the queue - to say - "this IS the end of the queue isn't it?" To establish your rock solid credentials as a definite non queue jumper 🤣🤣

If in the pub never forget to buy your round. People will mark you down as a cheapskate forever if you forge!

I want to add also that in Korea schooling is different so I was up at 6am and school before 8.30am. You finished school at 4pm and then extra classes privately in small groups until about 9pm. Studying after dinner and to bed around 1/2am. Sleep not seen as something you’d need much of as a teenager

😮 That sounds very, very tough. How can you concentrate on schoolwork for that many hours?

Also, in the UK there’s this stereotype of young children cheerfully bouncing out of bed at 6am on a Sunday morning, whereas their moody teenage siblings might be dragged out of bed at noon, by their mums.

It's rude to ask someone how ouch they earn or whom they voted for.

You can ask "what do you do?" though - totally fine as an icebreaker

If you tell a good friend they look fat, just know they're coming on mumsnet to complain about you. From then on, you're no longer considered a good friend because you're a 'jealous cow' or pretentious or rude or insensitive.

Basically, don't do it unless you know 100% that they prefer to hear the truth, said kindly of course. Most people don't, hence our socio-cultural 'politeness' and indirectness.

@Cattenberg it is acceptable to sleep a little at your desk in the afternoon class times… teachers will generally ignore it in afternoons

I don't agree at all!

If you really want to boast, you can do either of these two things:

▪︎ Say it's someone you know instead. That way, it would seem like you're talking positively about someone else when you're really talking about yourself.

▪︎ Invite others to talk about the same thing so it looks like you're sharing experiences with others when you really only want to share yours. If possible, ask to go first and then invite others to share theirs. By then, you've already said what you really want to say and it doesn't matter what others are saying.

It's just how we play the game but no one would admit this in real life. So don't ask.

Of your example about clothing, it's more polite to say not sure it really suits you. It's fine to chat to strangers though more prevalent the further from London you get (pretty much expected here!)

Try not to worry because people arrive in Britain to live constantly, we are pretty friendly though newcomers need to make an effort it's fine to ask questions