Questions about British culture, please can I ask?

[treatingonasunday]

Hello, I am visiting England for a few months in October time and looking to possibly stay :)

I last came over in 2019 just before pandemic. I have a very close relationship with my Grandmother who is in good health.

I was born in Korea to an English mum and Korean father. My mum died in 2012 to ovarian cancer so I am heavily influenced by my father, a full Korean. But before this my mum raised me and a lot of her parenting style got a lot of… slack?

I am really just looking for some tips since I am now an adult and keen even more than before not to make mistakes!

I was hoping I could get some general tips.

My mum had a fairly well spoken accent because she went to University in Cambridge, but my Grandmother is Spanish speaking originally as she was born in Spain. My mum and her siblings grew up in Limehouse so East End area. Cousins and second cousins are all sounding very ‘Essex’ from the TV shows I can gather from 😃 and they do not speak Spanish because their dad or mum did not teach them this. Their culture is very British.

what would be a few things English people don’t like but might not be so obvious?

I have learned from UK shows and Googling! That British people would not tell someone they look fat. For example, it is normal and not rude at all to tell a friend not to wear that dress or buy it, because they look too fat. I understand this is really rude in the UK.

We also do not grin at strangers randomly yet UK seems to do this a lot and make small talk at random. Which is nice but in Korea most people would think you’re very strange for doing that

Thank you for all tips, I remember quite vividly my mum having a computer and she went on Mumsnet. This would’ve been around 2007-2011 time so a long time ago :)

You can say ‘skint now’ in a jokey, ‘what am I like, blowing all my money, I’ll be eating beans on toast for the next couple of months now!’ sort of way, but it’s not on to talk about money in a more serious way to anyone other than your very closest friends or certain family members. Never, ever boast about the amount of money you have.

@sandrene thank you, I have ordered this. It looks very interesting

I am getting the sense that lots of things however are class based in England. In Korea there’s a general sense of what’s acceptable and what’s not. Is this generally the same in your opinion or more grey areas?

Ooh lots of thinly veiled insults from the OP here!

Hi. I hope you enjoy your visit.

When you meet people, do not ask them their age, religion, or number of children as a way of placing them in some kind of social order. You do not need to be deferential because someone is older/ male/ your boss in the way that seems normal in Korea.

Remember to queue.

If you bump into someone, say sorry. If they bump into you, also say sorry. It does not imply that it is your fault, but is a way of soothing an awkward situation.

Don't be rude to someone's face. Don't be rude behind their backs either. Generally, don't be rude; keep those thoughts in your head.

Churchgoing is less common over here. Though many things still have limited opening hours on a Sunday.

If you go to a spa, wear a swimsuit unless it explicitly says that nudity is allowed.

Taxi rates are not standard here; check the likely cost of a journey before you use one.

Loo paper should be flushed. Do not put it in the bin. Sanitary products and anything else should be put in a bin.

I hope some of that is useful.

The UK is generally a diverse place and we are very welcoming people 😊.

The only rule I would consider worth knowing about is how to queue. This is serious. Nothing will make you seem more rude than jumping a queue.

When you need to enter somewhere, pay for something etc. and there seem to be a lot of people around, just have a quick glance left and right and beyond you. Chances are you will see an unofficial line of people. If you are unsure just say “excuse me, are you queuing?”. You will immediately receive a smile and directions to where to queue starts and ends 😊 Failure to do this will result in people thinking you rude, even if they don’t directly call you out on it.

Other than that, everything else will be forgiven/not noticed. Enjoy your visit!

If you’re familiar with Japanese culture I think you might notice some similarities in Britain. It must be an island empire thing.

Time is very literal and linear, in the same way as other parts of northwest Europe and also much of North America. When people say a time to meet they almost mean exactly that time, or perhaps no more than ten minutes either side.

People sometimes eat standing up and walking around outside. They often have different taps for hot and cold water so it’s difficult to wash your hands properly. There is often a string to pull to switch lights on and off in bathrooms. You’re not allowed to plug in any electrical items in the bathroom except for toothbrush chargers or electric shavers unless it’s a really big bathroom. The evening meal is very early. Lunch is short and can be as early as midday!

please, thank you and sorry are the standard words you must use roughly 50 times a day. 😁

For example:
Round at friends for tea/coffee
Friend: Would you like a cup of tea?
You: Yes, please. That would be lovely, thank you.
Friend: Do you take milk, sugar?
You: Yes, I have milk and 2 sugars thank you.

Haha...not me currently thinking of all the korean dramas I've watched over the years and how those fictional realities compare with the UK.

In London they certainly don't smile at strangers lol. Is it London you are going?

I'm in Scotland and visit London in England on occasion and you can often identify who the other tourists are on public transport because they look at eachother, smile ect... London people think we are crazy probably lol

They're polite enough if you need to ask directions of course.

The further north you go, the more you'll see smiling and chatting with strangers.

Hmm...there's definately not the same reverence for elders.

Oh - my Korean flatmate once told me that in Korea they don't usually hold doors open for eachother. So in UK, if you see someone about to enter the shop you are leaving - hold the door open for them :) same if they are leaving behind you. You wait holding the door a few more seconds so they can leave without having to re open it.

Thank you. Why do people do this type of joke? Is it to make others feel okay about being poorer or is it just a ‘chit chat’ type of phrase?

You don’t really boast about money here but you do about the job you have, and more specially the job your parents or children have. It identifies you straight away

Is this not the same in UK? I’ve seen a lot of TV shows from England with strangers first meeting, example being Firsr dates UK. They always! Ask ‘so what do you do?’ And they mean what job do you do

It is the same in Korea and usually means the outcome of a relationship going any further

My father is a fireman and that’s seen as very low class and not a good job to have as it has no prestige. It is respectful but not looked up on. Whereas in UK I seem to be right in thinking that it’s a very attractive and noble job?

Please believe me when I say I mean no offence at all. I really promise that, I don’t mean to offend but thought I would be frank as possible and hope it is okay :)

I hope you have a lovely trip. A few things not yet mentioned:

On buses and trains wait for everyone who is getting off to get off before you try to get on. If you are getting off a bus it’s common to say ‘thank you’ to the driver as you step off the bus.

If you go through a door that you have to open (I.e. not an automatic door), for instance into a shop, it is polite to check if there is anyone following behind you and if there is to hold the door open until the other person puts their hand on it to take the weight of the door. Not everyone does this nowadays but still quite common.

If someone sneezes, it is common for the person with them to say ‘bless you’.

If you pass people in the street in towns and cities, people ignore each other and don’t make eye contact. In the countryside and small villages it is normal to say ‘good morning’ or ‘good afternoon’ or ‘hello’, or a brief comment about the weather etc to someone walking towards you. It’s normal to smile, respond briefly in a similar manner and keep walking.

Great question. The answer is it’s hard to say and also class is something we don’t really talk about in the UK in the same way we don’t talk about money.

Interestingly class and money are not the same thing. So footballers for example may be very rich but considered low class as they are lacking education and fine heritage (to Brits this will sound awful but i’m trying to explain in a way that is understandable), where other people that would be considered very posh or high class because of a grand family heritage may have no money at all.

Regardless most of the things people have referred to here as good or bad manners would apply to all regardless of class. The upper classes (like our royal family) do observe some additional rules but the rest of us do not worry about them and it’s unlikely you will come across anyone in these circles.

Equally there are regional variations to
If someone asks ‘how are you’, you say ‘fine thanks, how are you’. It’s not an invitation to tell us how you are in any detail.
In the south west we would say "are you all right" but as one word "youorright?" the response would be "yeah, imorright, youorright" in reply "yeah".

Depending on where you go, be careful how you refer to a bread roll, you could start a fight.

I jest slightly

Jobs that have ‘prestige’ in Korea are likely very similar in the UK. The difference in your example is a fire person in the UK wouldn’t be considered wealthy, but we recognise many people have ‘public servant’ roles which are essential and are therefore to be treated respectfully ie. teacher, nurse, fireman etc.

Not everyone can or wants to be a CEO or work as an investment banker. (The latter may actually be perceived negatively). We value a range of skills that everyone contributes to society. Well I do anyway and think most people are like that.

Oh, and we do not use knives and forks the same way that Americans do. The fork stays on the left and the knife stays on the right.

Is this not the same in UK? I’ve seen a lot of TV shows from England with strangers first meeting, example being Firsr dates UK. They always! Ask ‘so what do you do?’ And they mean what job do you do

Yeah, that’s mainly because we have to talk about something and it makes a change from the weather!

If you’re going to be using the London Underground at all, stand on the right of the escalator.

"Thank you. Why do people do this type of joke? Is it to make others feel okay about being poorer or is it just a ‘chit chat’ type of phrase?"

It's almost a way of obscuring how much money you have, if you talk about spending a lot of money you don't want to it to look like you are showing off about what you can afford so a comment about it making you skint blurs it a little because others won't know how serious or not you mean that.

Fireman is definitely a noble job here.

You are right, people in the UK do generally ask what one another does for a living on first meeting, and yes I suppose the reason is to place the other person socially. However we wouldn’t go as far as to ask if the job is well paid.

We definitely have a social status associated with some jobs which is not related to how well they pay. So jobs which involve bravery or strength or a lot of academic ability could be highly prized even if they don’t pay as well.

As for people joking about being skint, it’s a good point you make and i’m trying to think it through. In an informal setting, someone might make a joke about being skint which others would take as just a joke rather than a reflection of genuine financial hardship. One wouldn’t follow up with questions about how skint that person was or if they needed a loan or anything.

This is a sad thing about Korea. Jobs like fireman are less worthy and everyone from the age of 5/6 is drummed to become ‘CEO’ or whatever else at the next big banking company, next best doctor in a desirable area. Everyone strives for the very best and it is not considered right to have the ambition to ‘just’ be a nurse or a builder for example. Whereas UK seems to accept a lot of people aren’t academic and they can go down different avenues without shame

Teaching is both respectful and unusually looked upon desirably despite not the best pay out of professions because it has very good or brilliant job security

Best job is working for government

Korea in my opinion has a population of young people who are too educated and all fighting for the same jobs. It’s tedious.

Lots of young Koreans though seem to see this for what it is more and more now which I think is positive

We do ask people "so what do you do?" and it does mean we are asking what they do for a living .
But it's not to work out how much money they have.
It's just a conversation starter.
It's just the same as when we talk about the weather. It is a "safe" subject to talk to people about.

Fireman is a very respectable, noble job, in my humble opinion, in the UK, they are not paid enough for what they do.
Fireman you are looked up to and somewhat revered in the UK.
In fact, I automatically thought "your dad is a fireman, how amazing".

With queues, if you're not sure where the end of the queue is, you can ask 'is this the end of the queue?' or 'excuse me, are you in the queue?'. This can help you avoid inadvertently joining the queue at the wrong place and then people tutting or accusing you of pushing in.

It’s a jokey chit chat sort of thing - you can say you’re skint when it’s a temporary thing because you’ve made a big purchase, and the other person will say something like ‘oh I know the feeling!’, and you leave it at that. You usually have to have an established, good relationship with someone before you talk about money.

The ‘what do you do’ question is usually small talk to open a conversation and sadly often a way of establishing the class of the other person.

Thank you, that’s very interesting

As a little girl I thought it was amazing that my father saved people :) then I was socially conditioned to know it is a poor choice of job, and it was his fate because he made it so by not studying enough or making enough effort. Whereas UK a child would be highly praised for example if they did a poster on ‘What I want to be when I grew up’ and they had drawn a fireman

I can’t tell if you’re joking or not OP. Some of your posts really take the mick! Or maybe you’ve just got a good sense of humour… I really can’t tell.