Questions about British culture, please can I ask?

[treatingonasunday]

Hello, I am visiting England for a few months in October time and looking to possibly stay :)

I last came over in 2019 just before pandemic. I have a very close relationship with my Grandmother who is in good health.

I was born in Korea to an English mum and Korean father. My mum died in 2012 to ovarian cancer so I am heavily influenced by my father, a full Korean. But before this my mum raised me and a lot of her parenting style got a lot of… slack?

I am really just looking for some tips since I am now an adult and keen even more than before not to make mistakes!

I was hoping I could get some general tips.

My mum had a fairly well spoken accent because she went to University in Cambridge, but my Grandmother is Spanish speaking originally as she was born in Spain. My mum and her siblings grew up in Limehouse so East End area. Cousins and second cousins are all sounding very ‘Essex’ from the TV shows I can gather from 😃 and they do not speak Spanish because their dad or mum did not teach them this. Their culture is very British.

what would be a few things English people don’t like but might not be so obvious?

I have learned from UK shows and Googling! That British people would not tell someone they look fat. For example, it is normal and not rude at all to tell a friend not to wear that dress or buy it, because they look too fat. I understand this is really rude in the UK.

We also do not grin at strangers randomly yet UK seems to do this a lot and make small talk at random. Which is nice but in Korea most people would think you’re very strange for doing that

Thank you for all tips, I remember quite vividly my mum having a computer and she went on Mumsnet. This would’ve been around 2007-2011 time so a long time ago :)

Agree with this. Going back to the point that we don't boast, if there's concern that we might look like we're showing off we then 'play it down' by saying we're skint. Just so as not to look 'flash'. In the north, being seen as flashy (showing off about personal wealth or lifestyle) is the worst.

Sorry if I have caused any offence. That’s not my intention and I apologise for that

If I come across as rude it is accidental

Be careful using the word English. English is a language.

The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland is made up of England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland. It is generally better to say “the UK” or “British” rather than “England” or “English” unless you genuinely mean England or English.

Nothing upsets a Scottish, Welsh or Northern Irish person more than when someone says English when they mean British.

(I am English with a Welsh husband. As a family we identify as British. My mum still describes her grandchildren as English despite the 4 gazillion times I have explained that they are not.)

No you’re not rude @treatingonasunday. I just find your tone interesting and hard to read.

Have a great time in the U.K. I’m sure you’ll love it

It means ‘I don’t want to admit that I want/would like to do the thing in case YOU don’t want to make/go to the thing but you’re too polite to say so. I don’t want to put you out’

I’ve seen a lot of TV shows from England with strangers first meeting, example being Firsr dates UK. They always! Ask ‘so what do you do?’ And they mean what job do you do

This is mainly a talking point to get someone talking about themselves. It might also give you an idea of how much they earn, or their social status, but mostly it's just to have something to talk about and perhaps find some common ground with them.

From my experience of being British in Korea, there are three things to watch out for.

• Like you say, we don’t comment on other people’s weight. Even when we are really worried about them we often feel it’s very difficult to say anything.
• British people give a lot less deference to age seniority than Koreans do.
• Lots of people are talking about British history at the moment. Some issues have become very hot topics, such as the royal family, colonialism, and slavery.

Or it means “you should know I really don’t want to do this”!

My final piece of advice to you (as think I need to leave this thread) is the UK is not Korea and you need to have an open mind. Some people think drilling children in school for hours a day and judging others careers as ‘poor’ choices to be an unenlightened thinking.

You won’t understand the nuance of local customs and cultures via a social forum and visiting for a couple of weeks.

I initially thought this thread was a quick ‘how to’ but your later posts are projecting something else.

Errr I’d almost certainly recommend you stay away from the ‘hot topics’ of the royals, colonialism and slavery!!!

I feel you could overthink this. Just be yourself 😊

The biggest faux pas in Britain is to take yourself seriously. If in doubt make a self depreciating joke.

Tea can mean many things:

• a drink served in a cup on a saucer with milk or lemon
• a drink served in a mug with spoon fulls of sugar
• a light meal of finely cut sandwiches and tiny cakes
• a pot of tea served with a scone, jam and clotted cream (A cream tea, how you are supposed to deal with scone, jam and cream is regional. As is how you are supposed to pronounce scone)
• a carb heavy meal of thickly cut sandwiches and slabs of cake
• a cooked meal

People generally see lateness as rude with genuine reasons an exception. But someone who was persistently late I would be annoyed with.

'I don't mind' usually means, I don't want to put you to any trouble or suggest anything that you might not want to do but I do have an opinion and you can wheedle it out of me if you can be bothered.
This is a good book on English culture https://www.wob.com/en-gb/books/kate-fox/watching-the-english/9780340818855?cq_src=google_ads&cq_cmp=1424181757&cq_con=64431947708&cq_med=&cq_plac=&cq_net=g&gclid=CjwKCAjw04yjBhApEiwAJcvNoYbWB_6pHkNhKKY8c1Kfe5KYkQWNjx-oFMcM1aTcMEKsbBVpQIHy0hoCjqgQAvD_BwE

The Oxfordshire and Cambridgeshire accents aren’t what Koreans think they are. Check YouTube for that one.

this is interesting as I would’ve said the British don’t take being on time as seriously but then I am not living there so don’t know

For example I’ve seen people on TV and even in person from visiting before say ‘let’s meet at 4ish’. By using the word ‘ish’ they mean around 4 and don’t commit to a specific time

People will say “we should go for coffee/tea/a drink/do something together” - the correct response is “Yes that would be lovely!” And then never mention it again. It’s frequently a polite turn of phrase, not a serious invitation!

I don’t think you come across as rude at all.

We also do not grin at strangers randomly yet UK seems to do this a lot and make small talk at random. Which is nice but in Korea most people would think you’re very strange for doing that

Well that's how people are in London - no smiling, no small talk. Don't really even look at other people that much.
But outside of London (don't know if it's the same in other cities), generally the further north the friendlier people are.

Thats really sad that it is seen as a poor choice of job. Your first instinct was correct, he is amazing that he saves people lives.😁

It's interesting that other posters have mentioned that British people do not boast or brag about themselves.

I was chatting to a woman, who I didn't know, and naturally I asked "so what do you do?"
She said she was a cleaner.
I fully admit, I did judge. I automatically thought she was someone who went round people's houses cleaning for minimum wage.
Turns out she was a successful CEO of a mutli million pound cleaning business.

My dad is another example. He has a Knighthood.
He will never tell you he has a knighthood.

British people are so self-deprecating, that often they'll not tell you the whole truth for fear of looking like they are bragging.

If someone says they are "quite good at piano", they probably are a concert pianist.
If someone aays they "dabble a bit in science ", they probably have a Noble Peace Prize knocking about.

I like this.

if you make too many jokes in Korea people will see you as someone not to take seriously. Which has lots of repercussions

UK seems much more relaxed generally but overall harder to read because you aren’t very direct and seem to breathe around the bush a lot

I have to say, your English is remarkable, considering it’s not your first language.

For example I’ve seen people on TV and even in person from visiting before say ‘let’s meet at 4ish’. By using the word ‘ish’ they mean around 4 and don’t commit to a specific time

That means “I will text / WhatsApp you to see where you are at 4.10 if you haven’t told me you’ll be late”

Hi OP
I’m finding this really interesting.
My stepson has moved from Korea (his mum is Korean) to live with us in the UK full time. He’s a teenager.
She only wants him here to get an English secondary education, she would be just as happy if he wasn’t living with us.
My partner lived in Korea for a while, but I have not visited yet
I really struggle with not knowing what his life was like there and how I can best support him.
There does seem to be a big cultural gap.
What was it like being a teenager in Korea?