Questions about British culture, please can I ask?

[treatingonasunday]

Hello, I am visiting England for a few months in October time and looking to possibly stay :)

I last came over in 2019 just before pandemic. I have a very close relationship with my Grandmother who is in good health.

I was born in Korea to an English mum and Korean father. My mum died in 2012 to ovarian cancer so I am heavily influenced by my father, a full Korean. But before this my mum raised me and a lot of her parenting style got a lot of… slack?

I am really just looking for some tips since I am now an adult and keen even more than before not to make mistakes!

I was hoping I could get some general tips.

My mum had a fairly well spoken accent because she went to University in Cambridge, but my Grandmother is Spanish speaking originally as she was born in Spain. My mum and her siblings grew up in Limehouse so East End area. Cousins and second cousins are all sounding very ‘Essex’ from the TV shows I can gather from 😃 and they do not speak Spanish because their dad or mum did not teach them this. Their culture is very British.

what would be a few things English people don’t like but might not be so obvious?

I have learned from UK shows and Googling! That British people would not tell someone they look fat. For example, it is normal and not rude at all to tell a friend not to wear that dress or buy it, because they look too fat. I understand this is really rude in the UK.

We also do not grin at strangers randomly yet UK seems to do this a lot and make small talk at random. Which is nice but in Korea most people would think you’re very strange for doing that

Thank you for all tips, I remember quite vividly my mum having a computer and she went on Mumsnet. This would’ve been around 2007-2011 time so a long time ago :)

Lots of good advice OP. Don’t worry too much, especially in London, we’re very used to people from all over the world and it’s a melting pot of cultures. Whilst Londoners don’t go around randomly smiling at each other, eye contact is considered polite and a lack of eye contact as you’ve described in Korea would be considered quite strange/rude. As I said though, don’t worry too much. As a case study of one my DS has a good friend who started at his school coming straight from Korea with hardly any English. He’s settled in really well and fits in fine. Generally people are very understanding and interested to learn about other cultures. I hope you have a lovely stay!

OP, sorry to hear about your bullying. That sounds really hard. My partner had mentioned that children who aren’t 100% Korean can be picked on. My step-son doesn’t talk about his time in school in Korea much.
I also heard that teachers still have canes but parents could sometimes bribe teachers not to hit their children? Not sure if it’s so much of a thing now but was for my step-son’s mum.
He’s my step-son rather than my nephew, so my partner’s son. My partner (English) and his Korean wife divorced.
My partner says there’s a lot of stigma around divorce there. Do you think that’s still the case? We get the impression she hides the fact that she’s divorced.
Her own parents (Korean) split up but apparently her dad would always show up for family occasions as there was a lot of shame around divorce.
hope you don’t mind me asking, as I know this isn’t what your post is about! :)

When eating a meal, Brits will clear their plates generally if they enjoy it. Leaving food can be considered rude or insulting to a host. If in a restaurant you can do it more easily, but it will often be greeted with concerns that there is a problem with your dish (unless the portions are particularly huge). This stems from WWII rationing and the mentality that you cant waste food.

This differs from the US where it is more typical to have huge portions and the fact it never had rationing. Americans will leave food much more commonly and not feel obliged to empty their plate as it's not perceived as rude or wasteful in the same way.

This is important to know when you are served food in someone's home. Try and advise how much you will eat, particularly if you have a smaller appetite when food is being put on your plate or you are serving yourself. Don't be greedy and take too much if you are unlikely to eat it all. It is better to come back for a second helping than overfill your plate and not eat it.

Brits use a lot of slang in every day language. We aren't good at using English in a grammatical correct way, but there are still conventions on how to use English improperly! Spoken English is worse for this than written English. People who speak English as a foreign language, often speak better English than us.

Do not make the mistake of calling the UK England. Understand the difference between England, Northern Ireland, Scotland, Wales and the Republic of Ireland. Calling a Scotsman English or referring to Britain as England is liable to cause great offense. Equally understand that to a Londoner or someone from Essex anywhere outside the South East is 'foreign' and different.

Do not make eye contact on the tube nor start a conversation with someone on the bus / tube in London. This will cause abject confusion and fear. It is acceptable to start a conversation on the bus outside London and is seen as friendly, particularly in the North.

Do not talk about class or status. Do not talk about politics or Boris Johnson unless you know people well. Doing so is likely to cause controversy and arguments.

Do not wash plates under a running tap without checking that your host does this first. It will cause much simmering unspoken anger in your host.

We have roundabouts. These confuse anyone who isn't from the UK. Audis and BMWs do not have working indicators in the UK.

Brits are loud and shout a lot. Especially on Friday nights after the pub. Brits drink too much.

My advice is dont refer to people's occupations with a 'just' in front of it. For example, 'just' a nurse. That's offensive. Also as other posters have said not everyone will be English.

Audis and BMWs do not have working indicators in the UK

😁

Have you had a bad day on the roads @RedToothBrush ? 😂

I've had great fun by just clicking 'see all' on the OP's posts.

When you read them all in a row like that, you can see how they go from super subtle to more obvious 😂😂

I was born here and find "I don't mind" infuriating!!

As a rule any Brit worth knowing understands that a non native will get these stupid cultural rules wrong at some point. So don't worry too much.

Regarding accents, I think broad regional accents can be difficult to understand but it’s more about whether the person you’re talking to is making an effort to help you understand. I’ve hosted many foreign students and if I spoke in my usual casual way then they wouldn’t understand. I got used to speaking clearly and avoiding the use of certain words or instantly realising and changing the word. It’s more about kindness and social skills than accent.

I'm not British, but I've been here long enough to integrate well. I would say that when you meet a new person, if you ask "what do you do?" And they are vague, do not press for more information. If they for example say "I work in a school", do not ask whether they are the cleaner, the dinner lady, the TA or the head teacher. Wait for them to volunteer the information or ask a related question without being direct. For example, " primary or secondary school?"

Most of the advice on here is very EFL-textbook type.

To balance, in many places in the U.K. people absolutely jump queues, can be rude unprovoked, plenty of intimidating teens, smelly men with bully dogs, very dirty public spaces.

You'll be absolutely fine - just relax, be safe, be yourself.

I'm sorry about your mum.

People often avoid saying 'no' by saying no without saying it. E.g. 'woukd you like more cake?' 'im alright,thank you'. (This means no). 'woukd you like to go to the beach?' 'ah I'd love to but not that weekend' (this might mean no,you'd have to wait for that person to bring up the beach trip again to show they did want to go and really were busy as if you asked again they could feel awkward about turning you down again!)

Say 'thank you' all the time, and with a smile. Not all English do this in honesty,but it always goes down well when they do!

Watch Dinner Ladies or Vicar of Dibley or Gavin and Stacey for some variety of British ways (and very funny) to go with your Essex shows!

Queue Queue Queue

Never tell anyone how much you earn or how much anything you bought cost.

Learn the contents of a full English breakfast.

Use the oven to cook most meals.

Don't assume a couple are married and don't disapprove of unmarried families/single parents/gay parents.

Read newspapers.

Put a pound coin in the pram of a newborn.

Lunch is often sandwiches and crisps. Find your favourite filling and flavour so you can answer if asked.

Chips can be a side with every meal imaginable. Eg people will have chips and bread with a curry and rice.

Hang your clothes outside to dry on a drying line or on a whirly gig.

Most women now wear trainers rather than heels.

Learn how to make tea in a teapot. Find out your favourite brand and keep a varied supply of teas for visitors. Always offer a variety of biscuits from a tin with a tea (cuppa) and offer milk and sugar but let them add them themselves.

Pub culture is big. Most socialising is done in bars. If you don't want to drink (alcohol) find an appropriate drink you can have that doesn't look like an obvious soft drink. Don't disapprove of the drinking culture.

In December give Christmas cards to everyone you know. Buy friends gifts.

Learn about guy Fawkes night.

Think of peoples dogs as their babies (they do).

Pick a favourite James Bond.

Gardening is a big hobby as is walking in the countryside. Learn some common flowers/trees.

Don't expect trains to run on time. Feel free to complain about the trains.

I don’t know how you survive on 4/5 hours sleep…as a child I could easily sleep for 12 hours and now I only feel happy and well if I’ve had between 8 and 9 hours.

I'm not English and Iive in London.
Things I find strange are- people not making any contact with you at all. This is odd. And having to apologize if someone else does something. Even odder.

Oh god queuing, definitely do NOT queue jump.

No-one talks about religion or politics. Do not make personal comments.

But asking for directions in London, if you directly ask someone who looks like they know where they are going - they will likely be Very happy to help.

I help tourists all the time. I heard someone say really slowly "Tow-er Hill Station", I was going there so I said yes, just there, around the corner and pointed for them.
They did look slightly shocked that I had helped without asking.

I agree. Any thinking adult of any nationality would find ‘I don’t mind’ answers infuriating and pointless.

Outside of London you always thank the bus driver when you get off the bus.
When someone says “We must meet up.” They have no intention of ever seeing you again, do not call them or turn up at their house, they will be horrified.
When someone asks how you are the only response is “Fine thanks.” Do not say anything else. Telling someone how you really feel is not the correct response.
After a meal when the waiter asks if everything was ok with your meal the correct response is “Wonderful thank you.”
If you buy a scone in a cafe you can either eat it with just butter, jam and butter, jam and cream, or sometimes butter, jam and cream. People get into arguments about which goes on first; jam or cream. They will also argue about how to pronounce the word ‘scone’. It’s best to go with the majority and appear non confrontational. Cream tea will include a scone. Afternoon tea will include a scone plus other cakes and sandwiches.

These might help you @treatingonasunday - there are 2 more but it might not let me post them all!

The Brits love a self deprecating race to the bottom

Here you go!

Some of the responses you're getting here are very British in themselves! The accusations that you're being insulting or taking the mick. (I am British and also autistic so I observe social norms differently). Many British people in my experience put a lot of subtext into their communication. Then, they assume that everyone else is also talking with a lot of unsaid subtext. Therefore, you can say something entirely neutral and they decide you meant something judgmental, for example. It's frustrating for autistic people like me because not only is it hard to read the layers of meaning implied by nothing more than tone, but also because we often have frustrating conversations where we say exactly what we mean, but the other person reads into it and answers as if we said something totally different. I imagine that is the same for people from a culture that is more direct and relies less on implicit communication - I get on more easily with my German friends, for example!

And I agree with the PP who said watch The Vicar of Dibley, dinnerladies, and Gavin and Stacey!

@SummerSazz

"looking away so violently when someone is entering their PIN that you dislocate your neck!" 😂

Firefighter... is the better term.

Fireman is seen as sexist and old fashioned.

See also police officer.