Would you let 8yo walk 0.3 miles part of school run on their own?

[SchoolRunQ]

I'm contemplating changing my work hours that will mean one day a week I won't be around for the school dropoff. We have two children that go to separate schools so DH and I usually take one each. There aren't any other parents that go from where we are to school to team up with.

So one day a week DH will be doing drop off for both and to minimise walking distance for the smallest one, planning to drop off DD age 8 (and a half!) on the pavement where she will have to walk 0.3 miles (about 6 mins) straight up that pavement then will arrive at the school. No crossing involved. We currently leave her further up that road anyway to walk the last few metres alone (there is a steady stream of kids and parents going the same way). She's bright and sensible but can be oblivious to surroundings so that's why I wanted to gauge opinion! It's a 20mph road with some traffic but never fast as there are traffic queues at the end of the road.

Don't know if I'm being overly precious even questioning this - she's my first child so not left them alone to walk anywhere before but might be good to start building a little bit of independence!

Is there a breakfast club option for either the toddler or the older DD? I have 3 under 10s who attend 3 different settings- 2 go to breakfast club each day (we rotate over the week) because like you I can't be in 2 (or 3) places at once and DH is already at work even before breakfast club has started.
My (sensible) 9 year old does like her independence and on her non- breakfast club days likes to walk the last bit on her own so I drop her off up the road- quite common for her friends the same age to walk alone, but it's a very small village with no busy roads- which might make the difference. There's always lots of kids and parents walking down the same road when I drop her off (otherwise I would take her outside).

Good post @Dodgeitornot

My DDs inner London primary school let kids walk to and from school from Y3. We had a letter and they had a trip teaching them now to navigate local crossings and what to do in emergencies. A couple of the kids started in summer of Y3, few more in Y4 and almost all in autumn of Y5 unless they had younger siblings.

My school won’t even let my year 4 leave with his brother who is year 6 🤷🏻‍♀️ year 6 can leave with a year 5 but not with a year 4 and my boy is older than your child and he can’t even leave school with his older brother. Each school set their own rules

My 8, almost 9yr old (yr4) has started walking most of the way to school, or scoring. I cross him over the busy road and watch him go round the corner. There’s loads of parents and kids walking the same stretch. There is one road to cross still, right next to the school. I’m just trying to give him a little independence and responsibility in a reasonably safe way

Why is 8 too young now and 5 was fine 30, 40, 50 years ago? I get it that roads are busier, but if there are no roads to cross?

I am astonished that schools have (or even can have?) rules about dropping off. Presumably this is a reaction to incidents in the past, but there are unintended consequences of all this wrapping in cotton wool. As parents, prioritising our own anxieties above raising independent and resilient children seems unwise.

@Dodgeitornot I already said that it is my decision to not send her by herself (a tiny 7 year old). I just added on that it is a safeguarding issue. It is in the safeguarding policy.

What you do or do not do with your own child is up to you, I choose to walk my child to and from the playground. I see her come in and out of the door every single day. When she is in year 6, I will start to give her more responsibility.

If you don't do this, that's your decision and I wish you well. I am safeguarding my child from the range of things that could happen to a little child walking by herself to and from school and I am very happy with my decision.

Hope you have a lovely day.

No I wouldn't. 8 is too young imo..

@WiseUpJanetWeiss
"As parents, prioritising our own anxieties above raising independent and resilient children seems unwise."

This. People can't seem to realise we're failing our kids for the sake of making ourselves feel less anxious. All the while patting ourselves on the back as to how brilliant we are at safeguarding. It's selfish.

I think it’s fine, one road no crossing involved.

My DD just turned 9 has been doing something similar for a few months. I drop her off at a location that’s close to home while I take my younger child to an activity. It’s a straight walk home but she dose have 2 roads to cross. At the time I drop her there is another primary school finishing so there are lots of children and parents around, some she knows from the local area. I text my husband as he’s wfh ( he picks her up if he can but he’s usually in meetings) if he can nip out to meet her half way he will, if not she rings the ring doorbell to let him know she’s home and then he texts me to say she’s home.

Several of her classmates have been walking to and from school on their own for a while. We live too far away for me to be comfortable with that until year 6.

@philautia I'm not saying you should or shouldn't let your 7 year old walk to school. Ops child is 8.5, so what you do with a 7 year old is irrelevant anyway. At that age 1.5 years is a huge difference.
Do you agree with every single other thing the school does and all their policies? Or just the bits that coddle your anxieties?

@Dodgeitornot are you okay?

I have said I wouldn't let an 8 year old walk by themselves, specifically my child, who I know at 8 will not be mature enough to do this.

You seem very angry and almost looking for an argument because others don't agree with you. We are allowed to have a discussion without throwing around the words "anxieties" and "coddled", neither of which are accurate.

My daughter was diagnosed with autism and ADHD at age 6, so I would not let her do this, nor would I be a good parent if I decided this was okay. Every day she tries to step out into the road and often staggers into it if I am not vigilant. She has no sense of danger and is extremely impulsive.

Hope that's not too coddling for you. Perhaps I should start letting her go by herself to make you feel more secure.

Why is it okay in other countries but not here? A NT 8 year old should be able to manage this.

Why do so many people project their anxieties onto their children? This won't end well for the next generation. Take the cotton wool off. @Dodgeitornot is correct.

@philautia I'm really not angry. Not sure why you think that. Others are agreeing with me. This thread is a pretty even split I would say. I have also not commented once on whether you should or shouldn't let your child walk alone to school, although given your added details now, I can see how I may have hit a nerve. I am simply commenting on the coddling of kids as a whole and how important independence is.

This was your first post:

"I wouldn't, no. But I stand in the school yard and watch my 7 year old go into the school doors with the teacher so maybe I'm overprotective.Would you not worry all day about whether or not she made it to school?"

At no point have you made it clear that your child has autism and no sense of danger. I think that's a pretty important distinction to make when you're speaking about independence and giving OP your opinion. Your child will obviously need a very different approach when it comes to building independence and your view will be different.
It is also the reason why there is no law around this. Every single child is different and the only thing a parent has to prove, if social services show interest, is that that specific child is capable of it and a balance of risks has been made.

^^

It's very common at our local junior school. The DC walk about 5 minutes to one of 2 areas where there is a lot of parking and are met by parents there.

If you're really uncertain OP, then risk assess it. What do you think might happen?
Hit by car? Unless she's jumping in the road, no more likely than walking with you. And presumably you've taught her some road safety.

Abducted by random stranger? Unlikely at school run time where there will be loads of parents and children about, and presumably you've taught her not to go with someone she doesn't know?

Will run off and not go to school? Unlikely with other parents about and you know if your own child is sensible. Plus worst case scenario, school will contact you if she's missing when the register is taken.

Abducted by aliens? I think they are allergic to children in school uniform.

@redskylight Ah that must be why the aliens seek out the non uniform schools. Those damn liberals must get taken to space!

I don’t think walking to school with their parent is going to ruin children’s mental health for the rest of their life

8 is too young to be able to judge situations appropriately and know what to do in an emergency. If people allow their kids out on their own at that age it’s up to them, but I personally think it’s far too young.

Of course, if she's comfortable with it.
In my town 8 year olds might be walking or biking up to 5km or so to school alone, 6 minutes on a road with no need to cross is nothing to worry about.

@Dodgeitornot no you're right. You called me anxious and coddling, which I'm not at all. I would question a parent (in my mind) who let their child walk alone at this age, NT or ND.

I also wouldn't let an 8 year old do this trip, but not because I'd be worrying about them taking silly risks, I just know that there are bigger dangers for a little child than cars and getting lost, from my own experience (as the child).

It is still still fine.

It is completely normal for children to walk to and from school at primary age, even from P1 (depending on traffic and local area) in Scotland without any of the hysteria that seems to happen in England.

Its not sensationalist I was reported to them for leaving my 9 year old home alone for 20 mins

Mental. At the same time so many parents let their kids get hooked on TikTok, don't supervise their child's phone usage closely, allow them to play video games for hours on end every day and drive them to school in gigantic cars making roads unsafe for everyone. It's completely topsy-turvy.

This isn't "out" as such though. It's walking down a safe route for a few minutes with a load of other parents and children. In an emergency the child should be told to enlist the help of a passing parent (and tbh most parents would stop and help a child in distress anyway) or run to school and get help there.

It's a very safe way of starting to build up letting your child get a bit more independence (see also threads from panicked secondary school parents whose child now has to walk a mile to the bus stop and then get a bus, and they've never actually left the house on their own before).

This.
I'm astonished by some of these responses. An NT 8.5yo, walking up one road for six minutes, in amongst other parents and children going the same way? I can't see what the fuss is about.

And what are these "emergencies" that eight year olds might face and can't deal with? Is it abductions?

In an emergency the child should be told to enlist the help of a passing parent (and tbh most parents would stop and help a child in distress anyway) or run to school and get help there

I find this bizarre. The child can walk to school without their parents because other children's parents will be there in an emergency... basically admitting that responsible adults may be needed and abdicating your responsibility to these unwitting people.

@philautia I didn't call you anxious or coddling. I don't know you. I said 'coddle your anxieties'. Every parent has anxieties, many stemming from negative childhood experiences that we promise to ourselves we won't let happen to our own kids. That's perfectly normal.
However, not all fears are rational. It is unfair to rob a child of an opportunity to increase their confidence and self esteem, just because we are anxious that something may happen. We're obsessed with minimising risk for the detriment of our kids. We slap on the word safeguarding to make ourselves feel better, because of course we all want to safeguard our kids, who wouldn't.
Unsupervised activity and risky play has been proven to be an incredibly important aspect of development for so long now. There's a reason there's so many adventure playgrounds in London. Parents aren't allowed to step inside them. In my borough there's even one for disabled kids.
Having a ND child is very difficult at the best of times and obviously nothing that I say is relevant to you. You will have the added difficulty of managing your daughters needs alongside no doubt wanting her to be happy and independent. I don't emcy you in the slightest. It's the parents of NT kids that annoy me.