Would you let 8yo walk 0.3 miles part of school run on their own?

[SchoolRunQ]

I'm contemplating changing my work hours that will mean one day a week I won't be around for the school dropoff. We have two children that go to separate schools so DH and I usually take one each. There aren't any other parents that go from where we are to school to team up with.

So one day a week DH will be doing drop off for both and to minimise walking distance for the smallest one, planning to drop off DD age 8 (and a half!) on the pavement where she will have to walk 0.3 miles (about 6 mins) straight up that pavement then will arrive at the school. No crossing involved. We currently leave her further up that road anyway to walk the last few metres alone (there is a steady stream of kids and parents going the same way). She's bright and sensible but can be oblivious to surroundings so that's why I wanted to gauge opinion! It's a 20mph road with some traffic but never fast as there are traffic queues at the end of the road.

Don't know if I'm being overly precious even questioning this - she's my first child so not left them alone to walk anywhere before but might be good to start building a little bit of independence!

Out of interest, what is the range for Air Tags or the android equivalent?

From the age of seven I walked a mile to school in the morning, a mile home at lunchtime then another back to school and finally back home in the late afternoon. I was never taken by car—my mother couldn’t drive— nor was I ever accompanied. I just don’t understand modern parenting.

That wasn't what I meant. I'm not saying people who allow it don't care about their children, I'm referring to posters who say you're damaging your children by not allowing it. Everyone is different, for me any risk is too great a risk and I shouldn't be told I'm damaging my children by waiting longer. I'm not saying people who think it's ok are bad parents so I don't expect to be called the same because I have a different approach.

The fears in modern parenting are due to social media that's given increased reporting on bad things that happen to children. You were fine, so was I, but other children were not and some (like myself) want to limit the risk. The child is 8, hardly unrealistic to expect parental involvement.

@shammalammadingdong

I think I get concerned because last year in the area we live in a white van stopped and there was a potentional abduction of a child from the junior school near us. The school issued a warning to us parents and now won't allow children to walk alone. My friend who is a social worker said it's known they house pedophiles in an area near us. Every circumstance and area is different.

But your approach has been proven by countless studies to be damaging to your child's development. Referring to this bit of your post "any risk is too great a risk". What about the risk that you are passing your anxieties onto your child? The very real risk they will develop mental health problems and have self esteem issues if not given appropriate opportunities for unsupervised play and travel?
I am not calling you a bad parent by any means. I do think it's important to analyse why we make the parenting choices we make though. If those choices are made off the back of our own anxieties about perceived dangers, than it's important to think about whether the choices we're making are really there to benefit our kids, or just alleviate our worries. If an NT 8.5 year old cannot walk 300m on a safe road alone in the daytime, they are either not being raised with proper life skills, or are being raised with anxious parents.

Do you think of depends where you live?

Our school won't allow it either

My non-techy understanding was as long as you are within range of anyone with an Apple phone you can track the tag via the Find My Network as they in effect ping off others Bluetooth. That’s the whole point, if they had to be in range of your phone they’d be rubbish luggage tags for example.

It isn't really. In all likelehood that was just a regular white van, and paedophiles are literally everywhere. In a known house you're actually one up on everyone else.
None of it makes any difference to the fact that the street is safer than the home.

OP is talking about a short stretch of a pavement with no crossings on the approach to school full of people...so apparently no, it doesn't seem to depend on where you live.

I love how OP asks a question and it's 99% ignored in favour of continuing arguments about who's right/wrong 🙄

@SchoolRunQ you could look into GPS tracking watches as an alternative if the airtag idea doesn't work out for you

I tell my 8 year old she's not crossing the road by herself because she's not tall enough to be seen over parked cars, logical in my opinion. I've told all my children that I will decide when I think they are ready to walk themselves. It has been slightly different for each as they are different children. Each one of them understand my reasons, there has been no hysteria - just a calm explanation of waiting til they are around 9/10 which is still a young child.

I find it offensive that you have said because you've read case studies, that I have stunted my children's development when I've already stated that the child who I let be more independent at a younger age, is the one who doesn't like to go on public transport himself and only walks to and from school (teenager).

10 is still a young child and that's when I think it's appropriate to start doing things more independently in the lead up to becoming teens.

I told them what's expected, I'm not hysterically crying to them about the dangers of the world so don't think I'm passing on anxiety. And at least they know I care about their safety. They (barring my youngest) read news stories on SM too.

Would I allow it?

It depends.

There are some risks attached to the walk, there are some benefits.

Q1. DESIRE.
Do you WANT your DD to do this walk? Does she?

If either of you feel uncomfortable, then don’t do it. It’s all very well to talk about independence being good for mental health, but if it makes either of you scared or anxious, then that’s not helping your mental health. There are benefits for mental health in being independent in small increments, but there are also benefits to mental health in having a lovely walk with your dad and sibling before you start your day!

Q2. NECESSITY.

Is it really necessary?

If you were a single mum and asked the same q because this was the ‘only’ way you could manage the school run and still get to work on time, I’d say to go for it!

But, from your OP, it doesn’t sound really ‘necessary’ for your DD to walk alone but instead just something your DH wants to do, is that right? I’m guessing your DH probably could walk the extra few mins if he had to ( even if he had to carry the toddler)? So it’s truly just a matter of choice.

It’s also absolutely not necessary to walk to school at age 8 for your daughter to learn independence. There’s plenty of time for her to learn this skill, at a pace that suits the whole family. Plenty of people don’t walk to school alone at age 8 and easily adjust to it just a year or two later. There are also loads of ways of learning independence; this is just one of them.

Q3. PARENTING STYLE
It’s totally down to your parenting style if you think this is ok. It’s ok if you allow it; it’s ok if you don’t. It’s also ok to say ‘not yet’ while you think about it more, or propose a compromise such as your DH walking another 3 mins rather than 6 so your DD only walks an even smaller distance!

Finally it’s absolutely NOT coddling nor anxiety to delay this step; we’re not talking about a teenager here.

Good luck with your decision!

Very good post.

Some brilliant points here. X

No way would I have left mine to walk alone at that age. They had plenty of opportunities for taking responsibility at the appropriate age and to mitigate risk. They grew up fine.

Personally, no. But then I have a legitimate and very serious reason for worry. Also, our school doesn't allow children to walk to/from school under Y6.

Boy, have times changed! When I went to school, if we didn't ride our dinosaurs, walking was the norm if you lived within .5 miles, even in our first year. I remember how grown-up I felt, walking to my second day of first grade with my friends! All the moms took us on the first day, to meet the teacher. Thereafter, unless it was raining, we walked.

No.

As there is no road crossing involved and it’s a 6 minute walk, I don’t see a problem for an 8 year old.

I think it sounds like a good way to start building independence. At my school I don’t see how they’d know - children are dropped off at the gate, not the classroom door past reception age, certainly no one is keeping track of who is dropping off who. Some children are dropped off in the car park and wait themselves until the gates open so how would school know if they’d got their themselves or a parent had dropped them off? The way home is different.

You can't take her, DH can't take her, nobody near you goes to the school (weird in a village).

Plus the sci-fi scenario where everyone 'beams' to the gate (star trek style) as soon as they open.

You've no choice. DD has to walk alone whether she's ready or not.

If your child is mature enough and happy to do this (absolute zero pressure from mum and dad) then yes I would. If she’s not mature or confident then no. Let her say how she feels (and then do stranger danger pep talk!).

How does a scooter make their lone trip any safer.

0.3 miles, along with other patents and children. She will be just fine by foot. Send a letter to the school! They can not dictate.

God take us back to the noughties