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Original poster

Was I rude and did I act unnecessarily?

175 replies

bleueygreeny · 12/05/2023 15:26

I know it's a first world problem, and probably making a mountain out of a molehill but it's irking me a bit.

Today is my son's first birthday. We went out to the park to have some picnic for lunch, give him his cake and sing him a happy birthday.

My ILs came around (my parents couldn't unfortunately as they live too way).

As we were about to take videos and pictures of him behind his birthday cake, my MIL sat on the opposite side of him, opposite to DH.
I asked if we could swap so that both his parents are around him for the picture. I felt a bit weird with his dad and grandma sitting around him and me being further away.
My BILs and MIL called me rude and said it was uncalled for.

She has forms of trying to one up me around my son, including wanting my son to call her "mum", taking a family picture when he was first born with her in the middle and him sitting on her with the rest of the family around, so it might have blurred my judgment and I might have acted really rude.

OP posts:
JenniferBarkley · 12/05/2023 16:14

My husband was arrested once for something unrelated to me, and because she couldn't tell people what he'd really done, she told everything in the family I had falsely accused him of domestic abuse.

Please tell me you have shouted the truth from the rooftops?

Original poster
bleueygreeny · 12/05/2023 16:15

Thewitcherswolf · 12/05/2023 16:12

If there’s a cultural aspect at play around how family dynamics work then you might get good advice if you ask specifically about how to deal with a difficult MIL within those cultural expectations.

We are of the same culture. It was my fault, I had very very low self confidence hen I first entered their family so I was a doormat

OP posts:
Original poster
bleueygreeny · 12/05/2023 16:16

JenniferBarkley · 12/05/2023 16:14

My husband was arrested once for something unrelated to me, and because she couldn't tell people what he'd really done, she told everything in the family I had falsely accused him of domestic abuse.

Please tell me you have shouted the truth from the rooftops?

I told them it wasn't a domestics but that for my husband's sake I wouldn't disclose what he had done, but no one believed me.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

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Families
Booklover40 · 12/05/2023 16:16

she wanted us to move to hers and give birth in a hospital near her house when I was heavily pregnant so that she could bond with the baby for a month

This and wanting your ds to call her mum suggest she is a fucking batshit MIL-from-hell who frequently oversteps the mark and tries to diminish you. So I say YANBU. She could’ve just moved aside and then got a pic in her own but she had to call you “rude” and make a big deal out of it.

You carry on standing up to the horrid bitch I say. Her dh sounds like a wanker too! People like this don’t like anyone standing up to them or calling out their pushy CF behaviour- hence the rude comment. Call her out on it every time she does something that makes you uncomfortable.

Original poster
bleueygreeny · 12/05/2023 16:16

bleueygreeny · 12/05/2023 16:16

I told them it wasn't a domestics but that for my husband's sake I wouldn't disclose what he had done, but no one believed me.

Show quote history

Though the truth on that is something they might find out by themselves eventually.

OP posts:
SkySmiler · 12/05/2023 16:17

She wanted your son to call her mum?!

Original poster
bleueygreeny · 12/05/2023 16:18

SkySmiler · 12/05/2023 16:17

She wanted your son to call her mum?!

Yes she did, DH nipped that in the bud this time though

OP posts:
MargaretThursday · 12/05/2023 16:18

Another time swoop in, pick him up, then crouch down holding him in front of her so you can get the photos with you holding him, and her blocked by both of you.

Original poster
bleueygreeny · 12/05/2023 16:19

Booklover40 · 12/05/2023 16:16

she wanted us to move to hers and give birth in a hospital near her house when I was heavily pregnant so that she could bond with the baby for a month

This and wanting your ds to call her mum suggest she is a fucking batshit MIL-from-hell who frequently oversteps the mark and tries to diminish you. So I say YANBU. She could’ve just moved aside and then got a pic in her own but she had to call you “rude” and make a big deal out of it.

You carry on standing up to the horrid bitch I say. Her dh sounds like a wanker too! People like this don’t like anyone standing up to them or calling out their pushy CF behaviour- hence the rude comment. Call her out on it every time she does something that makes you uncomfortable.

Thank you. I will keep standing up for myself, I think I just need to learn to pick my battles though.

OP posts:
Booklover40 · 12/05/2023 16:20

Oh fucking hell ive just read your other posts!! The sanitary pad thing - nasty piece of shit she is! Who on earth does that?? She’s bonkers.

And your dh sounds like a douche.

Jacksfesteringresentment · 12/05/2023 16:26

My advice to you is to say no to her very loudly, and ignore her when she throws a tantrum when she doesn't get her own way. Distance yourself as much as you possibly can from her. She sounds completely deranged and she'll make your life a misery if you don't stand up for yourself now.
Your husband needs to have your back at all times, and if he doesn't then I'd be thinking about whether he's worth having around.
I'm sorry you're being subjected to this, the whole family sound toxic

Thewitcherswolf · 12/05/2023 16:38

bleueygreeny · 12/05/2023 16:15

We are of the same culture. It was my fault, I had very very low self confidence hen I first entered their family so I was a doormat

Show quote history

Oh I didn’t mean that it might be racism/xenophobia towards you OP. I was thinking more along the lines of differences in how family dynamics often work between South Asian families and White British families, for example.

Stressedannni · 12/05/2023 16:38

The photo is least of your problems. .

Crumpleton · 12/05/2023 16:46

bleueygreeny · 12/05/2023 15:32

I just said "Could I have the baby for the video?"

Show quote history

"The baby"
He's your son if there's a next time just say I'd like a video/picture of DS and me and take him off of your MIL.

TheyAreMyBhunasPete · 12/05/2023 16:50

I must admit I do find these posts funny. It's always "aibu for doing this slightly unreasonable/pointless thing to my MIL, also background info she keeps telling me she wants to keep my baby and raise his as her own." Come on

HanSB · 12/05/2023 16:55

She sounds horrendous and plain spiteful from your other posts on her behaviour. I would back off a bit from seeing her as often and definitely stand up for yourself and make sure your husband stands up for your family too. What a nasty behaviour trying to belittle you. Remember you are the parents, if she wants to be involved in his life then she needs to learn to treat your better.

Indoorcatmum · 12/05/2023 17:04

You weren't rude and I think starting out as you mean to go on is important.

People like that will take a mile if given an inch and the last thong you need is her sense of entitlement growing as your baby gets older.

Your DH needs to PROPERLY step up and come to your defence each and every time.
You both need to establish yourself as someone that deserves respect as your child's MOTHER.

BIL sounds like an entitled twat.

jazzybelle · 12/05/2023 17:26

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

WhatWeDoInTheShadow · 12/05/2023 17:29

She wants your son to call her mum? That's weird.

The video wouldn't have bothered me but the mum thing is mad

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 12/05/2023 19:18

Their reaction is very telling as to the sort of people they are. And why you’re second guessing yourself.

Despite what some posters on here might say in aggressive posts, wanting to sit next to your baby while you sing him happy birthday is really not unreasonable.

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 12/05/2023 19:22

Shit. I hadn’t updated the thread when I posted.

SHE IS INSANE.

I wouldn’t want the crazy, poisonous, abusive twat anywhere near me and my baby. Fuuuuuck.

Sennelier1 · 14/05/2023 20:30

YANBU. I had MIL posing with her head on DH's shoulder during our daughter's wedding. I could've killed her. Explication was that she had nobody else to pose with (widowed) ánd DH is an only child so she put her claws on him. I've excluded all pictures with her in them from my personal files.

Thinkingpod · 14/05/2023 20:35

bleueygreeny · 12/05/2023 15:30

It sounds daft but I just wanted the video of us singing him happy birthday to be DH and I around the baby.

Show quote history

Why invite them then? You don't want them to be documented as there... Did you just want someone to hold the camera?

Brefugee · 14/05/2023 20:36

find all the articles about mums being missing from their family photos, and that it means that their children have nearly no record of their mum doing things when growing up. Show them all to your DH and make him understand this is not happening to you.

Then tell your MIL that you will have the photos you want with your son and she can take some afterwards.

And then get him to call her nana, granny or whatever thing she really doesn't like. Train him to call her that as much as possible.

babyproblems · 14/05/2023 20:51

I don’t think you were rude as such but you clearly feel pushed out by your MIL. Take steps to make yourself feel more secure in your role as mum- you ARE his mum and no one can change that. Do you get much time with your baby? I would make sure you get some 1 on 1 time to do things just the two of you. If you dont want to celebrate with your in laws, you dont have to. Celebrate with your son first and see them Later for whatever they want. Talk to your DH about how you feel- he should be your team mate here and boost you up. Good luck xxx