Do you like your parents?

[MullerInk]

Inspired by a comment I read on a website over a decade ago. The website was like a teen gossipy American type thing so the comment "I don't like my mom, I just don't like her personality" really surprised me and I think about it a surprising amount.

Awful people. Toxic and capable of twisting anything I say and do. Nasty people. Moved over 300 miles away. I couldn't bear the thought of being in daily contact. Seems a bit over attached.

Interesting question - I was thinking this myself this week as I read a book where the author listed everything she'd learned from her parents and I couldn't think of a single thing.

My mum was in her 40's when she had me (unplanned) and she and my dad were older parents (I was born in the 60's). Dad died when I was 12 and wasn't at home much so I don't remember him really. Mum died about 19 years ago and we had a difficult relationship due to many many clashes when I was a teenager. So I don't think I liked my mum although I loved her but I feel guilty about feeling that way - especially as I love my DS so much and would hate to think he didn't like me.

Both dead for years but a v interesting question
Dad . He was a clever, but frustrated & very anxious man. In a lot of ways he was loving, but also strict (I got smacked well into my teens) and it was his way or the highway so we blew up a lot. However, hevwould do anything for me as long as it aligned with his beliefs. When he died I my life did become easier in a lot of ways, but I it’s never nice losing a parent at a young age and I carried a lot of guilt, but I don’t miss him now. Did I like him? Depended on his mood.

Mum; unequivocally yes. She was a lovely lady in looks and personality and my dad was completely punching!! She died too young as well and I still miss her nearly 25 years on. Obviously we had our moments but I loved our relationship and I have a similar (poss even closer as age gap is smaller so relate more) w my DD.

I love them both dearly.
My dad, I liked very much. He was a kind, gentle soul and we had much in common to talk about. I miss him every day.
My mum, I do get on well, with but we are very different. She does annoy me a lot, and always has done. She can be quite judgemental and disapproving, and we don't actually have much in common. I can't say I don't like her, but our relationship can be hard work at times especially as she gets older.

I worry about this occasionally.

I don’t know many people that actually like their parents. I worry that my DS won’t like me when he’s grown. I try my best but am often harried and rushed. I wonder if younger generations rebel against the general traits of previous generations or whether It just really hard being a parent even in the best of circumstances and it’s hard to be kind and likeable to your children at times.
Not excusing abusive or toxic behaviour of course.

Yes, and there’s nothing more painful than when you’ve spent your life trying to be the parent you never had, and your kids still find fault. I think we all need to be more forgiving of one another. We are all the product of our own experiences and life circumstance. Most people try to do their best. It’s easy to sit in judgement and find fault. I had pretty awful parents myself so this is a challenge.

My Mum no, I admire her hard work raising us mostly alone but she really struggles to have proper adult relationships with her children. She’s just become quite bitter and difficult which is a shame. I still see her several times a week though as she is my mother

Good point birch and I agree re looking back - it’s important though how we act now as a parent of adult children

I think a problem with perceptions here is that you tend to only hear about, or focus on, the extremes. So on the one hand you’ll hear some people saying how much they love their parents, they’re generous, supportive, they phone them daily and see them at least once a week etc. And at the other extreme you get the endless posts on here about narcissistic, selfish, neglectful parents and who the children are now ‘no contact’ with.

Whereas in reality there’s a lot of middle ground. My parents are - fine. My childhood was - okay. I don’t feel massively strong emotions about them either way. I don’t mind seeing them sometimes but equally am not bothered when I don’t. As an adult I don’t feel emotional dependent on them in any way. If they weren’t my parents they’re not the kind of people I’d ever be close to, iyswim.

I remember last Father’s Day feeling there was a gap in the market for cards for adequate dads. Yes I care enough to buy my Dad a card, but all the gushing cards in the shops about how much I love him, how much he’s done for me, the happiness he brings to my life etc. No thanks, none of that rings true for me.