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Original poster

Do you like your parents?

159 replies

MullerInk · 11/05/2023 19:31

Inspired by a comment I read on a website over a decade ago. The website was like a teen gossipy American type thing so the comment "I don't like my mom, I just don't like her personality" really surprised me and I think about it a surprising amount.

OP posts:
greencardigangirl · 11/05/2023 21:48

No. My mother is cold and controlling and my father enabled her behaviour for an easy life. They wouldn't recognise my children if they walked past them in the street.

Hummmmaybe · 11/05/2023 21:49

XBealtaine · 11/05/2023 20:21

Nope. She projected negative attributes of to me for decades to avoid the discomfort of wondering if she was a good mother. The past is the past, but when she made a very hurtful remark, I asked her not to gloss over the hurt she'd caused me. Well, she threw herself up on the cross, the victim of me. My dad backed her up. She gives me two choices, submit to her narrative that she's the victim of me, or endure her ongoing silent treatment. She has also smeared me left right and centre. So no, I don't think I like them. I am grieving though. I still can't believe it turned out like this. Well that's not true really, I always sensed that if I asserted my sense of my self and stood firm in my interpretation of events, shit would hit the fan. Its still somehow shocking though, to know that my trepidation around her growing up was based on the correct assessment that she would attempt to make me feel crazy doubting myself before she would take any tiny bit of accountability.

I can totally relate. Sympathy.

MargaretThursday · 11/05/2023 21:53

I adore my parents.
Yes they made some bad decisions-haven't we all.
Yes, on some things I think they're totally bonkers.

But above all I know they love me and decisions were made that may have been wrong, but at the time they were trying to do the best for me.

greencardigangirl · 11/05/2023 21:56

Clarabe1 · 11/05/2023 20:51

You can be a decent parent and your kid might end up not liking you. It all depends on personalities and whether you clash. Sometimes adult children grow up to be not nice people, the parent they actively dislike might be the decent person. I knew a woman who was very highly educated and had done very well for herself who was so disparaging about her poor mum’s intellect and values - the poor mother who had sacrificed everything to give her the chances she never had. There are many factors at play. The fact is we are all human and are all flawed.

Unless you are the child in that relationship and she was your mother, you really aren't in a position to say

Ragwort · 11/05/2023 21:58

Yes - my DF has died now but I like both my DPs, of course they are not perfect (neither am I) but I admire them, they have a lot of qualities I don't have and are/were kind, generous, supportive and encouraging parents. I only have to read many of the threads on Mumsnet to know how lucky I am.

Clarabe1 · 11/05/2023 21:58

greencardigangirl · 11/05/2023 21:56

Unless you are the child in that relationship and she was your mother, you really aren't in a position to say

Show quote history

i suppose you right. Just making the point that maybe it isn’t always the parent? People clash and that includes family.

oldestmumaintheworld · 11/05/2023 22:03

I feel so sorry to read of people who don't have a happy relationship with their parents because like an earlier poster I'm lucky enough to have had great parents. My Mum wasn't always my favourite person when I was growing up but she worked so hard for me and my siblings and the older I got the more I liked and appreciated her. She died several years ago and I still miss her. She taught me how to be a woman in the workplace and I'm very grateful for that.
My dad is still alive at over 90 and I love him to bits. He taught me that girls are just as important as boys and that girls are more than who they marry, how many children they have and how big their house is. He's a champ!

dwightschrutebeets · 11/05/2023 22:19

I hate my father. I love my mum

Mindovermatter247 · 11/05/2023 22:32

Yep, I live with mine, but we get on pretty much 90% of the time, there’s a few things we disagree on but doesn’t everyone…
nothing wrong with my dad, he just lives far away and we aren’t as close as I’d like to be. He has a family which he had after me and my brother. We get on perfectly fine it’s just not the same as my mum…

thelengthspeoplegoto · 11/05/2023 22:34

I really wish I could say yes to this but sadly not. They are both incredibly selfish and I wonder why they ever had kids, other than - it's just what people did.
My D is an alcoholic and is only brave enough to be nasty to his own family. He's a big softie with anyone else. My M has mental health issues. It's her way or no way, this is frustrating as she's not the sharpest tool in the box.
They had an awful marriage and dragged us through it all. (Domestic violence between the two of them in front of us from a young age.)
I'm NC with both of them.
It would be amazing to have parents I loved and respected.

Mindovermatter247 · 11/05/2023 22:36

greencardigangirl · 11/05/2023 21:48

No. My mother is cold and controlling and my father enabled her behaviour for an easy life. They wouldn't recognise my children if they walked past them in the street.

This sounds remarkably like DP’s parents, when his mum died though his dad completely came out of his shell, he’s such a nice man. Tbf, she was horrid, she tried to get me to have an abortion, tried to tell me loads of stories about DP before we met, until I had DS, she absolutely idolised him, it was like she was a different person. She died when he was 2.
DS has a fantastic relationship with DP father now. It’s great to see

Vetoncall · 11/05/2023 22:36

I adore my Mum, she's amazing and always has been. We're really close without living in each other's pockets. I love travel and have studied/lived/worked abroad several times, even though it must have been hard for her she has always encouraged me to go and do what I wanted to do. We have the same sense of humour and I love spending time with her. The thought of losing her is unbearable.

I haven't spoken to my father at all in about 18 years. They divorced when I was 10 after he had an affair - she didn't like that he'd had a life before her and he's spineless and weak so it was all downhill from there until I finally cut him out completely. I don't miss him.

My Stepdad has been around since I was 12, he's great and we get on really well. We have a lot in common and he's just a really nice, laid back, generous, genuine person. I mostly refer to him as my Dad (although I don't call him Dad) and he refers to me as "our daughter".

Hbh17 · 11/05/2023 22:39

No. Just being related to a person doesn't make them any more or less likeable than anyone else. It is totally pot luck who we get stuck with, sadly.

thelengthspeoplegoto · 11/05/2023 22:40

@Maebh9 I sincerely hope this won't be the case. My DC lives couldn't be more different to the life I had growing up. I find this quite a strange comment.

sanityisamyth · 11/05/2023 22:42

Hate my mother. Wouldn't care if she died tomorrow. Love my dad and my step mum though.

Sago1 · 11/05/2023 22:44

My father was an abusive bully, my mother a narcissist.
My father died when I was 31, my mother died 3 years ago, she was 93.
I always prayed I would have a few years of life without them.
My prayers were answered.
Every day I am alive and they are dead is a good day.
I hated them both, they should never have had children.
I was born in 1963, if I was born in the past 20 years I would have been in care and my father would probably have served a prison sentence.

Sparklybutold · 11/05/2023 22:45

My mum died when I was 2 - but I feel connected to her somehow.

My dad is a narcassitic abusive bully. I think he's a horrible human being but I love him. He is my kryptonite. He'd literally have me slashing my wrists in minutes if he told me too.

FIL - he can be an arrogant git most times. He can come across as cold and unloving. Every now and again there is some warmth - but it's fleeting. He is abusive and I don't think will ever recognise or accept it.

MIL - I think she's kind and caring but is a shell of who she could be as she's learnt to live with FIL. I do like and love her though.

gamerchick · 11/05/2023 22:45

No. I'm NC with my mother, I love my dad but he is weak. Anything for a quiet life type.

RoseThornside · 11/05/2023 22:52

No. My father is a recovering alcoholic who enjoys being unkind sometimes, and my mother used his alcoholism as a mask for her own nastiness. She can be cruel and puts herself first, before her children, always.

greenplants1 · 11/05/2023 22:52

I really love both my parents, and really respect and thank them for everything they have achieved in life and the values they have instilled in me.
I live close to them and see them regularly/ weekly.
However do I like them? Nope. DM is drama queen, and a functioning alcoholic and to be honest I don't think she likes me much as I refuse to get sucked into dramas and actually am independent and don't 'need' her.
My DDad is a lovely person, but to be honest doesn't make much effort with me or my family, and can be very opinionated.

Hollowayharris · 11/05/2023 23:04

No, they are the very worst of people. I grew up in the most toxic of homes.My mother was a bitter twisted woman and my father enabled her. She beat me very badly as a child, they both said that I was made and would often put their fingers to their heads when saying this. Their behavior enabled my older brother to sexually abuse me aged 11. My mother died 12 years ago and my brother died earlier this year. My father is still alive. I cut myself off from my family 25 years ago after writing a letter to my mother detailing the abuse. It was the best thing that I have ever done. I hope they are both in hell. I feel free for the first time since I was 11.

lunaloveroo · 11/05/2023 23:08

Yes. My parents are amazing and would literally do anything for us.

BlueThroughandThrough · 11/05/2023 23:17

I couldn't love them more. They are amazing people and I seek their company. They are both ill with progressive illnesses and the thought of losing them is heartbreaking so I spend as much time as possible with them while I can

Itslookinglikeabeautifulday · 11/05/2023 23:37

Yes, my mum is the kindest, most thoughtful person - though not without her minor annoyances.

Malarandras · 11/05/2023 23:42

I like, love and respect both of my parents deeply. I wouldn’t be here today without their love and support. Other than my children they are my world. I am very lucky I think.

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