Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Do you like your parents?

159 replies

MullerInk · 11/05/2023 19:31

Inspired by a comment I read on a website over a decade ago. The website was like a teen gossipy American type thing so the comment "I don't like my mom, I just don't like her personality" really surprised me and I think about it a surprising amount.

OP posts:
TheChosenTwo · 11/05/2023 23:43

My mum and I are quite close, she’s quite a character and we have had our ups and downs. I don’t trust her and we don’t have and never have had a cosy mother daughter relationship. we see each other regularly and we can have a laugh together but I wouldn’t go to her if I had a problem because she can’t keep anything private.
my dad… it’s complicated. On balance I’m sure I’m pleased we’re in contact but I’m more comfortable with a text relationship with him than I am seeing him in person. He’s a pathological liar, it’s embarrassing when he talks because everything he says is a lie. And we know it. I know I could call him at any time and he’d drop everything to help if he could. So I appreciate that about him. Not that I have ever had the need to do so.

botheritsgone · 11/05/2023 23:47

Adored my mother, miss her every day. She is who I still want to be like. I am extremely proud to be her daughter.
Had an extremely difficult relationship with my dad. I did not agree with him on so many things. His actions and words have given me lots of years in therapy. I really wish our relationship could have been better. But he wasn't really up to the task of being a parent.

Coxspurplepippin · 11/05/2023 23:50

Liked/like and loved/love them to bits. Not unadulterated perfection but they were my biggest cheerleaders, generous, provided a solid and loving grounding.

WideOpenSpaces · 11/05/2023 23:51

I like my Mum very much, but no I don't like my Dad one bit

Madopause · 11/05/2023 23:55

Love? yes, they’re my parents. Like? Not very much. My dad got nasty after alcohol when I was growing up and was violent to mum. Mum used to be my best friend but as I’ve got older and not followed her path (SAHM, even when we were struggling for money and me and DB were in school.

since then it’s been judgement, prickly and downright spiteful. I was due to fly to see them today. She called me at 0530 to tell me not to come (see my thread today).

greenspaces4peace · 12/05/2023 00:02

interesting read. my dad was away in the merchant marines most of my life but he was a decent man, spoke well carried himself well and was very independent. he adored his mom (my grandmother) later in my life i recognized he was a heavy drinker and it became more and more a problem until it did finally kill him (although i suspect underlying undiagnosed cancer) i would say i respected him and think of him as a good man.
my mom was my best friend for many years, then i went through a stint where she drove me nuts but now again she is my best friend my rock and i wish i was more like her.
neither of them would be winning parent of the year awards in 2023 but they did a better job at parenting than i did in some ways.

SquaresandStarlings · 12/05/2023 01:07

Dressshelp · 11/05/2023 20:29

I love them both very much. My Dad died when I was young so I have an idealised version of him, but I liked him a lot when he was alive.

My mum is very damaged and I was sexually abused a child which she knew about and didn’t stop. I struggle to like her, but I love her. I dislike spending time with her, but miss her when I don’t (see her maybe twice a year) I am incredibly jealous of other peoples relationships with their parents.

in answer to someone’s question up thread about why did I have children. I actually spent the entirety of my pregnancy terrified in case I was going to mess my child’s life up, or I wouldn’t like them like my mum didn’t like me, or they wouldn’t like me. As my children have got older it’s actually given me more clarity and reassurance that I’m NOT going to fuck it up, I cannot fathom the decisions my mum made - there’s no way I could or would treat my children the same way. I mean, I might fuck up in other ways, but it’s made me strive to be a better parent and have a better relationship with my kids

You sound amazing!!

SquaresandStarlings · 12/05/2023 01:18

XBealtaine · 11/05/2023 20:43

Yes, strange question. I have supported my dd, I have curiosity about who she is, I let her show me who she is. She feels safe I hope to be herself. We do talk things through though. I tell her what I think but I let her know these are my values and hers don't have to match. Its a very different relationship to the terrible relationship I have with my mother. But I tried to connect with my mother like I connect with my daughter. It makes my mother angry. What she needs from me is that I play the part she wrote.

This absolutely sums up generational drift.

I had a great relationship with my parents, who both sadly died last year, but it's only just coming out now that my sister did not...

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 12/05/2023 01:47

Have never liked my mum although our relationship is better now than it used to be.
I think she's workshy, entitled, nasty, racist, xenophobic and has few redeeming qualities.
When my teacher showed inappropriate interest in me at school (aged 7) she sneered at me and laughed while telling me I was stupid to think he would be interested in me.
When my ex husband hit me and I called her for help she said 'but you go on such nice holidays, can't you just put up with it?'

My dad was by far the better parent but I always felt abandoned by him when they divorced and I was left with an abusive mother.
He has surprisingly little contact with the family and rarely sees my kids since he retired 2yrs ago. As he's got older he's becoming less tolerant and more angry about things that piss him off.

NameforMN · 12/05/2023 06:02

Yes I like my mum. She can be great fun and is a good person.

However, she also annoys the hell out of me! She can be very negative which is wearing.

We are very different people and made different choices, so I suppose its inevitable that we clash in our views.

I do not share anything with her that she can latch on to. For example, I went for a job promotion recently and didn't get it. I am so pleased I didn't tell her as she would have revelled in it.

Mumuser124 · 12/05/2023 06:23

I love my mum dearly. She is my biggest supporter and I can rely on her for anything. I do like her but she does drive me abit mad. She can be very negative towards life and people. She sulks and has little tantrums and she asks stupid questions constantly which massively gets on my nerves but she’s my mum and I will always love her and have her as my close person regardless.

Lonelycrab · 12/05/2023 06:47

My mums lovely. Not a bad bone in her body, truly lovely person.

My dad is ok on a superficial level, interesting to chat to but on a deeper level very selfish in ways. Always had an awful temper on him and wasn’t particularly nice growing up and watching him regularly lose it. Also a bit of a fascist/racist so no, I don’t have much deep respect for him, although he has been kind to me in the past.

Wishawisha · 12/05/2023 06:53

I always used to think that if I met them in any other context - eg they were co-workers or similar - one I’d be pretty indifferent to and the other I’d find hugely irritating and try to avoid.

ZoraMipha · 12/05/2023 06:53

Maebh9 · 11/05/2023 20:20

Yes. Why do people who dislike their parents have kids? Don't you think it's a waste to spend all that time, effort and cash raising people who have a good chance of disliking you?

I don't think it follows that everyone who dislikes their parents will go on to have children who dislike them. That doesn't make sense at all.

A lot of people with difficult parents and upbringings resolve to do better for their own children.

RunThroughTheJungle · 12/05/2023 07:12

I adore them. I'm 56 and they've been fabulous parents for all of those years. They're aging now and I'm terrified if that.

Mummadeze · 12/05/2023 07:13

I love my Mum very much. We have very different views on many issues, but she has always been kind and generous and loving to me so I try to overlook her flaws. I do not like my Dad, he is a selfish narcissist and he can’t be bothered to even pretend to like me. I really worry that he will out live my Mum, because I would then have the dilemma of whether to keep visiting him or not. I only see him now because I want to see her.

Bigpinktrain · 12/05/2023 07:15

No I don’t
my dad is dead now but he abused my mom and me and caused such high levels of trauma that I’m still dealing with 12 years after he is gone.
My mom, is a mean bully. I feel for her as she suffered tears of domestic violence but she is so cruel and nasty that I can’t be bothered with the stress of communicating with her.

Tootyfilou · 12/05/2023 07:30

I am so lucky, I am 60 and both my parents are alive and in good health. I utterly adore them... especially my father who is my absolute hero, the cleverest man I have ever met, witty, and the best company ever. I love spending time with them and genuinely enjoy their company. I appreciate how lucky I am every day. I cannot bear to think of life without them.

TheNachtzehrer · 12/05/2023 07:32

They're okay. I love them and everything, they did their best, but we've never been close. They were too drained and too focused on a very rigid image of what they thought I should do that had nothing to do with what I actually wanted or who I was. And I will never really be able to get over some of the things my mum said about a public rape accusation.

Gettingbysomehow · 12/05/2023 07:36

No. I have no contact with them and live miles away.they were extremely abusive and difficult. I have no idea why they thought having children was a good idea. They could not even provide for my very basic needs mentally or physically.
My entire childhood was spent waiting for the day I was old enough to leave.

AxolotlOnions · 12/05/2023 08:16

I used to love them but I don't think children have a choice. I never wanted children because I was afraid they'd turn out like me but once I did have them I started to realise that I wasn't the problem, my parents were. They are truly awful people and I wish I had the guts to go no contact.

GMsAWinner · 12/05/2023 08:23

My Dad and I were very like minded and everyone liked him. Unfortunately, he passed away quite a few years ago.

My Mum cares, but she's a quirky character - doesn't think like most other people do and her way is always right, talks at you in depth, doesn't listen, so we find her hard work - so no I don't really like her. Luckily I have a lovely DH who just accepts she's part of the package.

SquaresandStarlings · 12/05/2023 08:58

Spanielsarepainless · 11/05/2023 19:52

I love my parents. I am in my early 60s and they are approaching 90, but I love spending time with them, chatting with them and going out with them, even if it only for coffee or a pub lunch. I know I am lucky to still have them both but the prospect of losing them makes me feel sick. I have known them so long!

I was the same as you until last year when I lost them both.

I read that grief is a form of love and it really is. You learn to live with it and it makes you only remember the lovely things. I still talk to them almost daily as my son has now taken their old bedroom.

familyissues12345 · 12/05/2023 08:59

My mum and I are very alike, she drives me nuts sometimes but we get each other, so get on well.

My dad in general is a nice, good person. He's dominating though, calls himself a family man, which he is but he totally oversteps the boundaries - treats my brother and I like children and expects us to do as he says (we're both 40's!). He's pushed my buttons a few too many times - when I haven't bowed down to him - and it's always been very hurtful, which has caused me to be cautious around him.
It's a real shame, his heart is in the right place, it's generally always an argument over a desire to have the whole family together, but he gets nasty when we don't all comply. It just isn't nice and leaves a bad taste in my mouth. He sees nothing wrong with the way he demands things unfortunately.

It's made me distance myself to protect myself and my family. I just find it suffocating. Luckily Mum is usually quite good at calming him down.

SquaresandStarlings · 12/05/2023 09:02

Maebh9 · 11/05/2023 20:20

Yes. Why do people who dislike their parents have kids? Don't you think it's a waste to spend all that time, effort and cash raising people who have a good chance of disliking you?

Because they want to be the parent they always wished their own parents could be of course.