Do you like your parents?

[MullerInk]

Inspired by a comment I read on a website over a decade ago. The website was like a teen gossipy American type thing so the comment "I don't like my mom, I just don't like her personality" really surprised me and I think about it a surprising amount.

I'm surprised that so many don't like their parents. I'm adding to it...
Parents split in my early childhood and dad cleared off overseas. Stayed in contact with him for years but I decided he was selfish as fuck and actually really strange too.

My mum, yes. Wonderful human being. Sadly passed away now.

Adore them both.

I don’t enjoy spending time with mine, I can’t be myself. My mum was always very angry and critical of me growing up. My dad quite passive and never stood up for us. They’re kind people, they have limitations. My mum suffered with mental health, but took it out on everyone around her. I still love them, and they do there best, the are kind and generous in many ways. I’ve tried to talk to my mum and she dosen’t seem capable of change, it makes me sad and angry and I don’t see that much of them.

This sums up my feelings about my parents too

I don't like my mother but I really wish I did. I feel guilty not liking her.

Yes. Why do people who dislike their parents have kids? Don't you think it's a waste to spend all that time, effort and cash raising people who have a good chance of disliking you?

Nope. She projected negative attributes of to me for decades to avoid the discomfort of wondering if she was a good mother. The past is the past, but when she made a very hurtful remark, I asked her not to gloss over the hurt she'd caused me. Well, she threw herself up on the cross, the victim of me. My dad backed her up. She gives me two choices, submit to her narrative that she's the victim of me, or endure her ongoing silent treatment. She has also smeared me left right and centre. So no, I don't think I like them. I am grieving though. I still can't believe it turned out like this. Well that's not true really, I always sensed that if I asserted my sense of my self and stood firm in my interpretation of events, shit would hit the fan. Its still somehow shocking though, to know that my trepidation around her growing up was based on the correct assessment that she would attempt to make me feel crazy doubting myself before she would take any tiny bit of accountability.

I liked, loved and admired them. Dh felt the same about them - especially my dad. They also drove me absolutely crazy sometimes.

Honestly mum no. She hated being a mother and was often cruel and wanted to sleep on the couch ! When we got older she wanted to be matey but she's so controlling and judgemental of everyone. She also doesn't like me and I'm not arsed. I try not to follow her pattern.

Are they perfect? Hahahahaa. No.

Are they wonderful, loving, honest and the best? Do I like them?

YES.

And it’s combination of luck and working really fucking hard in my 30’s to establish a relationship that worked for all.

#boundaries. P

You could be me! I'm the same.

I love them but they are flawed like every other human being on the planet so there are certain elements of their personalities I dont like.

My mum makes it very difficult to have a good relationship with her. I see her often more as a duty, I don't enjoy her company

I love them both very much. My Dad died when I was young so I have an idealised version of him, but I liked him a lot when he was alive.

My mum is very damaged and I was sexually abused a child which she knew about and didn’t stop. I struggle to like her, but I love her. I dislike spending time with her, but miss her when I don’t (see her maybe twice a year) I am incredibly jealous of other peoples relationships with their parents.

in answer to someone’s question up thread about why did I have children. I actually spent the entirety of my pregnancy terrified in case I was going to mess my child’s life up, or I wouldn’t like them like my mum didn’t like me, or they wouldn’t like me. As my children have got older it’s actually given me more clarity and reassurance that I’m NOT going to fuck it up, I cannot fathom the decisions my mum made - there’s no way I could or would treat my children the same way. I mean, I might fuck up in other ways, but it’s made me strive to be a better parent and have a better relationship with my kids

I do worry about this with my child. His dad has him about 25 to 30 percent of the time and is lazy but he prefers him which is a bit crap but this is the situation I'm in.

I loved both my parents despite my Dad being quite a difficult complex man .He died 30plus years ago . I loved my Mum more and more as the decades went by …she was a wonderful unique lady .My kids adored their Grandma because she was bohemian and fun .

@Theeaglesoared can I ask why you don’t like your mum? Is it things she has done or more based on not liking her personality?

My Mum is fab. Not particularly maternal or cuddly but practical and helpful. She’s a very very clever retired teacher which has been useful with a bit of free GCSE tutoring 😊. She’s extremely generous and has a wicked sense of humour.

My Dad is a decent person but utterly selfish and useless as a Dad. They divorced (thank FUCK) when I was young. He’s very tight, very eccentric and has no clue about children. He’s very academic so you can have some great chats but I consider him as a slightly remote uncle tbh. My little DC don’t fully realise he’s my actual father.

My Step Dad is fabulous and I consider him to be my Dad. He’s a bit inscrutable but generous both financially and with his time. My DC adore him. He’s their Grandfather. He doesn’t have bio children yet used to take me on shopping trips when I was a teenager for my birthday. He’s ace.

Well hidden potential narcissist….not overly. Dad thought it was funny to comment on my weight loads and developed an eating disorder. Mum
pretty much emotionally abused me at times and treated my siblings differently.

My mum, yes very much so now, and also as a young child.As a person and a mum, she is a very kind hearted, positive and committed.

In my Teenage/20s it was abit tricky at times but we have become closer as I've got older, especially the last 18mths since my dad passed away (I'm an only child so we only have each other) She was quite dominated by him and i used to feel she would always hang off his every word and take his side too much and not stick up for/prioritise me enough, which affected things despite us getting on very well in general....I felt he was jealous of how well we got on and she let him come inbetween us.

My dad was a great parent to me in my childhood and I have many happy memories of our family unit together.
But teenage years onwards our relationship broke down as I began to think/act in my own ways and realised that many of his ways of thinking were quite eccentric,outdated, judgemental and controversial.
He was a devout Catholic and an older parent which didn't help.We were very far apart in our views on alot of matters.We ticked along okay during my 20s/30s and he was a generous and thoughtful person with a good sense of humour, but there was always an awkwardness there as he could also be very uptight, critical and lack emotional warmth.We had big arguments every so often about our differences of opinions, and in the last year of his life he got dementia and behaved in very challenging ways at times, which made that final period of our relationship sadly very difficult.

@Maebh9 ive always wanted kids, i know how to be a good parent as my parents were so bad. Im so scared I will mess it up but im not my parents, I’ve learnt and I will be different.

Theres no way to say your kids won’t dislike you surely?

What a strange comment.....perhaps, the people who dislike their parents have very good reason for feeling that way, but will learn from their parents mistakes and be very different with their own children.

That's certainly the case with my DH, his parents were shit, but he is an amazing dad!

Got closer as we got older, and I realised just how hard my mum worked to support me - taking an interest in my degree, my career , my life in general.
I adored my dad as a child, but actually as I got older I realised how utterly chauvinistic he was and how that affected me.
But they were both kind people, hard working and good values, in the main. Not perfect, but good parents. I miss them both.

@ferntwist A bit of both really. I used to admire her and loved her very much, but over the years she's become embittered and judgemental and lies about things.

I miss the person she used to be hugely.

Yes, strange question. I have supported my dd, I have curiosity about who she is, I let her show me who she is. She feels safe I hope to be herself. We do talk things through though. I tell her what I think but I let her know these are my values and hers don't have to match. Its a very different relationship to the terrible relationship I have with my mother. But I tried to connect with my mother like I connect with my daughter. It makes my mother angry. What she needs from me is that I play the part she wrote.