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Original poster

Was DP rude or our neighbour?

429 replies

CurlyTandtheTangles · 09/05/2023 23:09

Name changed cos this is outing.
And it's going to be long. Sorry.

Background - our neighbours are in their 70's, Known them nearly 20yrs. Used to get on brilliantly. In last 5 yrs the wife (let's call her Jane) has got very bossy, disagrees with anything you say and looks for arguments - it's tedious.

So we've stepped back slightly but still look after each others houses/pets when away. DP does the odd DIY task for them.We have keys for each others properties.

Yesterday evening our neighbour came round. DP answered the door. Jane asked if they could have access through our back garden to access their back wall. A builder is coming to sort out the back wall but can't get a ladder up in their back garden (its tiered in a weird way and huge chicken house in way). Not an urgent job but builder is available

To access the back of our house you have to come through the garage and then through a connected workshop into back garden. You can't access the back any other way except through the house.

DP said shouldnt be a problem.Jane said it would be about 3pm (Tues - today) DP said "ah sorry no" as none of us would be in. And told her the times we'd be home.

Jane wasn't happy. Voice getting annoyed. She kept going onto DP about how do delivery people get to the back of house.... she was angling for DP to give her the fob for the garage and key to workshop. DP wasn't having of it and repeated times someone would be home.

Reasons DP didn't want her to have the fob and keys is because he's got lots of equipment in garage and workshop and was concerned the builder would be up a ladder at the back of our/their house and leave the garage etc with doors wide open. And also our dogs would go bonkers seeing a stranger in the garden (patio doors).

So (you can probably guess what's happened today)....

Earlier this evening we were in our garden. I noticed the guinea pig run I left by the fence dividing our gardens is in a different position. We looked up and obvious building work has been done on their wall.

Further inspection shows muddy flat grass and muddy footprints on our decking.

I can only think Jane has been in our house, snooped for the garage fob and workshop key. Made the dogs go crazy. Let the builder through.

I was/am fuming. But a tiny part of me thinks should we have given her the fob and key,???

DP seems cross and said he will deal with it tomorrow. Obviously I'm still stewing over this - DP is snoring.

It's rude isn't it? It's fucking downright out of order isn't it? Or is my way of thinking wonky (I am autistic so fuck up on social stuff lots).

OP posts:
raincamepouringdown · 11/05/2023 21:50

I would be livid. Please tell us you got the key back!

anon12093 · 11/05/2023 22:02

How did she get your key?

Trishthedish · 11/05/2023 22:06

Absolutely despicable behaviour. All trust destroyed. Demand your keys back immediately. I’d be absolutely fuming.

T1Dmama · 11/05/2023 22:35

Did your husband get your keys back off them and did she put the garage fob back where she found it?
If you can see on the door cam which building company it was I would call them too and state there there is no entry unless
the house occupants are home!! Not the neighbour letting them in

Batalax · 11/05/2023 22:37

It’s a shame she wasn’t in. Now she’ll have been prewarned and will have her script prepared. Would have been nice to catch her off guard.

T1Dmama · 11/05/2023 22:37

If you want to continue with the pet sitting, I would request the keys back and say from now on you’ll just hand them a set before they dog sit and get it back straight after. Return their keys too

Tellmeimcrazy · 11/05/2023 22:41

OP. We are waiting for an update!!!

PolkaDotMankini · 11/05/2023 22:47

This would make me so cross! Definitely change the locks.

Aprilrosesews · 11/05/2023 23:11

Batalax · 11/05/2023 22:37

It’s a shame she wasn’t in. Now she’ll have been prewarned and will have her script prepared. Would have been nice to catch her off guard.

I agree and she’ll have convinced herself she did nothing wrong no matter what is said

chubbychopsticks · 11/05/2023 23:18

@RosaCaramella I was thinking the same. Even more reason to get your keys back. I'd send the woman some snaps of the doorCam and ask her to explain?

Humanbiology · 11/05/2023 23:36

whynotwhatknot · 11/05/2023 00:42

did he get the key back though

Probably not he kept the begging bowl open. What an excuse we may need to be in their house if we get the roof done. Sleep in the living room. They might have watched too much neighbours and believe it.

Humanbiology · 11/05/2023 23:38

If it was me I would change the locks. The relationship would die a death but I would not give a fk

IHateLegDay · 11/05/2023 23:42

I'd demand the key back and change the locks! Jane sounds like a nightmare!

H007 · 11/05/2023 23:45

I mean yes they were totally out of order and I would most definitely be getting the key back. I think your husbands right to not want to start war etc. However, I do think DP could have been more accommodating when they first asked for access. If you trust them enough to be in your house when you are away I’m not really sure why he was so against them having access when they needed it for the builder.

meercat23 · 12/05/2023 00:09

That was explained. They didn't want the garage left open when they were not there because if the tools and equipment.

Rottweilermummy · 12/05/2023 07:02

I'm with the other person wondering if this lady is getting dementia, if you've known each other for so long and trust each other with keys etc this sounds like a new behaviour that is out of character plus she is in her 70s so very feasible I would just watch behaviour or speak to her husband before getting really angry
What she has done is very wrong and can imagine how upset and angry you are hopefully nothing missing ( I'd be worried about builder having helped himself to a tool or 2) I would ask for keys back though or maybe just put somewhere safe like a security key box but tell the ladies husband the number

Atsocta · 12/05/2023 07:30

First they should only have a key when your away, and secondly she’s out of order, without your permission it’s still trespassing
change your locks …

MarsandVenus · 12/05/2023 07:31

She is a CF not to have planned / agreed a convenient date for builders with you in advance. Can’t just expect you to accommodate them at the drop of a hat!

Yes, definitely change the locks. I really wouldn’t bother with the police though. It’s difficult enough to get them to look at serious crimes so they are unlikely to investigate this. Plus there’s no point ratcheting up the acrimony with ur neighbours. Just change locks & move on.

lovemycottage · 12/05/2023 08:54

Any update op?

Mydietstartstomorrow · 12/05/2023 09:50

Did DP go round yesterday as he said he was going to? I need to know, I’m invested!

Maddy70 · 12/05/2023 09:59

They have probably climbed over the fence. It's difficult to get workmen to fit around tiny schedules they probably just worked around if

MagentaRocks · 12/05/2023 10:16

Maddy70 · 12/05/2023 09:59

They have probably climbed over the fence. It's difficult to get workmen to fit around tiny schedules they probably just worked around if

RTFT. they are on camera letting themselves in.

floofsMum · 12/05/2023 11:12

Yes. WAY out of order. But I would have a quite word with the husband or other family. If she is becoming more confrontational, losing social graces and becoming self centered and righteous it could be early signs of dementia. I am not saying that you mention this to him rather to find a polite way to say that you would prefer if he just had access to the key and if he could speak to you on this kind of matter in the future. If the conversation turns to her changing behaviour maybe take the opportunity to gently bring it to his attention as when you are close to someone you may not always notice. You are going to need to keep on good terms with her in the future and if she develops a grudge over this if it is dementia it could give her a nasty, vengeful attitude to you which you don't need. I talk from experience, I have a lot of sympathy for my previously sweet, thoughtful neighbour but she has turned into a vengeful spiteful hellion.

Pringleface · 12/05/2023 12:11

Mydietstartstomorrow · 12/05/2023 09:50

Did DP go round yesterday as he said he was going to? I need to know, I’m invested!

You could try reading the thread, or if that’s really too difficult for you, just the OP’s posts.

Jesus.

Londisc · 12/05/2023 12:16

I'm glad a couple of other people have also flagged the dementia likelihood here. It's really sad when friends and family fall out with once lovely people because the personality change is noticeable for quite some years before the memory deterioration shows itself to be more than just 'old age'. Our personalities are generally quite stable and changes of this nature are concerning. It also leads to a bit of a vicious circle as the more isolated the person becomes, the worse they get, the worse they get, the less people want to interact with them etc...