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Original poster

DD's teacher - mortified

289 replies

mortifiedmomma · 06/05/2023 23:01

I know I'm in the wrong in the situation, and this will teach me a lesson; but I keep thinking about it and I'm absolutely mortified.

We had planned a small 4 day vacation or long week end from this past Friday to Monday night away with DH, DD (6), ILs and me.

DD had school on Friday but we thought we would just take her out of school that day to have an extra day to enjoy ourselves.

I told DD who was very excited, but asked her not to tell her teacher and to just tell her, at the end of the day on Thursday, that she was feeling unwell, so that we could have an excuse and tell the school she was ill the next day (I know, I know).

On Thursday, when I picked her up, her teacher asked me if she could have a quick word with me.

DD told her "she would be sick tomorrow". And following the teacher's confusion, DD proceeded to explain that "we're going on holiday, and mummy doesn't want me to tell you, so she said to tell you I would be sick tomorrow".

How do I recover from this?

OP posts:
faffadoodledo · 07/05/2023 07:59

Just say plainly to the teacher.. lesson learned, I will NEVER ask my child to lie again.
Every day's a learning day.
The teacher will probably appreciate that. And it's the only way out!

Lostinplaces · 07/05/2023 08:00

Not bothered you gave her the day off but it’s really off that you told your kid to lie like that.

DustyOwl · 07/05/2023 08:01

Oh this does happen, a lot. I have no doubt that this is a true post.

The times I have been told about holidays, parents ages, pregnancies are impossible to count.

”My Mummy has a secret, it’s in her tummy and we are not allowed to tell anyone.”

But, as long as it’s not a safeguarding issue, we are very discreet!

“Daddy hit a wall with his car this morning. Mummy is cross”.

“I have nits but I am not allowed to tell anyone”.

The most common;

”I was sick before school but Mummy/Daddy told me not to tell anyone.”

”I am going to be sick tomorrow/We are all going on holiday tomorrow”

Like I say, if no one is in danger, a wry smile and a nod to the TA is all that normally happens.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

6 year olds Families General education
YukoandHiro · 07/05/2023 08:05

The holiday doesn't matter.

Teaching your child that it's ok for someone to tell them to lie on their behalf is very dangerous and makes her open to abuse. You need to tell her you made a mistake. And talk to her about the implications of lying.

YouJustDoYou · 07/05/2023 08:06

Well the teacher isn't stupid, a lot of kids magically fall ill the friday before a long weekend. Just sad you asked your poor kid to lie.

DustyOwl · 07/05/2023 08:08

Oh and obviously the nits one, the being sick in the morning and the “mummy is cross” one etc are followed up.

The smile is because that is how children are. Mostly very very honest:

”you have a moustache and you’re a girl”.

It does make the nice ones more special though;

”I like your dress/shoes”

”My Mummy/Daddy says you’re a lovely teacher.”

Much better than the other alternative 😂

WelshNerd · 07/05/2023 08:09

Our school's policy on term time holidays specifically states that parents shouldn't tell the kids to lie (for all the reasons mentioned on this thread).

CatkinToadflax · 07/05/2023 08:10

DS2’s friend was genuinely off sick recently. Their headmaster knows all of the pupils really well and comes round and chats to them at lunchtimes and noticed that ‘Max’ wasn’t there with their usual group of friends. HM asked “where’s Max?” and DS2 replied that he was ill. HM surpressed a smile and said “ah - at CenterParcs is he?” 😄 He was genuinely ill. But the previous time he was “off ill” he had indeed been at CenterParcs. Schools must get this all the time!

*other names of children and holiday locations are available.

RampantIvy · 07/05/2023 08:16

I just think it is a poor judgement move to insult the teacher's intelligence when it is clear the "sick" day is a holday.

We took DD out of school a few times when she was at primary school, but were upfront about it.

Olivida98 · 07/05/2023 08:23

TurmoilDreams · 06/05/2023 23:09

You don't ever, ever, teach a child to lie for you. It's disgusting. Sorry for honesty. You are supposed to be the parent and teach them right from wrong, lying is wrong. End of

Oh grow up 😂😂 Sometimes in life it’s not only fine but even morally right to tell lies! Why teach children that it’s NEVER okay to lie when adults do all the time? It’s like how everyone preaches at their children to share all their most precious things when adults would never do this.

CoconutQueen · 07/05/2023 08:23

Sorry OP but no sympathy here. You told your child to lie!! What a horrible dishonest thing to do. What is that teaching your child?

NotAHouse · 07/05/2023 08:25

I don't get why you did that. Laying groundwork but saying she felt unwell was completely unnecessary as illnesses can develop overnight. You brought her into a pointless lie and got caught out because your daughter is more honest than you. FAFO.

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 07/05/2023 08:25

I probably wouldn’t have asked a six year old to lie, they’re completely useless at it. But I don’t understand the hand-wringing agonising by some people over kids missing the odd day of school. Honestly, what difference does it make in the long run? None I bet.

greyhairnomore · 07/05/2023 08:29

MN is always encouraging lying , it's weird.
Now the school know you lied , not a good thing to teach a child.

mrsDracoMalfoy · 07/05/2023 08:32

Saw this a meme/clip on tik tok the other day. Nice try op

FeltCarrot · 07/05/2023 08:35

Years ago when I worked in reception we had the father call in to say his child was off sick, followed by a call from the mother asking for permission to take the child out for a wedding. Dad was very sheepish when we saw him next!😂

Tallulasdancingshoes · 07/05/2023 08:36

Lesson learnt - don’t lie and don’t ask your child to lie for you either.

Dwightlovesmichael · 07/05/2023 08:36

Okay, so now you know never to get the child in on the lie!

Dds friend is on holiday for ten days. Her mum was very open that they were just planning on calling in sick every day (we can just record it on the school app rather than calling in). The child is 9, so won’t say anything.

I just wouldn’t have the courage to do it! DD has only ever had three days off in a row sick one time, I put it on the app everyday and never heard anything from the school, but I assume that after a week of that and then a few days the next week the school would be calling. She must have nerves of steel! I would be a nervous wreck and wouldn’t enjoy the holiday anyway.

pictoosh · 07/05/2023 08:38

Why do people lie so much? Seriously. The truth would have done, the consequence is mild. Why lie? Self preservation mostly.
It's so oily and underhand.

Glad the teacher saw the funny side but yeah, you've shown yourself to be deceitful and not above encouraging the same in your children, to oil your own path.

I don't like people who lie for their own gain.

pictoosh · 07/05/2023 08:40

Particularly when it's so needless...just the path of least resistance. Lazy as fuck.

Justalittlebitduckling · 07/05/2023 08:43

“Fair cop, gov,” I think is the only reaction here. Just be honest and admit it.

Fandabedodgy · 07/05/2023 08:43

Lesson learned. You will tell this story at dinner parties for years now. 😂

CosmosQueen · 07/05/2023 08:45

Her teacher basically said that my DD's explanation raised concerns about the truthfulness of the situation and the communication between me and the school and that when the school receives conflicting information or suspect that a kid may be missing school for reasons other than illness, she has a responsibility to follow up

Well you’ve shown yourself to be deceitful and willing to make your child lie too.

Utterly unnecessary.

CaptainMyCaptain · 07/05/2023 08:46

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 07/05/2023 08:25

I probably wouldn’t have asked a six year old to lie, they’re completely useless at it. But I don’t understand the hand-wringing agonising by some people over kids missing the odd day of school. Honestly, what difference does it make in the long run? None I bet.

Has anybody done that on this thread? I don't think so, least of all the teachers.

pictoosh · 07/05/2023 08:48

I don't give a toss about the lassie missing a day of school. That's neither here nor there.
I don't like habitual liars...and by that I mean those who will lie when they don't even need to.