DD's teacher - mortified

[mortifiedmomma]

I know I'm in the wrong in the situation, and this will teach me a lesson; but I keep thinking about it and I'm absolutely mortified.

We had planned a small 4 day vacation or long week end from this past Friday to Monday night away with DH, DD (6), ILs and me.

DD had school on Friday but we thought we would just take her out of school that day to have an extra day to enjoy ourselves.

I told DD who was very excited, but asked her not to tell her teacher and to just tell her, at the end of the day on Thursday, that she was feeling unwell, so that we could have an excuse and tell the school she was ill the next day (I know, I know).

On Thursday, when I picked her up, her teacher asked me if she could have a quick word with me.

DD told her "she would be sick tomorrow". And following the teacher's confusion, DD proceeded to explain that "we're going on holiday, and mummy doesn't want me to tell you, so she said to tell you I would be sick tomorrow".

How do I recover from this?

It's a relatively new law here brought in in the Labour government days and now they're so ott strict about attendance, it's a nightmare.

Teacher here. Many years ago, a child came back to class after 2 weeks off school, complete with a tan, and hair braids:
”Mummy has told me to tell you I’ve been off with tonsillitis.”

5 mins later the child forgot they were supposed to be lying, and told me all about their holiday to Tenerife.

The school would probably always appreciate honesty about your little break far more than any uncovered fibs.
I would probably just apologise and explain you were anxious about any negative perceptions about you due to wanting to take term time breaks and about etc.

Sometimes parents really cannot take hols in holiday time for some reasons.
Its holiday companies I blame. They shouldn’t up the prices in school holiday time.

Honesty really is the best policy.
I wouldn’t have lied in the first place. Hindsight and all that….

the tightening of attendance and fines were actually brought in under the coalition government in 2013.

It wasn't Labour. It was the coalition (Tory/Lib Dem)

I know you don’t feel it now but in a few years this will be a funny story. My dd did this to me and I could of bloody died. But reading your story it’s hilarious and I now find my own account funny too. Don’t over think it

You're right, sorry. I was thinking of when Blair's government put the truancy patrol vans on the streets.

Totally agree. I do worry how rule abiding we are as a country. We would sleep walk into facism in an instant (some would argue we already are well down this path). We do need to teach our children honesty, but I’m not teaching my children blind obedience, that’s dangerous on a personal and societal level.

Kier should pay attention, allowing 2 weeks per family off outside of exam season would be such a crowd pleaser and cost nothing. Few teachers support the current draconian system.

Regardless of whose idea fines for poor attendance were, you don’t get fined for an isolated day’s unauthorised absence, anyway, so lying is phenomenally silly as it makes you look bad for no real benefit. And being caught lying about illness could just result in a school recording all your child’s future “illnesses” as unauthorised absences unless you provide medical evidence of genuine illness, which is either a faff, or almost impossible to do.

I understand your why you did this, and I don't think it is such a terrible thing to do.. I do, though, think it was unwise to tell your child to lie about feeling poorly. Firstly, children aren't very good at understanding situations like this and are likely to get it all wrong and, secondly, because you are, in effect, saying it's OK to lie, which I don't think you had thought through properly.

It must have been very embarrassing but I would put it behind you. I expect teachers are used to this sort of thing and may even have thought it quite funny. It seems a bit mean of this teacher to bring it up with you but I suppose by doing so she has ensured that it won't happen again!

I don't know if children still do "diaries" at school. When I was young (a long time ago), we wrote a few sentences in our exercise books about what we had done at the weekend, during the holidays, etc. One of my entries was that Mum and Dad had gone to the pub and when Dad came back he was in a "comer". My Mum was mortified. I bet the teachers had a lot of fun with those.

Oh it’s to do with families who come from abroad taking long holidays out of term time therefore impacting childrens’ learning. When my daughter was at primary in a very mixed culture school it was quite a problem - a law was brought in in UK to confirm lack of attendance. There’s also a red flag in the case of home issues which need checking out sometimes.

Don't ask your children to tell lies. How will you be able to expect them to tell the truth in future if you encourage lying now? Your child wouldn't have been in trouble for having time out for a holiday and I'm sure you know that. If the school was unhappy about it, then it would be you, as parents, who were criticised. So basically you taught your child to be dishonest to protect yourself. Not good. BTW, there have been odd occasions when my children were very small, when I thought the benefit to them of a trip outweighed any negative effects of a day off school. I just told the school that. No problem.

We all lose the plot sometimes! Her teacher is only human so - if you want to look at yourself in the mirror - go and apologise then congratulate her for teaching your daughter to tell the truth......

Shame on you.