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Original poster

DD's teacher - mortified

289 replies

mortifiedmomma · 06/05/2023 23:01

I know I'm in the wrong in the situation, and this will teach me a lesson; but I keep thinking about it and I'm absolutely mortified.

We had planned a small 4 day vacation or long week end from this past Friday to Monday night away with DH, DD (6), ILs and me.

DD had school on Friday but we thought we would just take her out of school that day to have an extra day to enjoy ourselves.

I told DD who was very excited, but asked her not to tell her teacher and to just tell her, at the end of the day on Thursday, that she was feeling unwell, so that we could have an excuse and tell the school she was ill the next day (I know, I know).

On Thursday, when I picked her up, her teacher asked me if she could have a quick word with me.

DD told her "she would be sick tomorrow". And following the teacher's confusion, DD proceeded to explain that "we're going on holiday, and mummy doesn't want me to tell you, so she said to tell you I would be sick tomorrow".

How do I recover from this?

OP posts:
PimpMyFridge · 07/05/2023 10:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

🙄
fyi some people out there are light of heart.

usedtobeasizeten · 07/05/2023 10:21

Well, if you know, you know, why did you do it? Stop encouraging your child to lie.

TrickyD · 07/05/2023 10:28

A few years ago before Headteacher DH retired, rules were strict but approval for absence was at the head’s discretion. His school was in a deprived area and he always gave approval, anything to enhance any family bonding.

His half terms were out of sync with our grandchildren’s, so we took them out of school to go skiing. As our party of nine included three heads and an OFSTED inspector and the kids would be in a french speaking ski school all day, it seemed sufficiently educational.

Interested in this thread?

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6 year olds Families General education
Quitelikeacatslife · 07/05/2023 10:31

It will have been laughed off for sure, but teachers and staff will think a little bit less if you.
The absolute best thing to do is to be upfront, fill an absence request form in, it will be unauthorised but everyone knows, saves lots of work and goodwill
It's a long old road with the school and goodwill needs to be both ways

IWantRebeccasConfidence · 07/05/2023 10:33

It’s not about the misssing the school day, it’s teaching your child it’s okay to lie. Someone else’s will ask them to do that for malicious reasons and your DD will think mummy told me it was okay to lie so I won’t tell her this other lie this adult is asking me to say to mummy and keep hurting me.

Just use it to tell her it was wrong and hope you’ve had a good weekend.

nidgey · 07/05/2023 10:42

mortifiedmomma · 06/05/2023 23:01

I know I'm in the wrong in the situation, and this will teach me a lesson; but I keep thinking about it and I'm absolutely mortified.

We had planned a small 4 day vacation or long week end from this past Friday to Monday night away with DH, DD (6), ILs and me.

DD had school on Friday but we thought we would just take her out of school that day to have an extra day to enjoy ourselves.

I told DD who was very excited, but asked her not to tell her teacher and to just tell her, at the end of the day on Thursday, that she was feeling unwell, so that we could have an excuse and tell the school she was ill the next day (I know, I know).

On Thursday, when I picked her up, her teacher asked me if she could have a quick word with me.

DD told her "she would be sick tomorrow". And following the teacher's confusion, DD proceeded to explain that "we're going on holiday, and mummy doesn't want me to tell you, so she said to tell you I would be sick tomorrow".

How do I recover from this?

Well you’re right to feel mortified and it is absolutely terrible parenting to teach a child to lie. No two ways about it, you should be ashamed and apologise to your child and the teacher.

AngryGreasedSantaCatcus · 07/05/2023 10:43

@ShinyShite how do you know? Have you lived in various countries and various cities and took term time holidays repeatedly?

It's not the schools btw that impose the rules or the fines , it's the local authority. Even if the headteacher approves the absence, depending on the frequency and duration they can be pulled up on it so it's not really worth it.

Mortonswood · 07/05/2023 10:48

As both a teacher and a parent, I understand the critical role that teachers play in safeguarding the wellbeing of their students. When parents ask their children to lie to teachers, it raises a red flag that cannot be ignored. Teachers must remain impartial and avoid making assumptions based on familiarity or perceived decency of a family. Failing to do so may result in some children falling through the gaps, missing out on the care and support they need to thrive. Parent’s often put us and their children in impossible positions

GG1986 · 07/05/2023 10:48

You can't ask a 6 year old to lie!! It's best to tell the truth, we have always been honest about taking dd7 on holidays in term time.

Hungryfrogs23 · 07/05/2023 10:53

You learn a lesson from it that it is a very bad idea to actively teach your child to lie to other people 🤷

Mortonswood · 07/05/2023 10:53

Quitelikeacatslife · 07/05/2023 10:31

It will have been laughed off for sure, but teachers and staff will think a little bit less if you.
The absolute best thing to do is to be upfront, fill an absence request form in, it will be unauthorised but everyone knows, saves lots of work and goodwill
It's a long old road with the school and goodwill needs to be both ways

It won’t have been. Parents often put us and their children in very uncomfortable positions.

As both a teacher and a parent, I understand the critical role that teachers play in safeguarding the wellbeing of their students.

When parents ask their children to lie it raises a red flag that cannot be ignored. What else are they being asked yo
lie about?

Teachers must remain impartial and avoid making assumptions based on familiarity or perceived decency of a family.

Failing to do so may result in some children falling through the gaps, missing out on the care and support they need to thrive.

You just need to read the papers to see how many children do.

ShinyShite · 07/05/2023 10:57

AngryGreasedSantaCatcus · 07/05/2023 10:43

@ShinyShite how do you know? Have you lived in various countries and various cities and took term time holidays repeatedly?

It's not the schools btw that impose the rules or the fines , it's the local authority. Even if the headteacher approves the absence, depending on the frequency and duration they can be pulled up on it so it's not really worth it.

Well yes, I don't live in the UK and I'm speaking based on my own experiences and also anecdotal evidence from (mainly European) friends.

DejaVoodoo · 07/05/2023 11:31

Blimey, there are a lot of po-faced saints on MN!

I had this situation a lot as a primary teacher; it was merely a tut and eyeroll situation, and soon forgotten about. No one will hold it against you or your child, don't worry. It's easier and less stressful just to be honest, though.

And whilst honesty is generally thought to be the best policy, it doesn't necessarily hold true in all situations and is more nuanced than that. It really depends on the point and goal of the fib: an altruistic fib to spare feelings or avoid further lies and/or lies that have the goal of safety and security are quite different to a self-interested lie for one's own gain.
That said, asking a six year old to lie for you - whatever the motivation - is never going to end well!

CaptainMyCaptain · 07/05/2023 12:27

CheeseAndOnionIsMyFav · 07/05/2023 09:27

The 'best' way to have a couple of unauthorised days without the kids saying anything is to not tell them Grin

We rarely take the children out of school anyway, but we're honest about it and would take any fine on the chin.

So when they come back to school and the teacher asks them if they are better now they will say 'No, I wasn't ill we've been on holiday'. They always tell you.

Flowertight · 07/05/2023 12:53

For all you guys saying don’t lie-I take it you don’t do Santa, or the tooth fairy? Or have never made an excuse to avoid hurting someone’s feelings with the truth? Life isn’t so black and white

@Sleepdeprived42long you’re missing the point. It’s not that people never - and should never - tell small lies. It’s that you shouldn’t get very small children to keep secrets from those they trust. If they learn to do that it’s a step closer to keeping other secrets that might not be that innocent. It also presents them with a dilemma or being truthful to mum or to teacher. It’s just a mean thing to do really.

ShowOfHands · 07/05/2023 12:58

Just before Easter, a student I teach left school at lunchtime with a cheerful "I've got a medical appointment at the airport. If I get the all clear, I'm flying to the Maldives to celebrate". Sure enough, in the register he was marked as having a medical appointment all afternoon. Grin

He had a lovely time apparently.

BeverlyHa · 08/05/2023 18:05

you are basically an adult woman lying, teaching innocent child to lie. Why? How this sits with the famous British values we all hear

purplebunny2012 · 08/05/2023 18:15

I don't understand why you felt the need to lie. You should have let school know you were taking her out and it would have been turned down and marked as unauthorised absence. No penalties

Sugargliderwombat · 08/05/2023 18:23

I'm glad the teacher told you, noone cares if you go on holiday but don't teach your daughter to lie.

MMUmum · 08/05/2023 18:25

I filled in an absence request for friday, being honest I said we were going to Edinburgh zoo for my 50th birthday, DDs teacher wrote underneath ' what a lovely idea' 😅 usually not a problem once in a while if you front up

JudgeRudy · 08/05/2023 18:27

Naughty!
Tbf I think plenty of parents have faked a child sickie however I'd never dream of telling my children to lie. The relationships they build at that age are really important. After Mum and Dad (possibly grandma/mum's bedt friend) their class teacher is their most trusted adult. You've now pitted her safe people against each other but seems your child's not prepared to lie to the teacher!

DojaPhat · 08/05/2023 18:30

I really don't know what else you expected from a 6 year old?

ReadersD1gest · 08/05/2023 18:31

Bemused at all the grinning idiots on this thread declaring putting your 6 year old in this position to be "so funny!"
Poor kid.

cakewench · 08/05/2023 18:33

We would all find it hilarious at our school. But yes as a parent I'd be mortified.

FWIW anyone out there, just don't even try to have your child make up a story. They won't be able to do it and all it's doing them is teaching them to lie, which most of them won't be comfortable doing. (Which is a good thing!)

savoycabbage · 08/05/2023 18:36

I said to a year two last week 'I'm glad you are back, we missed you yesterday' and she burst into tears and sobbed 'I'm not allowed to say anything, I can't say anything, I can't tell you because my mum says if I tell you we have to give you money ' etc. She was so upset.

I just had to tell her that it was OK and that I didn't mind at all where she had been but that she needed to know that she could always tell any of the grown ups at school anything she wanted to tell them.

It's not a good idea to teach your children to keep secrets to trusted adults.