How much do children actually cost?

[Woodstocks]

Hello all, this is my first post on Mumsnet after reading along for a while. There have been lots of threads recently about cost of living and CMS and a lot of people claim that “CMS is categorically not enough to raise kids on”. I don’t have kids yet but am planning, so completely out of curiosity about what kind of cost is coming my way, how much do your children actually cost per month? I imagine it varies massively by age of the child but they can’t be that expensive surely? My sister for example receives £400 for two kids, plus gets the child benefit from government which I guess would cover all their food and extra uplift for electric, laundry, clothes, petrol for school runs etc. it worries me that people say CMS wouldn’t even cover the dads half of costs- what about kids is so expensive?

For the first few years, they don't directly cost much at all apart from nappies and milk. Then there's clothes, equipment and toys (which you can buy second hand or be gifted). Unless you need childcare, then you're looking at 1k a month easily.
Once a bit older, maybe some swimming lessons/ballet/gymnastics etc. Clubs/hobbies.
Older DCs it's harder to get second hand stuff and they grow quickly so lots of shoes and uniform several times a year. All the food. Travel costs. Presents. Expensive retainers for orthodontic treatment.

Can't put a number on it because everyone has different standards, some people are happy with second hand everything, have family and friends who pass things on. Some people will do lots of paid activities etc. Those on a very tight income obviously spend less...

Loads. Far more than you think.

Interesting google suggest around 160k to raise a child as a couple and 190k as a single person

Housing and childcare
Not including holidays and hobbies

No explanation as to why it's so much more expensive as a single but given he main costs are housing an childcare I think it's self explanatory

It wasn't presented as an offset. I raised it as an example of the theoretical benefit and was making the point that the discussion should be on actual costs/benefits not theoretical ones (like the posters talking about potential loss of earnings/promotions/etc.)

the costs of raising a child varies so wildly, at one end of the spectrum you will have people who sit and watch TV all weekend and don’t do anything with thier kids , the other end will be people who’s kids do 10 activities a week, private tutors, several fancy holidays a year and numerous days out to theme parks etc.
you will have some people who never go out for a meal and others who eat out in fancy restaurants every week. Some people shop on charity shops/eBay and other buy thier kids designer clothes.
the important thing to remember is that most people do find the money to raise thier children!

I was £17,500 a year in nursery fees almost 20yrs ago for two, so £8750 per child per year. By the time I needed nursery for one 10yrs ago it was £10,500 a year. Same nursery is now £12,500 a year.

DH and I have spent over £110,000 on nursery alone.

Even "cheap" days out are quite expensive ime. Soft play around us usually costs the best part of £20 for one child, a baby, an adult, a coffee and a small child's snack. Our local small farm park (not a big attraction-type one) is £6 per ticket. Swimming at our local pool (again, bog standard pool, no slides etc) is £7 for each of us.

What you need to factor in isn't only the direct cost alone, but the limitations on your life as a woman. It is women who pay the Motherhood Penalty. The exact cost depends, and not on anything under your control like the oft-cited choices, working hard and achieving. It depends on things like whether your partner will put his every convenience ahead of your and your kids' futures, whether you have relatives to help, or any other form of social network: on what the resources of that network are and how much you can draw on it or it on you. We are all dependent on social choices far more than is recognised anyway: how your wage and sector fluctuates compared to house prices, for instance. Chances are that you will not be able to work full-time, will have to put your working life on hold, while the man carries on doing exactly whatever he wants. And as people told me when I got pregnant: the major cost is the constant worry that you're not doing enough!

£400 per month doesn’t even cover one of my children’s costs for hobbies and after school clubs (essential for many working parents).

If I needed full time wraparound care and holiday clubs to be able how work, like many single parents do. It would cost me over £7000 per year, so already almost £600 per month per child. That’s before food, additional household bills, hobbies, additional car journeys, medication, school books, clothes and uniform etc….

Whatever you think it will cost times three.

I am the poster taking about loss of earnings. I do feel that my actual loss of earnings - ie earnings pre pregnancy of £30k multiplied by 6 years out of work - should be counted in the same way childcare is. That's why I left work.But yes, promotions etc may never have happened for me.

Also, isn’t child benefit about £35 per week for two children? That’s not even enough to feed one child for a week let alone the rest of it.

School uniform can be really expensive.

Why should it be? Being able to afford to feed your own child should be a factor in whether you choose to have them. Child benefit is a benefit to aid with the costs, not to cover them.

Aside from the financial costs it’s important to consider the price of your freedom, sleep, energy, focus, social life and independence because imo these are stealth costs that will skint you quicker than a few tubs of formula and Pampers.

Never in a million years, thanks all the same. 💃🏻👠💰✈️

I have a preschooler, if me and DP split up at he was the custodial parent i would probably give around £500/month plhs anything else they needed when they were with me. Kids are expensive especially when you rely on nursery and wraparound care

@Brrrrrrrrrrrr Yes, this….

We drove past a very posh area last autumn.

One house stood out - immaculate, amazing cars, Halloween doorway arch…. Everything perfect. Too perfect.

Ahh DINKs my DH said… me - what??

Double Income No Kids

Living the life!!

Know a few like this and cared for a number of relatives with no kids (who relied on their sibling producing children to provide them with care in old age - very selfish)

Word to the wise, get all your old age care plans in place well in advance, and make sure if you are reliant on certain fam members (who’ve already had to deal with caring for/loss of 2 sets of GP and parents) that they are financially rewarded more than those who don’t do the leg work in the family… otherwise it breeds resentment.

And also spend some time with people who do have children… drove me insane that when I was spending all night in hospital and then being asked to do xyz that there was no appreciation that my kids were doing without me at home and that I was exhausted….

So yes, have no kids - live the life, it’s amazing. But have the realisation that this is going to overburden your niece/nephew/cousin/sister/brother or whomever you nominate as carer when you are old and frail. Somebody needs to sort out the shit.

I have a preteen and a primary aged child. It cost so little to have babies. They eat not much and clothes are cheap. Obviously childcare cost is high. We had them full time nursery. But many with younger children doesn’t know how much older children costs.

You can provide barely anything but in reality the children will eat what you eat and live a similar lifestyle as you. So we go to a show and that is 4 tickets. DC1 eats an adult meal and wear adult clothes and shoes. School shoes at adult sizes are £50 a pair. State secondary uniform is very expensive with everything logoed including PE gear. They have BO so you need to wash after every use and have spares. And plane tickets at 12 is at a higher price.

Then you have clubs and hobbies to pay for. Swimming lessons are nearly £60 a month here. My DCs do music and that costs too. Dance is ever more expensive so I’m glad I don’t have to pay for endless costumes. School trips are expensive with residentials.

Then you need a bigger house to live. You can say some families live in two bed flats, but it’s back to the lifestyle again. We want a bit more space so we have a bedroom for each child and office space for both DH and I to work from home. Without the children we would be able to do that even in a 2 bed flat, with one of us working in the living area. But we can’t do that with children because tney need the living areas for after school and holidays. We actually have a 5 bed house so we can all be comfortable.

Oh and I forgot the tech. Secondary expects a laptop for homework and phone to use their homework app.

Also don't forget, with houses prices now you'll also have to help your children with their first home or they likely not have a chance

Something that I hadn't factored in was how expensive secondary school lunches are - about £80 per month for each DC here. One is happy to mostly have packed lunches so that helps.
I don't get a penny of CMS as my ex is a self employed liar - the system isn't fit for purpose.

Children need an iPad for secondary school here which is expensive given how often they are lost, broken or stolen. The iPads can’t be personal use either.

I was replying to the OP who said ”plus gets the child benefit from government which I guess would cover all their food and extra uplift for electric, laundry, clothes, petrol for school runs etc.” so I’m not sure why you are being so rude to me.

Circumstances can change between the time you decide to TTC/conceive and when you have the baby you know?

OP, I think you're confusing CMS with other family benefits. CMS is child maintenance payments that you may get from your partner if you split up...and it categorically is not enough... although many absent patents and their partners say it's completely unaffordable 😬

In answer to your actual question tho, childcare is the biggest but not only kicker

I would estimate £50,000 - £100,000 up to age 21 depending if they go to uni or not (and your income as to whether you get child benefit and they get any maintenance grant).