How much do children actually cost?

[Woodstocks]

Hello all, this is my first post on Mumsnet after reading along for a while. There have been lots of threads recently about cost of living and CMS and a lot of people claim that “CMS is categorically not enough to raise kids on”. I don’t have kids yet but am planning, so completely out of curiosity about what kind of cost is coming my way, how much do your children actually cost per month? I imagine it varies massively by age of the child but they can’t be that expensive surely? My sister for example receives £400 for two kids, plus gets the child benefit from government which I guess would cover all their food and extra uplift for electric, laundry, clothes, petrol for school runs etc. it worries me that people say CMS wouldn’t even cover the dads half of costs- what about kids is so expensive?

Don't even think about having children yet.

How much do you want them to cost?

Childcare (especially in the early years) is the big cost... for the cheaper full-time options, you're still looking at between £1-1.5k per month. When they go to school, it gets cheaper but logistically more difficult. You may also lose money due to unpaid leave to cover child sickness/school closures.

Aside from childcare, you can run children pretty cheaply (assuming no special needs) if you don't mind giving them a fairly basic life and saying "no" the whole time. Basic food, second-hand clothes or hand-me-downs from friends, second-hand toys, cheap shoes, limited treats, no holidays (outside termtime too expensive), no theme parks or expensive days out, no swimming lessons or extracurricular activities, no large birthday parties...

But most people wouldn't want all of this for their kids (clearly some like second-hand are fine) and would want to provide more than the absolute basics and give their children choice on occasion.

Yes, in today's money.

The problem is that people look at their current cost levels rather than across the lifetime of the child. In reality, children cost very different amounts at very different points so an average doesn't work.

They also see certain very clearly luxury expenses as necessary but that's why £200k is an average. Some are lower, some higher.

Family sized accommodation and cars are kinda expensive.

It’s less about the ‘stuff’ they need (though that is significant) and more about the other costs related to having them. We are in the process of separating as as I have a DD and a DS we will need a 3 bedroom place - much more expensive than a one bedroom place (and higher council tax, utilities).

I work 80 percent so loss of earnings and still need to pay for wraparound and holiday care.

You are also tied geographically to where their Dad lives and where school is, so harder just to move to a cheaper area…

Unless you need IVF. 🤣

Our outgoings on each child aren't that high - maybe £50 a month on activities like swimming lessons, dance, football etc. We do need a big house and a 7-seater car now but they're both objectively nice things that we enjoy too; realistically, we wouldn't have lived in a studio flat even without kids. Holidays etc cost about the same because our wings have been clipped - no more New York! Never paid childcare.

We have, however, "lost" hundreds of thousands of pounds in income. I would be earning about £30,000 a year more than I do now of I'd have stayed on a similar career pathway as pre-kids. So the unquantifiable cost is also my personal financial, social, career and economical mobility.

As it happens, they are worth every penny.

Actually up to a certain age you can get away with trips to the park or softplay if rainy. My 5 year old is happy with either of the above. I think some of the stuff quoted on here are things that are nice but not nessary.

Thanks, I still find the average useful.
From our current expenses we can afford more children but base on this we couldn't....

We have, however, "lost" hundreds of thousands of pounds in income. I would be earning about £30,000 a year more than I do now of I'd have stayed on a similar career pathway as pre-kids. So the unquantifiable cost is also my personal financial, social, career and economical mobility.

However, if you include potential and opportunity costs based on unconfirmed and unknowable events, you also have to balance this with unconfirmed future financial benefits: your adult children transporting you places, taking you on holidays, looking after you in your retirement, etc. This could even extend to their care allowing you to keep your house and not having to sell it to fund your hospice / carehome costs. It's all unknowable so, for the purposes of this, costs need to be kept to the lived reality rather than the theoretical

Yep I think this is the best way to sum it up.

CMS is calculated based on the NRPs income rather than on what things cost or what the child actually needs. Whereas that's not necessarily true of the RP. Hence the difficulty.

This could even extend to their care allowing you to keep your house and not having to sell it to fund your hospice / carehome costs.

If you don't have children, there's often no particular reason to want to keep your house in that situation - unless there is someone else you desperately want to leave it to. Personally I will be disappointed if there's any money still tied up in my house when I pop my clogs. I will sell it or equity release it so I can spend the money on enjoying myself.

If you don't have children, there's often no particular reason to want to keep your house in that situation

Other than wanting to remain in your actual home and not being forced to move into shared and assisted living.

You manage but you do limit your own earning potential if you are a single parent as you need to be there one always there for the children. You have to run a home for multiple people not just one so all the extras that come with needing a bigger home. Higher council tax bands, bigger car, higher rent. Extra of things like washing powder - little things that add up over time.

I think caring for teens is the most expensive age as they start having the needs of adults and cost the same as adults for things like holidays.

The example given was selling it to fund hospice or care home costs.

It varies depending on age.

The first set up can be expensive, even with hand-me-downs we spent around £1000 the first year for things like pram, car seat, bed. That was 16 years ago.

Childcare is the next big thing. It varies where you are and how you need it.

Primary school I actually found more affordable, uniform is normally cheaper. unless you. have to get everything from the school, not a lot of supplies are required, school trips are cheap until they get older.

Secondary school - uniform costs more, they need their own supplies and books, access to a computer during the afternoon, evening and weekend. A phone. Trips are more expensive.

Hobbies - that's where it's up to you. Swimming was non-negotiable as school teaching is basically non existing. Dance is very expensive with outfits and exams, Scouting (from 4 onwards) is a fairly low-cost one. You could try and look up groups in your area to get an idea.

Holidays and trips - again, it depends. We like to travel but we can afford it.But the older they get the more expensive children are. We are now paying 2 rooms and before that it was a suite or an appartment with two bedrooms. And you pay definitely more in school holidays.
Days out are expensive. We often do 1-2 big things per year. We had Merlin passes on year as a family Christmas present and so just had to pay for food we took with us and a coffee or ice cream there.
My PIL love theatre and concerts and often will give us tickets for birthdays and Christmas.

Clothing - the bigget problem is the jump from children size and no VAT to adult. DD started wearing adult clothes when she was 13.

Friends hadn't counted that they need a car upgrade when they had an unplanned third baby as they couldn't get three car seats into the back.

Yes, and without the children, you may still wish to stay in your home but be entirely unable because you have no-one to look after you. With children, you might be able to stay. Plenty of people need care but really want to stay in their own homes and not be forced into assisted living.

The point of my response was that passing on to children is not the only reason you'd not want to sell your home.

Yeah… but you do want to do normal things a least once a year… It’d be pretty rubbish to not take them to see Santa, though it can be done for £20.

Other normal things like Zoo, Farm, Aquarium, Science centre, Cinema cost about £50-100 in tickets alone.

You can cheapen it down by bringing home food/snacks and avoiding the gift shops.

Museum is another good freebie activity.

The extracurricular activities are worth it… know some kids who never got any clubs, hobbies, rare trips, short hols. They’ve grown into adults with a narrow range of interests and minimum wage jobs.

The thread is about the cost of having children, and using adult children as unpaid carers in later life was presented as an offset to costs in earlier life because it might enable you not to sell your house.

My point is that 'you can't take it with you' so there is no point in cost-offsetting of this nature in late life.

The question of whether it's a good idea to have children in the hope that they will be willing and able to act as your unpaid carers in later life because it's what you'd prefer, is a different topic and not the subject of the thread.

Agree if you don’t have children and no one to leave it to - enjoy it!

I’ve spent £120,000 on childcare until they were too old; 2 x maternity leaves; 5 years of working part time; lower paid job to get some better quality of life. Saving for the future. Those are all choices and personal circumstances of course. But financially children have been my biggest expense in life.

There's basic cost you can’t avoid (food, clothing including school uniform - even second hand secondary school uniform cost me £60 for the full kit - , shoes, extra electricity and water, a bedroom, birthdays and Christmas). The rest of the costs will depend on what money you have available and take about 90% of your disposable income…

@Iamnotthe1 if it gets to the point where you’re being urged to move into a care home or similar you probably need to be there, it’s needs based.

If you have equity release you can stay in your home.

My children are costing me a fortune at the moment. They are 10 and 13. It’s not just the expense you need to consider but the potential loss of wages.

A lot.
If you want children, it doesn’t do to dwell on it in advance.

Just the fact that once in school there are 13 weeks of school holidays and someone needs to look after them at least whilst they are in primary school so 7 years of covering most of that. Whole class parties, 29 to attend with an expected birthday gift.

Mine are now mid-late teens, they go into "adult" sized clothing at 13 ish, far fewer selection of clothing in children's sizes. As I have boys their shoe size is now a size 10. They went into size 10s at 14 years old. They also eat adult sized portions of food and start liking your takeaway. Steak for 4 becomes expensive.

I do think until you have had children you don't fully understand the costs involved, yes there are places you can cut costs but others where you just can't.