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Original poster

Your worst faux pas

361 replies

AtChoService · 02/05/2023 08:32

Reading a coronation menu just reminded me of this, it was 20 years ago and I still cringe 😬

I was in my first proper job, first posh Christmas party and the food had servers but you had to go up to the table, get a plate and go along the line.

The starter had a few options, ham, melon, compote stuff, a few other things.

I moved along the line and stopped and held mh plate out at each server, thinking this doesn't ago, this is a bit odd, got an odd look but thought nothing of it at the time, 🙈 you weren't supposed to take a portion of everything, you were supposed to choose melon OR the other thing, not all of it 🥴

I doubt anyone but the servers noticed but I still cringe a bit now.

OP posts:
CanadianJohn · 04/05/2023 19:42

I've had foot-in-mouth disease since I was a toddler. Usually I am able to retreat, leaving my victim staring after me with a puzzled expression, no doubt thinking "what a weirdo".

Unfortunately, there has been one blooper I can't escape. We moved to this house 28 years ago, and while our truck was being unloaded, the neighbour came over to say hello. He told me he had just retired... "Good for you", I said, "how much is your pension?"

He stared at me in horror, and hastily backed away. We've barely spoken since... 28 years! Someone told me the neighbour plans to stay in his house till he is 90, there are only 7 years to go.

Hithisismee · 04/05/2023 20:04

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Iamblossom · 04/05/2023 20:04

AntAndDecking · 04/05/2023 19:34

What’s an example of a faux pas if you haven’t had a fortunate life? Surely your worst faux pas is different to the worst experience you’ve had in your life? Or is it easier to style out mistaking someone’s mother for Lawrence Llewelyn Bowen (for example) if you are middle class and wealthy?

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.....

Nope, still baffled. What does anyone being middle aged and wealthy have to do with my post?

Ghost92 · 04/05/2023 20:50

Beeinalily Ducky lips! 😂 I kind of wish I’d said that instead of what I did say 😳😂

poorpaws · 04/05/2023 22:13

I had a flood in my kitchen. Next day an insurance assessor and electrician arrived. I met them with "I've been up all night because of sex", stress I meant STRESS.

cherrybakewell24 · 04/05/2023 22:34

This happened a few weeks ago at work - I'd been to the toilet and must have used too much toilet paper (admittedly the plumbing isn't great). Water started rising to the top of the loo when I flushed. I panicked and pressed the flush again to clear it but the water kept rising, in a last ditch attempt I plunged my hand in to try and clear the blockage Blush (a moment of desperation) but the water then - horror of horrors - spilled over the rim and onto the floor!

I quickly ran out into the corridor only to notice water seeping out under under the door, it turned out the flush had broken - the entire corridor flooded with toilet water, the water leaked onto the floor below through the ceiling and it was basically utter carnage. I'd broken the flush so it just kept pumping out more and more water!

I ran into my work claiming to have innocently discovered the issue as a bystander who happened to notice the water, denying all knowledge of the cause, but I'm sure they knew it was me Blush

crew2022 · 05/05/2023 06:20

AtChoService · 02/05/2023 10:34

Yes, I should have known I'd need to put lighthearted for the miseries on here 🙄

I once got in someone elses car. This was around the saem time as the greedy starter on the op. My BF was with his uncle in his (uncles) car and I didn't know what car it was. I cam eout my house and a car parked a little bit up the road flashed its tail liaghts so I ran over and got in the back seat, and some woman started screaming 😂

I've done this too! But the driver was a man (young) and whilst he didn't scream he looked absolutely petrified.

XLáBealtaine · 05/05/2023 06:41

Gentlemenplease · 04/05/2023 15:38

Damn.

Show quote history

Ashamed to admit it but this is my worst gaffe too. It's awful.

Ozgirl75 · 05/05/2023 11:47

Similarly I was at my great Aunt’s funeral and I hadn’t seen many of my extended family for ages as I was away at university.
I saw my aunt (it was her mum’s funeral) and just went (with a massive smile) “HELLO! how are you! Lovely to see you” in like a normal way you would greet someone if you saw them in the street, not at their mum’s funeral fgs.
I immediately realised what I had said and so stumbled on saying “well obviously you’re not fine, it’s a funeral, I mean, your mum’s, god I’m sorry, this is just awful isn’t it?”, like I was momentarily inhabited by the spirit of a chaotic Hugh Grant.
Awful. Luckily she’s nice and I was young and stupid.

AngryBirdsNoMore · 05/05/2023 12:52

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 04/05/2023 15:26

My car had something wrong with it so ex-husband gave me directions to a good mechanic and told me who to ask for. Off I went to one of these under the arches type of car repair places. I marched in and it must have been their lunchtime as about six guys were all sitting there with their tea and sandwiches. I blurted out ‘am I in the right place for Dick?’ As soon as it came out of my mouth I realised what I’d said. I was mortified as they all fell about laughing.

This is amazing!

TallulahBetty · 05/05/2023 12:55

I MEAN, THAT'S WHY THEY'RE FAUX PAS, ISN'T IT? AS OPPOSED TO 'THE WORST TING THAT COULD EVER HAVE HAPPENED TO A HUMAN BEING EVER'. they're USUALLY SMALL BLUNDERS

TallulahBetty · 05/05/2023 12:56

Oops sorry for the caps! And I meant to quote PP who said we're lucky if this is the 'worst thing' that's ever happened

MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot · 05/05/2023 13:01

OneMistakeAfterAnother · 02/05/2023 10:01

I temporarily worked for a company called Harry Fairbairn, only I kept getting tongue tied when people called and saying "Hello. Hairy Farnbarn. I just couldn't help it. Who knows what sort of establishment they thought they'd called instead of a car dealership?

That is really hard to say! I feel for you 😂

MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot · 05/05/2023 13:05

GoldDuster · 02/05/2023 11:18

We were leaving the car at a farm type parking thing before a middle of the night flight, instructions were to drive through the gate, park up and head into the office, and someone would shuttle us in a mini bus to the airport.

Parked, DP got baggage and DC out of car, I headed over to the "office", pushed opened the door, and saw a bloke in his underpants standing there stirring some sugar into a coffee.

I presumed he was the bloke who was going to drive the shuttle to the airport, he denied all knowledga and I showed him my printed confirmation.

We had some very awkward circular confused conversation, which got weirder and weirder, before I realised that he was not the driver, and he realised I was not the owner of the farm, and I had walked into a rental cottage where he and his wife were staying, and he'd got up to make her a brew.

He appeared at the terminal outside WH Smith with his wife, who gave me a full interrogation after he pointed at me saying "that's her!" regarding what the hell I thought I was doing walking into her cottage at 4am and talking to her husband, in his pants.

DP and DC nearly disowned me and it still makes me laugh/ turn inside out in equal measures.

Was this Bristol airport because something like that nearly happened to me?! Really unclear where the office was

peasando · 05/05/2023 20:49

Watersun · 04/05/2023 00:44

Anyone I know would laugh hollowly at the idea of having to pick just one of my faux pas. I seem to breed them and forget them because they're so frequent. However I remember the most recent (last month).

At the bank, I needed to speak to a financial advisor to set up the online part of an banking account. Being the wife of a financial advisor, I make it my business to know nothing about money because it's dull and otherwise what is the perk of having someone who does? I lived to regret all of this.

First I had to make a withdrawal. I did not understand the paper filing system and filled them out back to front despite two explanations from the clerk. It was at that point she sent me for financial advice re the online banking. I went to the front of the bank as directed and followed the woman who said, "Follow me." I followed her all the way round the circular side of her perspex screen and through the little gap at the back into her financial advice throne. Don't know what I thought I was doing. I just ended in there where there's only room for a seat and realised I was supposed to be on the other side of the desk, outside the screen looking in, not trying to share her throne.

She just stood looking at me so I whipped out of there and she explained I would need to download the banking app. I thanked her profusely for telling me because I was discombobulated. She took my phone and observed coldly that I had already downloaded the app. I explained that my husband must have done it. She asked if he had ever told me what the password was. I had no idea. We went to a booth where she took a seat. I took a seat beside her before realising that the booths are designed for one person and she was simply dialing a number. I stood up again. She then put me on the phone with a man who told me to think of four numbers, not consecutive. This took me an embarrassingly long time. Eventually I managed it and asked him if he'd like to guess them. I don't know why I did that. Immediately thought better of it and said, "No no, ha ha, they are 4, 8, 2 and xxx," whereupon he roared, "Don't speak them aloud!" as if we were in Narnia talking about Aslan.

When I got home, I described all this to my DH who said conversationally, "Yes, I find our most difficult clients tend to be the eccentric academics like yourself."

This made me cry with laughter 😂

TwoBigNoisyBoys · 05/05/2023 21:02

Oh I have so many 🙈 I used to smoke when I was teenager and I remember offering a new work aquaintance a cigarette. She said ‘no thanks, I don’t smoke’ and I continued waving the packet, at her, saying ‘Are you sure?’ 😂

Frazzledmummy123 · 05/05/2023 23:32

Priceless! 😂😂😂

Frazzledmummy123 · 05/05/2023 23:35

That was @Brewskipa 's post ^

Frazzledmummy123 · 05/05/2023 23:39

I did one today. I'd been waiting at the bus stop for a while and scrolling through Facebook. There was one of these silly posts 'replace the word girl with squirrel in a song title'. I was reading the thread and trying to think of one that wasn't already mentioned when the bus arrived. I got on the bus and instead of asking for an all day ticket I asked for an all day squirrel

Mumtoabeast · 06/05/2023 12:28

NeedToKnow101 · 02/05/2023 21:02

When I was in my early 20s I went on a first date to a nice Indian restaurant. The food was lovely and the dessert was unusual (for me), a pudding made with vermicelli. Then the waiter brought us one more course, a long, warm, white thing in a plastic wrapper. I just thought it was another unusual pudding and tried to take a bite out of it. It was only a hot fucking towel for freshening up purposes wasn't it!!!!! Blush Mortifying 😳😅

Howling at this!

Chickenkeev · 06/05/2023 14:24

glitterfarts · 04/05/2023 18:28

What is an STs in chickenkeev's story?

Mine, still cringe... I hired a car and got to the end of the long drive, paused to look before turning onto a busy road. Car stopped. I couldn't it make it start, so left it blocking the entry. Might've marched back up to the rental desk to mutter quite angrily about stupid car and that I didn't break it and wouldn't be paying for it....
only to find out that new cars do this. And if I had put it in gear, it would've restarted ( I think - still have old cars).... omg, couldn't look them in the eyes. They were sniggering as I did the walk of shame back to the car.

Sanitary towels!

TheBeesUnwashedKnees · 06/05/2023 17:45

Off to work one morning. Very cold, oldish car. Totally iced up. Visibility out of the car very minimal ( yes I know. I was young and late for work).

Pull out of the end of my road onto the main one. Drive along a bit only to notice a policeman in the road, gesticulating for me to turn off left down another side road. So I do so, and pull over. I sit there for a few seconds, wondering why I’ve been pulled over, before deciding that maybe there’s an accident or something up ahead that he was directing me away from. So I pull out again, and drive along very slowly, unsure, before deciding that no, he must have wanted me to pull over, so I pull in again.

This happens a few times, me ditheringly and anxiously pulling out, then in again in an agony of indecision.

Then I hear a man’s voice yell “OI”!!!

I pull over in a panic and stay put this time. After a few moments a rather stout, out of breath policeman comes puffing up to my window.

So imagine for a moment that you’ve pulled a young girl over because her tax disc isn’t visible due to the sellotape holding it on the windscreen getting damp.

She pulls over, but just as you get to her car she pulls out again, drives a few yards, pulls over again, lets you catch up again, then drives off again… 😳

He was ok about it really once I convinced him I hadn’t been doing it on purpose. Worse, his mate was sitting in the car on the other side of the road, absolutely pissing himself laughing having watched the whole thing.

JustDanceAddict · 06/05/2023 19:19

🤪 at Lawrence LB & ST packs flying about!!

JustDanceAddict · 06/05/2023 19:26

Years ago we were selling our house - we’d lived there for about 14 years but I’d always lived in the area so knew quite a lot of people.
I was walking back from the local shops and a woman approached me saying his she’d seen the for sale sign outside our house and it was a shame we were moving - how were the kids etc.
of course i had no bloody idea who she was but had to pretend I did otherwise it would’ve been so embarrassing as it was obvious she knew exactly who I was!!
I must’ve made my excuses and walked away but I was trying for ages to wrack my brains as to who it was. Never found out or saw her again & we moved shortly after.

FairylightsandHygge · 06/05/2023 20:30

ClawedButler · 02/05/2023 16:53

Not me, but read it in a magazine years ago and it stayed with me.

So the young lady was working in Spain. She was English but spoke some Spanish, and had got a job as a receptionist. Living out there, in a non-touristy area, her ear was very much attuned to Spanish.

Two senior British businessmen arrive for a meeting and she asks who they are etc., in English. "Lord Spank" came the reply.
"Lord...Spank?" she repeated, incredulous.
"No" he replied frostily, "Lloyds Bank"

This one has me howling! I'm even doing th Spanish accent in my head!