Page 12 | Your worst faux pas

AtChoService · 2023-05-02T07:32:02+00:00

Reading a coronation menu just reminded me of this, it was 20 years ago and I still cringe 😬 I was in my first proper job, first posh Christmas party and the food had servers but you had to go up to the table, get a plate and go along the line. The starter had a few options, ham, melon, compote stuff, a few other things. I moved along the line and stopped and held mh plate out at each server, thinking this doesn't ago, this is a bit odd, got an odd look but thought nothing of it at the time, 🙈 you weren't supposed to take a portion of everything, you were supposed to choose melon OR the other thing, not all of it 🥴 I doubt anyone but the servers noticed but I still cringe a bit now.

AngryBirdsNoMore · 03/05/2023 22:35

buttercupss · 03/05/2023 12:06

Yep. There's always the creative writers. Over egged and so easily spotted.

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It’s SO ANNOYING. Happens on every thread like this.

XLáBealtaine · 03/05/2023 22:44

I asked a woman if she had done the unicorn haircut herself. He hair is thick wavy, loads of layers. I didn't meant to say "your hair looks like you cut it yoursel". She told me the name of the place she'd had it done. Luckily she laughed.
I'd given myself the unicorn haircut during covid though and it worked out well!

Travelfan2021 · 03/05/2023 23:22

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This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

AngryBirdsNoMore · 03/05/2023 23:27

Peanutlicious · 03/05/2023 16:49

Asking a new friend why she had a big picture of Laurence Llewellyn Bowen on her wall in the lounge, for her to tell me it's her Mother

Argh! That is brilliant, so cringe.

elevenplusdilemma · 03/05/2023 23:27

My workplace was hosting a careers fair for sixth formers and one of the stands was for The Fire Service. I was making small talk with a fireman whilst showing them to the hall where they needed to set up and mentioned that my toddler was Fireman Sam mad. The nice fireman kindly said we'd be welcome to pop into the station at any time to see the fire engines etc. Without thinking, I thanked him and asked 'ooh, would I be allowed a go on your pole' ?
I was so embarrassed that we never did go to the fire station but I drove 80 miles to an alternative fire station's open day as I felt guilty for my DC missing out on seeing the fire engines.

petridishmystery · 03/05/2023 23:37

@BrambleShambles in your defence…why didn’t she just ask you!

I really hate when people gesture instead of asking you what they want you to do, my mum does it and it irritates me every time!

Outgrabe · 03/05/2023 23:57

stbrandonsboat · 02/05/2023 11:24

I once asked the sex of someone's baby. It was sitting in a white dress covered in pink rosebuds and quite obviously a girl 🤦

In fairness, if we were really backed up on laundry, my baby boy could occasionally be found in floral hand-me-down babygros — though as he was an extremely boyish-looking baby, the effect was sort of miniature Grayson Perry…

Watersun · 04/05/2023 00:44

Anyone I know would laugh hollowly at the idea of having to pick just one of my faux pas. I seem to breed them and forget them because they're so frequent. However I remember the most recent (last month).

At the bank, I needed to speak to a financial advisor to set up the online part of an banking account. Being the wife of a financial advisor, I make it my business to know nothing about money because it's dull and otherwise what is the perk of having someone who does? I lived to regret all of this.

First I had to make a withdrawal. I did not understand the paper filing system and filled them out back to front despite two explanations from the clerk. It was at that point she sent me for financial advice re the online banking. I went to the front of the bank as directed and followed the woman who said, "Follow me." I followed her all the way round the circular side of her perspex screen and through the little gap at the back into her financial advice throne. Don't know what I thought I was doing. I just ended in there where there's only room for a seat and realised I was supposed to be on the other side of the desk, outside the screen looking in, not trying to share her throne.

She just stood looking at me so I whipped out of there and she explained I would need to download the banking app. I thanked her profusely for telling me because I was discombobulated. She took my phone and observed coldly that I had already downloaded the app. I explained that my husband must have done it. She asked if he had ever told me what the password was. I had no idea. We went to a booth where she took a seat. I took a seat beside her before realising that the booths are designed for one person and she was simply dialing a number. I stood up again. She then put me on the phone with a man who told me to think of four numbers, not consecutive. This took me an embarrassingly long time. Eventually I managed it and asked him if he'd like to guess them. I don't know why I did that. Immediately thought better of it and said, "No no, ha ha, they are 4, 8, 2 and xxx," whereupon he roared, "Don't speak them aloud!" as if we were in Narnia talking about Aslan.

When I got home, I described all this to my DH who said conversationally, "Yes, I find our most difficult clients tend to be the eccentric academics like yourself."

buttercupss · 04/05/2023 01:11

Me too @buttercupss care to divulge your expertise and point any out?

Nope! I think it might not be quite within the MN guidelines to do that either.

LuckyPeonies · 04/05/2023 01:13

Had to go on a business trip (late 90’s) and, after I signed out the rental car, could not find the electric window switch for the life of me. Went back in and asked for assistance, the agent looked, started turning the very obvious window crank handle, and down went the window. 🤦🏼‍♀️ I bet I won idiot customer of the week (or month).

I also once called a plant nursery and asked if they had “chlamydia” in stock. The lady I spoke with said she hoped not. 😁 I was looking for “cyclamen”.

NotMeSecretFormular · 04/05/2023 01:13

Minor one, walked past an acquaintance I hadn't seen for a while. She'd always previously said "How are you?" So when she said "Haven't seen you for a while!" I grinned and shouted "Good!"
The one that still makes me toss and turn is walking back to then boyfriends car after the film at the cinema ended. He headed one way so I instinctively went the other. I ended up at the driver side door. I don't drive. He had been trying to politely open the passenger side door for me.

chrystlha · 04/05/2023 02:38

WhyisitOk · 02/05/2023 20:49

Years ago a colleague at work had just returned after having M-f gender reassignment surgery.
I wandered into the communal kitchen at the same time as her to get a drink and her coffee mug still had the coaster attached. This was an unfortunate time for me to forget the word for coaster, so like an idiot… I kept pointing to her mug which she was holding by her hip/ general crotch area repeating “your wotsit is still there… your thingy… it’s still there” the entire office went silent and stared at me like I’d gone mad. Luckily after a few painful seconds she realised what I was on about and saw the funny side. It was truly mortifying though

This may be one of the funniest things I have read.
Thank you so much for these anecdotes and to the OP for asking for them
I had to put my lovely dog down yesterday and my mother's lovely old friend a couple of days ago and didn't expect to be laughing so hard. Thanks.

neilyoungismyhero · 04/05/2023 02:46

My husband, son daughter in law and myself had been to the Shard. Got back to the railway station to find our train was imminent. Husband and I aren't youngsters but we all flew across the concourse down the steps onto the platform. My husband was desperate for a pee by now - he has issues! Sure enough there was the train about to depart we hurl ourselves through the door just in time. All four of us cackling like we've been let out for the day, so all eyes are turned on us...there are bench seats in front and ordinary seats to the right. Husband spots the toilet on the left in the corner and wacks his hand on the button..the door opens...the whole carriage spots a gentleman with his hand on his cock standing over the seat. He's looking like a rabbit caught in the headlights completely stunned. I'm now nearest the button and my husband is shouting at me to press the button press the button..but I can't - for some reason I'm frozen..another guy eventually springs up from his seat and does it..I remember just saying why didn't you lock the door? I look behind us and we're the matinee performance now..we disappear through that compartment to the end of the train...my son and I are in hysterics for half an hour..poor man..

autienotnaughtym · 04/05/2023 04:59

This seems like a weekly occurrence to me. I'm terrible with names/faces. I wil ask a person their name, instantly forget it so ask again and instantly forget it.

I once didn't recognise my neighbour in the pub . We had lived next door for ten years.

I was having some building work done, We had a meeting, I didn't recognise the builder (yes we had met several times) I spoke about him in the third person, in front of him.

I had a colleague who I accidentally called the wrong name. She didn't correct me and about an hour later I realised what I'd done. I apologised. Twice more it happened.

Ghost92 · 04/05/2023 06:29

Oh god, one from the other day - I’m a Domiciliary carer and one of my ladies likes to do the lottery. I went to the shop to pick up ‘6 lucky dips’ for her but ended up asking for ‘6 lucky dicks!’
The lady behind the post office counter lost it, we both couldn’t stop laughing, my face went beet red which made it even funnier! While I was walking back to hers (with the 6 lucky DIPS) I just kept replaying it in my head and cringing.

Ozgirl75 · 04/05/2023 08:51

At the bakery near me they do lovely floured rolls but one day I couldn’t see any, and so I of course asked “do you have floury baps today?”
I also witnessed someone else’s that DS and I still laugh about. At the same bakery, the man in front ordered a loaf and the woman said “how would you like it sliced?” and he just paused for AGES, clearly wracking his brains, before saying, quietly, “vertically?” to which she replied “I actually meant thin or thick sliced”
Now DS and I always ask how we want things sliced and reply “vertically”

Chatillon · 04/05/2023 09:04

Watersun · 04/05/2023 00:44

Anyone I know would laugh hollowly at the idea of having to pick just one of my faux pas. I seem to breed them and forget them because they're so frequent. However I remember the most recent (last month).

At the bank, I needed to speak to a financial advisor to set up the online part of an banking account. Being the wife of a financial advisor, I make it my business to know nothing about money because it's dull and otherwise what is the perk of having someone who does? I lived to regret all of this.

First I had to make a withdrawal. I did not understand the paper filing system and filled them out back to front despite two explanations from the clerk. It was at that point she sent me for financial advice re the online banking. I went to the front of the bank as directed and followed the woman who said, "Follow me." I followed her all the way round the circular side of her perspex screen and through the little gap at the back into her financial advice throne. Don't know what I thought I was doing. I just ended in there where there's only room for a seat and realised I was supposed to be on the other side of the desk, outside the screen looking in, not trying to share her throne.

She just stood looking at me so I whipped out of there and she explained I would need to download the banking app. I thanked her profusely for telling me because I was discombobulated. She took my phone and observed coldly that I had already downloaded the app. I explained that my husband must have done it. She asked if he had ever told me what the password was. I had no idea. We went to a booth where she took a seat. I took a seat beside her before realising that the booths are designed for one person and she was simply dialing a number. I stood up again. She then put me on the phone with a man who told me to think of four numbers, not consecutive. This took me an embarrassingly long time. Eventually I managed it and asked him if he'd like to guess them. I don't know why I did that. Immediately thought better of it and said, "No no, ha ha, they are 4, 8, 2 and xxx," whereupon he roared, "Don't speak them aloud!" as if we were in Narnia talking about Aslan.

When I got home, I described all this to my DH who said conversationally, "Yes, I find our most difficult clients tend to be the eccentric academics like yourself."

Ha ha love this one. 😅

Is this you @Watersun

"Would it be made of walnut?" - Direct Line home insurance advert

As someone explains Direct Line's straightforward home insurance offer, a would-be customer is distracted by an ornament made of walnut.Find out more about D...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GQEr-b3awA0

Papergirl1968 · 04/05/2023 09:27

chrystlha · 04/05/2023 02:38

This may be one of the funniest things I have read.
Thank you so much for these anecdotes and to the OP for asking for them
I had to put my lovely dog down yesterday and my mother's lovely old friend a couple of days ago and didn't expect to be laughing so hard. Thanks.

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I'm so sorry for your losses @chrystlha but I have to ask...you put your mother's friend down? Bad taste I know but it made me smile.

JusthereforXmas · 04/05/2023 10:45

XLáBealtaine · 03/05/2023 22:44

I asked a woman if she had done the unicorn haircut herself. He hair is thick wavy, loads of layers. I didn't meant to say "your hair looks like you cut it yoursel". She told me the name of the place she'd had it done. Luckily she laughed.
I'd given myself the unicorn haircut during covid though and it worked out well!

I also gave myself a unicorn haircut... it did not work out well.

Gonna take a bloody year for my hair to grow back to a semblance of normal.

JusthereforXmas · 04/05/2023 10:47

autienotnaughtym · 04/05/2023 04:59

This seems like a weekly occurrence to me. I'm terrible with names/faces. I wil ask a person their name, instantly forget it so ask again and instantly forget it.

I once didn't recognise my neighbour in the pub . We had lived next door for ten years.

I was having some building work done, We had a meeting, I didn't recognise the builder (yes we had met several times) I spoke about him in the third person, in front of him.

I had a colleague who I accidentally called the wrong name. She didn't correct me and about an hour later I realised what I'd done. I apologised. Twice more it happened.

'Why do they call you Rodney, Dave?'

Ozgirl75 · 04/05/2023 11:25

My neighbour called me by a different name for over a year, it had obviously gone on way too long to correct him, so I just responded to my alternative name and the kids and DH knew to go along with it.
Well his son started at the same school and we were at an event wearing name badges. The look on his face of dawning horror that my name was nothing like the one he had been calling me. But, being British as well, neither he nor I referred to it in any way and now he just calls me by my actual name.

BellaTheDarkOverlord · 04/05/2023 11:29

@Ozgirl75 An elderly neighbour of ours called us the wrong name for years! Our names let's say Joe and Megan. Joe became Brian. Christmas card to Brian and Megan. Then a year later I became Geraldine. So it was Brian and Geraldine. I used to correct him when we spoke. He would ask how's Brian? Id say Joe's fine thanks 😂He died before we corrected him.

Beeinalily · 04/05/2023 11:43

@Ghost92 When I used to sell lottery tickets I was regularly asked for ducky lips - however many times it happened it always made me laugh 😀

JusthereforXmas · 04/05/2023 12:13

Ozgirl75 · 04/05/2023 11:25

My neighbour called me by a different name for over a year, it had obviously gone on way too long to correct him, so I just responded to my alternative name and the kids and DH knew to go along with it.
Well his son started at the same school and we were at an event wearing name badges. The look on his face of dawning horror that my name was nothing like the one he had been calling me. But, being British as well, neither he nor I referred to it in any way and now he just calls me by my actual name.

My neighbor called me the wrong name for 3 years, she was very nice, always inviting us to things and buying us gifts offering to do favors (like 'I was washing my car so I wash yours too' etc...) and genuinely seemed to like me so I don't think it was a 'nasty' thing but my names Candice and she constantly called me Candida (which is the medical name for Thrush). I told her several times but she never learned so I just ignored it.

JusthereforXmas · 04/05/2023 12:18

BellaTheDarkOverlord · 04/05/2023 11:29

@Ozgirl75 An elderly neighbour of ours called us the wrong name for years! Our names let's say Joe and Megan. Joe became Brian. Christmas card to Brian and Megan. Then a year later I became Geraldine. So it was Brian and Geraldine. I used to correct him when we spoke. He would ask how's Brian? Id say Joe's fine thanks 😂He died before we corrected him.

Lol we had a weird Xmas card once too... we don't get Xmas cards anymore though (likely because we don't send them) but when we got our first house we recieved a card saying:

To: Kevin & Rebecca
Merry Christmas
From: Rebecca & Kevin

I can only assume they weren't paying attention because my DH name (same as her DH) was right but she put her own name instead of mine (which are nothing alike).