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Original poster

Your worst faux pas

361 replies

AtChoService · 02/05/2023 08:32

Reading a coronation menu just reminded me of this, it was 20 years ago and I still cringe 😬

I was in my first proper job, first posh Christmas party and the food had servers but you had to go up to the table, get a plate and go along the line.

The starter had a few options, ham, melon, compote stuff, a few other things.

I moved along the line and stopped and held mh plate out at each server, thinking this doesn't ago, this is a bit odd, got an odd look but thought nothing of it at the time, 🙈 you weren't supposed to take a portion of everything, you were supposed to choose melon OR the other thing, not all of it 🥴

I doubt anyone but the servers noticed but I still cringe a bit now.

OP posts:
ClawedButler · 03/05/2023 12:44

Some people are natural writers. Doesn't mean they make stuff up to post - just that they express it in a more composed way.

Iloveabaconbutty · 03/05/2023 12:54

@ClawedButler Agree with this. I think I'm a bit like this myself. 🤔

TallulahBetty · 03/05/2023 12:58

I'd love to know which ones PP feel are contrived 🙄 all of these I can well imagine happening

Clementinesucks · 03/05/2023 13:01

I have such a long list. I feel like I constantly have my foot in my mouth.

buttercupss · 03/05/2023 13:08

ClawedButler · 03/05/2023 12:44

Some people are natural writers. Doesn't mean they make stuff up to post - just that they express it in a more composed way.

It's content for me rather than style. Over-egging. It's only ever a tiny minority.

hillory · 03/05/2023 13:09

Clementinesucks · 03/05/2023 13:01

I have such a long list. I feel like I constantly have my foot in my mouth.

I feel I do this a lot also so find this thread reassuring Grin

JusthereforXmas · 03/05/2023 13:32

ClawedButler · 03/05/2023 12:44

Some people are natural writers. Doesn't mean they make stuff up to post - just that they express it in a more composed way.

Not writing but talking I have fairly regularly (a couple of times a year at least) been told things along the lines of how I have a fantastic vocabulary for story telling (often by ransomers that are eavesdropping, though I'm partially deaf so pretty loud they wouldn't have to try hard to overhear).

I am quite an eccentric heavy accented gobshite with zero filter though so I can't really take any credit, the words just fall out before I can stop them and the accent likely adds to the 'vibe'. I also imagine for as many that love my 'creative language' many more are probably horrified at the hyperactive uncouth lout spouting on about inappropriate bollocks.

I think its likely a love it or hate it type thing.

JusthereforXmas · 03/05/2023 13:33
  • randomers not ransomer... that would be more interesting lol
Roseinbloom20 · 03/05/2023 13:53

I was over my parents house and we ordered a Chinese take away and a while later there is a knock at the door. I say I'll get it, get the money ready and open the door and there is a Chinese man standing there so I say hello and try to give him the money. I then realise he's not holding any food. He looks at me for a second and then says "oh no, I live at number X from down the road, I'm just letting people on the street know my house was broken into so aware" I said "oh, sorry" then call out "Muuummm" like a teenager and not a 30 something woman and say erm it's your neighbour then scurry away from the door. 5 minutes later the actual food was delivered and my whole family thought it was hilarious 🤦🏻‍♀️ it was just pure coincidence but I still cringe!

Travelfan2021 · 03/05/2023 16:20

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

mackthepony · 03/05/2023 16:22

@mnhq

Can we have this one in classics, purlease?

Elitesports · 03/05/2023 16:30

Mine is very cringe. Have obviously name changed.

Years ago I worked in court for probation. One morning, in open court, the court clerk asked me if there was anyone available for oral reports that day. I said, "oh yes, Miss Davies will be available later for orals". As I said it, the court clerk looked up, and I turned bright red (I can imagine from the heat in my cheeks). I was only young and I took years to recover, but in my defence it was a stupid name for a report. Why not just verbal?!

Peanutlicious · 03/05/2023 16:49

Asking a new friend why she had a big picture of Laurence Llewellyn Bowen on her wall in the lounge, for her to tell me it's her Mother

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 03/05/2023 16:55

Peanutlicious · 03/05/2023 16:49

Asking a new friend why she had a big picture of Laurence Llewellyn Bowen on her wall in the lounge, for her to tell me it's her Mother

Oh God. I’ve just made my cat jump out of her skin. She’s now giving me filthy looks. 😂

NotAnotherBathBomb · 03/05/2023 18:23

DeoForty · 02/05/2023 12:09

Years ago when I was a scout leader, the cub leader's close relative was killed in a horrific accident. She was off for a while, on the night she came back we had a joint evening of cubs and scouts together with a 'campfire' theme. We are all sitting in a circle when one of the cubs suggests 'He Jumped Without a Parachute'. We all launched into it enthusiastically before realising it was massively, massively inappropriate. The kids were none the wiser but none of the leaders could look at each other. Verse after verse. Awful. (Those unfamiliar can google the words). I still feel slightly hysterical when I think about it and it was over 20 years ago.

Omg I've just googled this. How the hell is that a campfire song? Confused

ClawedButler · 03/05/2023 18:48

I recall loudly joking about the cashpoint I was using being particularly low down the wall. "Is it for children or dwarves or something?!" I honked, seized by my own cleverness and hilarity.
"It's for wheelchair users, actually" said a woman behind me.

postwarbulge · 03/05/2023 18:55

A faux that tends to happen more often as reach your 60s and 70s is when you bump into someone you meet infrequently and say:

"Have you seen so-and-so lately?"

The is an embarrassed cough.

"Ah, yes! You can't have heard then."

DoraSpenlow · 03/05/2023 19:33

I was about 10 and waiting at the bus stop early one morning with my Mum, on our way to see Mr Knight, the dentist.

Another lady joined us and she and Mum were chatting.

"Are you going shopping?" , the lady asked.

"No, we are going to the dentist" , replies Mother.

"Are you going to Knight?" , queries the lady.

Mum looked at her with a puzzled expression and says "No, we are going now".

With that the bus turns up. Mum turns to me and says "why ever would she think we are going to the dentist tonight if we are catching the bus now?" . She then realised what the other woman had said and started giggling. We laughed all the way there and it is still the only occasion when I have ever laughed on the way to the dentist.

Miss you and your laughter so much Mum.

BrambleShambles · 03/05/2023 20:34

I think I’ve told this before on here. It’s still cringe-inducing to me.

My waters had broken with my 1st dc - we are at the hospital & I am being assessed by a midwife. We are sat chatting away, she makes a gesture with her finger, pointing it towards me. I look at her finger for a second, abit confused, then I pull it.
I pulled her finger. Like the fart joke your gross little brother does , you know the one ‘pull my finger’ then he trumps.

The room goes quiet for what seems like an eternity, the silence broken by dh snorting and trying to hold his laugher in.
The poor midwife was gesturing for me to put my finger out so she could clip the heart rate monitor thing on.
She could see I was embarrassed so she played it down & carried on chatting, but an hour or so later, as I was hooked up on a CTG monitor - I hear some sniggering outside in the hallway. In walks a different midwife, she looks at me, clearly trying to suppress a laugh and she says ‘Hello brambleshambles, I’m xxxxx…….so you’re the patient going around pulling peoples fingers aye’ 😳

Chatillon · 03/05/2023 20:49

Dedodee · 02/05/2023 21:14

Dh and i were in a newsagents. I bought a card and turned round to see which I thought was dh looking at a book of yoga poses, all scantily clad women.
I crept up behind him and said sternly 'what are you looking at.'
A complete stranger dropped the book and ran out of the shop!

This is hilarious!😂

elevenplusdilemma · 03/05/2023 20:59

I was new(ish) to my job. Arrived for work one morning and there was a strong Pledge-like scent in the office so I asked who'd be doing the polishing. Nobody had - the smell was my boss' new, rather expensive perfume.

Findyourneutralspace · 03/05/2023 21:01

My friend invited me to her 40th birthday bash at her new house. It was an afternoon BBQ to carry on into the evening. I’d never been to her new place before, so I got a taxi to drop me off at 2pm.
Knocked at the door to number 27, a bottle of Prosecco in each hand, and a bloke in a football shirt answered.
I assumed he was a guest and that everyone was in the back garden, so I cheerily waved the booze at him, saying ‘I’ve come for the party!’
The bloke looked puzzled and asked me what party? Turned out I had the right house number….. but the wrong street.
He was just sat at home watching the footy when some random woman knocked on his door ready for a party 🤣

thecatsthecats · 03/05/2023 21:10

magicstar1 · 02/05/2023 08:59

Bumping into an old friend and asking how his mother was….because I’d completely forgotten that I’d been to her funeral a couple of years before.

I have a distant aunt, who solely gets in touch with me to tell me that even more distant relations have died (people I have never met and live on different continents). Would I like to attend the virtual funeral at 11pm UK time?

I have to say no every time 😂

But then that's better than the time I asked after the husband of the deceased. Who was apparently already dead.

cryinglaughing · 03/05/2023 21:57

Car broke down, AA came to recover me, I was with my 2 dc's, 10 and 14.
He faffs about for a bit and decides I either need lifting onto a truck, or be towed on his fixed pole. Not wanting to wait for the truck, I opted for the pole.
He got us all ready and then told me how to drive my car and what not to do.
Any questions he says.
Yes, are we going to jerk off?

To anybody who has ever been towed by a rope, this question will make perfect sense.

He looked at me, stood up and walked back to his van. I looked in the mirror at older dc who was 🙄 at me.
35 miles later, having got past the crying with laughter/embarrassment, I was still chuckling to myself when we got to our destination.

Malmosia · 03/05/2023 21:59

I don't know if it's a faux pas but it has to be one of the most stupid things anyone has ever said in the history of mankind.

In my NCT group was a lesbian couple that I got on really well with. Sarah and Katie. Sarah had become pregnant via sperm donation. After we had all given birth Sarah and me met up. We talked about how our kids didn't really resemble us much. Me: "I think your DD totally has Katie's eyes!!!

Sarah was really nice about it..she laughed and said I was somehow right as if I'd said something perfectly sensible.

At least she wasn't offended (I hope) as we became good friends after that.