My celebrity boss is a lunatic I'm losing the plot

[Niceseasidetown]

My boss is a celebrity in our industry. Think: 100s of 1000s of social media followers, his own podcast...and all the ego that goes with that.

He is also rude (telling people their ideas are fucking shit), a huge micromanager and a bully. Everyone at work says this, not just me. His adoring fans don't see this side of him.

When I took the job he wasn't my boss. He fired my boss publicly saying he wasn't up to the job and now I have to work much more closely with the celebrity boss. My stress and anxiety are through the roof. I am criticised for everything and publicly. Literally not one thing is right (even obvious achievements). I'm mocked and ridiculed. I'm very experienced and well paid and in my 40s. I'm good at my job.

I'm obviously looking for a new job.

Spoke to HR who just sighed and said he is like that. He owns the company.

How do I cope. I feel on the edge of a breakdown. I also have to manage a team who he undermines me in front of.

Literally every hour is miserable and terrifying.

I can't do anything legally or practically. I need emotional coping tips because I am a wreck. I worry what this is doing to my physical as well as mental health.

Say you are sick for one week. Spend that week applying for as many jobs as you can!
Good luck OP 😊

OP working with people like this will make you physically and mentally ill. Hand your notice in tomorrow and aggressively job hunt in the interim. Do not worry about your CV, anything that’ll pay you enough while you recover and recalibrate. Long term the greatest risk is the destruction of your confidence and mental health.

How much is 4 days SSP these days?

Ok, so I’m your example above have you tried

boss: “why are we buying ingredients before the customer has ordered the meal”
you “would you prefer to do it the other way round? I can change that for you if you’d like. Please could you just pop your request onto an email?”

let your legacy be supporting him to fuck his business up!

Thank you @FangsForTheMemory I kinda know what you mean....I absolutely am not here to get revenge and also get fired. Genuinely just need some help.

The emotional detachment thing is huge.

Ive been so terrified of being fired. Now I've decided I will leave as soon as it suits me I feel better

I've sent him some ideas today. Not really ideas because he hates my ideas but we have some data and I told him what we need to do based on that data

I'll tell you what he says. It will be really funny. But I'll have to change it a bit.

I bet he says "data is for people who lack genius. If this data says that then why am I multi millionaire. Get more data that proves im right"

If he is well known I would tip off a few media outlets about his behaviour...preferably with video/sound evidence.

Being a celeb does not mean he gets away with not respecting employment law.

Find a new job and slap him with a case for constructive dismissal.

Seriously, if that person's brand is their ticket to riches you can technically do them some damage by whistleblowing/exposing them for the narcissist asshole they really are...

What are you practically doing about finding a new job? Make this your absolute top priority.

When you’re in these situations, trying to survive, it’s easy to put it in the long finger. eg You’ll send out applications when you have time to do it perfectly. Do these things now, imperfectly.

You should be checking your email whenever you have a few minutes. Networking at every opportunity.

Think of yourself as a resistance fighter, a spy, or something that just shifts your mindset slightly. It will change your energy. If you play video games, think of it as strategising and working through the levels. These things sound silly but the narratives we tell ourselves are the basis of our psychological reality and by adopting a different mindset you’re putting on psychological armour.

I second Boss Bingo! Even if you can only play it with yourself in your head. It is so much easier to believe that it’s not you, it really is him, if you can predict his script in advance.

I had a boss (although nowhere near as bad as your boss) who could never, ever say a straight well done on a piece of work. If they couldn’t see anything wrong immediately, they’d actually stop to think about it. I used to do a countdown in my head while they thought of something to criticise, and then congratulate myself on my accurate prediction.

This. I did similar with a bullying boss. But I went to HR and said please help me understand what I need to do to improve relationship with boss. I made it my issue . I asked them to attend my 1:1 and “observe” to give me feedback and development . Boss couldn’t refuse them as he was also supposed to develop me round issues
of course, they saw immediately the shit behaviour he metted out, he tried to pull out all nice behaviour but I just went back to the notes I made in previous meeting and quoted him verbatim and asked him to tell me what he wanted me to do to improve. His house of cards came tumbling down. But he didn’t loose face so had to buy into HRs action plan. They got external coaches in , 3 sessions with me, then about 3 months with him 🤣🤷🏼‍♀️.
he never pulled bullying behaviour on me again, but unfortunately turned his hand to other people. I’m glad to report that the charade eventually collapsed on him and he left before he was I assume dismissed.

so, yea, sometimes, particularly if it is temporary while you look for a new role, you might think about this tactic of taking responsibility and accountability for the behaviour and turning it back on him to solve.

Definitely record him and sell your story to a paper. Is this a restaurant then? Imagine placing an order in a restaurant and one of the staff nipping round to the spar for the ingredients? Surely not?

You don't need to lower yourself to stroking his ego. He will love that, and it won't change anything.

Yes @Namechange224422 you are so right. This clicked only this morning.

Problem is my team will question it but I could say "the guru is really excited to try it a different way". Sadly my team would then be excited.

My peer will question me too. I could say "I'm actually excited to see guru's idea working. I'm learning a lot by trying new rhings"

Oh I'm starting to feel less shit...thank you xxx

Thanks for the boss bingo idea. It would be good.

Who’s going to pay the legal fees @Niceseasidetown will have to pay out to even get this anywhere near tribunal? Assuming that she actually qualifies?

this guy can keep this shit going forever and bankrupt her in the process with the sunken cost fallacy.

even an only vaguely arsehole of an employer could run up £30,000 of fees for @Niceseasidetown and it still not get to tribunal

justice costs a LOT of money and if the judge is a dud, in a bad mood etc, you lose. And this clown would pursue you for costs too.

@Niceseasidetown could you contact your old boss? The one he sacked? See if he has a job for uou

Oh I totally
understand that sensation of working for someone who has stupid ideas and you then have to work doubly hard to make things work sensibly. And of course they don’t appreciate it.

doing exactly what he wants work wise for a while will take the pressure off. His shit results will reflect on him not you.

btw I know a couple of “survivors” of a similar manager in the Uk. Both thought/were told he’d end their careers in their industry. Well bollocks, word gets out and they’re both doing absolutely brilliantly.

The old boss is out of work and a bit of a broken human being right now. But he would hire me in a shot.

Sorry to hear that things are difficult OP. From you posts it seems like one of the things you're struggling with is the celebrity aspect and the difference between this person's public persona and actual manner. I don't think that's uncommon TBH - there is a reason why people end up super-successful and it's often because they don't give a toss about other people. But if you're working for someone like this you feel that everyone expects you to have a wonderful job and feel super-lucky to be in that position!

Would it help if you recalibrated your mindset along the lines of 'work is crap, but most people's day to day work is crap. I'm just going in, ticking off the hours and taking the money, just like most people are doing'?

Gordon Ramsey is apparently lovely. I don't think it would be him.

Someone once said to me ‘You don’t have to be his victim’

This has always helped when I’ve met people like this.

You need to be strong and have some resolve.

Maybe you could ‘I’m not paid for X hours after my work day is complete, if you’d like to discuss remuneration, my lowest point is double pay plus TIL -‘

Thank you @Bramshott you are right.

The other thing he has done before is taken something I've said, post it online and say "what idiot says things like this". It inevitably gets 1000s of likes and is another aspect to the bullying.

You are very right that reminding myself that LOTS of people hate their job is actually a good strategy. It stops me feeling g I'm in a uniquely horrible situation and strengthens my resolve to cope better emotionally

I agree you need to reframe the interactions. He is probably seeing you as obstructive. This is what I would do

Example (made up so as not to out myself): why are we buying ingredients BEFORE we've sold the meal to the customer?? That's eating up our fucking capital. Shoot me now maybe someone here is a genius that can fucking explain this.

Me: we can absolutely change the process. the rationale of keeping stock has been that it keeps costs down by allowing us to buy these non perishable goods at cheaper prices and it takes less staff to manage. So if we move to “just in time”ordering responsive to demand we avoid tying up capital you’re quite right but we would need to accept costs would rise. Let me know what you’d like us to do.

In other world

• ignore his aggression
• answer the question in a neutral way
• flag the consequences of the change
• make clear you’ll follow his instructions either way

Get yourself a good counsellor for emotional support OP. Very sorry to hear that you are going through this. Obviously the priority is the escape route but as you specifically asked for emotional help in the meantime I have some ideas for you.

One option is to say that you are feeling stressed due to something outside of work to explain if you are behaving differently at work as a cover story. Sick relative or relationship issue. You can then take a few days off if you need to without alarm bells ringing with your boss.

I would try to be smiley and positive at work. When you boss is telling you off, maybe listen to them rant on for a bit and then move the focus firmly to the future and say "ok, so what are the priorities going forward?"

You can also say to them "you are probably right" which can be a big diffuser of tension. I would be trying not to get into any battles with your boss in this situation.

Your mental health is more important than any job, you can always just stop engaging and stop working for this man. Yes there may be a price to pay financially and possibly in your career but your mental health matters more and it is easy to lose sight of this. Be kind to yourself OP and put yourself first.

Have you signed an NDA that prohibits you speaking publicly about him? If not, that is your bargaining chip. You go back to HR and tell them that you are prepared to sue for constructive dismissal on account of his bullying and aggression and use it to negotiate an exit that gives you a payoff and a decent reference. If he's like any other celebrity (I used to work in the industry myself) he won't want his reputation tarnished in this #MeToo era. It's too easy to get cancelled now, he won't want to risk it.

Poor you. This is awful. Like others have said you are entitled to sick leave so perhaps speak to your GP about what's happening and they can advise.

Otherwise, stay strong. You're not the problem. You can walk away even if it'll take time. This awful person is stuck with themselves for life.

Hopefully with more and more scandals about terrible bosses someone will speak publicly about the person and then more will come forward.

If you have the strength I recommend you speak to HR even just to register a complaint about him without using his name (they can't do anything if you don't name him but at least there's a record of a complaint about someone matching that behaviour).