Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

My celebrity boss is a lunatic I'm losing the plot

592 replies

Niceseasidetown · 01/05/2023 10:59

My boss is a celebrity in our industry. Think: 100s of 1000s of social media followers, his own podcast...and all the ego that goes with that.

He is also rude (telling people their ideas are fucking shit), a huge micromanager and a bully. Everyone at work says this, not just me. His adoring fans don't see this side of him.

When I took the job he wasn't my boss. He fired my boss publicly saying he wasn't up to the job and now I have to work much more closely with the celebrity boss. My stress and anxiety are through the roof. I am criticised for everything and publicly. Literally not one thing is right (even obvious achievements). I'm mocked and ridiculed. I'm very experienced and well paid and in my 40s. I'm good at my job.

I'm obviously looking for a new job.

Spoke to HR who just sighed and said he is like that. He owns the company.

How do I cope. I feel on the edge of a breakdown. I also have to manage a team who he undermines me in front of.

Literally every hour is miserable and terrifying.

I can't do anything legally or practically. I need emotional coping tips because I am a wreck. I worry what this is doing to my physical as well as mental health.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
Original poster
Niceseasidetown · 01/05/2023 11:34

Thanks. I've written down some of the words here which are comforting.

I've worked with narcissists before but I think this guy is a psychopath or sociopath...his behaviour is so extreme.

You're right whoever said that I need to learn how to give the impression I agree with him. And stop trying to make him see sense (some of his decisions are insane).

I already have two referees at the company lined up so I won't need him. But I would need to leave on good terms as he tends not to pay monies owed when people leave.

The hold he has over people is so powerful. I think a lot of the staff who don't have much to do with him believe the public image. Really only a v small number of us work with him directly.

OP posts:
whatisheupto · 01/05/2023 11:36

I think I'd be clever about this. Ask for a meeting with him where you tell him you're struggling to cope with the way he makes you feel. That it is pushing you away. But here's the clever bit... flatter him and stroke his ego in the process. So tell him you admire and respect him and think he's wonderful and would love to continue working with him. But you need him on your side. Make him feel in control and that you do anything for him as long as he has your back. So you need his help.

He probably won't want the hassle of losing you. He might love the new dynamic of having a tight little team with you. But he needs you to be the one to ask for it as he won't ever want to show that he needs you.

I worked for someone veeeeery similar, extremely wealthy, very powerful. This tactic worked for me (short term cos I didn't like the falseness and I left anyway). It might work for you to make the next 2 months bearable. You've got nothing to lose. I bet they have no one to confide and trust in so showing some vulnerability on your part might encourage them to see you as an ally to them.

Original poster
Niceseasidetown · 01/05/2023 11:38

Yes @AtrociousCircumstance that is exactly what is happening...I am behaving more dramatically and aggressicely because I'm somehow unable to detach. Will look at this.

@ResetFuture yes what you say resonates. If I cared less about the company, customers and staff this would be a lot easier. I need to put myself first in my own head.

OP posts:
Whichnumbers · 01/05/2023 11:39

Keep doing your job as best you can,

actually I wouldn’t, just do the job. Stand back & if there are complaints don’t worry - he will complain any how so why bother with effort to gain the same result?

I wish you luck with your job search

also contact ACAS for any support you may find from them.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 01/05/2023 11:40

Boss bingo can be fun too, especially if you have a friend to play it with.

Original poster
Niceseasidetown · 01/05/2023 11:40

@whatisheupto I actually tried something similar to this very recently. Too soon to see if it has had any lasting impact.He did respond quite well to it in the meeting.

OP posts:
frazzledasarock · 01/05/2023 11:41

Gather all the evidence and go to the media. He’s a bully. The papers will have a field day.

TeenLifeMum · 01/05/2023 11:45

Write a diary and then publish it as a book after you leave.

I’m being bullied at work and my boss isn’t a celebrity, just a manipulative, gaslighting, nasty piece of work confused why he’s had so many staff at my level “not up to the job”! Many the toxic team you created? It’s tough because I need to leave but also need to pay bills. Applying for jobs is also all consuming. Good luck op.

HermioneWeasley · 01/05/2023 11:50

keep the evidence.

secretly record if you can. Write notes of every interaction in detail.

when you have enough you ask for a settlement, or if you’ve secured another job then resign and sue for constructive dismissal. He will not want this material in the public domain

Shitsandwiches · 01/05/2023 11:53

Oh what a horrible situation. Just thinking could you temp OP as an inbetween this job and the next? Sign up with a temp agency and just leave then look for your next job in peace knowing you don't have a gap in your CV?

No job is worth your mental health and when work stress sets in it's just awful and takes over your life - going sick doesn't help, taking annual leave doesn't help - leaving and never looking back is what seems to sort it! Good luck.

Travis1 · 01/05/2023 11:54

It’s Martin MacDonald isn’t it? I pray to fuck
theres not more than one out there like him.

could you sign on with agencies to temp? Where are you based? I’m in central Scotland and consistently getting temp contract opportunities emailed to me from
search recruitment so there is a lot out ther.

TUCKINGFYP0 · 01/05/2023 11:56

Gather all the evidence you can. Record phone calls or meetings with him, keep copies of emails ( obviously not on any work devices / servers / accounts . Write notes after every single encounter with him, or work conversations about him with others eg if one of your staff complain about him to you.

Make sure you don’t keep anything that could be seen to be commercially sensitive information, such as clients contact details or copies or contracts. You don’t want anyone to suggest later that you had another motive for collecting this information .

Even if you decide in the end not to use this evidence , collecting it will really help for several reasons

  1. it will prove to you ( now and later ) that you are not overreacting , taking things out of context , being too sensitive , taking constructive feedback personally etc etc
  2. when he starts shouting / misbehaving /verbally abusing you, you will be thinking “ great, now I’ve got a recording of this behaviour, instead of “ Oh no he’s doing this again “ and being terrified.

I suggest you call the ( free ) ACAS helpline and ask for advice. Give a pseudonym if that makes you feel safer.

And yes of course, get another job asap. If he’s as powerful as you say, then there’s probably no point in doing anything after you have left. But having all the information gives you choices.

RedHelenB · 01/05/2023 11:58

Niceseasidetown · 01/05/2023 11:08

Thanks. He won't pay sick pay and he's a multi millionaire who will pay his lawyers to use my money up trying.

And I don't want to leave without a jo lined up because since Covid I've had several gaps in my CV.

Hence why I'm trying to cope emotionally for the next 2 to 3 months as sadly any practical solution is not without problems.

But thank you your advice is sensible.

Block him out. Put on an act.Just agree with everything And good luck finding a new job, would your old boss have anything always assuming they've found another position?

wildfirewonder · 01/05/2023 11:59
  1. Keep a detailed diary
  2. Speak to a solicitor about your rights (an initial appointment will not cost much)
  3. Practice detachment - observe what he says and then write it down.
  4. Apply for everything you possibly can, including via agencies
HipHipCimorene · 01/05/2023 11:59

If you’re doing extra time, not in your contract and he fires you because you stop then you can take him to court.
Not doing extra time is not ‘ gross misconduct ( is that the right phrase?) so he can’t just fire you.

So stop the extra time and at least you’ll have less to do with him.
If you’re having a particularly hard time take the day off.
He is abusing you mentally.
As other posters have said, record him everytime he has a discussion in your presence as you may need evidence in the future.

Bleepbloopbluurp · 01/05/2023 11:59

Niceseasidetown · 01/05/2023 11:08

Thanks. He won't pay sick pay and he's a multi millionaire who will pay his lawyers to use my money up trying.

And I don't want to leave without a jo lined up because since Covid I've had several gaps in my CV.

Hence why I'm trying to cope emotionally for the next 2 to 3 months as sadly any practical solution is not without problems.

But thank you your advice is sensible.

He won't pay sick pay? Report to HMRC.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 01/05/2023 12:00

I’d detach from him where possible but also if you have holiday, take it and look for work whilst on it.

Have you been there 2 years? If so you’re fairly well safe re HR so double check rules but see your GP and get signed off sick for 2-3 weeks.

Don’t jump out of this job immediately into another permanent one in a panic.

Contracts are good but have to be what you want.

Try to go for jobs without micromanagement if you can. I’ve had micromanagement in recent jobs but not all and I bloody hate it, especially from inexperienced junior managers much younger than me who think they know it all (agree part of that is my ego!).

I also found a support network of friends, family and maybe colleagues is vital whilst you’re still there and looking to leave.

Good luck!

Showersugar · 01/05/2023 12:00

Honestly I would leave as quietly as possible then tip off an investigative journalist. There must be an army of ex staff gagging to take this monster down, and it would be no less than he deserves.

My3cents1 · 01/05/2023 12:01

Work on getting away from this toxic bullshit then expose this little man for who he actually is….a twat with small dick energy.

SpringNotSprung · 01/05/2023 12:01

How long have you been at the company. If over two years you have employment rights and the company is bound by its contractual obligations re notice, etc.

GCWorkNightmare · 01/05/2023 12:01

Quitelikeacatslife · 01/05/2023 11:21

Collect evidence now that you are doing the job you are paid for, get evidence of your achievements etc stashed away and also of any unfair treatment, get him to put things in writing, and if he fires you then take him to tribunal for unfair dismissal. It sounds like someone needs to stand up to him. He won't want the publicity of that

With less than 2 years service and no evidence of any discrimination on basis of protected characteristics, how would this be an unfair dismissal case?!

Sandra1984 · 01/05/2023 12:02

Is he a famous financial advisor?

Mistletoewench · 01/05/2023 12:03

Sandra1984 · 01/05/2023 12:02

Is he a famous financial advisor?

Ooh I think I know who you are hinting at 😬

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 01/05/2023 12:05

A previous colleague of mine who worked as a contractor for 5 years in 2 different roles for a huge global corp is taking them to court (tribunal?) as they treated her and other contractors appallingly. Her last boss I won’t even go into what he’s like here but a total and utter arsehole who thankfully I only encountered in a meeting and in corridors/lifts.

This PA was so ground down by his behaviour over a year she contemplated suicide.

Our friend who worked there less than 10 months had previously won awards as a PA etc was asked to work 2 roles (hers and a maternity contract) and ended up leaving after 10 months due to the pressure.

There are books on bullying and a good therapist (I had one) is worth their weight in gold.

JarOfRocks · 01/05/2023 12:07

I agree to detach (just think, you won't be working there soon so he doesn't matter) and don't rise to his antagonism. He probably does some of what he does just to get a reaction from you. Live in your head and indulge fantasies of leaving, until you actually do, to help stay calm.

Look after yourself too. Easy to forget to exercise and eat healthily when you are under stress. You'll feel worse if you don't. Use meditation apps etc after work. Make plans for nice things to look forward to - meeting a friend, reading a book by an author you love etc. I need to take some of this advice myself!

Do you have any paid holiday? I would book a few days to have off next month, so you have something to focus on and look forward to as a bridge between now and actually leaving.

Aggressively job hunt. Get in touch with any discrete network you have, recruitment agencies, LinkedIn etc.

Swipe left for the next trending thread