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Original poster

Not invited to best friends daughters wedding, asked to look after her dog!

276 replies

Lorrymum · 22/04/2023 16:59

My friend of almost 40 years" daughter is getting married in the next few months. We have been very close, Christmas, birthdays, family bbqs etc.
Having spent months hearing about venues, dresses, menus etc. I have discovered I am not invited to the wedding. Fair enough, its her daughters wedding and she probably has no say as to who is invited.
Today my friend rang to ask a "huge favour." Would I look after her daughters dog during the wedding and the festivities? Not just pop in to walk and feed him but sleep overnight for 2 days?
I am now really cheesed off. Not good enough for the wedding but good enough to look after the bloody dog!
I don't want to risk our friendship but am trying to think of a plausible excuse. Wedding in 5 months.

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 22/04/2023 17:01

I don’t really see why you’re so annoyed, but just say no if you don’t want to do it

Lastnamedidntstick · 22/04/2023 17:01

Do you know the friends daughter? Are you close?

it’s her wedding, not her mums, so unless you have a relationship with the bride why on earth would you expect an invite?

look after the dog, or don’t. But no reason to be upset over the wedding unless the bride is like an additional daughter or something.

Phos · 22/04/2023 17:02

Sorry but I think YABVU. It’s your friend’s daughter who is getting married, not your friend. I didn’t invite my parents friends to my wedding. Often numbers are limited at these things.

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Weddings
CurlsLDN · 22/04/2023 17:02

So a grown up adult woman with her own circle of friends (and budget!) hasn’t invited you to her wedding. That’s ok, as you say.

meanwhile your very good friend has asked a favour of you, as she trusts you with her home and dog.

I don’t see the problem? Obviously you don’t have to do the favour if it doesn’t suit you, but one thing has nothing much to do with the other

exexpat · 22/04/2023 17:03

Seriously? "Not good enough for the wedding"? As you say, this is your friend's daughter's wedding, and the daughter will be in charge of the guest list. This is the 21st century and these days it is the people getting married who decide to invite, not their parents.

If you don't want to look after your friend's dog that is up to you, but don't blame her for the lack of invitation.

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 22/04/2023 17:04

You need to separate the 2 things in your mind.

You have a long-standing friendship with a woman and as such you've been asked to do her a favour and looks after the dog.

The womans daughter is getting married, she has her own friends and a whole new family to incorporate into an event about her and her husband to be. She will not be inviting any of her mums friends because it's not about her mum.

Wolfiefan · 22/04/2023 17:05

Just say no.
YAB ridiculous. It’s not a case of not being good enough for the wedding. People invite their own family and friends to their wedding. You’re not the close friend or family of Bride or Groom.

NutButters · 22/04/2023 17:05

YABVU. It’s the daughter’s wedding. Say no to the dog if you like but not in a spirit of outrage- it’s absolutely fine that the daughter didn’t ask you and it’s absolutely fine that your friend of 40y thought you might help her out on her daughter’s wedding day.

MouthfulofMidwinter · 22/04/2023 17:05

I don't get why you're so enraged either. Look after the dog or not, but I don't see the relationship between being asked a favour by a longterm friend and expecting a wedding invitation.

Iloveacurry · 22/04/2023 17:06

Oh just read it’s the daughter’s dog. Just say no then, that you’re busy.

HappyTrance · 22/04/2023 17:06

I do think that’s a cheek.

Lots of people invite some of their parents’ friends. You must be close if you expected to go?

Fandabgr · 22/04/2023 17:06

Another vote as above. It's okay to be disappointed that you haven't been invited though, but it is not your friend's fault so please don't resent her. Weddings are expensive and lines have to be drawn somewhere with numbers and invitations. Maybe your friend feels bad s about it so hasn't brought it up. But as someone said, the two issues aren't connected.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 22/04/2023 17:06

how bigs the wedding?
I wouldn’t look after anyone’s dog so say no to that

Veenah · 22/04/2023 17:07

I really don't see the issue here. No reason for the bride's mother's friend to be at the wedding. And makes sense to ask a trusted friend to mind the dog. The bride and groom's family and friends will presumably all be at the wedding which may rule out their usual dog sitters.

I'd be happy to help to be honest. Don't if you don't want to, but I don't really see why you're so offended

Minierme · 22/04/2023 17:07

YABU about the invitation. I have lots of lovely friends whose kids have got married, some I’ve known when they were younger too. I’m not invited as generally only family or friends of the groom/bride themselves are invited. I don’t take it as a slight on our friendship.

As far as the favour goes, if you don’t can’t/don’t want to just say I’m so sorry I can’t help with this but wishing you best of luck getting it sorted. You must be getting excited etc…

Fandabgr · 22/04/2023 17:08

Ohh also just realised it's the daughters dog! So maybe just say no rather than harbour resentment and she can sort a kennel. Not even being petty, but it's okay to be disappointed but don't say yes if it cause bitterness.

JorisBonson · 22/04/2023 17:08

You're her mum's friend, not her friend. She doesn't need to invite you.

piedbeauty · 22/04/2023 17:09

I can see your side of this, op! I'd definitely expect to be asked to your friend's DD's wedding, as a close friend of the bride's parents. That's just what you do - unless they are having a very small wedding for some reason?

I'd talk to your friend, say how you feel.

cushioncovers · 22/04/2023 17:10

Say no to dog sitting as you obviously don't want to do it and that's ok. But don't get upset about not being invited to the wedding. Wedding etiquette has changed dramatically over the last ten years. If my best friends children got married in the near future which they may well do I won't expect to go. Even though our kids grew up together they are all now adults and have their own lives.

Kay286 · 22/04/2023 17:11

Hmmm I agree with you I’d annoyed ! I think people do invite parents friends to their wedding espec long standing/best friends ! I had some of my mums at mine and I’m sure when my daughter marries she’d invite my bestie too as we’re all interlinked ! Even at least just the evening do part.
Id say no to the dog as I think you’ll feel resentful

purplecorkheart · 22/04/2023 17:12

It is the daughter's wedding not your best friend. Your best friend does not get to pick who it invited, it is the Bride and Groom who pick. Your relationship with the bride's Mom is not their relationship with you compared to others.

I suspect it is your friend who picked you to ask to look after the dog rather than the bride. Just say sorry I can't. Make no big
issue out of it.

Caterina99 · 22/04/2023 17:13

The 2 are not really connected, unless you’re a close family friend and know the daughter well. I might hope for an evening invite in that case.

Your friend trusts you to look after her dog and feels close enough to ask you. Would you do it for her if she was going on holiday or some other reason, or is it just because of the wedding you don’t want to?

QueenoftheAngles · 22/04/2023 17:13

My parents had their closest friends at my wedding, the ones I’d grown up with so it’s not unreasonable for OP to think she might have an invite although she says fair enough she didn’t but I’d be a bit put out tbh with the request to look after the brides dog. Feels a bit like you’re the only one close enough to ask for that sort of favour that wasn’t invited. I wouldn’t make a fuss but I’d say unfortunately I’m not around that weekend so can’t look after the dog.

DiscoBeat · 22/04/2023 17:14

Well hang on, it's not your best friend's wedding, it's her daughter's. And wedding budgets only stretch so far. I'd be a good friend a dog sit with good Grace.

Schoolchoicesucks · 22/04/2023 17:14

There are 2 separate things here.

Not being invited to the wedding. As you have said, it is not your friend's wedding, it is her daughters. Between the daughter's friends and family and the partner's friends and family they may find it difficult to invite extra people to the wedding venue they have chosen and have had to exclude family friends. You say you understand this but then...

Being asked to look after the dog. Is there a reason they would ask you? Have you pet sat before? Offered to? Known for loving dogs? Does your friend do favours for you/your family and this would be a usual reciprocation? Taking the wedding out of the equation, would you want to/be available to dog sit at the time they are asking? If not, say no and they will have to find a pet sitter or use kennels. If yes then why wouldn't you?

Honestly, unless they are having a massive wedding, it is typical not to invite the friends of parents. It is not a snub to you. Do you have children? Are they married? Did they invite your friends? If so, did you pay for them or did your dc pay for your friends?