Not invited to best friends daughters wedding, asked to look after her dog!

[Lorrymum]

My friend of almost 40 years" daughter is getting married in the next few months. We have been very close, Christmas, birthdays, family bbqs etc.
Having spent months hearing about venues, dresses, menus etc. I have discovered I am not invited to the wedding. Fair enough, its her daughters wedding and she probably has no say as to who is invited.
Today my friend rang to ask a "huge favour." Would I look after her daughters dog during the wedding and the festivities? Not just pop in to walk and feed him but sleep overnight for 2 days?
I am now really cheesed off. Not good enough for the wedding but good enough to look after the bloody dog!
I don't want to risk our friendship but am trying to think of a plausible excuse. Wedding in 5 months.

Its the brides not very friendly dog. Have just rung to say I am away for the weekend. I was there when she chose her wedding dress. Provided job references, picked her up from school, babysat when she was small
Im not "enraged" just cheesed off.

My ddad invited about ten people to our wedding, many I hadn’t met before. Apparently this is traditional? It seemed a bit weird to me.

But she's not your friend. You're not automatically entitled to an invitation.

Just say no re dog then leave it there.

I don't think you should be offended. As others have said it is normal not to invite even very good friends of parents of the bride/groom to the wedding due to tight guest lists. It is not your friend's wedding after all.

Asking you to look after her dog is possibly even a compliment, you were the person she trusted. I would be honoured to help a friend in this way (provided I liked the dog).

YABU to be annoyed not to get an invite, you're the mum's friend, not the daughter's. But I'd also refuse to look after someone's dog, unless I was really close to them, like my best friend, or my sibling. Even then, tbh I'd expect them to book kennels or someone who boards dogs, unless I had a specific reason for wanting to look after their dog, like it's best friends with my dog. Most people with dogs surely pay for their dog to be taken care of when they go away, they don't get friends to do it, at least it's what I do. Dogs are a bit of a hassel, it's not like looking after a hamster, or popping in to feed a cat.

I think I'd probably feel a little bit upset too. I think it used to be the "done thing" at one time but it seems that there's no way of knowing what to expect these days and so many posters on here are saying you are being unreasonable but I don't think you are.
Glad you have said no to looking after the bride's dog. What a cheek.

This sounds like somebody you have known well her whole life, I think it's mean they didn't invite you, it sounds like a big event, menus etc. I had a small wedding but still invited friends of my parents because they were close to the family growing up and I like them. I didn't have a massive wedding. I think you are justified in being annoyed.

Just seen it is not a friendly dog. So see why you have refused then. Definitely think you need to get over the not getting an invitation thing though. Please don't let it impact your long term friendship with the mother of the bride, weddings are just so expensive and venue capacity limits tricky.

It does not reflect how much you are valued as a friend or even how much the bride values all the kind things you have done for her. I certainly was not able to invite all of the kind friends of my parents who had helped me growing up to my wedding and I had a big wedding, there just wasn't space.

Well I can totally understand how you feel. You sound as if you have been very much part of her life. An honorary Aunt if you like. Quite right to refuse to dog sit.

I can see why you’re upset. You’re not ‘just’ her mother’s friend if you’ve been involved in bride’s life since she was very young.

Think I’d feel hurt too, or at least would want to know I wasn’t invited earlier on when they were discussing all the wedding planning with you and helping to choose her dress etc

I do think it's a piss take one of the girls I had as my bridesmaid (she was an adult at the time) didn't invite me to her wedding, and I was really put out (still am). F**k them, you are going out that day aren't you?

I can see why you’re annoyed. As a friend of the family you’re probably closer than aunties/uncles and have had a hand in being part of ‘the village’ raising the bride. Your excuse is perfectly fine - no need to do anything you don’t want to do and you’ve handled it diplomatically.

It’s rarer these days for parents to get to invite friends to weddings. If you can afford it I think it’s nice, because of friends such as yourself who have contributed to the bride or groom’s childhood.

However if they were limiting invites that’s not going to happen. I wouldn’t look after the dog, but I wouldn’t be annoyed about no invitation either.

I understand OP, you feel that you've been supportive on all the arrangements stuff with dress, venues, catering etc and that won't have been exactly exciting stuff - but now you're downgraded to dog sitter. Take yourself off for a nice weekend by yourself!!

If it was the friends dog I’d do it , if it’s the daughters dog absolutely no way .

YABVVU

I don’t think you are being unreasonable. My best friend is my family - better than my old family. I helped raise her children and her mine. I’d be very upset if this is the kind of closet you had.

*closeness not closet

I wouldn’t make a fuss but I’d say unfortunately I’m not around that weekend so can’t look after the dog.

This. Give them time to find another mug sort a kennel out.

Life doesn't work like this. For those saying the person who is getting married has her own circle of friends... why isn't she asking someone who SHE knows to look after her own dog?

I’d be pissed off too; I was good enough to ferry my friend and her family around in the run up to the wedding, being asked to have a completely unknown couple staying for the wedding and to be an unpaid taxi service for the pre-nuptial events etc.
Stupid me.

It isn't the friend's dog, it's the bride's dog.

Wedding culture has really changed in the past couple of generations. It used to be that the parents were hosting and paying for the wedding (generally) so they invited their friends. Now the couple select the guests so it’s all about their friends, not their parents’ friends. (This is a big generalisation). I think your expectations that you would have been invited are a bit old fashioned.

My friend gets married next week. Her mum expected to be able to invite her friends to the wedding too and was upset when my friend said no.
It’s her wedding. She’s paying for it so I’m sure she’d rather have her friends there than her mums.
Fair enough if you don’t want the dog. But being upset about no invite is a bit silly

O I thought it was your friend’s dog. Yeah that’s cheeky. Def say no.