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Original poster

Not invited to best friends daughters wedding, asked to look after her dog!

276 replies

Lorrymum · 22/04/2023 16:59

My friend of almost 40 years" daughter is getting married in the next few months. We have been very close, Christmas, birthdays, family bbqs etc.
Having spent months hearing about venues, dresses, menus etc. I have discovered I am not invited to the wedding. Fair enough, its her daughters wedding and she probably has no say as to who is invited.
Today my friend rang to ask a "huge favour." Would I look after her daughters dog during the wedding and the festivities? Not just pop in to walk and feed him but sleep overnight for 2 days?
I am now really cheesed off. Not good enough for the wedding but good enough to look after the bloody dog!
I don't want to risk our friendship but am trying to think of a plausible excuse. Wedding in 5 months.

OP posts:
toddlermum27 · 22/04/2023 17:45

Nobody that is 'good enough' to be invited to the wedding will be good enough to look after the dog... because they'll be at the wedding, yabvu

StrangeSally · 22/04/2023 17:45

Tell her to piss off, she's not your friend, she's a cf

tobee · 22/04/2023 17:46

skippy67 · 22/04/2023 17:37

YABVVU

About looking after the bride's dog? Why?

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Weddings
EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 22/04/2023 17:46

I do think some people who are being adamant that you are unreasonable would feel the same themselves

If I was invited to look at wedding dresses with the bride I would assume I was invited yes

Not getting an invite would smart a little and I would be annoyed at then being asked to do a hired help role

Blizzard23 · 22/04/2023 17:48

This question needs to be answered;

Are any other family friends invited?

If no, then fair enough.
If yes then YADNBU

I think the dog sitting request is a bit much. I think they could have invited you to the evening. I have been invited to friends dc weddings. It’s not unusual, and given your prominence in their lives, I am not surprised you are hurt.

tobee · 22/04/2023 17:48

toddlermum27 · 22/04/2023 17:45

Nobody that is 'good enough' to be invited to the wedding will be good enough to look after the dog... because they'll be at the wedding, yabvu

That's a bit of back to front way of looking at it. Confused

Coffeeandbourbons · 22/04/2023 17:48

Lorrymum · 22/04/2023 17:15

Its the brides not very friendly dog. Have just rung to say I am away for the weekend. I was there when she chose her wedding dress. Provided job references, picked her up from school, babysat when she was small
Im not "enraged" just cheesed off.

Yeah that’s a bit off to be honest, you’re a family friend and sounds like you’ve been quite involved with her life.

CeriB82 · 22/04/2023 17:48

Wanna swap?

my best friend’s daughter is getting married and opted for a small wedding. I offered to look after the bride’s dog.

but i got an invite instead. I really dislike being around people and really want to avoid it. But i cant. I just want the dog

itmustbeexhausting · 22/04/2023 17:49

this is insane. why would you be invited?!

flapjackfairy · 22/04/2023 17:49

this happened to me. My daughter was getting married as was my best friends daughter. We have been friends for 30 yrs and had a lot to do with each others kids. Even had Christmas lunch together etc.
My friends daughter had a huge wedding of 250 people and both sets of parents paid. We weren't invited .
My daughter had invited my friend to her wedding and v much wanted her there but I didn't even get an invite to the evening do !
It was hurtful at the time but I said nothing and rose above it . Not worth falling out over imo.
But I wouldnt want to dog sit either if the dog was not friendly.

gamerchick · 22/04/2023 17:50

The daughters dog? Cheeky bugger. Glad you've said no.

I'd be thinking that maybe I've been too bidable over the years and a bit taken for granted.

Twinedpeaks · 22/04/2023 17:51

itmustbeexhausting · 22/04/2023 17:49

this is insane. why would you be invited?!

In the real world (not mumsnet) you would normally invite someone who has been in your life for 40 years, who you wanted there when you chose your dress, who you grew up with etc!

pinachina · 22/04/2023 17:53

I think people are jumping down your throat here OP. Its inconceivable that my best friends wouldn't be at my daughters wedding. Unless it's a micro-wedding or they elope. Your anger suggests this is very much a 'normal' wedding, and if that is the case and you've been excluded (even from the evening!) then it's ok to feel hurt. To then be asked to watch the dog makes me wonder whether that was always the plan.

Flowersun6 · 22/04/2023 17:53

@Twinedpeaks absolutely agree with you. MN is a very strange place at times. People are behaving as though her friends DD is a stranger. They will have grown up around each other it's totally bizarre to pretend otherwise. If finances is the issue FINE but surely you would state that, posters shouldn't assume its about the cost.

notacooldad · 22/04/2023 17:54

I knew my friend for years before her dd was born. I went on one of the many of her hen dos but didn't get invited to the wedding. I didn't get invited to either of an other friends sons weddings . It never occurred to me to think about it! I would have looked after the dogs if asked.

Mainlinethehappy · 22/04/2023 17:54

I think that this would by a nice gift for your friend and her daughter. I would never have thought to invite my parents' mates to my wedding, so I think you're making this very much about you, when it isn't.

Strictly1 · 22/04/2023 17:54

piedbeauty · 22/04/2023 17:09

I can see your side of this, op! I'd definitely expect to be asked to your friend's DD's wedding, as a close friend of the bride's parents. That's just what you do - unless they are having a very small wedding for some reason?

I'd talk to your friend, say how you feel.

It’s now what people do now. It was what people did when parents paid in full for the wedding and the people getting married were very young and still living at home. Times have changed.

BoredOfThisMansWorld · 22/04/2023 17:54

I'm not a traditional or formal person but I totally get it! Surprised so many don't.

There are some friends whose families feel like your own family. Especially if you grew up close to each other. Sometimes denoted as honorary aunties or whatever, depending on culture. You weren't expecting to be included as friend of her mum, but as her almost family.

And usually when people are having a more restricted guest list they advertise the fact from the off so people aren't disappointed.

WimpoleHat · 22/04/2023 17:55

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 22/04/2023 17:46

I do think some people who are being adamant that you are unreasonable would feel the same themselves

If I was invited to look at wedding dresses with the bride I would assume I was invited yes

Not getting an invite would smart a little and I would be annoyed at then being asked to do a hired help role

I do agree with this - it doesn’t sound like the OP is just some random friend of the bride’s mum, but someone who’s been close to the family (and to the bride herself) for a long time. So it is a bit insensitive (unless it’s a very small occasion) to have the OP help her to choose a dress and then not invite her - and a whole level beyond that to ask her to have the dog! OP has done the right thing, though - just said no politely and without drama.

ILikeCatsandDogs · 22/04/2023 17:55

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. You can feel hurt and I don’t blame you. I actually call my mums best friend aunty, she was invited to my small wedding and as my mum and her are very old they only speak on the phone, they hadn’t seen each other for a decade previously it was beautiful to see them meet up it was like a day hadn’t passed between the two of them. Try not to be upset for too long though it just means her mums happiness is not a priority to her.

Drfosters · 22/04/2023 17:55

I guess it depends how many people were invited. If it is 50 guests then there is no way they could fit you in, if 150 I can’t see why they wouldn’t. I had my mum’s 2 best friends there who I had known since I was young. I wouldn’t have dreamed of not inviting them. I would have not invited one of my mates to make a spot for them but we had 100 guests and there was plenty of room so wasn’t an issue. So I can see why you are upset but clearly if it is a tiny wedding then they would only be inviting very close family and friends and you wouldn’t be in that group.

Mainlinethehappy · 22/04/2023 17:55

Twinedpeaks · 22/04/2023 17:51

In the real world (not mumsnet) you would normally invite someone who has been in your life for 40 years, who you wanted there when you chose your dress, who you grew up with etc!

Show quote history

It's the friend's daughter who is getting married, not the friend.

TiptoeThroughTheToadstools · 22/04/2023 17:56

You are conveniently cat sitting that week...

FurAndFeathers · 22/04/2023 17:56

piedbeauty · 22/04/2023 17:09

I can see your side of this, op! I'd definitely expect to be asked to your friend's DD's wedding, as a close friend of the bride's parents. That's just what you do - unless they are having a very small wedding for some reason?

I'd talk to your friend, say how you feel.

Why on earth would you expect a bride and groom to fill their wedding with their parents’ friends?

very entitled

Stormydanielss · 22/04/2023 17:56

It may be a small wedding
We only had 30 people and no parents friends so try not to get too upset over that but I agree CF for asking about the daughters dog whether it's a wedding or not, that's for a kennel or doggy hotel