Page 7 | Pointless products that will never exist but you wish they did

ditalini · 2023-04-19T13:40:31+00:00

I live on the 2nd floor and have a shared washing line out the back. I want a clip on thing that I can attach to an item of washing (say the thickest part of a pair of jeans, the bit that takes the longest to dry) and it'll send an alert to my phone when the load is ready to take in. This will never exist because it's pointless for almost everyone in the world but I wish it did. Any more?

chuffoff · 20/04/2023 23:18

AutumnCrow · 19/04/2023 15:00

A foot tickler.

Not a massager - an actual foot tickling machine. I accept that might be a bit niche.

I would pay a lot of money for this invention.

JarByTheDoor · 20/04/2023 23:19

(The 6000i really only adds videocapture functionality for 4k point-of-release footage, over what's available on the standard 6000, but that's easily replicated with a simple Arduino setup, patched into the secondary disengagement mechanism, either saved to onboard storage or streamed using one of several possible connectivity options, depending on your needs. Oh, and it's sparkly.)

ALongHardWinter · 20/04/2023 23:23

barbrahunter · 19/04/2023 15:52

Slimming chocolate - the more you eat, the slimmer you get.

To my mind,this evening would definitely not be a pointless product!

ALongHardWinter · 20/04/2023 23:24

Sorry,don't know how the word 'evening' got in there! 😅

Mostar · 20/04/2023 23:55

JarByTheDoor · 20/04/2023 23:13

Think you'll find the 5000 has all the same underlying functionality as the 6000, it's just flagged "off" in the firmware and the relevant buttons are missing from the remote app. Easiest fix is to either root or jailbreak the 5000, restore the functionality by running a simple script, then run Trebuchr on your phone to restore the missing buttons to the remote app. Boom, SP6K functionality on a SP5K budget 😎

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Kool and the Gang. I take it I'd also need to connect via an RS232, upload the BIOS driver DLLs then shunt everything back on the dowsing rod link, reinstall Black Grape, click Accept, allow all cookies, click Accept again, hold down Ctrl-Alt-Delete and re-unconfigure the second and fifth profile assembly brackets with the Pontipines avatar?

JarByTheDoor · 21/04/2023 00:10

Mostar · 20/04/2023 23:55

Kool and the Gang. I take it I'd also need to connect via an RS232, upload the BIOS driver DLLs then shunt everything back on the dowsing rod link, reinstall Black Grape, click Accept, allow all cookies, click Accept again, hold down Ctrl-Alt-Delete and re-unconfigure the second and fifth profile assembly brackets with the Pontipines avatar?

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Only if you require the spline reticulator to inherit the file allocation table prerequisites, but that hasn't been necessary (in most use cases) since the 2k-series models. I mean that's why we have Trebuchr, right?

Mostar · 21/04/2023 06:23

JarByTheDoor · 21/04/2023 00:10

Only if you require the spline reticulator to inherit the file allocation table prerequisites, but that hasn't been necessary (in most use cases) since the 2k-series models. I mean that's why we have Trebuchr, right?

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My spline fragmentation settings for trebuchet velocity are in Spanish. I think that's what the problem is.

Heronatemygoldfish · 21/04/2023 08:18

This is such a fab thread.
Laughing so much at the trebuchet.

I too had the M&S sunset tree towel. Have sneaking suspicion I still do...

In this house the duvet changing machine is my DH though I use Night Owls to avoid it altogether. And they feel so silky.

Some Tiles are stackable and ringable.

<controversial> I don't want to spend hours on makeup either so I don't wear it!

I'd love a house tidying robot that puts things away and can also tell us where something is if we forget.

Heronatemygoldfish · 21/04/2023 08:20

Drat you autocorrect. STICKABLE Tiles.

SoupDragon · 21/04/2023 08:31

Dubaibutwhy · 19/04/2023 21:20

A clip to go on your dashboard for putting parking tickets in. No more rushing to shut the door to stop the ticket flying away in the wind.

I stick mine in the old tax disk holder.

WoodenFloorboards · 21/04/2023 08:42

JarByTheDoor · 20/04/2023 13:25

That monkey is cute! Same sort of idea, incorporating the cord into the theme of the lightpull, isn't it?

If I'm being 100% honest, what I really want is a rat, not a mouse, because I used to have pet rats and love them as animals (used to have mice, too, but rats are special when it comes to intelligence and personality), but Western culture thinks mice are cute and rats aren't, so mouse-themed things do at least occasionally exist, and when stylised the difference between the two is minimal. Sometimes Chinese manufacturers make rat-themed things, especially Chinese zodiac-related items, but apparently not lightpulls (though it can be tricky for me without a knowledge of Chinese culture[s] and language[s] to search for and buy Chinese stuff, except where those things are targeted at Western customers anyway).

If you know a man of a certain age (or even a young woman, but that's not the way to bet) who has access to a wood turning workshop then this is a classic woodworking 101 project. Unfortunately you'd get something cutesy rather than rat-like.

Pointless products that will never exist but you wish they did

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 21/04/2023 09:27

@JarByTheDoor , best I’ve seen was a stone with a convenient smooth, round hole in it - I would guess found on a beach somewhere.

MissSmiley · 21/04/2023 10:01

Dubaibutwhy · 19/04/2023 21:20

A clip to go on your dashboard for putting parking tickets in. No more rushing to shut the door to stop the ticket flying away in the wind.

My Volvo had exactly this on the side of the windshield

JarByTheDoor · 21/04/2023 13:35

WoodenFloorboards · 21/04/2023 08:42

If you know a man of a certain age (or even a young woman, but that's not the way to bet) who has access to a wood turning workshop then this is a classic woodworking 101 project. Unfortunately you'd get something cutesy rather than rat-like.

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DP does seem to find watching lathe videos soothing (in among the car workshop videos, campervan workshop videos, electronics and electricals workshop videos, etc.)… perhaps I should gently encourage this line of interest.