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Original poster

Pointless products that will never exist but you wish they did

164 replies

ditalini · 19/04/2023 14:40

I live on the 2nd floor and have a shared washing line out the back. I want a clip on thing that I can attach to an item of washing (say the thickest part of a pair of jeans, the bit that takes the longest to dry) and it'll send an alert to my phone when the load is ready to take in.

This will never exist because it's pointless for almost everyone in the world but I wish it did.

Any more?

OP posts:
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Original poster
ditalini · 19/04/2023 18:33

Hillrunning · 19/04/2023 17:41

OP, your product exists just not for that purpose. It's just a moisture detector. You can get them on go into plant pots to alert you when the soil is too dry, so you could use one to tell you washing is dry.

Yes, the problem is being on the 2nd floor and having to schlep down the stairs to check bit if you're telling me there's a plant watering device that also puts out some sort of a signal you can read remotely then this may be a goer!

I'm seriously considering paying ds1 to see if he could rum with this over the summer.

It's the sort of thing that if you'd mentioned in passing to my grandpa (if apps and such had been a thing 40 years ago), he'd have disappeared into his shed for a weekend and emerged with a prototype.

OP posts:
DoubleShotEspresso · 19/04/2023 18:37

A piece off software that accurately does a fridge/larder stocktake, secretly knows your meal plans for the coming week, when you are likely to run out of milk and bananas and thus places an online grocery delivery order for you (with no subs)

Also.... an effective hearing aid for elderly folks which his comfortable enough for them to keep in so I don't have to repeatedly drive and check on them because they never hear the phone

ImSweetEnoughDarlin · 19/04/2023 19:11

DoubleShotEspresso · 19/04/2023 18:37

A piece off software that accurately does a fridge/larder stocktake, secretly knows your meal plans for the coming week, when you are likely to run out of milk and bananas and thus places an online grocery delivery order for you (with no subs)

Also.... an effective hearing aid for elderly folks which his comfortable enough for them to keep in so I don't have to repeatedly drive and check on them because they never hear the phone

That could be possible. I worked somewhere once where we were putting in an automated stock system.

There were locked shelves/boxes where you had to fill in the stock you were taking on a screen, the box would open, then it would automatically add the items taken to the stock order, that would be sent weekly/monthly to the distributors, then just turn up on site ready for restock.

This was years ago now so you can probably get posh kitchens that do this by now.

DoubleShotEspresso · 19/04/2023 19:15

ImSweetEnoughDarlin · 19/04/2023 19:11

That could be possible. I worked somewhere once where we were putting in an automated stock system.

There were locked shelves/boxes where you had to fill in the stock you were taking on a screen, the box would open, then it would automatically add the items taken to the stock order, that would be sent weekly/monthly to the distributors, then just turn up on site ready for restock.

This was years ago now so you can probably get posh kitchens that do this by now.

Show quote history

Well I doubt my kitchen is in any way posh enough but appreciate knowing this may at all possibly, one day, ever be a likely option. I would save hours of my life! ;-)

ilovepixie · 19/04/2023 19:21

FourTeaFallOut · 19/04/2023 16:10

Ds (9) wants an ice cream van app so he can see if one is coming and get his money ready on time instead of running out of the house in his socks with a pocketful of shrapnel from the change jar.

Love this!

OuchIStubbedMyBigToe · 19/04/2023 19:24

FourTeaFallOut · 19/04/2023 16:10

Ds (9) wants an ice cream van app so he can see if one is coming and get his money ready on time instead of running out of the house in his socks with a pocketful of shrapnel from the change jar.

They have this on our local chip vans. You can literally see when they're about to arrive in your street.

ClemFandango1 · 19/04/2023 19:26

A personal climate bubble. I sincerely believe these will exist in the future.
So you could set your preferred temperature, as well as being protected from rain, UV, wind etc.

Youngman1267 · 19/04/2023 19:36

A van that drives to my house filling my car up with petrol- it can remotely see how much is in the tank so I don't even have to book it to come and does it automatically.

UlrikakakaJ · 19/04/2023 19:52

A voice activated message board in my car so I can write messages to other drivers eg ‘stop hanging around in my blind spot you loon’ 😁

Greenissle · 19/04/2023 20:03

Baby bottles that track exactly how much your baby had drank and maps it for you in an app. It can also remind you to wind the baby every 30mls for example if they are colicky. Taking the guess work out of it all.

Greenissle · 19/04/2023 20:04

Youngman1267 · 19/04/2023 19:36

A van that drives to my house filling my car up with petrol- it can remotely see how much is in the tank so I don't even have to book it to come and does it automatically.

I would love this I am also near the red and pushing my luck

Defiantlynot41 · 19/04/2023 20:06

@ditalini @thenewaveragebear1983 like this?

Pointless products that will never exist but you wish they did
thenewaveragebear1983 · 19/04/2023 20:32

Defiantlynot41 · 19/04/2023 20:06

@ditalini @thenewaveragebear1983 like this?

I’ve bought one of those, it’s crap.
I need one like the dental nurse uses to hoover your mouth out while the dentist is working, but one that fits to my hoover!

Squiblet · 19/04/2023 20:55

Some amazing ideas here. I'd like a product that is as crunchy, tasty and satisfying to chomp on as crisps, but doesn't actually deposit any fat or salt or calories in your body. Like gum, but crisp rather than rubbery.

Mostar · 19/04/2023 21:13

A tin opener that can also reseal a tin. Like, supposing you don't want a whole can of soup...

Kwackerly · 19/04/2023 21:17

A dog poo hoover.

Agree the fake tan that lasted would be amazing.

An intelligent bed with built in sensors to sense your mood, obviously this is a self changing bed with nice crisp cotton bedding options. It would give you water or herbal sleepy tea or coffee and birdsong in morning- and have many mood lighting options including starry galaxy effect, have a silent fan for hot nights, nets if you are plagued by insects, and play meditations or rainforest sounds or something and rock you a bit or add a weighted blanket or hot water bottle if needed. It would do this without you choosing so you just have to climb in and it would know...

NeverDropYourMooncup · 19/04/2023 21:19

ditalini · 19/04/2023 18:33

Yes, the problem is being on the 2nd floor and having to schlep down the stairs to check bit if you're telling me there's a plant watering device that also puts out some sort of a signal you can read remotely then this may be a goer!

I'm seriously considering paying ds1 to see if he could rum with this over the summer.

It's the sort of thing that if you'd mentioned in passing to my grandpa (if apps and such had been a thing 40 years ago), he'd have disappeared into his shed for a weekend and emerged with a prototype.

Show quote history

These days he'd be wandering off with a box of capacitive soil moisture detectors like these https://www.hackster.io/rbaron/b-parasite-an-open-source-ble-soil-moisture-sensor-006441

and a laptop.

It's doable - and I want a part credit for the idea!

b-parasite - An Open Source BLE Soil Moisture Sensor

b-parasite is an ultra low power, open source Bluetooth Low Energy (BLE) soil moisture and ambient temperature/humidity sensor. By rbaron.

https://www.hackster.io/rbaron/b-parasite-an-open-source-ble-soil-moisture-sensor-006441

Dubaibutwhy · 19/04/2023 21:20

A clip to go on your dashboard for putting parking tickets in. No more rushing to shut the door to stop the ticket flying away in the wind.

NotHangingAround · 19/04/2023 21:21

TellHimDirectlyInDetail · 19/04/2023 15:00

A machine that you chuck all members of the households clean socks in and it shoots them out matched up.

I would pay upto £500 for that.

I hate to break it to you but the socks would find another way...

Original poster
ditalini · 19/04/2023 21:23

We really need to point JML innthe direction of this thread.

OP posts:
mrswishywashy1 · 19/04/2023 21:28

I would love a machine that rubs your back, not a massager but like finger trailing up and down. I would pay a fortune for it

Tulipmonster · 19/04/2023 21:30

Glow in the dark duck tape for marking out the squeaky floorboards so you can tiptoe out of the baby’s room without waking them up again.

Nitflux · 19/04/2023 21:30

@Justaflippertyjibbet yes, a walk-through body dryer but that you could also use for suncream, so it sprays it on you evenly as you glide through.

ClemFandango1 · 19/04/2023 21:32

True.
Socks are the price we pay to keep the alternate dimensions at bay.

Mostar · 19/04/2023 21:33

Multicoloured barcodes.

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