Pointless products that will never exist but you wish they did

[ditalini]

I live on the 2nd floor and have a shared washing line out the back. I want a clip on thing that I can attach to an item of washing (say the thickest part of a pair of jeans, the bit that takes the longest to dry) and it'll send an alert to my phone when the load is ready to take in.

This will never exist because it's pointless for almost everyone in the world but I wish it did.

Any more?

Something you could stick to an item that had an app that would make the item make a sound. Like an AirTag, but smaller, and for items that are smaller and less valuable (AirTags are for things like keys, phones, wallets)

Could that be because they were probably designed by men?

Do you mean a powdered white sauce? Sadly no good for me as my dd is allergic to dairy so I need to use oat milk for all sauces I make. I was thinking of a stock cube or powder that you add a cube or tsp to the milk and get the instant flavour of bechemel without all the faff of heating milk etc (not really a faff, but like with gravy, sometimes I just want to use the granules and not do the whole gravy making thing)

Sorry, I missed your post, but the same as what I said to scarcrow22 above really. I just need the flavour of the bechemel (onion, pepper, bay leaf) without the milk element.

@JarByTheDoor

Not a mouse, but how abut a crocodile?
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Crocodile-Pewter-Fine-William-Sturt/dp/B07TTGJ4QW

...or a monkey?
https://www.amazon.co.uk/International-Cheeky-Monkey-Light-Antique/dp/B09JP5Q9FJ/ref=sr_1_6?keywords=novelty+light+pull&qid=1681991415&sr=8-6

Gone down a rabbit hole now. No light pulls where we live now but off to check if our new house has any 🤔

That monkey is cute! Same sort of idea, incorporating the cord into the theme of the lightpull, isn't it?

If I'm being 100% honest, what I really want is a rat, not a mouse, because I used to have pet rats and love them as animals (used to have mice, too, but rats are special when it comes to intelligence and personality), but Western culture thinks mice are cute and rats aren't, so mouse-themed things do at least occasionally exist, and when stylised the difference between the two is minimal. Sometimes Chinese manufacturers make rat-themed things, especially Chinese zodiac-related items, but apparently not lightpulls (though it can be tricky for me without a knowledge of Chinese culture[s] and language[s] to search for and buy Chinese stuff, except where those things are targeted at Western customers anyway).

Not a walk through one but they do do these, I’m desperate for one for my bathroom!

https://www.insigniashowers.com/body-dryer-w-2.html

Similar to the fake tan - long lasting SPF 50....

These exist! Go to ebay and enter 'windscreen ticket clips'

Full face of make-up sheets. They'd come in a multi pack and incorporate foundation, eye makeup, lippy (or whatever your preferred look is). Lay onto your face in position, a quick blast with a warm hairdryer and you are good to go.

Not quite what you asked but what about this https://m.lightinthebox.com/p/sunset-island-duvet-cover-bedding-sets-comforter-cover-with-1-duvet-cover-or-coverlet-1sheet-2-pillowcases-for-double-queen-king-1-pillowcase-forp8434237.html?currency=GBP&litbb_from=paidadwordssshopping&sku=1227%7C128849195&countrycode=gb&litbbfrom=paidadwordssshopping&utmsource=googleeshopping&utmmedium=cpc&utmmcampaign=17744850616&adwordmt=&adworddct=&adwordkw=&adworddpos=&adwordpl=&adworddnet=x&adwordtar=&adwwsrcid=3516490533317744850616&gbraid=0AAAAAD7vwYfm-iw3RhFuxKr-4e2wdgUgW&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIt7X3geS44gIVBdZRCh1NNgq1EAQYASABEgL6EDDBwE

This exists - Chipolo

@OuchIStubbedMyBigToe Thank you! 😀

A clockwork gizmo to swing your child at the playground. Simply twist the dial to set your time, height and speed then sit on a bench for 10 minutes drinking coffee and staring at your phone👌

Now imagining a short horror story where the SwingiPush5000 goes haywire

Wtf? It posted an old part-done version of my post.

Am now imagining a short horror scenario where a solar flare EMP knocks out all communications and makes the SwingiPush5000 go haywire, the child is swinging round and round the top bar in circles, faster and faster, people running around screaming, battering the machine with branches, till the chains are all wound up and suddenly the child is flung, trebuchet-style, to the nearest town.

Glad I have the habit of doing a quick copy before clicking post, from the old days of MN eating every second post you made.

The swingipush5000 could be great fun for teens high on nox and bored, kicking about down the park. Dogs might also like a go.

Also great for mediaeval sieges.

Yes to the duvet cover putter-onner. 40 odd years of doing it and it gets harder not easier. I do the inside out thing but just end up boiling hot and irritated with all the unfurling!

Also it should be law that all cosmetic and toiletry firms have to sign up to an app that alerts customers in advance of planned discontinued products. And priority shopping for customers who’ve marked their preferred products so they can stock up before they go away forever.

After my Mum had to spend a fortune to get her car park ticket retrieved from the front vent of the car I bought a giant wooden clothes peg from Flying Tiger.

That functionality would only be available on the newer model, the SwingiPush6000i, running on iOS 17.2 or Android 16 PopTart. You also need the £9.99/month Premium+ subscription to unlock the trebuchet option.

Long lasting sunscreen, but in the form of a shower gel, so you shower in the morning, and you’re protected all day. On a similar note, a sunlounger that has cold water pumped round it to cool you down. Solar powered by the panels on top of the parasol obviously. Which would also power the attached mini drinks fridge.

I spend hours on holiday dreaming up things like this.

Think you'll find the 5000 has all the same underlying functionality as the 6000, it's just flagged "off" in the firmware and the relevant buttons are missing from the remote app. Easiest fix is to either root or jailbreak the 5000, restore the functionality by running a simple script, then run Trebuchr on your phone to restore the missing buttons to the remote app. Boom, SP6K functionality on a SP5K budget 😎