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Original poster

Pointless products that will never exist but you wish they did

164 replies

ditalini · 19/04/2023 14:40

I live on the 2nd floor and have a shared washing line out the back. I want a clip on thing that I can attach to an item of washing (say the thickest part of a pair of jeans, the bit that takes the longest to dry) and it'll send an alert to my phone when the load is ready to take in.

This will never exist because it's pointless for almost everyone in the world but I wish it did.

Any more?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
Monkeybutt1 · 19/04/2023 16:44

reddingweddy · 19/04/2023 16:04

I want an ombre duvet cover in the colours of a sunset going from golden yellow to deepest blue, with a silhouette of a beautiful tree on it. I have scoured the internet and not found anything that even comes close.

Like this?

Pointless products that will never exist but you wish they did
lurkingfromhome · 19/04/2023 17:11

A sort of reverse microwave that gets things super cold really quickly. I guess like the blast chiller they always seem to use in Masterchef Australia, but faster, and the size of a microwave so that you could make ice cream/chill your wine in less than 2 mins.

PussBilledDuckyPlait · 19/04/2023 17:15

AutumnCrow · 19/04/2023 15:00

A foot tickler.

Not a massager - an actual foot tickling machine. I accept that might be a bit niche.

Try putting your foot near the end of a cats tail. Mine are always tickling my feet with their tails on the sofa - I don't like having my feet tickled, though, so I have to move them (my feet, not the cats).

StoatofDisarray · 19/04/2023 17:19

Nosey Parker hotline where you can find out what's going on with the police three doors down, or why the road is closed off near work or what film they're making on the river or who's being tried in the local court today!

Original poster
ditalini · 19/04/2023 17:25

StoatofDisarray · 19/04/2023 17:19

Nosey Parker hotline where you can find out what's going on with the police three doors down, or why the road is closed off near work or what film they're making on the river or who's being tried in the local court today!

Is that not the NextDoor app? It's certainly my neighbourhood's NextDoor app - nosey parker central.

OP posts:
Original poster
ditalini · 19/04/2023 17:27

thenewaveragebear1983 · 19/04/2023 16:32

Even just an attachment for your hoover that has a very small tipped nozzle like the size of a drinking straw. Considering how much use cars get from muddy outdoor gear, more so than any other place in your home, they are not designed to be kept clean efficiently are they?

Show quote history

Why doesn't this exist? This isn't a pointless product - this is just basic common sense 🤔

OP posts:
Original poster
ditalini · 19/04/2023 17:29

barbrahunter · 19/04/2023 15:52

Slimming chocolate - the more you eat, the slimmer you get.

I've still got terrible memories of the laxative chocolate I found at my granny's when I was about 8. Serves me right, thieving child that I was but oh so grim (both the taste of the chocolate and the inevitable affects).

OP posts:
JustDanceAddict · 19/04/2023 17:36

ditalini · 19/04/2023 17:25

Is that not the NextDoor app? It's certainly my neighbourhood's NextDoor app - nosey parker central.

Show quote history

I was gonna say this too!!

Hillrunning · 19/04/2023 17:41

OP, your product exists just not for that purpose. It's just a moisture detector. You can get them on go into plant pots to alert you when the soil is too dry, so you could use one to tell you washing is dry.

Costaflatwhite · 19/04/2023 17:45

A machine or stick on mask that does your make up perfectly in one go. None of this 10 different products that you have to put on individually in a certain order that takes forever in a morning.

WeAreTheHeroes · 19/04/2023 17:47

Justaflippertyjibbet · 19/04/2023 15:06

A walk through body dryer.

These exist. They have them at Center Parcs. For a charge obvs.

Mummynew08 · 19/04/2023 17:48

I need a net that surrounds DD's car seat, at her own arm's length, so that when she drops something and wails for it, I don't have to lean over and grope around the footwell and miss the lights changing green. She could just reach for it herself! It would be like a cup shape mosquito net with her in the middle. I've fantasised about it frequently, I might make it and go on dragon's den

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 19/04/2023 17:52

An umbrella that goes up the inside of a rotary washing line, so that if the weather looks a bit dodgy you can just put the umbrella up to keep the washing more-or-less dry if you're out and can't, or don't want to, bring it in.

CorsicaDreaming · 19/04/2023 17:57

reddingweddy · 19/04/2023 16:04

I want an ombre duvet cover in the colours of a sunset going from golden yellow to deepest blue, with a silhouette of a beautiful tree on it. I have scoured the internet and not found anything that even comes close.

I had a towel like that from M&S when I was a teenager!

JarByTheDoor · 19/04/2023 17:57

Costaflatwhite · 19/04/2023 17:45

A machine or stick on mask that does your make up perfectly in one go. None of this 10 different products that you have to put on individually in a certain order that takes forever in a morning.

Didn't Homer Simpson invent that?

Pointless products that will never exist but you wish they did
slowquickstep · 19/04/2023 17:57

reddingweddy · 19/04/2023 16:04

I want an ombre duvet cover in the colours of a sunset going from golden yellow to deepest blue, with a silhouette of a beautiful tree on it. I have scoured the internet and not found anything that even comes close.

Just typed in palm tree sunset bedding, there are a few, not exactly as you described but many one is close enough

TheChippendenSpook · 19/04/2023 17:58

Disposable sieves. They are awful to clean.

JarByTheDoor · 19/04/2023 17:58

WeAreTheHeroes · 19/04/2023 17:47

These exist. They have them at Center Parcs. For a charge obvs.

Show quote history

Do they lift your boobs up for you?

MistyGreenAndBlue · 19/04/2023 18:03

reddingweddy · 19/04/2023 16:04

I want an ombre duvet cover in the colours of a sunset going from golden yellow to deepest blue, with a silhouette of a beautiful tree on it. I have scoured the internet and not found anything that even comes close.

https://www.bagsoflove.co.uk/blankets/personalised-duvet-covers.aspx

Try these guys. Just find the image you want and upload
They are very good

Personalised Duvet Cover. Make Your Own Custom Duvet Covers

Personalised duvet covers. 6 sizes: Junior to King. 23% off. Photo duvet covers printed with your face or photos. Reversible, breathable, soft.

https://www.bagsoflove.co.uk/blankets/personalised-duvet-covers.aspx

coronafiona · 19/04/2023 18:05

Central locking for houses.
A beam me up scotty for instant travel anywhere anytime
A signal that stops spiders coming into my house

NaturalBlondeYeahRight · 19/04/2023 18:06

DD and were just talking about how we would love a fake tan that lasts a month- even two weeks would be great so we could make it through a holiday. Can't be beyond invention surely?
I'd buy a fair few of these ideas - inventors come and steal our ideas.....

NerdyBird · 19/04/2023 18:08

@thenewaveragebear1983 I have previously fashioned such a device with the aid of much duck tape. I nearly suggested it to Dyson!

SparkyBlue · 19/04/2023 18:15

Mummynew08 · 19/04/2023 17:48

I need a net that surrounds DD's car seat, at her own arm's length, so that when she drops something and wails for it, I don't have to lean over and grope around the footwell and miss the lights changing green. She could just reach for it herself! It would be like a cup shape mosquito net with her in the middle. I've fantasised about it frequently, I might make it and go on dragon's den

Oh my god yes. Many a time she's hysterical and I'm on the motorway .

LadyMargaretDevereux · 19/04/2023 18:16

A machine where I push my filthy muddy golden retriever in one end and he comes put at the other end all clean and dry and nice smelling. It could give him treats to keep him happy as well, I wouldn't mind.

SparkyBlue · 19/04/2023 18:17

NaturalBlondeYeahRight · 19/04/2023 18:06

DD and were just talking about how we would love a fake tan that lasts a month- even two weeks would be great so we could make it through a holiday. Can't be beyond invention surely?
I'd buy a fair few of these ideas - inventors come and steal our ideas.....

That would be amazing. Like shellac. You could get it done and it lasts for a minimum of two weeks but depending on how well it was done you could drag a month out of it. People would go nuts for it