How the hell do I do everything now I no longer WFH

[Persuaderama]

I’m a single parent, my husband left a month before lock down so all my single parenting was done whilst, at first fully WFH and then WFH 3 days a week.

Now my employer has decided we have to be in the office 3 days a week ‘for office culture’ (don’t get me started on office culture) and I’m really struggling to keep on top of the day-to-day jobs.

I work quite a senior level role and I come home exhausted and then have to ferry to hobbies/ tidy/ cook/ wash/ do bedtime, all in the space of a few hours before I fall into bed. When I WFH I could do the little jobs throughout the day - have the dinner cooking in oven, put the bins out on a break etc etc - and I was thinking I was bossing single mum life! Not so much now…..

Plus work feels more stressful as I’m losing 2 hours a day to commute time and the noise of a busy office just isn’t conducive to working for me. So I’m getting less done.

Any tips on how to work in an office as a single parent and have an organised life outside…..

…. and you think that’s normal?
While it is expected at some professions, it shouldn’t be the norm.

I have done shorter days in the past. 30 hours over 5 days means missing the rush hour at both ends of the day, saving on childcare, being present for school runs and generally not being knackered. All while being present enough at work to be able to get into a flow.

Condensed hours plus a commute won’t work unless dad does a drop off or pick up as there isn’t time to drop at breakfast club, commute work and same in reverse. Most after care needs pick up by 6.
I’d suspect if employer does push it staff will leave. I have a friend who is fully back in office. It’s an in demand niche industry and their competitors are mainly wfh. He says they can’t recruit skilled people for love nor money people ask what the wfh policy is and simply don’t proceed.

Firstly juggling a demanding job with being a single parent is challenging whatever the circumstances, especially adapting during a pandemic and different way of working and now having to readjust again; sounds like you're doing great and you should be proud of yourself.

Anyway, I agree with others that it's worth trying to negotiate remaining at 2 days in office, sure they might say no but worth a go! I'm not a single parent anymore but I used to be when working in office 5 days a week and it was really challenging, 3 days will still be hard especially as there's now a feasible alternative, but I found planning really helped.

@Viviennemary and you would have a massive staff turnover as a result - people would find a nicer company to work for.

Try to negotiate less days in office or a new job but if no luck how about a part time/job share live out nanny/housekeeper combined job if you can afford it? I’d say an au pair but you need someone a bit more organised.

Definitely outsource cleaning, do online shops etc, but then you have to keep on top of that yourself whereas above they’d hopefully do it eg manage that for you.

People can be such dinosaurs about WFH. Getting up for the odd minute to do washing etc gets the blood flowing and the adrenalin pumping, which makes you more productive when you sit back down to work.

It's an absolute fallacy to make out that the longer you sit at a desk, the more work you get done. Half the time you're planning lunch/digesting it/daydreaming/chatting to colleagues/watching the clock. At home that downtime is spent on things that involve physical movement instead.

OP I'd reduce hobbies where possible (IMHO kids too much these days!) use timers on washing machines, slow cookers etc, batch cooking, robot hoover - write out what the problem areas are and find solutions.

Condensed hours though nice in theory is knackering and I don’t know how people do it to make it work effectively, you really need an onboard partner.

Yeah, I'm not quite sure what people in different jobs having different requirements is supposed to be telling us here.

Do these posters think surgeons are supposed to take into account that Tesco checkout staff are unable to do their jobs in an operating theatre, or is it just remote workers for whom this sort of irrelevance needs to be trotted out? Can I have a police pension even though I'm not in the police, or is it just the locations where they do their work that we're supposed to think about? Are police giving any consideration to how I'll manage without a police pension? Its idiotic.

Not jealous about wfh but I am pissed off that I waste hours of my time being transferred to people who didn’t answer their phone when they were supposed to be at their desks

Before lockdown you worked 5 days per week in the office. Employers are only asking you to return to what you did 3 years ago

Get an au pair or home help?

9 pages in, but the things that I do are:

Meal plan. I can't think during the week, I just need the plan to tell me what to do (If my kids were less fussy, I'd have one of those meal services - as it is, we have the same meals 4 days a week, every week, and that's fine)

Similarly, lunchboxes are done to a formula. Eldest used to like a hot lunch so would have instant noodles in a flask with an apple, youngest doesn't eat sandwiches so has ricecakes/apple/one other carb/2 other fruit/veg depending on what I've bought that week in a kinda bento box lunchbox. No thought, takes less than 10mins including washing the lunch box.

Enough plates/cups that I only run the dishwasher at the weekend.

Ditto clothes and washing.

Basically - during the week I do the barest of bare minimum, and just spend saturday afternoon getting it back into shape. I have very low standards.

It is so hard working in the office and being a single parent. I honestly don't know how I did it.

As your employer will not change despite evidence that WFH increases productivity could you try and do as much prep as possible on the weekends and when you are WFH?

Sorry I would look for a new job. I could never work in an office again 5 days a week.

I find the argument about WFH stagnating careers and adversely impacting training, to be quite bizarre.

I've WFH for over a decade. Up until last year, I'd go into the office once a month at most. Now I do a day a week for in person meetings. My career took off when I started WFH - my productivity improved, the quality of my output was better because I had time to focus. I used the time I'd gained by not having to commute, to study for professional qualifications, which in turn led to promotions. I realise that not everyone can WFH but for those that have the ability to do so, it doesn't need to be a barrier to advancement.

Likewise training. I did some induction training with one of our grads yesterday via Teams. I could share my screen, she recorded the session so she could refer back to it and said that she found it really useful to have a dedicated session. I think back to the early days of my working life, when training meant sitting next to someone at the side of their desk, on a borrowed (and invariably knackered) chair, balancing a notepad and desperately trying to watch what they were doing and hoping that the team listening around you wouldn't judge you for asking questions....

The biggest thing I've seen is a number of women with children/caring responsibilities getting promoted to more senior roles. The flexibility that WFH allows, and the time they gained from not having to commute in peak traffic allows, has meant they had the time to focus, deliver and shine.

I disagree with the argument that in all cases being present in the office has led to current senior people being where they are today. There may be some firms where that has happened; in my experience the senior people spend most of their time very focused in meetings and their time was precious and guarded very carefully. They weren't hanging around the kettle waiting to be impressed by Susan from Accounts and the story of how she fixed a problem in a spreadsheet yesterday, so that they could promote her to head of department. Advancement in a good firm will be evidence-based - which is not precluded by WFH.

A good employer will make WFH work for its employees because when its done right, the benefits for both are significant. If people can swing the lead and nobody gives a shit then that's a poor employer. If graduates or new joiners aren't getting good quality inductions and training then that's a poor employer.

You have to be in the office 3 days a week?

How do you think we all managed with full-time 5 days a week before lockdown? Grow a pair, get organised and hire help if you need to.

I'm assuming your ex still does his share of parenting? Stop whining for one thing.

It depends on the role, sector and personalities of those involved I suppose. I can see how in some jobs its not an issue, in mine wfh is workable but hybrid is so much better for new joiners/people new to the sector/role. Just like anything I don't think it's possible to make statements that apply across the board.

You've clearly worked very hard, and nobody can knock that - but what a shit way for people to interact with one another. How can a junior colleague feel properly mentored without actually being with their mentor in person? How can you have proper leadership meetings when you're not face to face? I think this is one of the shittiest aspects of WFH - the human contact and all the subtleties of human interaction just don't count for anything. Part of becoming good at your job involves learning, first hand, from the people around you. Not least because part of learning how to be good at your job also involves watching people who are really crap at it, and deciding you're not going to do it their way. WFH is just awful.

All you're doing here is universalising your own experiences and feelings, and presenting them as fact. I believe you if you say you'd need as a junior to be with someone in person, but you aren't the default.

If there's one thing that should be very clear by now, it's that people have different ways of working, different challenges and different needs.

How can people get so angry about this stuff. There's no stepping back in time, this is the future so I would embrace it if I were you!

If you’re in a very senior role then presumably you’re paid commensurately - in which case get a nanny housekeeper (emphasis on the housekeeper) for three days a week c.20 hours. They do exist - I had to go through an agency to get mine. Prior to that I found a series of keen and hardworking sixth formers / uni students who could do school pick ups/ ferry to clubs in taxis / pack the dishwasher / get kids tea on.

I feel your pain. I have been doing 2 days in the office , 3 at home; and they’re now trying to get everyone back to 3. The way I see it surely not one size fits all and they have to take individual circumstances into account. Could you see if there is any way you could do say one week 3 days, one week 2 days and alternate (as a compromise).

I find the argument about WFH stagnating careers and adversely impacting training, to be quite bizarre.

I just think you can always tell that people who make this argument benefitted from the previous model and weren't giving much thought to the people it disadvantaged.

I agree with the poster below you who said these things vary, as does so much about remote vs in person working. But one thing that's a nailed on fact is that the expansion of available training online has widened access for people who were previously limited by location. Trainees and early career people in my sector have access to infinitely more than I did, because the time and money don't have to be found to cover the travel and possibly accommodation now. And we're not talking that long ago either, I'm a millennial and all my professional experience is from well into the internet age.

When I first got my current job, nobody could advise me or train me on how to do it, I had to teach myself, I was employed to do the job as literally nobody knew what to do. As I have a Masters degree and was in a research based job prior to this one, prior to my first DC, the Senior Mgt team recruiting me just took a calculated risk in giving me the job as they told me that I had the skillset and had evidently reached a certain level of competence from the above qualifications and experience that I could apply to understanding how to go about learning a new job, I e train myself. The way I learn about new things is very much by processing information on my own and reading and researching a topic without the assistance of others.

Not everyone does the kind of work that needs mentors or even if they do you can have hybrid set ups that facilitate that.

I definitely lose more time in the office than at home. If I need a pee in the office I've got a decent length walk down the corridor and I'll probably end up having a chat on the way back. If I need tea/coffee in the office I'll still be in the kitchenette waiting for the kettle to boil, just at home I'll be putting a wash on.

Plus getting interrupted by meaningless chit chat about office politics because it's polite...

Lots of people save stuff they need to concentrate on for WFH days and schedule meetings in for office daya