Easter Cheeky Fuckery.

[Offthexmaslist]

NC for this as very outing ..

My brother, sister in law, self and DH hired a big beautiful country house for Easter . We invited our 5 kids and their husbands /wives /partners . Along with my younger brother and his wife.

We also had 3 other siblings from nearby for lunch with their partners and kids.

There were 15 for supper Fri night
16 Saturday night
17 for Roast on Sunday.

Little bro arrived first and nabbed the biggest bedroom. The only one with an ensuite.

At NO POINT did either of them lift a finger . They didn't make a cup of tea. Peel a potato or bring any contribution.
Nor did they offer to contribute to the cost. (Which we wouldn't have expected ). They literally sat on the sofa and watched every single family member play their part . Meals for that amount is a group effort.

At each meal they were the first to sit down and help themselves. Eat before anyone else was sat down and got up and left the dining table before others had finished (or barely started)

We are clearing up the house this morning in ready for 11am exit.. yet again they have arrived to eat breakfast.. late risers , leisurely shower while the other 10 people run around doing food and laying out a beautiful buffet breakfast.
Which they again were first to help themselves to..

This has tipped my big brother (supported by me) over the top. Exploded at them asking why they thought everyone was there to wait on them hand and foot . (This was done away from the others just us siblings.)

Apparently SIL is depressed and suffering from anxiety. (Didn't seem to prevent her sitting in the sunshine laughing and joking whilst knocking back 2 bottles of wine -they didn't buy and smoking all day)
'Little Brother doesn't know how to cook.' (No one asked him to. But he is not so ignorant that he doesn't know how to peel a carrot or offer to make a cup of tea)

Best of all.. 'You invited us on holiday' so we are having a holiday. We need the rest ..

Honestly . I need to know. How on earth can people behave like this ? They appear to have absolutely no guilt or sense of humility .

Just an overwhelming sense of entitlement.

I've just asked them to strip their bed and leave the sheets in the laundry. This has caused my SIL to declare 'that's what these places have cleaners to do' pack their bags and drive off without saying goodbye.

The 10 people remaining are actually so gobsmacked by such world class cheeky fuckery that they have decided to just put it in the bank of funny tales for the future. Whilst db sil self and DH want to know how people like this actually operate through their day to day lives.

….and again….send them a link to this thread….let them wake up to what most people understand as normal behaviour.

They feel this behaviour is okay for them because people carry them about, even if there's a moan afterwards. They do it because you let them. They play 'passengers and porters' and make sure they've got the easy ticket.

I understand the OP all too well. I have a sister like this and simply don’t understand her. We were all raised by the same parents, and I have multiple other siblings who all behave properly, but my older sister seems to think the world revolves around her. My DS calls it “main character syndrome”

I’m afraid I have no advice to the OP other than to never invite them again. We had to do this, and now it’s a lot of moaning about how she’s never invited, which is annoying, but not as much as having to spend a vacation with her.

I think instead of coming on mumsnet next time i would be handing them a tea towel...saying "oh could you be a darling and take that bin out hint hint nudge , nudge...". Or making a joke "I accept payment in cash /chocolate wine for unpaid labour...."..

Oh OP this doesn't help but I am from another country and this exact same thing happened to us when I was young and my mum and dad were the organisers. My mum worked herself to the bone catering and all and many of the guests (close friends and relatives) just sat down for meals and made £0 contributions at arrival or at the end. :(
I used to politely decline friends dinner invitations if I couldn't afford a decent bottle of wine - wouldn't dream of behaving like this ESPECIALLY with my own family.

What an example you all set for your daughter.

Why didn't someone walk up to the four brothers, throw a dish cloth at them and inform them the women who cooked would be sitting and chatting now while the men cleaned up the meal they just ate?

They behaved disgracefully but the womenfolk enabled it.

Wow! Sounds exactly like my brother and sil, except they also let their kids trash the house and let other guests look after their kids all day! Happened at Christmas and now they are banned from my house.
just don’t invite them again, it ruins it for everyone else. Not worth the hassle

Never ever invite them to anything again.

Tell them they won't ever get invited again

Very entitled, can't believe his partner didn't want to make a good impression and offer to help as most would. They sound like a lovely pair, how lazy and ignorant and a terrible attitude.

Don’t not book hili da s because of them…. You and your older brother still book holidays and invite yours and his kids… you just don’t invite your little brother and his kids again. Just stating it’s a thing you and older brother have arranged and paid for. You don’t even need to state that they aren’t invited or why, just simply don’t invite them as you haven’t done in the past.
There is no need to fall out or dwell on it (although I probably would!)… but I certainly wouldn’t include them again.
As for meals out I’d state in advance that everyone pays for their own food and drinks are ordered at the bar and paid for (no tabs) otherwise I can see your CF brother ordering the most expensive drinks and food and expecting the bill to be split equally

What an amazingly generous thing that you did in providing a wonderful Easter break for everyone; the kind thought, organisation, planning and effort as well as the money spent. What a lovely family you are. Your brother and his wife should have been very grateful. With their financially comfortable situation they should have been offering to contribute monetarily if they weren’t going to do anything else at the very least. The way that you dealt with it was with kindness and integrity. Unfortunately your brother took advantage which he was aware of. I think that he would have continued unless you made a scene in front of everyone which would have ruined the holiday so you were right to take the action that you did. You won’t be the only ones he does this to although you no doubt you get special treatment due to being family! Enjoy your time with your other siblings and children at Christmas ❤️

OP, why wasn't YB contributing financially to the accommodation?
It seems like an odd set-up from the start of two siblings were paying and the third was invited as a guest?
I think YB is a CF, but from the outset he was treated differently if he wasn't contributing to the accommodation too. In my experience, people who are invited as guests to an expensive holiday either act simperingly grateful all weekend, take the worst room and wait on everyone like they are servants OR they run with the idea that they are the special guests and just relax whilst everyone else does things. We can all see which option is easier if you have the brass neck to front it out!
Maybe your YB does feel a bit like you and OB / your collective children are a bit perfect and there's no point in trying. I don't have siblings but was brought up with a cousin very close in age. We have always been great friends but the family always treat her like the queen so I have occasionally behaved like princess Margaret!

A fair idea but no way would they pay up.

I agree, OP. Again another MN is blaming the OP. There are plenty of them “Well, it’s your own fault!” When clearly your brother and wife were 100% bang out of order.

This is a good tip! 😊

Lots of crap comments from posters who forget that hindsight always has 20-20 vision. “ You should have said from the start…” “ As soon as they arrived you should have…”.
Why don’t these smart arse posters who think they have all the answers realise that it is different at the time when you are actually experiencing it?

What was funny was that the DCs were in on it. Despite being very young they were scandalised by DGPs helping themselves before everyone was sat down. It was such a hard rule for them.

Such a sibling dynamic. My little brother is the same.

Never contributes of helps (unless bullied) but life and soul of the party and always ready to serve drinks other people have paid for.
We're now middle aged and things are still the same.
We moan about it but still indulge him, he's fun but a spoilt brat.

The lack of confrontation is probably strange to people outside of the family.

You do know it is a chat forum, so folk post a scenario asking for opinions?

The tone of the op's posts are a bit bossy imo, all those caps and the sneery comments about mental health problems whilst 'laughing and drinking' <so what? Should the depressed person sit alone in a darkened room> .
Perhaps, as said the rels picked up on her patronising and sanctimonious attitude and got their backs up. Who knows, we only have her obviously one sided story.

If you're in a social situation and it's not going well you either handle it better at the time or leave it. Explosions in gardens and outrage are all just unnecessary overreactions.

Funnily enough, I DO know it’s a chat forum. What else would it be?

Reading between the lines you and your older brother are a team and have solidified your union by joining in outrage against younger brother. He is the youngest, in many ways he was not included which fits the pattern of you and older db bring distant to him. On some level younger db knew this and behaved accordingly. It would have been kinder to josh and hand him him a potato peeler rather than leaving him to hang himself. Perhaps in the dynamics of situation of people being busy and the consequent rapport he did not have the maturity or experience to know how to join and needed a lifeline from you. Maybe he knew the room was a problem but couldn’t figure out how to backtrack. Maybe the SIL did not have anxiety as such but just found such a large group difficult- not uncommon. You need to get to know each other as adults. It’s s new era with the death of parent. Try again. It’ll be worth it.

This behaviour and attitude should earn them 0 future invites from you or your sibling, make sure there's plenty of pics of stuff you do in the future on social media 😉

Yes do that, behave like a spiteful teenager always a good plan.

@Janiie totally agree with you, its juvenile but it gets the message across 😂