Easter Cheeky Fuckery.

[Offthexmaslist]

NC for this as very outing ..

My brother, sister in law, self and DH hired a big beautiful country house for Easter . We invited our 5 kids and their husbands /wives /partners . Along with my younger brother and his wife.

We also had 3 other siblings from nearby for lunch with their partners and kids.

There were 15 for supper Fri night
16 Saturday night
17 for Roast on Sunday.

Little bro arrived first and nabbed the biggest bedroom. The only one with an ensuite.

At NO POINT did either of them lift a finger . They didn't make a cup of tea. Peel a potato or bring any contribution.
Nor did they offer to contribute to the cost. (Which we wouldn't have expected ). They literally sat on the sofa and watched every single family member play their part . Meals for that amount is a group effort.

At each meal they were the first to sit down and help themselves. Eat before anyone else was sat down and got up and left the dining table before others had finished (or barely started)

We are clearing up the house this morning in ready for 11am exit.. yet again they have arrived to eat breakfast.. late risers , leisurely shower while the other 10 people run around doing food and laying out a beautiful buffet breakfast.
Which they again were first to help themselves to..

This has tipped my big brother (supported by me) over the top. Exploded at them asking why they thought everyone was there to wait on them hand and foot . (This was done away from the others just us siblings.)

Apparently SIL is depressed and suffering from anxiety. (Didn't seem to prevent her sitting in the sunshine laughing and joking whilst knocking back 2 bottles of wine -they didn't buy and smoking all day)
'Little Brother doesn't know how to cook.' (No one asked him to. But he is not so ignorant that he doesn't know how to peel a carrot or offer to make a cup of tea)

Best of all.. 'You invited us on holiday' so we are having a holiday. We need the rest ..

Honestly . I need to know. How on earth can people behave like this ? They appear to have absolutely no guilt or sense of humility .

Just an overwhelming sense of entitlement.

I've just asked them to strip their bed and leave the sheets in the laundry. This has caused my SIL to declare 'that's what these places have cleaners to do' pack their bags and drive off without saying goodbye.

The 10 people remaining are actually so gobsmacked by such world class cheeky fuckery that they have decided to just put it in the bank of funny tales for the future. Whilst db sil self and DH want to know how people like this actually operate through their day to day lives.

'really? I’m sure she could have managed to wash up a plate or two, or say thank you and goodbye when she left, don’t you?'

Oh of course she could have. My point is it should have been managed better from the start.

The op and the 'apparently' depressed comments gives us a little glimpse of the op's <perhaps not very tolerant> personality. Maybe the younger db and partner sensed the negative atmosphere maybe they felt out of it, who knows! but these things tend to have back stories and I don't think anyone should have been exploding rather deal with it at the time then shrug it off and decided never again.

We all have useless relatives, either give them jobs or don't invite them but dramas and exploding always best avoided imo.

@Janiie they tried to give the feckless duo jobs, they were having none of it.

OP there are big age gaps in my family too so I know what you mean about not really growing up together or getting to know them well until adulthood. And then you spend some significant time together and discover things you didn't know about them, and in some cases it's they are lazy CF's. I genuinely don't know how people end up like your brother & GF and how they justify their behaviour in their own heads. I mean not even bringing a few bottles of wine & some crisps or whatever is weird. I think people like that justify it in their heads that their way is right and the rest of us are mugs for not doing the same as them. Even though if we did there'd be no food on the table or nice occasions for them to sponge off.

In our extended family we have someone (nephew's wife) who will take the p*ss given half a chance. Used to come empty handed to family BBQ's or events. (Nephew would bring beers & sausages, she'd scoff everyone else's wine & help herself to steak). People started teasing her about being tight and then some hosts issued instructions on what to bring. Literally uses her nails as an excuse for not doing anything remotely 'dirty' or where they might break. This includes spud peeling and any washing up. It doesn't work very often as my family are very blunt and won't put up with shirking or stinginess and think long painted nails are ridiculous. SiL will literally throw a teatowel at her if she doesn't get up.

I don't think you are at fault but I tend to agree with some posters that you and older bro could have had words earlier i.e. the first day, about the not pitching in and corrected the misapprehension about what a 'holiday' involves. Anyway you are wise to them now, and know not to invite them to anything in future without being clear on expectations. Frankly for restaurants, I'd watch them like hawks. People like that are notorious for leaving a bit early and 'forgetting' what they ate/drank, or not adding anything on for shared table items like bread/nibbles/water etc and also nothing for the tip.

Really ?

Do posters on here never lose their tempers?

Yes they sound entitled and lazy and I am not surprised your brother blew up at them. I think I would have said something earlier but you know for next time. Don't include them or at least set boundaries. If they are like this as adults after bringing up 4 kids they won't change. They have obviously been allowed to get away with it by your parents though and presumably they didn't mind but you and your older brother do. Chalk it up to experience and maybe just stick to you and your older brother and families in the future.

3 days of lazy, entitled piss taking and posters are having a go at someone for losing their temper about it????

So OB and OP aren't sainted and didn't hold their tongues?

Apparently SIL is depressed and suffering from anxiety. (Didn't seem to prevent her sitting in the sunshine laughing and joking whilst knocking back 2 bottles of wine -they didn't buy and smoking all day)

Why would you percieve excessive drinking and smoking as signs that someone was NOT depressed and anxious? Bizarre.

Lesson learnt - you won't be inviting them anywhere again. Your DB has exploded at them, 'self' has had a 'very outing' rant on mumsnet and your friends have "banked" the situation as a funny story to gossip about. Just leave it be now.

Cheeky pair. Don't go away with them again.

I'd be mad too. It's sort of a given that you would expect everyone to chip in on a holiday like that. Ok so they are rubbish cooks. They can wash up, tidy up, make teas and coffees. Even if you weren't expecting money it's just manners to offer a contribution of some sort or bring some food/drinks to share. It wasn't your job to instruct them to do any of these things as you'd think they would want to themselves. They definitely wouldn't be invited again after that if it was me and if they asked why they were left out next time I'd tell them exactly why!

I’m amazed they’ve had 4 kids to be honest- if have bet my last penny on them never having children or responsibilities so that’s shut me up! Entitled arsehole behaviour unfortunately. How on earth have they brought up children if they can’t even peel potatoes etc?

Simple. Never invite them again. And make it clear to them thats the reason. Its not fair for everyone else to do all the work. Everyone deserved a break.

Cellowaves sounds like there are half a ton of chips on your shoulders..

No. It wasn't a performance.. there was no haranguing. Spoke to them in the vast garden away from everyone because Older brother had reached the end of his tether by Sunday lunch and needed support .. The reason nothing was said before was because the lack of work and help DIDNT MATTER ! as we had a lot of people to assist .. It was the complete lack of an attempt at anything .. !

The getting to the food first, the bedroom pick first , the complete lack of any offer of any kind to anyone - all of whom are their relatives .. to even offer a cup of tea !

Little brother and his wife have been married for over 30 years. They are not kids..

Our mum who died 5 years ago and dad recently treated us all exactly the same. There is no golden child. Our inheritance was generous and divided equally. Kids and GC treated financially with a rigorous equality . Emotionally they were extremely loving to us all equally.

I see Older brother maybe 5/6 times a year and younger 3/4 due to his marginally different distance from us.

I know that MN is full of complicated families with No contact /marginal contact but that is just not us.. I speak to LB every couple of weeks for catch up and OB a little less because of his job.. maybe once a month..

I have also never before stayed with older brother and kids .. because we live closer and never before had the need .. this was a first for all of us.

He is awful, op! Suggestions from pp sound good. They both could have apologized and said let us make it up to you, but they have no humility.

How frustrating, they tainted what otherwise has been a very happy family holiday.

... drip feed .. because MN loves one..

They didn't NOT bring anything.. they bought a 2 pint blue milk .. they took it with them.. only noticed when they left as a couple of people wanted a cup of tea and our milk was gone..

OB (older brother) daughter has had a cardiac issue and three heart attacks at 30/31 .. she rinsed the food dishes despite us telling her to sit down.. her response was ' I'm fine. don't worry if I get wobbly I will let you know ..

Important part .. she wasn't ASKED we certainly didn't expect. We spent a lot of time telling her that this was her time to relax.. but because she is a fucking awesome person she wanted to do. Not a performance just a really lovely person .

I actually have to add this.

We had a fabulous time. Two people and strong words in a vast garden away from all the others left them blissfully unaware .. unaware in that fucking off without a goodbye or stripping their bed went almost unnoticed.. except my kids have asked that we just do this with OB family at Christmas as it was such fabulous fun !

I don't think anyone disputes they are cf. I once had relatives stay, they brought a packet of kitkats with them, didn't eat them and took them with them when they left 2 days later. Folk are rude and bad mannered but again, there's no need for the drama. Your db should not have exploded and you should not have sneered about drinking and smoking whilst 'apparently' having mh problems.

Handle thjngs better next time is my advice. Surely all the other people present diluted the angst a bit?

Just a general youngest of the family so whilst he may have been treated the same by your parents maybe did not get that full sibling 'banter' to manage expectations. But some people are just like that anyway.

But never invite them again. It will be a lost cause if you think they will behave any differently next time.

Think you gave yourself to much to do over three days, 40 odd lunches and all the other bits. Bollocks to that. Next year take yourself away for the weekend.

Handle thjngs better next time is my advice. Surely all the other people present diluted the angst a bit?

Well OP did just explain they had a fabulous time. And the kids are asking for a re run.

I think you're totally over egging the 'drama ' and 'angst' tbh.

I think the angst has been reserved for MN. Which is exactly what it's for.

@Offthexmaslist

You seem to be contradicting yourself

You keep saying there was so many people helping out it didn't matter. And that you didn't want or ask them to contribute

But also that you're outraged that they didn't

The way you speak about your younger brother (like he's a stranger) is telling

I agree they were out of order and rude.

But I dont think you like them much anyway so just don't invite them again.

It would piss me off but as said, you clearly aren't compatible holiday companions. It's a shame, but now you know in case longer holidays get suggested. They have clearly taken it that you older ones are hosting.

I wouldn't have behaved as your brother and sister in law did but it did bring to mind family holidays I have had where the vast majority have wanted to do full on meals each night involving hours of cooking. That's really not my idea of a holiday but I don't get consulted. I would literally rather stick a ready meal or pizza in and read my book. So I might help prep veg and wash up but only out of feeling that I should. And I wouldn't want a buffet breakfast either.

I would help clean and tidy without resentment though.

That is a very good thought !

No that is wrong. !

I didn't NEED them to offer but absolutely would have loved them to wander into the kitchen at some point and say ' is there anything we can help with' !!

It was clearly too much work for you. Was it worth it?

It was clearly too much work for you. Was it worth it?

Did you miss where OP said they had a fabulous time.