Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Easter Cheeky Fuckery.

228 replies

Offthexmaslist · 10/04/2023 10:16

NC for this as very outing ..

My brother, sister in law, self and DH hired a big beautiful country house for Easter . We invited our 5 kids and their husbands /wives /partners . Along with my younger brother and his wife.

We also had 3 other siblings from nearby for lunch with their partners and kids.

There were 15 for supper Fri night
16 Saturday night
17 for Roast on Sunday.

Little bro arrived first and nabbed the biggest bedroom. The only one with an ensuite.

At NO POINT did either of them lift a finger . They didn't make a cup of tea. Peel a potato or bring any contribution.
Nor did they offer to contribute to the cost. (Which we wouldn't have expected ). They literally sat on the sofa and watched every single family member play their part . Meals for that amount is a group effort.

At each meal they were the first to sit down and help themselves. Eat before anyone else was sat down and got up and left the dining table before others had finished (or barely started)

We are clearing up the house this morning in ready for 11am exit.. yet again they have arrived to eat breakfast.. late risers , leisurely shower while the other 10 people run around doing food and laying out a beautiful buffet breakfast.
Which they again were first to help themselves to..

This has tipped my big brother (supported by me) over the top. Exploded at them asking why they thought everyone was there to wait on them hand and foot . (This was done away from the others just us siblings.)

Apparently SIL is depressed and suffering from anxiety. (Didn't seem to prevent her sitting in the sunshine laughing and joking whilst knocking back 2 bottles of wine -they didn't buy and smoking all day)
'Little Brother doesn't know how to cook.' (No one asked him to. But he is not so ignorant that he doesn't know how to peel a carrot or offer to make a cup of tea)

Best of all.. 'You invited us on holiday' so we are having a holiday. We need the rest ..

Honestly . I need to know. How on earth can people behave like this ? They appear to have absolutely no guilt or sense of humility .

Just an overwhelming sense of entitlement.

I've just asked them to strip their bed and leave the sheets in the laundry. This has caused my SIL to declare 'that's what these places have cleaners to do' pack their bags and drive off without saying goodbye.

The 10 people remaining are actually so gobsmacked by such world class cheeky fuckery that they have decided to just put it in the bank of funny tales for the future. Whilst db sil self and DH want to know how people like this actually operate through their day to day lives.

OP posts:
Original poster
Offthexmaslist · 10/04/2023 21:21

Botw1 · 10/04/2023 21:12

Wealthy enough to pay for a whole weekend away for 20 people

And ???

OP posts:
Original poster
Offthexmaslist · 10/04/2023 21:25

We earn £2800 a month .. rent is £1k .. so not exactly living the high life ! Inheritance split between 7 was 75k which is enormous.. but still can't buy our own home. ! We are far from wealthy but not poor ..

OP posts:
Botw1 · 10/04/2023 21:30

I'd imagine you'd struggle to get a mortgage in your 60s....

sunglassesonthetable · 10/04/2023 21:48

Wealthy enough to pay for a whole weekend away for 20 people

WTH. So out of order. @Botw1 What's it to do with you?

sunglassesonthetable · 10/04/2023 21:50

God OP some posters really have it in for you.

Isheabastard · 10/04/2023 21:52

I’ve had similar with my husband family. We were all invited to join in a big rented property to celebrate my elderly mother in law. The eldest brother paid for the property and the rest of us joined together to form a kitty for food and booze.

My husband is one of four boys and including wives and mostly grown up children there were twenty of us. We were there for four nights and each night a couple cooked dinner. My husband excused us from the cooking, I don’t know why and I wasn’t consulted.

I felt bad about this so I did the washing up each night helped mostly by the other wives and my daughter. The youngest brother dumped his toddler child on my Dd for three hours while his wife and another wife went food shopping.

The four brothers practically did fuck all except for start drinking at lunchtime.

Botw1 · 10/04/2023 21:52

@sunglassesonthetable

How is pointing out the obvious out of order?

None of it has anything to do with any of us

sunglassesonthetable · 10/04/2023 21:55

@Botw1 On a thread about CFs you're trying to prise out the wealth of the OP?

And not in a good way.

Weird.

sunglassesonthetable · 10/04/2023 21:57

What exactly has you so riled up?

Botw1 · 10/04/2023 21:58

@sunglassesonthetable

I've zero interest in their wealth. Or not.

the weird post about their earnings/rent was completely unnecessary

sunglassesonthetable · 10/04/2023 22:01

@Botw1

So unnecessary you just keep pushing.

RideACockHorseToSunburyCross · 10/04/2023 22:19

Bloody hell sunglasses, chill will you 🤣

sunglassesonthetable · 10/04/2023 22:23

What ? 😁

I'd take that but not from the poster who's literally written drama essays 😂

sunglassesonthetable · 10/04/2023 22:25

This thread has been linked from another one because you're "the SiL" apparently. 😁

That chilled.

RideACockHorseToSunburyCross · 10/04/2023 22:40

I know, I saw that 🤣

TheaBrandt · 10/04/2023 22:55

So what if they were wealthy? That still wouldn’t make it ok for one sibling not to lift a finger? So if you are rich you have to wait on your sibling as some sort of penance?! There are some real weirdos on this thread!

Original poster
Offthexmaslist · 11/04/2023 06:21

Botw1 · 10/04/2023 21:30

I'd imagine you'd struggle to get a mortgage in your 60s....

This whole financial interrogation is bizarre. What has wealth got to do with anything ? With the exception of one poster who suggested that financial jealousy could be an explanation to their behaviour ? (It's not. Little brother far wealthier than me . SIL has been a SAHM for 28 years and YB likes to boast how 'my wife doesn't need to work' they also own a house outright and I rent. )

.OB and I shared the cost. YB was invited .

OP posts:
AuntMarch · 11/04/2023 06:37

lv884 · 10/04/2023 10:57

He’s clearly a CF. No disputing that.

When you saw he picked the best room, it should have been a case of “Sorry, but paying guests get the first choices.” If not already made clear to CF.

I agree the conditions of these self-catering holidays need to made clearer before booking. Eg “Fancy paying one third per couple to stay in Cornwall for the week? I know you two like to go out to nice restaurants but we probably won’t go out to eat much, maybe once or twice, so it’ll be us all mucking in together with the cooking and washing up. So we’ll all split the cost of a big shop. Then maybe each couple can cook a couple of dinners each over the week.” etc.

I wouldn’t want to go on holiday to cook and clean that much since (beyond the basics for hygiene, of course, and the deeper clean when you have to leave) so I’d probably not go.

Show quote history

I wouldn't really want a holiday I had to spend cooking and cleaning either, but I wouldn't see this as a holiday, more just visiting relatives.
I'd certainly be pulling my weight if I was a guest in someone's home so why not in another property they were hosting me at?
They shouldn't have to be told that everybody else wasn't there to serve them (unless they have never stayed anywhere without 24/7 staff waiting on them hand and foot and don't no other options exist, they just expected his own siblings, nieces and nephews to do everything) to know whether it was something they wanted to participate in.

TheaBrandt · 11/04/2023 07:58

If there’s a large group you divvy up. So one night you cater for 15 but the next 3 nights the other families cater for you so actually you end uP with less effort..

GnomeDePlume · 11/04/2023 08:22

Some people are simply not good at being houseguests. I have a DB like this. Quite oblivious to anyone else, expects to be waited on and is shocked when asked to help. It is genuine shock!

I guess the stropping off was embarrassment at being called out.

lv884 · 11/04/2023 11:00

AuntMarch · 11/04/2023 06:37

I wouldn't really want a holiday I had to spend cooking and cleaning either, but I wouldn't see this as a holiday, more just visiting relatives.
I'd certainly be pulling my weight if I was a guest in someone's home so why not in another property they were hosting me at?
They shouldn't have to be told that everybody else wasn't there to serve them (unless they have never stayed anywhere without 24/7 staff waiting on them hand and foot and don't no other options exist, they just expected his own siblings, nieces and nephews to do everything) to know whether it was something they wanted to participate in.

Show quote history

I completely agree as a matter of principle that fully grown adults shouldn’t need to be told how to be considerate and decent (it’s infantilising) but they clearly did need to be in this instance, hence their consistency in not lifting a finger for a sustained period of time. And having experienced my fair share of CFs who we will have to spend time with in future (due to them being family, for instance), I have found it helpful to clarify certain things too with people who have taken advantage in the past. Eg Young child’s birthday party: “By the way, it’s not drop off. So please ensure you are free to make it too as I’ll be busy with the food and hosting.” Anyone else, we try to avoid situations (such as hosting them very generously or going out for dinner) where they can take advantage again.

SeulementUneFois · 11/04/2023 13:34

OP.
If you at any stage have an overall family meal out involving these CFs, don't mess around with agreeing rules in advance or anything like that. For they'll manage to work around them.

Instead just clearly say that there will be separate bills.
And when you get to the restaurant tell the waiter, including in front of the CFs, that they'll have a separate bill from yourselves.

PixieLaLa · 11/04/2023 16:23

Surely you knew what they were like before this ‘holiday’?
They sound quite lazy but tbh I wouldn’t want to go on a self catering holiday to then cook and clean either. If people want to cook good for them but don’t then be a martyr about it.

MustWeDoThis · 11/04/2023 18:11

Offthexmaslist · 10/04/2023 10:16

NC for this as very outing ..

My brother, sister in law, self and DH hired a big beautiful country house for Easter . We invited our 5 kids and their husbands /wives /partners . Along with my younger brother and his wife.

We also had 3 other siblings from nearby for lunch with their partners and kids.

There were 15 for supper Fri night
16 Saturday night
17 for Roast on Sunday.

Little bro arrived first and nabbed the biggest bedroom. The only one with an ensuite.

At NO POINT did either of them lift a finger . They didn't make a cup of tea. Peel a potato or bring any contribution.
Nor did they offer to contribute to the cost. (Which we wouldn't have expected ). They literally sat on the sofa and watched every single family member play their part . Meals for that amount is a group effort.

At each meal they were the first to sit down and help themselves. Eat before anyone else was sat down and got up and left the dining table before others had finished (or barely started)

We are clearing up the house this morning in ready for 11am exit.. yet again they have arrived to eat breakfast.. late risers , leisurely shower while the other 10 people run around doing food and laying out a beautiful buffet breakfast.
Which they again were first to help themselves to..

This has tipped my big brother (supported by me) over the top. Exploded at them asking why they thought everyone was there to wait on them hand and foot . (This was done away from the others just us siblings.)

Apparently SIL is depressed and suffering from anxiety. (Didn't seem to prevent her sitting in the sunshine laughing and joking whilst knocking back 2 bottles of wine -they didn't buy and smoking all day)
'Little Brother doesn't know how to cook.' (No one asked him to. But he is not so ignorant that he doesn't know how to peel a carrot or offer to make a cup of tea)

Best of all.. 'You invited us on holiday' so we are having a holiday. We need the rest ..

Honestly . I need to know. How on earth can people behave like this ? They appear to have absolutely no guilt or sense of humility .

Just an overwhelming sense of entitlement.

I've just asked them to strip their bed and leave the sheets in the laundry. This has caused my SIL to declare 'that's what these places have cleaners to do' pack their bags and drive off without saying goodbye.

The 10 people remaining are actually so gobsmacked by such world class cheeky fuckery that they have decided to just put it in the bank of funny tales for the future. Whilst db sil self and DH want to know how people like this actually operate through their day to day lives.

Until you suffer from depression and anxiety- Don't assume how it works. Depression is debilitating. It can physically limit your motivation to do anything, it will zone you out, and you won't connect with what's going on around you. The anxiety could mean she was too shy to participate.

However! The "There are cleaners for this job" is highly self entitled and there was no need. I would definitely send them a bill and tell your brother how disappointed you were in him not helping out.

Or...I would just let it go. You all enjoyed yourselves, yes they were lazy, but it sounds like they just needed their family around them and to switch off...and it's OK to support your family like that. Ask your Brother if he would do the same for you, if you were depressed and anxious, needing a break, down on your luck, and possibly low on money or not? Depending on his answer will let you know how to react.

If he says no - Go balls to the wall

If he says yes - Know that he has your back.

Otherwise, this sounds like a typical younger brother. It's not worth falling out with your family over. They haven't committed a crime and life is too short. Just enjoy still having your family around and siblings.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 11/04/2023 18:38

BillytheMountain · 10/04/2023 10:22

Why did you let them get the best room could’ve turfed them out.

Why were they not asked to help out peeling spuds or clearing up at the time?

They are CF but you lot enabled them.

Exactly my thoughts - fuming and seething and letting it build up rather than just nipping it in the bud. “Oh, sorry, you’ll have to grab your stuff - that’s not your room”
“ hey sil you’re turn to make the tea”
“ hey little bro, will you sort the washing up please?”
just open your mouth.
I think, in my experience, you don’t need to strip beds, the cleaners will do that so I’d make sil right in point but her delivery and attitude stink.