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Original poster

Easter Cheeky Fuckery.

228 replies

Offthexmaslist · 10/04/2023 10:16

NC for this as very outing ..

My brother, sister in law, self and DH hired a big beautiful country house for Easter . We invited our 5 kids and their husbands /wives /partners . Along with my younger brother and his wife.

We also had 3 other siblings from nearby for lunch with their partners and kids.

There were 15 for supper Fri night
16 Saturday night
17 for Roast on Sunday.

Little bro arrived first and nabbed the biggest bedroom. The only one with an ensuite.

At NO POINT did either of them lift a finger . They didn't make a cup of tea. Peel a potato or bring any contribution.
Nor did they offer to contribute to the cost. (Which we wouldn't have expected ). They literally sat on the sofa and watched every single family member play their part . Meals for that amount is a group effort.

At each meal they were the first to sit down and help themselves. Eat before anyone else was sat down and got up and left the dining table before others had finished (or barely started)

We are clearing up the house this morning in ready for 11am exit.. yet again they have arrived to eat breakfast.. late risers , leisurely shower while the other 10 people run around doing food and laying out a beautiful buffet breakfast.
Which they again were first to help themselves to..

This has tipped my big brother (supported by me) over the top. Exploded at them asking why they thought everyone was there to wait on them hand and foot . (This was done away from the others just us siblings.)

Apparently SIL is depressed and suffering from anxiety. (Didn't seem to prevent her sitting in the sunshine laughing and joking whilst knocking back 2 bottles of wine -they didn't buy and smoking all day)
'Little Brother doesn't know how to cook.' (No one asked him to. But he is not so ignorant that he doesn't know how to peel a carrot or offer to make a cup of tea)

Best of all.. 'You invited us on holiday' so we are having a holiday. We need the rest ..

Honestly . I need to know. How on earth can people behave like this ? They appear to have absolutely no guilt or sense of humility .

Just an overwhelming sense of entitlement.

I've just asked them to strip their bed and leave the sheets in the laundry. This has caused my SIL to declare 'that's what these places have cleaners to do' pack their bags and drive off without saying goodbye.

The 10 people remaining are actually so gobsmacked by such world class cheeky fuckery that they have decided to just put it in the bank of funny tales for the future. Whilst db sil self and DH want to know how people like this actually operate through their day to day lives.

OP posts:
Hellno45 · 10/04/2023 11:45

AmandaHoldensLips · 10/04/2023 11:40

Never invite them again.

I'm with you. I wouldn't invite them again.

Original poster
Offthexmaslist · 10/04/2023 11:51

Quirrelsotherface · 10/04/2023 11:30

They are CF but you lot enabled them

This. Quite simply, don't invite them again. They sound utterly shit company apart from anything else!

He is my brother and none of us want the kind of family that doesn't speak to each other . However we will never be doing a joint get together like this again.

They know we are not impressed. We will continue to see them but will never host again. We are also forewarned about meeting at restaurants etc. up until last year DF paid for those sort of do's but since he's death last year Tjat is no longer going to happen ..

Our lesson from this is very clear boundaries from the start when dealing with expectations. To also get agreement from the start about costs /share .

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 10/04/2023 11:55

I’m amazed that this is your sibling and partner (and they’ve been together long enough to have 4 kids) yet you appear unaware of what he is like as a person?

AmandaHoldensLips · 10/04/2023 12:01

My brother and SIL came for Christmas some years ago with their 3 kids, stayed 3 nights and never once lifted a finger. Didn't bring so much as a bottle of wine. Ignored the unbelievable mess made by the kids. SIL took long leisurely baths, lay around like queen nah, brother just sat there being waited upon.

NEVER INVITED BACK.

Original poster
Offthexmaslist · 10/04/2023 12:02

BillytheMountain · 10/04/2023 10:22

Why did you let them get the best room could’ve turfed them out.

Why were they not asked to help out peeling spuds or clearing up at the time?

They are CF but you lot enabled them.

I don't agree. Why would I NEED to badger and cajole two adult humans who have four kids so well versed in what's needed ?

Enabler ? Or just someone with higher standards. and expectations ? Bear in mind there were at least 10 other people who didn't require any level of 'asking' .. from 21-68 years they all took ownership of a joint effort.

So I see that lazy entitled- ness is yet another thing that people are not to blame for .. as it's the fault of people who don't talk them out of it.

How about they just shouldn't do it ?

OP posts:
gettingolderandgrumpier · 10/04/2023 12:15

The 10 people remaining are actually so gobsmacked by such world class cheeky fuckery that they have decided to just put it in the bank of funny tales for the future. Whilst db sil self and DH want to know how people like this actually operate through their day to day lives.
I’ll tell you why because nobody says anything it took 1 person to say something on the last day after putting up with it all weekend. Why hasn’t it dawned on people yet they do have a sense of entitlement and will behave like that because they will get away with it . Speak up when you need help ask why they didn’t bring any food or drink or why didn’t you split the cost ? .
for some reason you expect them to wake up and go oh I’m a cf I must help or bring a contribution they aren’t . Either call people out at the time of don’t invite ever again and say why .

TrewleyTired · 10/04/2023 12:17

You really should have told him not to take the best room. The fact that he didn’t hesitate in doing it was a clear signal for you to tell him that it would not be fair. They sound like entitled brats, I honestly don’t know how people can be like that.

Softoprider · 10/04/2023 12:21

You are right OP. They should not have done it but they did. The key here is to never let this happen again and that is by never including them in a holiday like this. Yes invite them to other events but not a holiday where everyone pitches in.

TheGingerTucci · 10/04/2023 12:24

So you say 'Easter Cheeky Fuckery' and when folk tell you that you should have said something at the time, you get all shirty! 😆
He's your little brother and you are still treating him like the baby - Ooo of course we won't exclude him next time and just put it in the funny story bank!
You need to see you are at some fault here. Or are you following your parents poor example?

MajorCarolDanvers · 10/04/2023 12:25

You should have raised this when you all got irritated and not left it festering all weekend till the point if explosion.

Failing to deal with it has now spoiled all your weekends.

They are CF but deal with it.

2bazookas · 10/04/2023 12:29

I'm surprised you invited them, and surprised your're surprised at their awful behaviour. Their level of CF takes years of training and practice, you and big bro must have known what they are like.

Don't ever go away with them again :-(

dottiedodah · 10/04/2023 13:20

Well they certainly seem an entitled pair! With everyone else inc DC mucking in ,I cant see how they can sit back and be waited on! I would stick with the older DB and his family . They must know what they have done after they have been called out on it.If they want to come again ,make it crystal clear they need to pitch in ,.If you have paid you deserve the better room .I think they know ,but chose to ignore .Even if his wife is depressed ,surely he can help?

cosmiccosmos · 10/04/2023 13:24

Whilst I agree something should have been said, people like this just don't get it imo.

The fact that they took the room and aren't adult enough to understand it's all 'muck in' makes them not worth going on holiday with/inviting over again. I expect if you had said 'can you do the washing up' it would have been done once and a half hearted effort.

twolilacs · 10/04/2023 13:27

Typical of MN that so many people are telling the OP what she should have done, or what she didn't do, and it is clearly all her fault that these people were CF arseholes who didn't lift a finger.

Just typical.

TrewleyTired · 10/04/2023 13:30

I don’t think I could not say anything to the woman who drove off without saying goodbye or stripping her bed as asked. That is beyond rude. I would text her and let her know she’s welcome and next time (not that there will be one) the polite thing if you have any social skills at all is to say thank you and goodbye. This is a hill I’d die on, what a rude bitch. Someone needs to tell her.

Original poster
Offthexmaslist · 10/04/2023 13:33

Softoprider · 10/04/2023 12:21

You are right OP. They should not have done it but they did. The key here is to never let this happen again and that is by never including them in a holiday like this. Yes invite them to other events but not a holiday where everyone pitches in.

Yes I completely agree and this is exactly what I will do.

OP posts:
Botw1 · 10/04/2023 13:39

@TrewleyTired

Just her?

Not her equally rude oh?

TrewleyTired · 10/04/2023 13:44

Botw1 · 10/04/2023 13:39

@TrewleyTired

Just her?

Not her equally rude oh?

Probably all of them. Op wrote about the woman not saying goodbye or stripping the bed, so I assume oh at least said goodbye. But yes, obviously both of them should have stripped the bed without being told to. My dh certainly would have, and also my nearly adult son.

Codlingmoths · 10/04/2023 13:44

Next Easter the family chat should be full of the great holiday you’ve planned except he isn’t invited. If he strops you say bahhahaa wait are you serious?? No way after last year and never again until we can rely on you two to pitch in like everyone else rather than sitting there getting waited on.

TrewleyTired · 10/04/2023 13:47

@Botw1 Sorry, I read again and you are right, op did say both of them packed their bags and left. My mistake! I would text both of them.

Rosula · 10/04/2023 13:51

Just make a note never to invite them again. I assume your older brother has already done the same. Make sure they know why they've been left out of every future family gathering.

ThePoetsWife · 10/04/2023 13:54

BillytheMountain · 10/04/2023 10:22

Why did you let them get the best room could’ve turfed them out.

Why were they not asked to help out peeling spuds or clearing up at the time?

They are CF but you lot enabled them.

This.

Use your own words.

You enabled this behaviour.

Bustard · 10/04/2023 13:55

Omg!! I feel you as I know a couple like this (my BIL and his girlfriend, I actually made a thread about it at the time). They stayed with me and DH for TWO WEEKS and didn't lift a finger to help with anything. In fact they made an awful mess and didn't clean it up. The people saying "just ask them to do it" have clearly never encountered people like this. I repeatedly asked this couple to clean up the mess THEY created but they just put it off and put it off until eventually I did it as it really had to get done. I was so pissed off.

It came to a head on a later family holiday when they behaved the same way around my FIL and he blew a gasket at his son about his lazy and entitled girlfriend. She is also "depressed" but seems to have no problem doing the things that she wants to do. But when there's dishes to be done or children to watch she's flat out on the sofa playing candy crush, too exhausted/depressed to do anything 🙄🙄🙄

ActDottie · 10/04/2023 14:00

I have anxiety and in some situations like this I find it hard to work out where I can fit in to be helpful, I’d much rather someone said “hey can you help with this?” Because it then makes me feel like I have a purpose etc. sometimes people do better if you just tel them to help

Original poster
Offthexmaslist · 10/04/2023 14:00

2bazookas · 10/04/2023 12:29

I'm surprised you invited them, and surprised your're surprised at their awful behaviour. Their level of CF takes years of training and practice, you and big bro must have known what they are like.

Don't ever go away with them again :-(

We have honestly NEVER been away with them. Our meet ups were always at parents and in their later years at restaurants. Where against my and certainly older brothers wishes they always footed the substantial bill. I can't say younger didn't ever offer - but I didn't ever hear it.. despite them being a family of six and enthusiastic drinkers.. and the other two of us being families of four.

Parents could afford it and liked to do it. They were also great hosts when younger and I guess we never really noticed as four kids were a lot to deal with.

I think it's just not in their psyche to offer. The last time we were all together for a whole day was 2 years ago. When as parents were older I and my DCs cooked as we live closer and the kitchen was small . So naturally we got there earlier and didn't expect them to do much. Which looking back - was exactly what they did.

By the way. I am not remotely 'shirty' . I regard it as a lesson learned and Will never invite them to this type of thing again - and if we have a restaurant type family get together I will be putting in writing what the deal is. Explain from the start that it's 'each family is paying for their own meal and only book them in once the confirmation is received.

I do however take exception to the fact that everyone else mucking in without being asked . Is some kind of ' performance ' ! This was a huge house with a massive kitchen. 3 ovens and acres of work tops . There was plenty of room. Nor did EVERYONE do EVERYTHING. The cooks didn't wash up for example...

But it does seem from many posters that appalling lazy , rude behaviour is entirely our fault for not dealing with - rather than them not doing it in the first place.

OP posts: