Mumsnet "stalkers"

[QuertyGirl]

Possibly too strong a word but not sure how else to describe it.

Basically where people follow certain posters about. I've had it a few times and always someone has an axe to grind, often degrading into petty insults.

I ignore them obviously.

Is there a name for this type of behaviour? Should it be reported?

A while ago there was one poster who would argue the toss with everything I posted. There was one particular thread I was on that made me wonder whether they were targeting me, so I namechanged and posted a comment almost identical to the one they had a go at me about. Surprise surprise, they carried on posting on the thread, this time agreeing with what I said.

It takes all sorts.

This is a mis-characterisation of the thread in which you claim to be a geneticist. No one in that thread brought up the other claims. You are the one who brought up the claim to be dyslexic.

firstly, I am not "claiming to be a geneticist" - I am one

secondly I am not talking about a thread in which I spoke about being a geneticist, I am talking about other totally unrelated threads

thirdly, I think you have just demonstrated the type of behaviour we are talking about here 😂

thirdly, I think you have just demonstrated the type of behaviour we are talking about here 😂

it does seem to be a prime example!

I wouldn’t know, or care how to AS. There is one poster who always makes my eyes roll though because she’s so bloody judgemental, but without explanation as to why.

I can’t imagine being so fixated on the truth from people I don’t know, and can’t see (unless they’re politicians!)

I think that there are a number of different things going on in this type of behaviour:

There are some posters who have - or maybe are employed to have - very strong and particular views on certain topics, and will generally post on the majority of threads on that topic. They ‘follow’ / ‘stalk’ subjects / viewpoints, not necessarily posters.

There are posters who are prolific enough to be recognised by name within certain topics, and their posts may attract those who know they either tend to strongly agree or strongly disagree with that poster and are likely to want to comment. This could be ‘stalking’ / following or could simply be a shared interest in a limited field.

There are posters who observe that a poster may have polarising views in a particular field or claim to have specific personal expertise that may be contrary to the ‘majority’ or ‘established’ view. If this happens a lot, a curious fellow poster may search to see whether this poster is likely to be genuine - we all know that trolls exist. The call on ‘genuine or not’ may be correct or not.

There are also posters who search specifically to support their own viewpoint or undermine someone else’s, which again may or may not be reasonable.

There are also true ‘stalkers’, who may be as dodgy and sinister online as they are in real life., or just bored and a bit sad.

If I really want to post on a thread I do but I never look at notifications so I have no idea if anyone has said anything in response to me or not. That way people can say what they like and I’m blissfully unaware! Works for me.

(I would cast as genuinely stalker-like those occasions where an individual poster is discussed in other public forums whence one or a group of posters then returns to MN to specifically respond - this happened for education posters via Us4Them during the pandemic, for example)

Then there are some posters like Nimbo above whose posts and claims raise eyebrows in such a way that people go digging just to get to the bottom of all as it were...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4779265-to-point-out-that-one-y-chromosome-does-not-make-you-a-male

i dont think we are here to discuss one particular poster though

Of course you need to change your username often.

I just change my username regularly and in fact I deleted my old, very regular, username too as that would have been clearly identifable.

It's bizarre. I only know ever recognise I username on the site because their posts are absolutely vile & horrendously insulting & judgemental to the poster ever time.

I can't even tell you your username without scrolling up to check it. People have too much time on their hands.

I posted because of the outrage that Seb Coe's comment about one Y chromosome not making you male caused - people misunderstood what he was saying, and I have a friend who fell foul of that exact misunderstanding the same week, and it caused great distress - this friend is most certainly female, and a mother.

Why should I not post that? I kept up with replying to posts as long as I could, but ended up just repeating my self constantly, and in the end just left the thread, I had said everything I needed to say, and I hoped enough people had read my point and understood it to mean that other women are not going to go through the personal attacks my friend has had

This lead to people hounding me all over the board - and as |I said, jumping out with cries of "GOTCHA!" or similar, on totally unrelated threads where I was talking about being a maths teacher, an asexual, a 60 year old, dyslexic, etc - as if one person cant be all these things.

I think its just the Y chromosome thing, rather than try and understand, people are just reflexly aggressive. They dont like the idea of a Y chromosome 😂but, yes, I would say posters who follow other posters from thread to thread just to be unpleasant - they have a problem, not the person they are following.

But it doesn't really bother me, as such, I normally only post on threads I am enjoying, with the exception of sometimes talking about important but distressing subjects, such as child slavery.

And of course, post under a different name to stop the stalkers

Yes I get the thought you had a nine year old why is he suddenly TEN!!! like it's a big gotcha moment (hint he had a birthday)

Twice I have been followed around the boards by people/person who changed their username (not this one) to one that was identical to mine aside from one letter - so for example changing an O to a 0. It was obvious because the name was something personal to me in my life, not possible for it to be a coincidence. The stalker didn’t do anything except post immediately after I posted on whatever thread I happened to be on, so it looked at first glance as if I had posted twice. It’s very odd behaviour and I namechange reasonably often as a result.
I have also been outed by saying what my husband does for a living. He has a very unusual job in a particular sector and once when I mentioned it (on a topic and thread to which it was relevant) I immediately was messaged by someone telling me “I know who you are”. Again, completely unnecessary. I stay away from that topic now.

Don't understand these people who look through people's post history. Fair enough ifmyou remember a name and opinion you commented on previous but actively researching someone is a bit much.

There are some people that do tend to be obvious on a thread by their posting style. I don't think recognising them counts as stalking. For example, I suspect most people know Noblegiraffe is a maths teacher, because it comes up frequently in her posts. Noticing their user name and remembering that doesn't make it stalking.

There are times when someone posts something that doesn't sound quite right and advanced search pulls up a backstory or something that doesn't add up-out of the realms of changing for privacy details, and I think that's actually helpful.
Yes, sometimes it can be silly: "Your said your dc was 12 and you're now saying 13" is normally irrelevant information when asking about whether to buy them one or two Easter eggs.
But "last year you got a woollie hug because your dh died, and you posted that you'd just bought a house in Australia where you live, you're training for a second marathon having got a personal best time of 4 hours 15 last time and your only dd hasn't spoken to you for twelve years due to drug addiction" and now you've posted a begging thread saying "dh has just lost his job, you've been in a wheelchair since a botched operation in 2005 and you have 5yo disabled twins who are starving and the landlord is threatening to evict you from your house in Scotland..." then that's a bit different. It's unlikely that both sets are true.
I use the advanced search when an OP isn't quite adding up to me. Usually, it all approximately checks out, so I mentally assume the OP is fine and am happy to post. Sometimes it clearly doesn't. Normally I just back away from the thread then.

Stalking no doubt does happen, but given how easy it is to name change, I'd advise anyone who thinks they're being stalked to do that.
However just to note that I think MN have changed so you can't name change in the middle of a thread, so I think if you post again under your new name on a thread you've already posted on then it will appear under your old one.

If you do think you're being stalked, then it could be that you tend to post on the same subjects, so the same people tend to answer. For example, ds had very bad ear infections/glue ear, so I'll often answer those.

Feeling weirdly oversensitive that I have never been stalked under any of my guides. Or received unsolicited DMS. Am I that unremarkable?

wow, thats wierd!

I think there's a difference between remembering a poster for whatever reason and commenting on that, and actively stalking them, rooting through their past posts.

@MargaretThursday

I agree.

And I actually did recognise OP and mention something on a thread that I had seen in another. The subject matter was similar so it wasn't an attempt to expose or trip OP up. It was just a 'well I know how you feel about X' type thing.

I have name changed for this because I cba to go back and see which name I used as I did change again recently.

It's far from stalking so I hope I'm not the poster in question

Anyway I think I was wrong to say it and also a bit grumpy so if you have a clue OP I apologise

I think there are some lonely people who would rather have a negative relationship with a stranger on line than none at all. The other thing that seems to drive a lot of negativity is envy.

This.

You have a recognisable username OP and I remember you being unkind / argumentative on a few threads about car traffic / driving and disabilities.

Sometimes it's creepy but in your case you have a reputation and if you don't like the attention you created for yourself then it's time to change your username

This is why I stopped posting a few years ago under one specific name and now namechange daily and don’t post about the things I used to