Page 32 | What is the most CF behaviour someone has shown when visiting your home?

Imamumgetmeoutofhere · 2023-04-06T17:28:52+00:00

Just that really...... Mine was a few years ago and I'm still [confused] whenever I think about it. My youngest had started primary school a few months prior to the event and she had got a bit friendly with one of the other children in the class and as a result I had got to know their mum quite well, in terms of chatting in the playground anyway. We had storm one morning on the school run and as it was much closer to my house than hers I invited her back for a cuppa till the storm passed. I put the kettle on to boil and then went to the loo, then had to take an "urgent" phone call from my eldest school for some reason or other, can't remember what exactly and it certainly wasn't an emergency. When I was upstairs I heard some clattering around in the kitchen and then heard a sizzling noise. When I went back downstairs she was frying bacon. She hadn't asked, I hadn't offered and it meant she had gone through my fridge and cupboards the first time she had been to my house. When I asked what she was doing she said she was hungry and hadn't eaten that day [confused] Safe to say I didn't ask her to come back after that!! What CF behaviours have others shown in your home?

mybeautifuloak · 09/04/2023 07:15

@AppallinglyReheated I think people are more private now... but also I think they live in far less interesting houses too. Once you've seen one modern box in grey or rose gold, you've really seen them all.
I also think we have so much shit now that the idea of guests seeing the chaos where we have stuffed everything fills us with horror 🤣

mybeautifuloak · 09/04/2023 07:17

Mrsgreen100 · 08/04/2023 23:28

A few years ago one of those party political
knocked on my door it was absolutely chucking it Down and she was very elderly and soaked , I live very in a rural village .
I took pity on her and let her in !
big mistake, she was waiting to be collected
as had “done” the village.
she asked if she could use my phone, I have only a mobile and was working from home .
20 minutes later she was carrying on with plans to fly an mp in by helicopter somewhere or other , I said I needed my phone she completely ignored me .
when I finally got her out of my house she didn’t even say thank you

I would have just removed it from her hands and told her to leave. Why put up with this shit

Softsoftsleep · 09/04/2023 07:19

Emotionalsupportviper · 09/04/2023 06:44

I appreciate your feelings about it and I apologise for upsetting you.

I personally can't bear hearing people say "Christ!' as a swear word - it's like a physical blow to me- but hypocritical or not, I occasionally use "Jesus wept", not as a swear, but as an expression of exasperation.

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It's like a physical blow to me too. I have a very visceral reaction when people use Jesus' name simply as a means to express any kind of disdain, including exasperation, I'm afraid. I think that the English language is more than developed enough to encapsulate any kind of concept without bringing Christ's name into it, especially if there is any doubt as to whether it's use glorifies Him.

Thanks for your apology. I wasn't having a go at you, BTW, but wanted to highlight how it came across to me, as a Christian. I don't like my Lord and saviour being used as a linguistic prop and suspect many other followers of Jesus may feel the same. I'm sure you are aware that as a minister of the faith, you will be held to a higher standard than others, so I say this to you as a sister.

Sorry for derailing the thread. As you were!

Imsorryyoufeelthatway · 09/04/2023 07:28

MIL used to have a key to ours & would randomly let herself in without warning. DH wouldn’t confront her as ‘she’s a lonely old woman’. One weekend DH organised a big uni reunion with all his mates staying over at ours (me & kids went away to free up space). Early next morning MIL walks into ours to find DHs mates all crashing in the living room, v hungover. Rather than leave she woke them all up, demanded a cuppa & dished out sofa brochures, asking everyone to choose one for me to buy as she hated our (brand new, perfectly fine) sofa. They politely asked her to leave but she declined, saying she was going to wait for me to come home to ‘talk about replacing the sofa’. Needless to say the uni reunion was cut short & she no longer has a key.

nopuppiesallowed · 09/04/2023 07:29

Softsoftsleep · 09/04/2023 05:25

I really don't like anyone using Jesus' name as a swear word or even an exclamation. I understand when non believers do it, as they have no reverence for the name, but as believers, we should. The phrase 'Jesus wept' has such Biblical depth and the thought of our Lord's deep, profound emotion being reduced to a synonym for 'wow!' makes me really uncomfortable. As I said, I could really understand a non believer using this term (many of my family and friends don't believe, so I hear Jesus' name reduced to a swear word a lot). However, to hear it coming from someone who claims to be a Christian minister is really difficult to comprehend, especially one who was criticising others for buffet Christianity (a point I do agree with). I'm sorry for something of a derail, but this just didn't sit right with me at all.

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Totally agree.

Scepticalwotsits · 09/04/2023 07:32

Similar story here to a few of when family events happen we all bring something.

we tend to bring nice things others might bring cheaper things, and that’s fine as everyone’s budgets are different and we do try and split the cost of food equitably.

however when we split and what is left is dished out the nice stuff we get always gets raided and we get left with the naff stuff no one wants.

one year parents ended up buying some cheaper things from our list used that to cook/drink then took our nice things back for themselves.

safe to say we grew a spine and opted out of the family air b&b long weekend meets, the final straw when the golden child sibling booked the place and then when splitting costs stuck their portion of rent on us, when we found out and called them out their response was that their job and share was to find the place! CF

CatchHimDerry · 09/04/2023 07:48

jennyt82 · 07/04/2023 21:22

Friends with toddler came round to see our newborn. Toddler, 5 minutes after arriving throws up all over my living room carpet and his parents say oh we thought he was ok now, he was poorly yesterday with a sickness bug. Then they ask for a bowl incase he's sick in their car and say we'll leave you to it so you can clean that up.

This has given me the rage, they’d be ex friends if that was me

Psalmbodytolove · 09/04/2023 07:59

Softsoftsleep · 09/04/2023 07:19

It's like a physical blow to me too. I have a very visceral reaction when people use Jesus' name simply as a means to express any kind of disdain, including exasperation, I'm afraid. I think that the English language is more than developed enough to encapsulate any kind of concept without bringing Christ's name into it, especially if there is any doubt as to whether it's use glorifies Him.

Thanks for your apology. I wasn't having a go at you, BTW, but wanted to highlight how it came across to me, as a Christian. I don't like my Lord and saviour being used as a linguistic prop and suspect many other followers of Jesus may feel the same. I'm sure you are aware that as a minister of the faith, you will be held to a higher standard than others, so I say this to you as a sister.

Sorry for derailing the thread. As you were!

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I agree but just wanted to say I love how respectfully you put your point across. Sometimes I despair at mumsnet as people can be so rude when they don’t agree but this made me happy! 🌺

Antiquiteas · 09/04/2023 08:04

This definitely also happened at other peoples houses... though... no one we knew (to my knowledge) lived in a small new build. Small cottages yes, rambling weird rural properties, large period properties but no super modern ones, no...

What an enjoyably typical Mumsnetty flex 😆

ColdAsAWitchsTit · 09/04/2023 08:10

We had a couple staying with us for a few days once. We were going out for dinner and it was raining so the man just went into our coat cupboard and put on my husband's coat. The one that my husband was just about to put on. I came home from being out at some point of the same visit to find said guest lying on my bed because the mobile reception was better in there. Very odd.

QueenBeaver · 09/04/2023 08:49

I went to stay with an ex-friend once. It was a one bedroom flat and I was on the pull out sofa in the living room. I woke up fairly early and her and her boyfriend were still asleep. By midday, they were still in bed and I’d been treated to two rounds of them loudly having sex. I was so hungry at that point that I was about to chew my arm off so I searched the kitchen and found one egg and one slice of toast which I used to make a boiled egg and some soldiers. I left not long afterwards as I was so fed up.

Another friend was so tight when I used to go out clubbing. There was about 5 of us who used to live in the same direction so we’d shared a black cab home. Only she’d point blank refuse to chip in. It was a case of either walk three miles home or leave her behind which we’d never do. It was only about £4 extra between 4 of us but it was so annoying given that she was happy to have the ride.

Then there was the time that we went for a meal with DH’s mate. DH, I and DS had paid in cash and left a tip. Stingy mate lingered behind and we saw him use the tip to pay for his meal. The worse thing was, he was getting the meal paid for by his work on expenses!!! So he was fraudulently claiming the money.

Sorry, none of mine are from home. I don’t think I’ve actually got any.

MsRosley · 09/04/2023 08:53

hookiewookie29 · 08/04/2023 18:10

I'm a childminder. Several years ago I had a Mum visit me at short notice enquiring about childcare. She had 4 children, all in primary school. Anyway, I had a bit of a gut feeling about this family- one of the boys was a real handful- and after she'd gone I worked out that I could only have them for 2 sessions a week and not 5 as she'd requested. No contracts or details had been exchanged, no money had been paid by her, and I hadn't promised her the spaces.I didn't even know when she wanted care from,or what the children's names were,or even what the eldest child looked like as he didn't come with her.The only contact details I had for her was an email address so I emailed, telling her I couldn't care for her children as I didn't have the spaces she needed. She didn't reply.
The following Monday, I was dropping other children at school and one of the teachers said " Oh Hookie,I believe you're collecting xxxx's children tonight"
I told the teacher I wasn't- and then found out that the Mum ( who was divorced) had dropped the kids at breakfast club, told them to pass on the message that I was collecting her kids- then drove straight to the airport where she was going off on a 4 day jolly with her mates!! School tried to contact her but she wasn't picking up. In the end they got hold of Dad who was working 100 miles away and he had to get back in time to collect them from school. He even rang me to see if I'd collect them just that once, and said that she was always doing things like that.
I saw her occasionally at school after that and she couldn't even make eye contact me!

Yeah, that's a social services matter. Out and out neglect.

DangerousAlchemy · 09/04/2023 09:16

BabaBooPuffinsRock · 06/04/2023 19:53

Two visitors came to see us 2 weeks after I'd had a C-section and was still feeling the after effects. I won't say who they were, but we live a long way from them. They brought suitcases into the house. We have on-street parking and just thought they were over-worried about theft.

It got to about 6pm and they said they were ready for bed. We said "well it was lovely to see you" but they started walking upstairs and said they were staying with us for THREE DAYS and apparently had already told us (we had very clearly told them they couldn't stay with us on the phone before the visit).

@BabaBooPuffinsRock did you let them stay??? or did you boot them out....

Allergictoironing · 09/04/2023 09:57

Softsoftsleep · 09/04/2023 07:19

It's like a physical blow to me too. I have a very visceral reaction when people use Jesus' name simply as a means to express any kind of disdain, including exasperation, I'm afraid. I think that the English language is more than developed enough to encapsulate any kind of concept without bringing Christ's name into it, especially if there is any doubt as to whether it's use glorifies Him.

Thanks for your apology. I wasn't having a go at you, BTW, but wanted to highlight how it came across to me, as a Christian. I don't like my Lord and saviour being used as a linguistic prop and suspect many other followers of Jesus may feel the same. I'm sure you are aware that as a minister of the faith, you will be held to a higher standard than others, so I say this to you as a sister.

Sorry for derailing the thread. As you were!

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I am Pagan, and have to put up with people using the term "witch" to describe nasty and/or evil women, as an insult. If I wanted, I could take real offence at this but I just let it wash over me as I know it's just a figure of speech. But it's a stereotyping figure of speech implying that all witches are evil, and can lead to discrimination and sometimes worse.

At least the name of your deity is usually being used as an exclamation, not a profanity. I'm not sure, but I've always assumed the phrase "Jesus wept" was a shortened form of saying something was bad enough to make Jesus weep - maybe taking his name in vain there but not really using it as a swear word. I know my mother, a very devout (but quiet about it) person never took offence to the use of Jesus as an exclamation, even heard her say it herself a few times.

Onefootinthegroove · 09/04/2023 10:32

Have told this one before.......
I used to work nights, due to an emergency situation at work I had to do a run of 8-8 nights over 7 days, with a 1 hour commute. Morning of my last working night I go to bed around 9:45 ish.
At 10:30 I feel someone shaking my shoulder, asking why on earth I am still asleep at this time of day.
Its FIL who had used his " emergency " key to let himself in to use our toilet (!).
It was the last in a long line of batshittedness so I stayed in bed, rang DH ( self employed at the time ) who raced home, removed the key from his father, then removed his father from the house. FIL was protesting loudly that I was lazy for not getting up to offer him refreshments.

Amazingly the rest of the wider family supported our position and I got an actual apology .

Onefootinthegroove · 09/04/2023 11:03

Softsoftsleep · 09/04/2023 05:25

I really don't like anyone using Jesus' name as a swear word or even an exclamation. I understand when non believers do it, as they have no reverence for the name, but as believers, we should. The phrase 'Jesus wept' has such Biblical depth and the thought of our Lord's deep, profound emotion being reduced to a synonym for 'wow!' makes me really uncomfortable. As I said, I could really understand a non believer using this term (many of my family and friends don't believe, so I hear Jesus' name reduced to a swear word a lot). However, to hear it coming from someone who claims to be a Christian minister is really difficult to comprehend, especially one who was criticising others for buffet Christianity (a point I do agree with). I'm sorry for something of a derail, but this just didn't sit right with me at all.

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Dont police other adults vocabulary. Just dont.

Cheeseandlobster · 09/04/2023 11:13

Onefootinthegroove · 09/04/2023 11:03

Dont police other adults vocabulary. Just dont.

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Agreed. And it derails a light hearted thread too

KettrickenSmiled · 09/04/2023 11:14

Before the wedding OH and I decided that a wedding was enough for a year and there would be no homes bought or babies made for at least a year. Literally the minute we got back from honeymoon MIL was harping on about how small our flat was, how awful the area, basically how poor we looked compared to her posh friend's children. OH decided to go along to a few viewings she'd arranged and she convinced him that he'd fallen in love with a house. I said no fucking way am I getting involved. Well they put huge pressure on OH to sell the flat as "we need that gifted deposit back", bought awful house (I'm not on the mortgage lol) and then we ended up in a chain moving Christmas fucking week. Of course I couldn't get time off because Christmas week so MIL went through all my things as she was "helping". I'm still fucking fuming that my wedding dress is inaccessible up the loft because SHE didn't think it was a big deal.

I'm not sure why you are blaming MiL for your husband's decision to unilaterally buy a house you didn't want@JennyBee23
Why did you go along with it if you didn't want to?

TwitTwooTooYou · 09/04/2023 11:20

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 08/04/2023 22:50

@Witchbitch20 - I got the brothel reference!

I got the brothel reference Witch was complaining about, but it is only really applicable if Witch had shared the bed/room with that guest, otherwise it’s just a handy surface to leave money on.

KettrickenSmiled · 09/04/2023 11:20

Redebs · 08/04/2023 22:34

I used to breastfeed my babies anywhere (except the toilet offered to me as an option at a branch of ToysRUs), but I don't think any man should have to be alone in the presence of a breastfeeding mum if it makes him uncomfortable, especially when he is working. He should be given an option to sit somewhere else (paid of course).

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You do realise that men are autonomous beings, who can remove themselves from situations that make them uncomfortable without women having to organise that for them? Right?

KettrickenSmiled · 09/04/2023 11:23

Dogscanteatonions · 08/04/2023 22:45

So that's a yes then 🤣

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😂😂😂

The double standard is strong in you@Dogscanteatonions.
You called PP a cunt, then get on your high horse about HER being the rude one?

Highly appropriate response, in a CF thread ...

JennyBee23 · 09/04/2023 11:34

@KettrickenSmiled
so when husband bought the flat we were in they gifted him £30K for the deposit (I wasn't on the scene at this point).

MIL then decided she needed this money back to manipulate the move. FILs dad had just died and they apparently needed the money to bury him on top of other things. Proper sobbing in our front room that FILs pension wasn't as generous as they'd thought and an investment had gone wrong and they were going to end up in dire straights or needing to pull out a long term investment and lose money on it to avoid destitution.

So of course he wanted to sell our flat and use the mortgage to help his parents out. We didn't have £30K just sitting about to give them having just paid for the wedding and honeymoon. When we moved husband transferred the £30K back to his mum.

After he completed the in laws tried to gift husband a car (brand new, £50K number bought in cash) because actually they were more than fine for money. I was fucking livid. MIL didn't speak to me for almost a year because I called her a manipulative cow.

KettrickenSmiled · 09/04/2023 11:34

Softsoftsleep · 09/04/2023 05:25

I really don't like anyone using Jesus' name as a swear word or even an exclamation. I understand when non believers do it, as they have no reverence for the name, but as believers, we should. The phrase 'Jesus wept' has such Biblical depth and the thought of our Lord's deep, profound emotion being reduced to a synonym for 'wow!' makes me really uncomfortable. As I said, I could really understand a non believer using this term (many of my family and friends don't believe, so I hear Jesus' name reduced to a swear word a lot). However, to hear it coming from someone who claims to be a Christian minister is really difficult to comprehend, especially one who was criticising others for buffet Christianity (a point I do agree with). I'm sorry for something of a derail, but this just didn't sit right with me at all.

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Don't let it worry you.
You don't understand, but ESV & Jesus do, so you don't need to waste time furthering your comprehension of another adult's interpretation of her faith.

If you believe in God, leave it up to God to criticise other people's beliefs.
Using religion to tell people how wrong they are compared to your own choices is oppressive, & only leads to cult thinking & spiritual abuse.

KettrickenSmiled · 09/04/2023 11:44

Cheers @JennyBee23

MIL didn't speak to me for almost a year because I called her a manipulative cow.

A fine result, for which I congratulate you 😂

Newestname002 · 09/04/2023 12:03

KettrickenSmiled · 09/04/2023 11:44

Cheers @JennyBee23

MIL didn't speak to me for almost a year because I called her a manipulative cow.

A fine result, for which I congratulate you 😂

👏🏻 🙌🙌👏🏻!!