Page 4 | Autistic women assemble!

Nepmarthiturn · 2023-04-04T09:36:01+00:00

...only if and when you're not feeling antisocial and want the entire world to +%$¥ off, or course. 😉😆 A few of us were talking on another thread and thought it would be nice to have a support/ chat thread on here to share interests/ challenges/ parenting issues or whatever we feel like. A little community of autistic women on here that we can dip in and out of but will be supportive and friendly and people who actually get it. Might also be a nice counterbalance to all of the horrific posts about autism that we find here so regularly!! P.S. Have deliberately posted this in chat rather than in the ND Mumsnetters topic because it will hopefully reach more people who would like to join in. I didn't even realise that section existed for a long time and often miss threads there as they don't show in active and expect I'm not alone in that. However, in posting this here, we will be relying on the people with obnoxious and ignorant views about autism who so regularly post on Mumsnet, to demonstrate to us their allegedly superior empathy (ha!) and please just leave this thread alone: it's not for you. Many thanks!!

Original poster

Nepmarthiturn · 04/04/2023 12:12

Myknewname · 04/04/2023 12:08

Hi, been wondering for a while if I am autistic I have 14 DD who was DX at 10. She said yesterday mum you definitely are autistic. I am very sensory, noise, smells, bright lights, certain touches such as sponge and velvet urgh gross. I am 49 so I prob won't ever get DX.

You can! But you don't necessarily need to. Just the realisation alone can bring much comfort from making sense of everything.

OP posts:

TheShellBeach · 04/04/2023 12:13

Myknewname · 04/04/2023 12:08

Hi, been wondering for a while if I am autistic I have 14 DD who was DX at 10. She said yesterday mum you definitely are autistic. I am very sensory, noise, smells, bright lights, certain touches such as sponge and velvet urgh gross. I am 49 so I prob won't ever get DX.

Ask your GP. It may take a while but you can definitely be assessed.

Collaborate · 04/04/2023 12:13

Hope I can add to this thread. I'm not autistic but my 18yr old daughter was recently diagnosed. She's away at University in her first year and has spent most of her time cooped up in her room. Choosing modules that don't have exams, stuff like that.

The worry I have for her is that doing anything that involves new interactions is incredibly tough. I wonder how she'll cope applying for kobs and when in work, and worry about her vulnerability in any relationships she has (not aware of any yet).

Yet the people posting here seem to have jobs and families, so I suspect I'm catastrophising somewhat. Can anyone put my mind at rest?

Amireallyhere · 04/04/2023 12:14

I do everything in my power to avoid losing things. When I do, I become completely obsessed until I have found the missing item and can't think about anything else. Everything has a home and if anyone borrows or moves items without letting me know I get so anxious. I don't deal well with disorganisation. You can see why I don't have friends!

countingallthseconds · 04/04/2023 12:15

Hello, diagnosed last Sept, happy to be here

surlycurly · 04/04/2023 12:17

Hi all, also struggling today. I'm a teacher and I've had a tough term. Was expecting to feel better after stopping work but feel that everyone wants a piece of me! I just want to be left alone. Constant demands from teenagers! And autistic daughter wants me to go and help her with a load of stuff tomorrow (life admin and packing). I don't want to drive there (quite anxious in the car after a big accident last year), to have all her problems become my problems. It's exhausting. I don't want to do any peopling just now.

Blueskies3 · 04/04/2023 12:19

I've recently been diagnosed. I went to the paediatrician for my son and then she started asking me what I was like in childhood, and that led to my diagnosis. 3/4 members of this household are ND, the youngest we aren't sure yet, he may be NT.

I live overseas and we have two weeks off for school holidays (I am also a teacher), I have promised myself not to make one social appointment/play date/catch up as it will send me over the edge. I really need this time to recoup. But many would not understand that and would think I am weird. I sometimes feel bad for the kids, but they have each other and don't ask for more social interaction- they have school, swimming and have just started football.

Original poster

Nepmarthiturn · 04/04/2023 12:20

StopStartStop · 04/04/2023 12:07

My dh and I feel so guilty about passing this onto our kids.

But where would the world be/have been without us? The thinkers, the inspired? We are the inventors, creators. Yes, our lives hurt. But they'd be lost without us.

Yep!

Many years ago, before my diagnosis, I read a brilliant article on genetic research, about how some people are dandelions and can flourish anywhere, and others are orchids. The orchids will wither and die in the wrong environment, without nurture. Become our homeless, prisoners, addicts. But with nurture, far surpass anything the dandelions could achieve. Society needs both, and it needs to learn to nurture its orchids.

The article focuses on the genes associated with depression, and how the upside of these genes (in the right environment) had not been recognised. But the same applies no doubt to the genes associated with ND because from an evolutionary perspective it would not have been possible for such genes to have spread so widely if there wasn't a significant upside: they would be far rarer.

Here is the article: old now but a very good (although long!) exploration on it. And research in subsequent years has backed it up.

www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/12/the-science-of-success/307761/

OP posts:

Original poster

Nepmarthiturn · 04/04/2023 12:21

BoardLikeAMirror · 04/04/2023 12:12

Thank you for the thread. Joining for when I may be in a chatting frame of mind.

Welcome! 😊

OP posts:

surlycurly · 04/04/2023 12:21

Funny to see so many teachers here. I wonder if it's familiar routine wise, or if we had a rough time at school and want to improve things for other children?

countingallthseconds · 04/04/2023 12:22

Just me and DS (autistic too) at home today as DC2 is at school this week. DH working away a lot at the moment and I'm finding it really difficult. I have complete autonomy when he's not here, but all the responsibility. But when he's back I have to give up that autonomy, but at least I get to share the responsibility. It's hard to switch between the two.

countingallthseconds · 04/04/2023 12:23

surlycurly · 04/04/2023 12:21

Funny to see so many teachers here. I wonder if it's familiar routine wise, or if we had a rough time at school and want to improve things for other children?

I am an ex teacher, now f/t carer. Weird how many of us there are!

Myknewname · 04/04/2023 12:24

Yea I'm a trainee teacher, loving the holiday, but my head is exploding with how much work I need to do. I just need quiet and to sleep.

hourbyhour101 · 04/04/2023 12:24

@Nepmarthiturn oh my lord thank you thank you thank you 🙏🏻

camelCase · 04/04/2023 12:24

Amireallyhere · 04/04/2023 12:14

I do everything in my power to avoid losing things. When I do, I become completely obsessed until I have found the missing item and can't think about anything else. Everything has a home and if anyone borrows or moves items without letting me know I get so anxious. I don't deal well with disorganisation. You can see why I don't have friends!

Everything has a home here as well, I very rarely lose things because I know exactly where everything is and if something is lost it's because someone else didn't put it back where it belongs. DH and DD always ask me where stuff is because the pair of them are the total opposite of me. For example DH will ask where X letter is and it's literally in the newer letter pile, just not on the very top and therefore invisible to him. DD has this same trait if it's not immediately visible then it doesn't exist 😆

countingallthseconds · 04/04/2023 12:25

Myknewname · 04/04/2023 12:24

Yea I'm a trainee teacher, loving the holiday, but my head is exploding with how much work I need to do. I just need quiet and to sleep.

As a trainee you absolutely must take time to rest, it's as important as planning. You need all your spoons to do the job.

feejee · 04/04/2023 12:25

Not diagnosed, but have considered that im most likely autistic for years, only recently begun to learn about ADHD and am certain i've that too. It explains a lot. I seem to be introducing myself as neurodiverse to people these days. I guess i do it to explain why i might come across as a bit odd and also as a protective mechanism for myself (as in they didnt like me because im ND, rather than they didn't like me because im unlikeable which is how I used to think). I have spent a long time thinking theres something wrong with my personality. But having my son, who i should think is ND (given the bullying he already experiences for being different), has made me realise there is nothing wrong with our personalities. It's ok to be different and we just need to find others who find us as hilariously silly as we do.

camelCase · 04/04/2023 12:26

Also for those looking for solutions for noise sensitivity, I've heard good things about loop ear plugs (haven't tried myself as I hate things in my ears);

https://www.loopearplugs.com

Your life, your volume | Loop Earplugs

Live Life at your volume by reducing the noise in style.

https://www.loopearplugs.com/?gclid=Cj0KCQjwla-hBhD7ARIsAM9tQKu-p0ISuXLnZAHj-S85_UfDrH0TLgc9p18tfnX9yTRblm_mvhgMEUQaAk2fEALw_wcB

Amireallyhere · 04/04/2023 12:27

surlycurly · 04/04/2023 12:21

Funny to see so many teachers here. I wonder if it's familiar routine wise, or if we had a rough time at school and want to improve things for other children?

Interesting, probably a bit of both. Also I find it easier to make connections and understand children more than I do than adults. Children tend to be more honest and direct. I also think I am good at helping those that think differently to others.

TheShellBeach · 04/04/2023 12:27

Collaborate · 04/04/2023 12:13

Hope I can add to this thread. I'm not autistic but my 18yr old daughter was recently diagnosed. She's away at University in her first year and has spent most of her time cooped up in her room. Choosing modules that don't have exams, stuff like that.

The worry I have for her is that doing anything that involves new interactions is incredibly tough. I wonder how she'll cope applying for kobs and when in work, and worry about her vulnerability in any relationships she has (not aware of any yet).

Yet the people posting here seem to have jobs and families, so I suspect I'm catastrophising somewhat. Can anyone put my mind at rest?

One of my children went to university and couldn't cope with it. He stayed in his room and eventually was asked to leave.
After coming home, he eventually started a non-residential course and got his degree.
He is now in his late 30s and has a job working outside, where his degree is of no practical use lol.
But he's really content with it. He wanted to get the degree and he managed to.
He's had some relationships, but none for the last four years.

countingallthseconds · 04/04/2023 12:27

camelCase · 04/04/2023 12:26

Also for those looking for solutions for noise sensitivity, I've heard good things about loop ear plugs (haven't tried myself as I hate things in my ears);

https://www.loopearplugs.com

I have these. They're ok. I find being able to hear my breathing even louder a bit weird though.

Amireallyhere · 04/04/2023 12:28

Nepmarthiturn · 04/04/2023 12:20

Yep!

Many years ago, before my diagnosis, I read a brilliant article on genetic research, about how some people are dandelions and can flourish anywhere, and others are orchids. The orchids will wither and die in the wrong environment, without nurture. Become our homeless, prisoners, addicts. But with nurture, far surpass anything the dandelions could achieve. Society needs both, and it needs to learn to nurture its orchids.

The article focuses on the genes associated with depression, and how the upside of these genes (in the right environment) had not been recognised. But the same applies no doubt to the genes associated with ND because from an evolutionary perspective it would not have been possible for such genes to have spread so widely if there wasn't a significant upside: they would be far rarer.

Here is the article: old now but a very good (although long!) exploration on it. And research in subsequent years has backed it up.

www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/12/the-science-of-success/307761/

Show quote history

Interesting article, thank you.

Blueskies3 · 04/04/2023 12:30

I also love the routines in teaching, how I can control the day's plan and work generally independently from others. I tend to monologue a bit in teaching lol and I prefer children to adults, like a PP said they are honest and don't play the mind games or social games that adults do.

Ichosetheredpill · 04/04/2023 12:30

Definitely! I’ve been thinking just the same 🙋‍♀️

hourbyhour101 · 04/04/2023 12:32

TheShellBeach · 04/04/2023 12:10

I have three autistic children, all adults now.
Two of them work and the third has PDA and has never worked.
I wasn't diagnosed until I was in my 60s.
It's been such a relief.
Now I can make sense of my life. I've always wondered why so many people thought I was odd or eccentric.

eccentric - that word has followed me around since birth.

I'm often said to take after my late grandma who was also eccentric. A fair amount of my family are and I wonder if she was around she would be classed as having asd too !

Now when I hear that word about other people I think ... ah is that another asd tribe member in hiding ?

I mask quite well people often say things like oh that's just one of hourbyhours quirks. I was quite floored when after my Dd got diagnosed they said have been also 😵‍💫