Autistic women assemble!

[Nepmarthiturn]

...only if and when you're not feeling antisocial and want the entire world to +%$¥ off, or course. 😉😆

A few of us were talking on another thread and thought it would be nice to have a support/ chat thread on here to share interests/ challenges/ parenting issues or whatever we feel like. A little community of autistic women on here that we can dip in and out of but will be supportive and friendly and people who actually get it.

Might also be a nice counterbalance to all of the horrific posts about autism that we find here so regularly!!

P.S. Have deliberately posted this in chat rather than in the ND Mumsnetters topic because it will hopefully reach more people who would like to join in. I didn't even realise that section existed for a long time and often miss threads there as they don't show in active and expect I'm not alone in that. However, in posting this here, we will be relying on the people with obnoxious and ignorant views about autism who so regularly post on Mumsnet, to demonstrate to us their allegedly superior empathy (ha!) and please just leave this thread alone: it's not for you. Many thanks!!

Honestly? I may have to duck out if this becomes a thread for non autistic people ie men to come and ask questions to us autistic women. That's not appealing to me at all.

Hello! I'd like to join in too please... not diagnosed but learnt a lot from work and my daughter and her children, one officially diagnosed, and remembering how I was when I was little, I've realised that I am. It seems to me that it got 'distilled' down the generations in my family, anyone else have experience of this?

@teacakie I definitely get where you're coming from, and I do agree to an extent. But I think that poster coming from a place of genuinely looking for support and ideas to help his autistic daughter, rather than elbowing himself into a female space. I don't know if I've explained myef properly, sorry. I do respect what you're saying though and it's something that we do need to think about.

Fair enough, but as a man opening a thread which is specifically for autistic women I feel trampled down all over again so shall just bow out now

I found you all 🙋🏻‍♀️.

Going to catch up on the thread now

I suspect I am there somewhere, two sons diagnosed, daughter I strongly suspect is also autistic. We've discussed it all at length to the point she's telling me things, and I'm thinking shit, me too. I've reached my 50's and seem to be falling apart, got menopause issues sorted out but anxiety is sky high. Flying on Thursday to de-stress but I'm so stressed about the journey and having to cope with other people, I can barely function today. And yet I love travelling, I love flying, just not with one of my children! It's like I'm doing all I can to hold myself together, I haven't got anything spare to make sure my son will be ok. Luckily his Dad is coming too or I'd be even worse. Last time we went anywhere I sat on my own on the plane and loved it, this time we're all in a row and I'm regretting not booking a seat away from them. God I sound horrible.
I feel like I've been a swan for a long time and now I've morphed into some mad clucking turkey flitting here and there and have lost my ability to cope anymore.

I don't want to have to explain things to people. This thread is for people that I don't have to explain things to!

Yes, agree that was unexpected. And there are other threads that type of query could go on, not the purpose of this one. But agree also it was not a badly intentioned post, I think that poster really just wanted some advice to help his autistic daughter. This thread isn't just for autistic mothers either, not specifically about parenting, it's for all autistic women to share whatever they would like to. Like the lovely dog photo I've just seen! Will add some flower photo spam later. 😁

How about tortoises? Here's mine.

Appreciate though also the reaction to it. It's so hard for us to create space for ourselves anywhere, and always feel like we have to fight for it and defend it. I hope here we can have that.

💚💚💚

Ahhh now this I agree with but I don't know if actually the women particularly the women got better at masking. More society pressure to act a certain way, easier to put distance between us and the outside world

I'm highly functioning but when I hear of my great great grandfather although he struggled in life he definitely by the sounds of it was very much on the other side.

Interested to see if anyone else sees the same.

I have no doubt I come long line of eccentric people but because my family had "old money" we were seen as eccentric opposed to mad. Which makes my heart hurt in so many different ways for how this was view by society 100 years ago.

Just my perspective obviously

@countingallthseconds I love him/ her!

Always wanted one.

Then my friend told me I'd have to keep him in a fridge or something over winter, is that true? I'm sure my father said his just slept in a shoebox in the loft, but that was in the days of houses with ice on the inside of windows whereas we have ours tropical.

Does he eat all your plants?!

Well hello, I think I've found my tribe here!

Hi, I’ll join! I haven’t been diagnosed officially, but my son has and since then, I’ve realised that I am too! For many years I was told social anxiety, but now it all makes sense! The thread sounds a lovely idea! Thanks for setting it up!

Very cute, I recall a neighbour had one when I was young, and can remember helping the guy bed him down for hibernation and then the times we'd be called to go on the tortoise hunt as he'd hidden himself away in their large garden.

He's a baby, so he lives in a tortoise table with a heat lamp so he only eats what I give him - pellets, dandelions, apples, cabbage. In May I think I will move him to his outside house (a converted guinea pig run)

When he gets bigger he will hibernate. I'll have to buy a special mini fridge for him to go in. Maybe not for a couple of years though. They don't actually HAVE to hibernate. You can keep them awake.

I have 2 tortoises and we don’t hibernate them. They live inside in winter and outside in summer (hopefully they’ll be able to go out soon!). They are greedy little pigs though and you have to be careful as some plants (especially daffodils) are toxic to them. Mine live in an enclosure though so they’re safe.

@countingallthseconds The one I knew hibernated in the tilly house (brick shed). I didn't think much of it years ago but nowadays I'd be worried all of the hibernation time that I'd done something wrong and they'd never wake up.

Thanks for the tag, OP - looking forward to seeing plenty more flowers as the seasons progress.

Reading the thread has made me feel a tiny bit tearful (in a nice way). For transparency, I do not have a diagnosis, but I have a very strong suspicion that I’m autistic. Am in my 50’s and have always felt different. One of my friend’s children has been diagnosed and, as I’ve been trying to learn information to be able to support in some way I keep going “hang on a sec, that sounds like me”! I have done an online IQ50 test which scored 39, so doesn’t sound definite to me. I just can’t face starting a diagnosis process, I don’t have the energy. I have a couple of autoimmune conditions and my energy is needed for living with them.

I am often a lurker, but then post a fair bit if I get a bee in my bonnet about something 🤣. I can be quite narky on here if I think someone is bullshitting or being deliberately goady. Oh, and I totally get the pp who said they’ll often type out a detailed reply and then delete it - have done that so many times.

Anyway, I am procrastinating now. I need to mow the lawn. I started a thread a few days ago re first cut of the year and moaning about not having done it yet as the weather has been so rubbish. It was dry yesterday and today is lovely. I’ve been telling myself since 09:00 that I need to get started. So, kick up the bum time, I need to go and do it. Maybe I should post a photo once I’ve done it, would need to commit to it then 🤣

Hello everyone,

Please forgive me but I think I might have found my group - doesn't make sense? but reading a lot of what other posters have put - it's like I'm writing it myself.

I was labeled 'weird' as a kid. A troubled soul or just a pain was/is how people refer to me. Eccentric should be my middle name!!

Currently waiting for a diagnosis for ADHD, autism and Asperger's. Doc has also said I may have low level bipolar disorder as well.

It all came to a head when 'the governess - Anne (sorry can't remember her surname) was on I'm a Celebrity. The way she broke down in the camp on the first night and how she coped with the challenges is how I deal with my life every single day. I also have a head full of facts and figures and have been banned from a few pub quizzes because apparently I am cheating.

Failed exams for silly reasons - English language because I can only write in capital letters (typing is easier). Maths I did the workings out in my head. I see letters as blocks and can speed read (had that tested and I'm in the top 1% and have been employed just for that skill and lost jobs because of it too).

Emotionally, I find it very hard - I find people really hard to deal with, especially if they are strangers and have very few friends. Other times I can be the life and soul of the party! Taking charge and playing the fool also make an appearance.

I have lots of fobles (my dad named them and I apologise for the spelling) can't wear matching socks, I have outfit's, not clothes - everything I wear for a day is hung up, on hangers in my wardrobe. It would take me hours to work it out otherwise.

At one point I genuinely thought I could read every page on the internet - I have read every book in various school libraries in the past.

And right now I am seriously considering deleting this because this is the first time I have been really open with complete strangers.

Please be kind and thank you for reading.

Going to go and hide in the kitchen, washing up and making tea and coffee if anyone wants one xx

@countingallthseconds that's a good point. I'm sorry for not considering that.

@teacakie I'm so sorry 😞

Can I join? Autistic mum (on the waiting list for diagnosis, but son's ed psych was in no doubt) of two autistic boys.

It's been a really tough start to the Easter holidays here. DS2, who is also dyspraxic, fell and cracked one of his ribs on Saturday, which has meant a lot of the things we had planned to do have gone by the wayside. DS1 is really struggling with the change (he had a plan all written out of what we were doing when) and blaming his brother.

I'm feeling annoyed with myself because it was a colleague's 40th on Friday evening, and she'd invited us all. I'd planned on going, even spent ages (and I mean ages!) planning what I would wear, how I would do my hair...and I couldn't do it. It got to about 5.00 and I started panicking that there would be people I didn't know, and loud noise, and maybe flashing lights, and everyone would be drinking, and I just couldn't go. Now there are pictures of all my colleagues having a great time, so I know there were lots of people I could have sat with, and I'm annoyed that I've missed out again. I've taken refuge in my colouring books today and left the boys to their TV and screens.

Anyway, I am procrastinating now. I need to mow the lawn. I started a thread a few days ago re first cut of the year and moaning about not having done it yet as the weather has been so rubbish. It was dry yesterday and today is lovely. I’ve been telling myself since 09:00 that I need to get started. So, kick up the bum time, I need to go and do it. Maybe I should post a photo once I’ve done it, would need to commit to it then 🤣

Good to see you! The response to the thread has made me quite emotional, too. It was clearly much needed for many of us.

Hahaa the above is me. Have finally managed to shower and dress. But why did it take 5 hours?!? 🙄 Still not been out in glorious sunshine and so annoyed with myself. Kick up bum time indeed (for me I mean, I wouldn't kick you. I'm blunt but not rude or violent!).

And the tortoise is just too cute! What’s his name. Like a pp, I would be too worried that they I’d do something wrong and they wouldn’t wake up after hibernating.

I have a cat. Sorry, I should rephrase that - my cat lets me live in his house. He’s a little comedian - he’s 13 now and has probably made me laugh at least once a day since I got him at 3 months old. I’m procrastinating again, aren’t I?!