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Original poster

Autistic women assemble!

978 replies

Nepmarthiturn · 04/04/2023 10:36

...only if and when you're not feeling antisocial and want the entire world to +%$¥ off, or course. 😉😆

A few of us were talking on another thread and thought it would be nice to have a support/ chat thread on here to share interests/ challenges/ parenting issues or whatever we feel like. A little community of autistic women on here that we can dip in and out of but will be supportive and friendly and people who actually get it.

Might also be a nice counterbalance to all of the horrific posts about autism that we find here so regularly!!

P.S. Have deliberately posted this in chat rather than in the ND Mumsnetters topic because it will hopefully reach more people who would like to join in. I didn't even realise that section existed for a long time and often miss threads there as they don't show in active and expect I'm not alone in that. However, in posting this here, we will be relying on the people with obnoxious and ignorant views about autism who so regularly post on Mumsnet, to demonstrate to us their allegedly superior empathy (ha!) and please just leave this thread alone: it's not for you. Many thanks!!

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capecheckmaskcheck · 26/04/2023 18:24

Just poking my nose in to say hi. I'm mid burnout and solo parenting at the moment, so all my energy reserves are going into the most basic things like feeding my children.

Hopefully I'll start feeling more like myself soon, it's a physical/mental car crash atm.

camelCase · 28/04/2023 18:10

This thread has gone a bit quiet lately, I hope you're all okay.

@capecheckmaskcheck
How are you feeling now? I hope the incoming bank holiday weekend isn't too hard, I remember how much DD struggled with the changes to the school week and that had the knock-on effect of making me struggle. If it's any consolation it gets easier as they get older, DD is almost 18 and things are so much better now that she's not in mainstream education and is more independent.

My interview went badly yesterday, this whole week has been terrible and I have had multiple meltdowns. DH came home on Wednesday and found me just sat on the kitchen floor crying and I didn't even know why, just everything was too much, still not sure what pushed me over the edge that day or what caused the build-up. Other than the funeral, the dogs being ill and my impending interview it was a typical week. I think maybe it was the lack of sleep, I struggle so much more if I haven't had enough sleep, everything is 10 times harder. Although I was up at 5.30 today (long story) but don't feel the same sense of being overwhelmed, apart from smell, everything seems to smell more today.

Rarar · 28/04/2023 18:37

apart from smell, everything seems to smell more today.

DD and I both have 'smelly' days when everything seems to smell stronger, we also both get persistent smells which no one else can smell (including each other, it usually happens separately) but is overpowering to whichever of us is smelling it! The worst was a tumble dryer repair man who smelt very strongly of Comfort Pure fabric softener, we could both smell him for days afterwards and I was still catching a whiff over a week later Blush Not an unpleasant smell but it felt kind of intrusive, especially as I hate having strangers in the house.

Jules912 · 29/04/2023 16:27

I had a moment of madness and decided that instead of just helping DD tidy the playroom we'd actually sort it properly and get rid of all the toys they've outgrown. Of course now I'm halfway through, DD has wandered off and I've lost all motivation.
I can't even just close the door and ignore it as have visitors tomorrow.

Original poster
Nepmarthiturn · 29/04/2023 18:43

Sorry I've been AWOL. Very hard week here. Hope everyone's ok and will try to catch up properly later.

I did manage an hour in the garden finally this afternoon. ☀️ So many flowers have been ruined by the hideous rain but some have survived, so some photos in the hope it brightens people's days a little.

Autistic women assemble!
Autistic women assemble!
Autistic women assemble!
OP posts:
Original poster
Nepmarthiturn · 29/04/2023 18:44

...

Autistic women assemble!
Autistic women assemble!
Autistic women assemble!
OP posts:
Original poster
Nepmarthiturn · 29/04/2023 18:45

...

Autistic women assemble!
Autistic women assemble!
Autistic women assemble!
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JarByTheDoor · 29/04/2023 19:05

Ooh! I like those.

Original poster
Nepmarthiturn · 29/04/2023 19:06

Sorry, posted one twice!

Thanks Jar. I am obsessed with tulips.

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Jules912 · 29/04/2023 19:07

Your garden looks lovely.

ladygindiva · 29/04/2023 19:07

Nepmarthiturn · 29/04/2023 18:43

Sorry I've been AWOL. Very hard week here. Hope everyone's ok and will try to catch up properly later.

I did manage an hour in the garden finally this afternoon. ☀️ So many flowers have been ruined by the hideous rain but some have survived, so some photos in the hope it brightens people's days a little.

Can I ask what that lovely blue flowered plant is in your photo? The one with spiky leaves. I'm a newcomer to gardening and am getting into it this year, but only planting blue and purple flowers so they all match 🤣

Original poster
Nepmarthiturn · 29/04/2023 19:14

Bluebells! They spread like crazy.

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Original poster
Nepmarthiturn · 29/04/2023 19:17

You could also try blue hydrangeas, muscari, hyacinths, blue/ purple anemones, lithodora diffusa, purple tulips, purple lilies, iris.

I am pretty new to it all too so mostly have very low maintenance plants!

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CaptainCallisto · 30/04/2023 14:55

I've bought a nice laurel for the front of my house this morning. Our house is the bottom corner of a terraced cul-de-sac and there are constantly people in and out of their houses right in front of us. Because we're sort of wedged in the corner, I feel very hemmed in, and like I've got no peace or privacy. We're also overlooked at the back and sides. Knowing that my anxiety about it is completely irrational, and that nobody really cares, does not help, so I'm gradually trying to use plants to give me the illusion of privacy. I've planted five trees out the back since we moved in, and one out front. The laurel makes six. Even if it doesn't help me, it's good for the birds and insects!

Original poster
Nepmarthiturn · 01/05/2023 10:52

That's great, to surround yourself with trees! What kinds did you plant?

We have an apple tree which produces so many apples that I take them to a farm and have them made into apple juice and it lasts us all year! We also have a big maple tree which is pretty but a bit of a pain because it sheds soooo many leaves in autumn. I really want a big willow tree and a magnolia tree but have not got enough space, although I do have a couple of magnolias in pots and an olive tree and a cherry tree in big pots. Also a lemon tree and a lime tree but those have to be brought indoors over winter which is a bit of a pain!

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Original poster
Nepmarthiturn · 01/05/2023 14:29

Aaargh, just as I'd pulled myself together enough to outside and be in the garden it starts chucking it down. 😒😒

What is everyone else doing today?

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CaptainCallisto · 02/05/2023 07:32

We've planted an apple, a Norwegian maple, a cherry, and a hawthorn at the back, and another apple at the front. They're all still juvenile (because I couldn't afford mature trees), but they're growing and I love them.

Sorry you got rained on.

Original poster
Nepmarthiturn · 02/05/2023 10:54

Lovely choices! And should grow fairly fast I think? I'm not a patient person which is why I like bulbs and things that don't require waiting too long for results. 🫣 But planting a tree and watching it grow is a wonderful thing.

It's horrible and cloudy here today. I just cannot bear being outside in wind or rain or even dull light, I've been like this since I was a small child. I find it so oppressive, this greyness. Tomorrow is meant to be sunny so I'm hoping I can take my laptop out and work in the garden. 😊☀️

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Rarar · 04/05/2023 18:49

Does anyone else shut down when stressed? We've been having work done on the house this week (which I find really stressful) and I've been barely functioning the last couple of days. All I want to do is sleep, my appetite is gone (unusual for me) and the brain fog is horrendous, it's taken me two days to write a shopping list. I'm barely speaking, screening calls because I don't have it in me to make conversation with anyone and I think DH is a bit worried about me because I'm just blankly staring into space.

Weird dreams last night too, the sort where you're frantically trying to find something or someone and can't, woke up sweaty and panicking. It's not new, but does seem worse and like it's lasting longer this time and I just wondered whether anyone else reacts like this?

TheShellBeach · 04/05/2023 19:32

Yes, I shut down when stressed.
I have to put the phone down mid-conversation if I can't cope with what's being said.
I just withdraw completely.
My DS is the same.

JarByTheDoor · 04/05/2023 19:35

Sort of. It's quite different to other people's descriptions I've read, though, so I don't really know if it counts.

QuitChewingMyPlectrum · 04/05/2023 23:05

Rarar · 04/05/2023 18:49

Does anyone else shut down when stressed? We've been having work done on the house this week (which I find really stressful) and I've been barely functioning the last couple of days. All I want to do is sleep, my appetite is gone (unusual for me) and the brain fog is horrendous, it's taken me two days to write a shopping list. I'm barely speaking, screening calls because I don't have it in me to make conversation with anyone and I think DH is a bit worried about me because I'm just blankly staring into space.

Weird dreams last night too, the sort where you're frantically trying to find something or someone and can't, woke up sweaty and panicking. It's not new, but does seem worse and like it's lasting longer this time and I just wondered whether anyone else reacts like this?

Yessss even if it's something I want. My Christmas present came today (my husband is NT but totally gets me) and had this made for my lego. BUT. Because it's so big, and there's a second one, they had to build it in situ. I wanted this so much but I have not coped today. I'm totally dysregulated

Autistic women assemble!
Original poster
Nepmarthiturn · 06/05/2023 12:12

Love the lego!!

Yes, I get shutdowns. That's how I've been for a couple of weeks now hence the absence. I can barely function at all, basic daily tasks seem impossible. It's so hard when it's just me and the kids, plus I have work, so I just have to keep going, there's nothing I can drop. I walk around like a zombie and not stopping or having any chance to rest makes it worse and worse. 🧟‍♀️

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Original poster
Nepmarthiturn · 06/05/2023 12:17

What's everyone up to this weekend?

We are having a lazy day today. Trying to get stuff sorted in the house, washing etc. Cooking too, for street party with neighbours tomorrow. I will find it overwhelming but kids want to go and all our neighbours are lovely so will make the effort but not stay too long.

Being forced to watch Coronoation atm as one child has been set homework about it. 😒 Not my thing at all.

Am just SO sick of this weather. It's really getting me down now. I hate wind and rain and being cold due to sensory issues and find grey skies so oppressive, it makes me miserable. It's May now and by this time of year usually the sunshine and warmth lifts my spirits so much. All my flowers keep getting wrecked by the heavy rain, too. Where is the spring?! So fed up of it now. Not had a single week of decent, warm, blue sky, non-windy weather all year. 😖😩

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TheShellBeach · 06/05/2023 12:48

Oh, I love the Coronation.
Such glorious music.